I dived left, grabbed a handful of clothes from the pile of dirty washing in the corner and hurled it at Mr Pain. Socks and pants, a T-shirt, not exactly deadly weapons, but if they distracted the big bastard even for a couple of seconds…
The T-shirt snagged on the mace’s spines, the fabric crackling like a fire as the thing smashed down on the bed frame.
I was on my feet like a sprinter, charging straight into Mr Pain’s stomach, sending him battering back into the wardrobe. The pipe would be useless at this distance. Ha, not so clever now, was he? Dancing about at arm’s length from the bastard was going to get my head caved in, but up close? Different matter.
That was where experience trumped a big dod of metal.
I grabbed Mr Pain by the throat and slammed him back into the cracked MDF again. He stank of garlic and raw onions, breath like curdled shite. Left fist – uppercut to the floating ribs, putting my shoulder into it, driving hard, ignoring the broken-glass scream of my swollen knuckles. Once, twice, three times. The satisfying soggy-feeling as his ribs cracked and bucked. With any luck a sharp end would puncture the bastard’s lung.
A knee slammed into my thigh – probably going for the balls, but this wasn’t exactly my first bare-knuckle fight.
Mr Pain jerked his head back, then forwards. Shite. I ducked my chin into my chest and a dull thunk reverberated around my skull, a harsh ringing in the ears. The carpet lurched and buckled like the deck of a ship.
I let go of his throat, staggered back a couple of steps.
Blood bubbled from the flattened mess of Mr Pain’s nose, little scarlet droplets flying from swollen lips. ‘Fucker!’ The mace flashed up for another blow.
What the hell was he made of?
Sod this. I turned and ran, leaping the wheelie suitcase, out the bedroom door – pulling it shut behind me. Hauling on the handle to keep it that way.
Get to the bathroom. Rip the front panel off the bath, grab the gun… And then what? It wasn’t loaded, the bullets were in a separate box. Was it even in one bit, or did I take it apart for cleaning? Shite – I did. It was in half a dozen pieces, each stored in a separate zip-lock freezer bag for extra freshness.
Fuck.
OK, think, think, think, think—
BANG. The jagged end of the pipe carved through the bedroom door, chunks of fibreboard and cardboard insulation burst out into the little landing. Cheaply built shitey council houses…
I grabbed the pipe, below the nut-and-bolt spines, and yanked.
Something large and ugly slammed into the other side of the door. Then the hinges gave way, tearing out of the frame as the whole thing cracked down the middle and Mr Pain toppled out. Eyes wide. Blood dripping from his chin. Hands grabbing at thin air as he kept on going.
He blundered straight into me, shoving me back into the handrail. The wood bent, cracked, snapped with a BANG.
We clattered into the stairwell, a second of freefall and then THUD. It was like being kicked between the shoulder blades by an angry horse. All the breath rushed out of my lungs, taking a groan with it. Then I was tumbling down the stairs, arms and legs tangled with the big smelly bastard. Grunting and swearing.
CRUNCH.
The floor slammed into my chest. As if it wasn’t already hard enough to breathe…
Jesus, that hurt.
Get up. Get up before he starts swinging that bloody pipe again.
GET UP!
I dragged in a breath, coughed, gritted my teeth, and shoved till I was on my knees.
The hallway was a mess, the carpet littered with bits of door and snapped balusters, a smear of blood on the curling wallpaper. Mr Pain was lying on his back by the front door, groaning, his left arm twisted and bent the wrong way at the elbow.
Looked sore.
Good.
I dragged myself up the wall, swayed on the seasick carpet for two deep breaths, then staggered over and stamped on the joint.
The big man didn’t scream. He lay there, eyes wide, mouth working up and down, then grabbed the arm and clutched it to his chest. ‘Agghghhhhh…’
Served him right. He could—
The kick came from nowhere, pistoning up into my stomach, lifting me off my feet and sending me smashing back into the wall. The plasterboard cracked, a faint dusting of powdery white drifting out into the air.
My knees buckled, fire blazing through my guts as I scrabbled to stay upright.
Mr Pain grunted his way to his feet and stood there, swaying back and forwards, blood and spittle dripping from his open mouth. And then he started to laugh.
