by Lia Lee
Lily raised her eyebrows. “For three weeks? No bug lasts that long.”
I shrugged. “I’m going to make tea. Hopefully, that will stay down. Do you want something?”
“No, thank you,” Lily said, but she followed me to the kitchen where I put on the kettle. “Are you pregnant?”
I froze and swallowed hard before I turned around.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I said. “How long have we been playing this game with boys? I think I can handle myself by now.”
Lily didn’t laugh at my attempt at a joke. Shit, she was serious.
“You know that I’ll support you if you are,” Lily said. “I’m worried about you. You keep to yourself so much now, and you’re never this sick. This looks a lot like a baby to me.”
I shook my head and took a cup out of the cabinet for myself.
“Are you sure I can’t get you anything? I bought fruit tea the other day. It’s pretty good.”
“Don’t change the subject,” Lily said. I knew where she got her serious attitude from. Evan was just like that–to the point.
I sighed. “I’ll go get it checked out, okay? I’ll go to a doctor, but I know it’s probably going to be a digestive thing. Or a parasite.” Like a baby. “I’ll probably get antibiotics or something.”
Lily narrowed her eyes at me. “You can’t skip out on it,” she said.
I chuckled. “Yes, Mom.”
“I still think you’re pregnant,” Lily said.
I shook my head. “I’m pretty sure I would know if I’m pregnant,” I said. “You know, periods and everything.”
“You’ve been regular?”
Thank God, she’d asked it right. I’d been very regular. I was having a baby, so I didn’t have my period, too, but that still counted as regular. Right?
“Yeah, nothing wrong with my cycle.” I patted myself on the back for my diplomatic answer.
Lily looked at me, and I blinked, trying not to look as guilty as I felt. I was still lying to her in a way, and I hated lying to Lily. She was my best friend, and she didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve any of it–not me lying to her or sleeping with her dad or carrying her siblings.
“I still think something’s up,” Lily said.
I groaned. “I said I would go to a doctor,” I said.
“I mean with you being different. I can’t put my finger on it, but I know you. And this isn’t you.”
My stomach turned. She was right, of course. It was all the lies and sneaking around that did it, but there it was.
“I’m going,” Lily said.
“That’s it?” I asked. “That’s all you came to say to me?”
“My lunch break is pretty much over. I came to check on you because I feel like you’re so far away I can’t reach you. I was right, too, wasn’t I?”
I didn’t answer her. Of course, she was right. That was Lily, strong and confident and almost always right.
“I’ll talk to you later,” she said when I didn’t respond. She left my apartment, seeing herself out and closing the door behind her. I sank to the kitchen floor when she was gone. This was getting harder and harder to hide. What was I going to do when I was starting to show? And with three babies inside me, that was going to be a lot sooner than if I only carried one.
I was in trouble.
I got in bed and slept for the rest of the day. I was so damned tired. It was a thing, apparently. Pregnant women were tired all the time. When I woke up, it was almost dark, and I felt uncomfortable and restless. I couldn’t get into anything on TV. I couldn’t relax. Lily’s words kept going through my mind–are you pregnant? She wasn’t stupid.
If Evan didn’t talk to her soon, she would figure it out by herself, and then we would all be in so much shit. It would shatter our friendship.
I had to talk to Evan about it. I called a cab and made my way to Evan’s house. On the way, I texted him, telling him I was coming. I needed to talk to him. This wasn’t about sex at all, but he’d known earlier that I wasn’t okay. He would want to talk, too. He was just as good at reading me as Lily was. Apparently, it was impossible hide anything from the Burkes.
Being pregnant also made me emotional. I wanted to cry. Everything felt too big for me. My stomach hurt, and I felt uncomfortable in my clothes. They were scratchy on my skin.
Evan opened the door before I had a chance to announce my arrival. He put his arms around me and folded me against him.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I shook my head. I knew that it wasn’t such a big deal, but suddenly, I just wasn’t okay at all.
“Come on inside,” Evan said. “To the kitchen. I made food.”
I followed him to the kitchen. The whole house had a romantic feel to it. The lights were all dimmed, and music played from somewhere, something soft and soothing. This was so different from all the other times I’d come here, when we’d fucked and I’d left right after.
In the kitchen, candles were lit on the shelves, and the white tiles with stainless steel appliances and granite countertops somehow looked soft and inviting. I sat down on a stool at the breakfast bar. Evan brought a platter with different kinds of crackers and cheese.
“This looks great,” I said. It was light, not a full meal, not a dinner. It was just what I needed.
“What’s bothering you?” Evan asked after we’d eaten in silence for a while.
“Lily,” I said. “We have to talk to her. She was at my place earlier, and she suspects that something’s up.”
“What did you say to her?” Evan asked.
“That it’s probably a bug or something.”
Evan nodded. “Yeah, that’s not going to last.”
I sighed and took another bite of a Saltine. The cheese proved to be too rich for my tender stomach, so I stuck to just having the crackers. My stomach turned, and I paused.
“Are you okay?” Evan asked.
