“Actually, I was hoping to talk to you for a minute.” I glanced around the gym, noticing only a few people lifting weights. No one was in the cage, so my uneasiness lightened a bit, knowing I probably wouldn’t see any of the guys I’d already interviewed, or Conner.
His eyes narrowed with curiosity. He nodded and said, “Sure. Let’s walk back to my office.”
Steele stepped aside, allowing me to enter the back room first. I nodded my thanks as I passed by him. I still hadn’t decided whether I was going to tell him everything or not. But I needed to be able to protect myself, and short of purchasing a gun, hand to hand was my only option. I took a seat hoping to calm my nerves.
“What’s up?”
“I noticed you guys don’t have very many women who train here.”
“I don’t discriminate, if that’s what you’re implying.” He found a rubber band on his desk and stretched it out, before twisting it around his wrist.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry—that’s not what I was implying.” I took a deep breath, working up my courage. “Do you guys train women? Like self-defense type of stuff?”
“Why would you need self-defense?” He wasn’t playing my game. I’d known before approaching him that he’d be inquisitive, but I hadn’t planned on him coming straight out and asking me.
“It’s good to know how to protect yourself. I’m not good with weapons, and I live alone.”
He leaned forward, placing both his arms on the large desk calendar in front of him. I tried to not look away—it was the first sign of a lie—yet I couldn’t help but focus on Payne’s name in big block letters in one of the squares. I guess he had another fight coming up.
He rose from his chair and walked to the door. At first, I thought he was going to refer me to a gym down the street, but he didn’t. He closed the door, then leaned his back against it, crossing his arms. He looked stern. His legs stood shoulder width apart as he considered his next words.
“What happened, Willow?”
“Nothing happened. I just—”
“All right. Here’s the thing . . .”
I sat in silence as he approached me. He was careful, like he was trying to be sensitive, even though he was about to be brutally honest. “If someone has touched you, that’s something you need to share. I say that because, first and foremost, the asshole who touched you will be dealt with. After that happens, you need to go to the police and file a report.”
“No, I swear, it was nothing like that. He just—he has problems. Bigger problems than any of us can help with, and well…things got a little out of control. He didn’t touch me, but that particular situation made me think about how vulnerable I am. How I should be prepared, just in case.”
“Who is it?” His clipped voice surprised me.
“I’d rather not say.”
“Do I know him? Was it someone from the gym?”
“No. I promise.” I placed my hands over my heart.
He studied me so long, I regretted even asking him now. Maybe I should have just asked Gage to show me a few moves. He would have never asked this many questions.
“I believe you,” he finally said, blowing out a loud breath. “I don’t have a specific class or anything like that, but I’d be willing to do something a couple of nights a week.”
Relief rushed through me. “Thank you.”
“I’ll text you the dates. Bring Lena if you want.”
“I appreciate this so much.” I hugged him and he seemed surprised at the contact. “Seriously, thank you, Steele.”
I walked out of the gym feeling determined. More people had shown up while I’d been in his office, but now that he’d agreed to help me, I wasn’t so worried about looking out of place. I didn’t even mind seeing Conner kickboxing in the corner. Gage whistled from the opposite side, making me smile. I winked at him and stole one last glance at Conner. He’d stopped his regimen all together. I continued walking, but glanced back at him one last time, right before I walked through the exit.
The next day, I called in sick to work. I wasn’t ready to see Andy; having no way of knowing if he’d be high, or just coming down again. Either way, I wasn’t in the mood. I’d just finished folding my laundry when a text came through.
Steele: You free today?
Me: Sure.
Steele: I’ll be around the gym later. Come in, and we’ll get started.
I finished my chores, anxiously awaiting my first lesson. I’d decided not to tell Lena. I knew she’d only worry, and until I found another job, it was best to keep my problems to myself.
Gage held the door open for me as I approached the gym. “Hey! What’s up, girl?”
“Not much. Thought I’d get a workout in after a long day of working,” I lied.
“Silly girl. You’re supposed to workout first thing, that way you’re not tired. If you’re going to slack, you do that at your day job.”
I laughed. Of course he felt like that. “Don’t they teach the phenomenon of women in schools anymore? We can do it all, and do it well.”
“I think I skipped that class.” He hugged me. “Good luck!” He walked away with his gym bag over his shoulder. I faintly heard him whistling as the door closed.
I stood just inside, second-guessing myself the whole time. Now that I wasn’t joking with someone, restlessness set in. The gym was quiet. Gage must have been the last one out. I turned back toward the door, thinking I could just text Steele that something came up, and never return again.
What in the hell am I doing here? So, what…am I going to become a fighter now? Shaking my head, I forced myself to get over my self-doubt, deciding I wasn’t a punk. I wasn’t going to give up on defending myself. Even if I never used it, it was a good thing to know.
“Hey.”
“Oh!” I jumped, more from my nervousness than being frightened. “You scared me.” I’d been so inside my own head, I hadn’t noticed Conner walk in behind me.
“Sorry,” he whispered as he slid past me. His shoulder bumped mine softly, almost as if he’d done it on purpose but tried to make it seem like an accident. It was cute…if that was what he was doing. I watched him walk with purpose to his corner, take off his shirt, pull his earbuds out, and tap his phone.