I grabbed what was left of the stairs for support. ‘What… What the fuck … are you … are you on?’
The big man cricked his neck from side to side, voice all bunged up and soggy. ‘You’ve been a naughty boy. Gotta take yer spankin’.’ The left arm dangled limp at his side, but the right ended in a huge fist.
He lowered his head and charged.
Chapter 13
His right shoulder caught me in the chest – his head jammed underneath my arm as we slammed backwards into the wall. The plasterboard erupted in jagged shards, dust swirling out in a cloud.
A fist hammered into my stomach.
Breath hissed out between my teeth, taking a little spray of spit with it.
Of course the bright thing to do, the safe thing, would be to wrap my arms around the big bastard’s neck. Ride out the blows and keep squeezing until there was no oxygen getting to his warped Neanderthal brain… Unless the spiky-pipe wasn’t the only weapon Mr Pain had brought to the party. It was a lot more difficult to ride out a knife in the guts.
Another punch, same place, twice as hard.
Go for the arm.
I grabbed his left bicep and forced the arm back and up – reached across that broad, stinking back with my other hand, caught hold of his forearm and hauled. A grating, popping noise sounded somewhere inside.
The next punch was barely a pat. Mr Pain dragged in a huge breath, but there wasn’t a scream to follow it. Instead he dropped to his knees, panting, right arm held out horizontally to his body, the fingers splayed, as if he was waving to the devil all the way down there in hell.
I kneed him in the face.
A grunt and he rocked back. I let go of the buggered arm and took a handful of hair at the back of Mr Pain’s head, then introduced the front of it to the third step from the bottom.
Thunk.
‘One’s a wish…’
I pulled him back up, and did it again, putting all my weight behind it.
Thunk.
‘Two’s a kiss…’
Blood spattered across the stairs.
‘Three’s a disappointment.’
THUNK.
He went limp.
I let go and staggered back a couple of steps, panting. ‘Should’ve done … done your homework, you thick … bastard, and brought … a few friends… I was kicking … kicking the shit out of … arseholes like you back when … back when…’
Ah fuck it. I slumped against the wall.
The hall was completely trashed, the staircase ruined, the carpet covered with bits of shattered wood and blood, the air reeking of plaster dust, copper, and rancid-oniony sweat.
His plumber’s mace glinted in the corner, by the coat rack.
I wobbled over, bent down, and grabbed it. The world waltzed when I straightened up again, something pounding inside my skull, threatening to pop my brain out through my ears.
Lean on the kitchen door for a bit. Get my breath back. Try not to throw up.
OK.
Any minute now.
Deep breaths.
Ow… Adrenalin was a great anaesthetic, but see when it started to wear off? The knuckles of my left hand pulsed and throbbed, my shoulders felt as if they’d been wrapped in hot barbed-wire, the small of my back stung, my stomach burned, and everything else ached.
Getting too old for this kind of thing.
Right. Time to take care of my visitor.
I turned, the length of spiky-pipe swinging loose at my side.
He was lying at the foot of the stairs, curled up in a ball, shuddering, clutching his twisted left arm, face a ruptured mess. For someone calling himself ‘Mr Pain’, he didn’t seem to enjoy it very much.
I grabbed him by the collar and dragged him through into the kitchen – leaving a slick of dark red on the dirty linoleum – then out the back door into the garden.
Dark out here. A sickly glow bounced back from the low clouds, just enough to make out vague shapes and turn everything monochrome. Steam rose from the big man’s body, breath fogging the air as I dumped him by the hole where a whirly washing drier would have stood, if some thieving Jakey bastard hadn’t nicked it.
The drizzle had started up again, soothing and cool. I turned my face to the sky and let it soak into my skin.
Got to take pleasure in the little things.
I rested the spiky end of the pipe on Mr Pain’s ankle. Tapped the spines against the joint. ‘You know how this is going to go, don’t you?’
The big man gurgled and twitched.
‘Yeah.’ I swung the mace overhead. ‘That’s about right.’
I hauled the boot open and threw the wheelie suitcase in next to Dr McDonald’s posh red luggage.