I shook my head. The food was going to make a reappearance. I jumped up and ran to the guest toilet that was opposite the front entrance. I made it to the toilet just in time and threw up everything I’d just eaten.
Evan came after me.
“No, stay away,” I said, my voice strained like it was being squeezed through a tube. “There is nothing attractive about this.”
“I did this to you,” Evan said. “The least I can do is hold back your hair.”
Which he proceeded to do. I couldn’t remember the last time a man had done that for me, if any man ever had. I retched and heaved until my stomach was emptier than it’d ever been. Finally, it was done, and I sat back on my heels, feeling like I’d been hit by a bus.
The front door clicked open at the same time as I flushed the toilet and stood up, and Lily walked in.
She froze when she saw me and Evan both come out of the guest toilet.
“What’s going on here?” she asked. She looked around and took in the lighting, my flushed face, Evan’s guilty look. She narrowed her eyes.
“Is it his?” she asked.
I felt the blood drain from my face.
“Lily.” I didn’t know what to say.
“It is, isn’t it?!” Lily was starting to freak out. “I can’t believe it! I knew you were lying to me, but my dad? Dad!” She turned to Evan. “You couldn’t stick to the rest of the girls in Manhattan. You had to start picking from my friends? I think of going to be sick. You make me sick!”
“It’s not as bad as it looks, sweetheart,” Evan said, his hands up in defense.
“Oh, it almost can’t be, can it, Daddy?”
Evan shook his head. “Really, this isn’t what you think.”
“Come on, cut the crap. Both of you. You think this is fine, fucking each other behind my back and I wouldn’t care? My dad is perverted freak and my best friend is right in there with him. I’m sick of being lied to, by the only two people that are important to me? This is bullshit.”
She turned around to leave.
“Lily,” I called after her
. She spun around at the door.
“Don’t you dare, Scar. You could have said no to him, you know? You should have. I don’t want to see you again. You two want to ride off into the sunset together, be my guest but I’m not holding your hand through this. Fuck you, Scar.”
She’d never sworn at me and it hurt like a bitch. I’d messed up. I’d known it for a while but the sinking feeling in my stomach made me want to vomit again. Losing Lily hurt more than any of sex had felt good. Without another word, she left the house, slamming the colossal door behind her. The whole mansion seemed to echo with the bang, and we were left behind in a room that felt like all the air had been sucked out of it.
It wasn’t even the wake of her destruction that we were experiencing, it was the wake of ours.
Chapter Twelve
Evan
I fucked up. Lily was gone, angry. We hadn’t even gotten around to talking about how we were going to deal with telling her, and now, she’d figured it out all by herself. I’d always said Lily was too fucking smart for her own good.
But this was my fault. I should have told her what was going on. I should probably have told her what I’d been planning for so long–let her into the idea of having a baby with a surrogate.
Instead, I’d lost my daughter.
Scarlett and I walked back to the kitchen. Neither of us touched the food I’d prepared. I had no appetite, and after she’d thrown up everything that she’d eaten since last year, it seemed, she didn’t look like she could stomach anything else. This was brutal. I had heard of morning sickness, but seeing it first hand was something else. I couldn’t even remember if Clara had had the same when she’d been pregnant with Lily.
It had been so long ago.
I had blown out all the candles, and Scarlett had switched on the lights. The romance of the evening had been drowned out by Lily’s explosion.
“I’m going to try her again,” Scarlett said. She had her phone in her hand. She’d tried dialing Lily since the moment she’d left, but Lily wasn’t answering.
I’d tried a few times, too, but I knew my daughter. If she was pissed about something, she had to calm down before she wanted to talk about anything. And I had a feeling that this would take a hell of a long time to calm down about.
“We shouldn’t have done this,” Scarlett said. “This was such a big mistake. I shouldn’t have lied to her.”
“Hey, baby, relax,” I said.
Scarlett looked at me with big eyes when I called her “‘baby.”
“I don’t know how we got here,” she said. “Everything seemed like it was fine. And then suddenly, it wasn’t.”
I nodded. I knew what she meant.
“We should go after her,” I said after a while. “We should go find her and speak to her. The both of us.”
“Together?” Scarlett asked.
I nodded. “Yeah. We have to fix this. We can’t just leave it.”
I hadn’t seen Lily this upset in a long time. Lily was reasonable and open minded about a lot of things–she was willing to keep all the angles in mind. Loyalty was important to her, and that was where we’d wronged her.
“I don’t think we should go after her together,” Scarlett said.
“Why not? We’re in this together. We should speak to her about it together. And come clean, too.”
Scarlett nodded. “I agree we have to be honest with her. All this was because we weren’t being honest in the first place. But we can’t do it together. If we see her together, it will look like we’re teaming up on her, and she’ll just be more defensive.”
She was right. I wasn’t the only person that knew Lily well.
“I should be the one to go see her, then,” I said. “I’m her dad, and this is my fault.”
I wasn’t sure if she would want to see me. Maybe it would be better if Scarlett, her best friend, went to see her.
“She’s mad at both of us,” Scarlett said as if she had read my mind. “I don’t think she’ll want to see either of us.”
“We’ll have to try,” I said.