I wondered what kind of music he listened to. Probably metal.
Steele came from the back with a pile of towels. “You ready?” he asked, placing them in their bins.
“As I’ll ever be.” My anxiety skyrocketed with each word. “I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be in the gym,” I said softly, nodding toward Conner.
“We’ll start slow.” He glanced at Conner, then back at me. “Lena didn’t want to come?”
“Maybe next time.”
He studied me, then looked over at Conner again, who was doing a steady repetition on the boxing bag. Steele silently gave me a chance to elaborate, but I didn’t. Once he realized I wasn’t going to, he started out by having me stretch.
“I’m not an instructor or anything, but I feel like the first step in self-defense is being prepared. Having a plan if someone were to attack, knowing your surroundings, paying attention to your gut, and always having an exit plan.”
“Got it.” I finished the stretch he was demonstrating, and stood to my full height.
“No matter what situation you find yourself in, always yell loudly and push back. This will allow someone to hear you in your time of distress, but more importantly, it will let the attacker know you are not an easy target.” He pushed his arms out in front of him in demonstration. “Do everything with a purpose. If you’re at the point of putting your hands on someone, you can’t be gentle about it.”
He signaled for me to try to push him as he approached. I did, but I didn’t do it with enough force. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. We’re learning here. Do it again, but this time, try to actually push me down.” I pushed again, this time doing as he’d instructed. He rocked back on his heels.
“Good.” He wa
lked around me in a circle. “Okay, so once you’re in that position where you have to defend yourself, you should know where to target. You’ll want to hit the sensitive areas, and need to be quick and efficient.”
“Sir, yes, sir!” I yelled, and he narrowed his eyes.
I heard a faint chuckle from the corner of the gym, and looked over at Conner in disbelief. I’d never even seen him grin before. The sight of him laughing melted me on the spot.
Steele eyed Conner, then settled back on me. I could tell he wanted to laugh too, but he held his composure. “Eyes, nose, ears, neck, and groin. You won’t have a lot of time, so you need to be sure the places you hit make an impact.”
He demonstrated an eye gouge, a punch to the nose, some weird slap to the ears, and a kick to the groin. I mirrored his movements, slow at first. After twenty minutes of repetition, I felt like I was actually learning something. We stopped to hydrate, then got right back into the swing of things.
As I continued the tactics he was teaching, I became comfortable in the way I was taking to the movements. I could feel Conner’s attention on me, which caused tingles to break out all over my body. But I remained focused. I wanted my time spent with Steele to be productive because I might need the moves sooner rather than later.
“If the attacker is in front of you, use your palm like this,” he pushed his palm up in front of my face, “and strike as hard as you can in an upward motion.” He spun me around and grabbed me from behind. “If he is behind you, use an elbow.”
“Like this?” I used my elbow to strike near his face. He must not have blocked my blow, as I heard him grunt, then felt a loss of his heat from my back.
“Damn.” He coughed.
“Oh my god. I’m sorry. I thought you were ready.” I put my hand on his back, trying to ease the pain.
“It’s fine. I thought you were going to go for the ribs.”
“Dumbass,” Conner said as he stilled the bag he’d been punching. “You told her to go for the face.”
“You want to train her?” Steele scowled at Conner as he rose to his feet.
My breath sped, and my heart leapt in my chest, half hoping he would, yet praying he wouldn’t.
“Nah, I’m bouncing. See you tomorrow.” He packed his bag, slung a T-shirt over his shoulders, then turned to leave. “Later, Willow.”
His abrupt exit left me wanting more. More of what exactly? I wasn’t sure. I just knew I frowned when he left, and I didn’t smile again, even after I was home for the night and watching reruns of my favorite sitcom.
CHAPTER SEVEN
Conner
“Did you see Gunny broke his back? That means you’ll be going up against—”
“Why was Willow here the other night?” I asked Steele, coming to a halt in front of his desk.
He looked up, surprised at first, but then his eyes softened, and his dimples appeared in a shit-eating grin. I’d been found out, and fuck if I cared. “Why, Payne? Why on Earth would you be asking questions about Willow?”
“Stop being a dick. Why was she here?” I was losing patience with his stupid game.
“Easy there, buddy.” He laughed.
I wanted to throttle him for laughing at me. He knew me well enough to know I wasn’t one to mess around. If I was asking him a question, it was because I wanted the answer. I took a moment to compose myself. Exhaling, I asked again. “Why are you teaching her to defend herself?”
“I honestly don’t know.” He laid some paperwork to the side and leaned forward, gearing up for our conversation.
“Is she in danger?”
“Why don’t you ask her?” a soft voice said from behind me.
I blinked and turned to find Willow standing in the doorway of Steele’s office. “Okay,” I agreed. “Why are you taking self-defense classes?”
She looked behind her, making sure there was no one in the hallway, then shut the office door and strolled into the office like a breath of fresh air. I tried not to dive head first into her deep blue gaze, like a twelve-year-old boy cliff diving for the first time.