She turned and stared at me between the seats. ‘I thought you said you’d only be five minutes, it’s been quarter of an hour, what if something happened, that dog’s been sniffing around the car…’ She pulled her head back, eyebrows furrowed, top lip curling. ‘What happened to your face?’
I slammed the hatchback shut again, then turned and limped back into the house, grabbed one of the cardboard boxes from the spare room. Put it in the boot, then did the same twice more, until there wasn’t room in there for anything else. That was the only good thing about living in a shithole – it wasn’t worth unpacking after Michelle threw me out.
One last trip inside. I dragged out my phone on the way up the knackered staircase and called Parker. Seemed to take forever, but eventually he picked up, voice all muggy and slurred. ‘Embers! How they hangin’?’
Already pissed. Or high. ‘I need you to stay away from the house for a bit.’
‘You’re no’ shaggin’ her again tonight, are you, Embers? God, man, you’re a randy—’
‘It’s not safe, OK? Someone wrecked the place.’ I pulled back the bedroom carpet and prised up the loose floorboard. Reached inside, pulled out Rebecca’s cigar box, cradled it against my chest.
‘Fuck… Wasn’t Big Johnny Simpson, was it? Man, I swear I didn’t know she was his sister, she—’
‘Find somewhere else to crash for a while: go see Mum or something.’ Through to the bathroom. The front panel came off the bath easily enough. I grabbed the collection of zip-lock bags hidden under the tub and stuffed them in my pockets. Back down the stairs.
‘Embers, I’m sorry, OK? I didn’t mean—’
‘I’ll call you when I get back.’ I hung up, slammed the front door behind me, and hobbled over to the Renault.
Dr McDonald peered at me from the passenger seat, eyes wide, chewing on her bottom lip.
I popped the boot, unzipped the wheelie suitcase and tucked the wooden cigar case inside. Unlocked the driver’s door, and climbed in behind the wheel. Sat there for a moment with my eyes closed, letting the seat take my weight, muscles settling into new and painful configurations.
She cleared her throat. ‘I think it might be a good idea to just drop me off somewhere, doesn’t matter where, I mean I don’t want to take you out of your way, and I can probably—’
‘Going to be tight, but we’ll make it.’ I turned the key, and the Renault spluttered into life. ‘The trick is to only brake when you see the speed cameras.’
‘You’ve got blood on your face.’
The steering wheel was set in concrete, but I dragged it all the way over, the bearings groaning as the car bumped up onto the opposite kerb, then down again onto the road, facing the right way. I snapped on the lights, cranked up the blower to clear the foggy windscreen, switched on the radio. Identikit pop music buzzed and crackled out of the speakers.
‘Constable Henderson…’ Dr McDonald turned to look out the back window. ‘Ash? What happened?’
‘An hour to Aberdeen. Hour and a half with rush hour.’ I put my foot down, weaving the car through the sodium-lit streets. ‘You got your seatbelt on?’
‘Are you sure you’re all right to drive?’
Not really.
The song faded away and what sounded like a kids’ TV presenter, or coke addict, burbled from the speakers. ‘Yeah, wasn’t that great? Really sets you up for: midweek madness!’ Sirens and trombones made roaring farting noises. ‘Ha, ha. You’re listening to Crazy Colin’s Rush-Hour Drive-Time Club, and we’ve got the sports news coming up in a minute…’
‘If something’s happened, perhaps it would help to talk about it? That’s what I do after all. Usually it’s not till people have been arrested, but that’s not important right now.’
Mr Pain. What kind of name was ‘Mr Pain’ for a grown man? Had to be on meth. Or crack. The big bastard had to be taking something to keep on coming like that.
Two missed payments and they send someone round to cripple me. How was that fair?
My head pounded, blades digging into my eye, every oncoming headlight turned into a rusty knife.
Dr McDonald grabbed the handle above the door as the Renault screeched around the roundabout and I floored it, heading north. ‘Is it… Do we really have to go this fast, I mean, what if something happens, like a tyre bursts, or we hit something, or there’s diesel on the road and—’
‘Please … shut up. For a minute. OK? Just one minute.’ I ground the heel of my hand into the socket of my left eye. It felt as if I’d been battered with sledgehammers. Should pull over and pop some of the Tramadol in my suitcase. Only take five minutes. And then we’d probably miss the boat.