We couldn’t just leave it. Lily might stop talking to me. I had never wanted more kids at the expense of my first child. I wanted her here by my side–by our side–happy for us and excited about what was happening. I should have drawn her in before, of course. I hadn’t wanted her to tell me she thought it was a bad idea.
I’d wanted it to be my decision and mine alone.
“You don’t think we should give her time?” Scarlett asked. “Just to cool down.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want her to think that we don’t care about how she feels. This is a big deal. I think I should go after her now.”
Scarlett nodded. “Okay,” she said. “Do you mind if I wait for you here? Just until you get back.”
I shook my head and kissed her on the forehead. “Not at all. Stay the night if you want to.”
I didn’t wait for an answer to that. The last time I’d suggested it, she’d refused. I’d gotten the feeling that Scarlett guarded her feelings just as carefully as I did. But we were in this together now, and I’d caught feelings for her like it was some kind of disease. I wanted her to stay with me.
I left the house and got in the SUV in the garage. I barely drove it–I had my chauffeur to drive me around–but tonight was personal business, and I didn’t want to wake my driver.
When I arrived at Lily’s apartment, her lights were on, and her car was parked outside. She was home.
I walked to her door and knocked on it.
“Lily?” I called.
“Go away,” she said through the door.
“Come on, honey. Please let me in.”
“No, Dad,” she said again. “I don’t want to talk to you. You betrayed my trust.”
I understood it completely because this was what I’d taught her. “Don’t let anyone betray you and get away with it,” I’d always said. “Be careful who you believe in.”
And I’d been the one to do that to her. I’d been the person I’d warned her about. Some dad I was. Here I was, all excited about having more children when I couldn’t even fix a relationship with the one I already had.
Brilliant.
I stayed outside her door another half an hour before I finally gave up and drove back home. I would have to wait until she calmed down enough, until she decided she wanted to talk to me. Scarlett was waiting for me at home. I had at least one person I could go to and make sure that she was okay.
When I arrived home, Scarlett sat on the couch in the family room, looking distraught.
“She won’t speak to me,” I said.
Scarlett looked up at me. “Yeah, she’ll need some time, I think,” she said. She stood up. “If you don’t mind, Evan, I’m going to head home. We tried.”
“You’re just giving up?” I asked.
Scarlett shook her head. “No, but I think it’s fair to call it for tonight. I’m exhausted. I can’t deal with more than this. It’s already been a long day. So, I’m going to go home, go to bed, and tomorrow will be a new day.”
“Okay,” I finally said. I couldn’t make her stay. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Get some rest. Be safe.”
Scarlett nodded. “Tomorrow is a new day,” she said.
I walked her to the front door. When she left, I turned around and sighed, closing the door. Everything was huge mess now. Lily wouldn’t speak to me, and Scarlett still only saw me as the man that paid her to be pregnant, not as the man who cared for her.
I was about to be the father of three new babies. It was supposed to be a happy time. Instead, I felt more alone than ever. This was not how today should have ended.
Chapter Thirteen
Scarlett
I gave Lily two days to calm down. I would have given her more, but I was starting to panic about our friendship. I needed to sort it out with her. Lily was my best friend, often my only real friend.
When I stopped in front of her apartment, I was nervous. What if she decided to
reject me the way she’d rejected Evan? What if she wouldn’t even let me into the apartment? I knew that she was angry, and she had every right to be. But I needed to sort this out with her. I needed my friend.
I walked to her front door, took a deep breath, and knocked. My stomach twisted tighter, and for a moment, I thought I might throw up again. But this was just nerves. Not morning sickness.
Lily opened the door a moment later. When she saw me, she hesitated. I saw her consider if she should shut me out.
“You’re not going to leave this alone, are you?” she asked
I shook my head. “Please, Lil, I just want to talk.”
Lily sighed. “Okay, then.” She stepped to the side and let me into her apartment. This was already more than I had hoped for.
“So, what do you want to talk about?” Lily asked.
“You know what,” I said.
“Oh, the fact that you slept with my dad and betrayed me.”
I let out a deep breath. “Come on, Lil, don’t be like this.”
“How do you want me to be? You lied to me. And it wasn’t just any lie. It was a really big thing. Pregnant? And my dad is the father? How could you do this to me?”
“You’re right,” I said. “There is no excuse. I should have spoken to you.”
“You’re damn right you should have,” Lily said. She was hostile. She didn’t even let me speak.
“Just hear me out,” I begged. “I know this seems weird.”
“You think?” Lily asked, and she chuckled sarcastically.
I took a deep breath and blew it out slowly.
“Look, this all started with an ad on Craigslist. Someone needed a surrogate mother, and I needed the money. You know how desperate I was.”
Lily frowned at me, but she didn’t interrupt.
“So, when I got there, it was your dad.”
“What do you mean, it was my dad?” Lily asked.
I sighed. This was going to be huge. “He was the one that wanted to hire a surrogate mother.”
Lily shook her head. “This is impossible,” she said. “Why would he want more children?”
“That’s something I can’t answer,” I said.
Lily kept shaking her head. She was having trouble believing this. I didn’t blame her.