She made her way to stand directly in front of me, still a head shorter in her four-inch cherry red heels. “I wanted to learn a few tactics, in case I ever needed them.”
“Why would you need them?” I asked, barely noticing that Steele had stood and rounded his desk.
“I . . .” She blew out a puff of air that caused her bangs to flutter. “My boss is going through some stuff. He’s all over the place, and he snapped at me the other day.”
I was not expecting her to say that. I thought maybe she had a stalker, or a neighbor who was peering too long when she mowed her lawn. “Quit.”
“I can’t.” She crossed her arms.
“Why?” I realized I was probably being a little demanding, and got confirmation when she pursed her lips.
“I’m working on other arrangements, but for right now, it is what it is.”
“Bullshit. You can’t go to work every day with a fucker you’re scared of. That’s stupid. Why would you put yourself in that position?”
She took a step toward me, not scared in the least. It made me wonder for a split second if she truly needed the lessons in the first place.
“I don’t know who you think you are, but I’m not stupid. In fact, I count myself as an intelligent woman, and for someone, anyone, to suggest differently…well, let’s just say, you may be the very first person who benefits from my classes.”
“I didn’t say you were stupid.” I rolled my eyes at her putting words in my mouth. “I said staying where you don’t feel safe is stupid.”
Seconds ticked on as she looked like she might explode. I waited her out. I wanted to hear her reply.
“I hate to interrupt whatever this is, but you guys are making me uncomfortable.” Steele made his way between us, putting an arm on each of our shoulders. “And Steele doesn’t want to be uncomfortable in his own office, capeesh?”
Willow burst into laughter, and my muscles relaxed. Everything faded into the background as I watched joy take over her face. A part of me realized how dangerous she could be; the rest of me felt like a teenager again.
“Payne? Don’t you have something to say to Willow?” Steele tried to lead me. But I didn’t want to follow. I wasn’t apologizing to her; I’d done nothing wrong.
Crossing my arms, I grunted. “I don’t.”
Steele grimaced. “What he means is, he’s sorry he upset you. He knows not what he does.”
“He doesn’t look sorry.”
“I’m not. I stand by what I said.”
Her posture shrank. The fire in her eyes extinguished. “I’m not stupid.”
Seeing that look on her face made me want to get down on my knees and grovel—beg her to forgive me. But I didn’t. I didn’t know what I could say. I’d rather have had the fire, knowing she was pissed, than the dull look she had now.
“If that’s what you got out of our conversation, I guess there’s nothing left to say.” I nodded in her direction and left the room.
The farther I got away from the room, the heavier my chest became. I walked the length of the hallway to the front exit of the gym, and genuine regret swallowed me whole. I hated that I’d snuffed the light out of her eyes. I thought I’d seen every color of blue imaginable, but I hadn’t. Wounded blue may have been the most heartbreaking thing I’d ever seen, and I knew, in that moment, I never wanted to see it again.
***
Since my opponent had been injured, I hadn’t had to fight for a couple of weeks. I’d been able to lick my wounds in private for the most part. I’d only gone to the gym in the middle of the night so that I wouldn’t see anyone. Steele understood. He could see that I was playing it cool with Willow, because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pursue a relationship with her. He asked about it once. I told him it was none of his business. He nodded and walked away. I hadn’t missed the smile that spread across his face as he did though.
I searched the parking garage f
or a spot large enough for my truck. There weren’t many. I ended up on a level lower than Willow’s office. I hadn’t planned on stopping by her work, but with each day that passed, I found myself feeling worse about the way I’d left things with her.
I took the stairs up to her office, and met a perky blonde at reception. “Hey. Um, I’m here to see Willow Stevens.”
“Is she expecting you?” The headset she wore confused me. She was speaking to me, but looked as if she was listening to whoever was speaking to her through the wireless speakers.
“Yes, ma’am,” I lied. She looked busy. Maybe she’d just wave me through.
“Second door on your left.” She smiled, then continued with the customer on the phone. “I understand ma’am, but if you haven’t paid for your subscription in two months, you can’t expect to get a paper.”
I’d never been in a professional building before. The interior was new, skillfully designed by the looks of it, and smelled like peppermint. She had a nameplate to the left of the door. Fancy.
“Andy, please,” Willow’s muffled voice could be heard through the door. There was an odd, overly soothing tone to it. I didn’t like it at all.
I slipped my hand in my pocket, wondering if I should just leave. But my curiosity won out and I glanced around to make sure no one was in the hallway.
“I don’t—”
“Stop jerking me around, Willow,” a male voice interrupted.
My whole body tensed as the sound of bodies moving and papers scattering filled the silence. The hand in my pocket balled into a fist.
“Listen to me. I know you’re using. I see it. Everybody sees it.” Her voice lowered. My curiosity surged. I opened the door, not caring that I was interrupting.
“You don’t know shit.” Andy stood, and walked out, pushing past me in the doorway. My insides lurched at the thought of stopping him. I almost blocked his path, but Willow remained silent, so I let him pass.
“What’s going on?” I asked, keeping my distance.
“Nothing.”
“Seriously, that’s what you’re going with?” I stared her down, not allowing any wiggle room for her to deceive me.
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