Probably miss it anyway, thanks to Mr Pain-in-the-Arse.
There was silence from the other side of the car.
She had her arms folded, legs crossed, head turned to the window. Didn’t have to be an expert in body language to know what that meant.
Well, you know what? Sod her. See how chatty she’d be if some junkie bastard tried to cripple her.
The lights on the Oldcastle bypass flickered through the rain ahead.
OK, so maybe I had been planning on doing a runner for a couple of days, but it wasn’t as if I had any choice, was it? Police business – escort the lunatic psychologist up to Shetland, make sure she didn’t fall into the sea, or get hit by a bus, or mauled by a sheep, or whatever other disaster she had up her stripy sleeve. OK, so I missed a couple of payments; there was no need to send a coked-up nut-job after me with a plumber’s mace.
Bloody lucky for Mr Pain I’m a reasonable man.
The slip road swept down to the left, dipping below the level of the motorway, then up again, joining onto the A90 north to Aberdeen. The speedometer crept past eighty.
She was still sulking.
Just because I’d asked her nicely to shut up for a minute.
Well, maybe not asked…
OK, so I was wrong, happy now? It was all my fault. As usual.
‘I’m sorry. It’s…’ Deep breath. ‘Didn’t meant to snap.’
She shrugged one shoulder, bringing it all the way up to her ear.
Oh, for God’s sake.
‘Really: I’m sorry.’
She turned in her seat and looked me up and down, then smiled. ‘Fifteen minutes, I’m impressed, I thought you’d take at least half an hour to apologize, there might be hope for you yet, Ash. Ash … Ash … it’s a strange name, isn’t it? I mean your parents probably named you after the tree, but I bet most people think of fire and burning and running and screaming…’
Chapter 14
> ‘Well, how was I supposed to know they’d be digging up half the bloody road?’ The Renault juddered across the dual carriageway and into the harbour entrance. ‘Still got fifteen minutes…’
Aberdeen’s ferry terminal was a long covered walkway bolted onto the side of an ugly slab-faced building. A red-and-white barrier arm blocked the entrance to the vehicle-loading area. I buzzed the window down, letting in the screech of seagulls and the mingling odours of diesel and fish.
A wee man peered out of the security booth. Droopy face, bags under his eyes. ‘Sorry, mate. You’re too late.’
‘No!’ Dr McDonald gripped the edges of her seat. ‘Ash, I told you I’m not sleeping in the car, what if someone comes, it’s—’
‘Will you calm down?’ I flashed my warrant card through the open window. ‘Police.’
‘Nothing I can do – they’re closing the bow. Car deck’s locked down.’
‘Shite…’ I stared up at the huge blue-and-white bulk of the MV Hrossey. ‘Fine, we’ll leave the car here. Dr McDonald – out.’
‘Ah.’ The security guy sucked at his teeth. ‘Last boarding’s half an hour before sailing. You’re fifteen minutes late.’
‘Come on, we’re on official business, we have to—’
‘Actually…’ Dr McDonald clambered out into the drizzly night, marched around to the security booth’s window, and smiled up at him, ‘Sorry, I don’t know your name, I’m Alice.’
‘Archie.’
And then she started talking at him.
I pulled out my phone. Better give Dickie a call, let him know the trip was going to take a bit longer than anticipated. See if we could get the ferry booking shifted to tomorrow evening before we headed back to Oldcastle… Where Mrs Kerrigan would be waiting.
Might be better to find somewhere to stay up here. Which was easier said than done in Aberdeen. Might find a B&B somewhere further out—
Someone thumped on the car roof. Dr McDonald bent down and smiled in at me. Then pointed back towards the terminal building.
‘Grab the bags, and give Archie your car keys.’
Oh God that hurt… I lumbered up the covered walkway, following Dr McDonald and her fancy red luggage. Every step was like being pummelled with breeze blocks. And my crappy wheelie suitcase was re-enacting some sort of rodeo fantasy – bucking and twisting every time I dragged it from one section of the walkway to the next.
Birthdays for the Dead Page 11