(2 months later)
Willow
“I can’t believe I had to buy off the rack. I could kick your ass for this, Payne.” Lena pulled and tugged on her hundred-dollar dress, that was just a tad too tight around her chest.
“You act like it’s your wedding,” Steele cut in.
“These pictures will live on forever.” Lena was being dramatic, but loveable at the same time.
“This . . .” I kissed Conner one last time before we said I do, “is all the forever I need.”
“Let’s get this knocked out. I got plans,” Conner said loudly, not caring who heard.
I shushed him, giggling, and put my head in his chest. Not only were our friends present, but so were both of our mothers, and my mom’s fiancé. Lord, sometimes I wished we could have kept those wires for his jaw to curb his bluntness.
Standing in front of the Justice of the Peace, while our family and friends looked on, Conner and I repeated the start of our vows that would bind us forever. I pronounced each word, feeling the weight of them, knowing that no matter what came in our future, we’d both be tough enough to withstand it because of our pasts.
As I stood in the small office space, my thoughts weren’t on the regrets of mistakes made in the past. Marrying my best friend was all I could see.
I stepped closer to Conner, bringing my nose just under his chin. I breathed him in as I repeated the last of my vows, promising to love and cherish him forever. I knew it to be true, and so did he. He brought his lips to my forehead, sealing my words with a silent promise to do the same. I didn’t need his pinky anymore. I had his heart. And his last name.
A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
Thank you so much for reading my book. I hope you enjoyed it, but more than that, I hope you could relate to it. It’s unfortunate, but addiction is a reality to so many of us. Like cancer, it’s poisoned pen has touched our lives in some way or another even though we never asked for it. My heart breaks for those suffering with the nagging, whispered voice inside their heads, the tug in their gut, and the constant self-deprecating thoughts of being a failure.
I hate that things like this exist in a world I know has the potential to be so positive and beautiful. But—therein lies the problem with free will. We’re not perfect. We’re not even almost perfect, but that doesn’t mean we give up. It doesn’t mean we don’t set goals for ourselves and realize in the process that accomplishing even the smallest task, helps train our minds to concentrate on positive things.
Striving to be the best version of ourselves is really all we have, isn’t it? You’re not anyone else, so living up to your potential is, and should be your main goal. Somewhere along the lines, someone told us we had to try and live up to other people, and we believed them. Change your mind. You have that right. You only have to be you. Be a positive light for someone else. Get your gratification from making people happy, not sad.
If you struggle with any kind of addiction, please reach out to someone. Admitting a weakness doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong and courageous. It humbles you, and softens your heart. We all need help at some point, no matter what the hardship is. The difference between asking and receiving help and not, isn’t measured by where you start. It’s where you finish that matters.
The thing about life is that it goes on. Tomorrow will come either way. You decide whether you stay stuck in the same place, or if you want to take back control of your life. Don’t give into the substance. It gives you nothing in return. Nothing. It takes from you. It takes everything and everyone until you’re left with nothing—not even yourself.
If you’re someone who doesn’t suffer from substance abuse, but you love someone who does, take every ounce of determination you have inside you and try to help that person. Don’t turn your head, or think they’ve got it under control. Do everything you can to get them help. Stand at their back and push the hell out of it until that person is standing straight up. Support. Them. And do it without being judgmental. Show them what they have to lose. Show them you’re there for them, and no matter how badly they hurt you, show them love.
With that being said, sometimes we have to step back. Changing is an inside job. You can’t change anyone, nor should you be able to. Every person has their own soul; their own mind, and body. It’s not our job to decide who they turn out to be. So, sometimes we pray for them. We tell them we love them, and we offer to help at the drop of a hat when they are ready. That’s the hardest part, I think. Waiting someone out. Standing in the background, still living your life, taking care of your kids, going to work or school, pretending that you aren’t affected by someone else’s decisions. Knowing all the while you’re stressed— not giving your own life all you have to give—because you’re constantly worried about someone else, but that’s part of loving someone. Being selfless. Something addiction knows nothing about because it’s the opposite. Always taking; never giving.
But I always say, “We got this.” Because once you realize you actually do have it—when you see that you are in control of everything in your life from what coffee you drink in the morning to which man you eventually say yes to—when you truly believe that you are in the driver’s seat of your happiness, and that deciding to live a positive life really is in your control, it’s true. Revelations are the best.
Addiction is a special kind of hell. It overtakes the user, killing the person they were meant to be, and breaks the hearts of those who love them. Do everything you can to not break the heart of those who love you. Dig deep, you can do it. If you need help—with anything in life—ask. There are people everywhere who understand where you’re at, who have been there, and want to help. Believe it or not, your life isn’t over because of a few bad mistakes. Being strong enough to overcome those mistakes, and make our lives better, is where we learn who we really are. And deciding to overcome those mistakes is where we learn who we want to be.
ABOUT CARRIE THOMAS
Where to find me:
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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I always struggle with this part of a book because… well, there are a lot of people to thank, and I never feel like thank you is enough.
My family. My boys. Caleb, Coby, and Ayden—you are my life. All of it. My heart is always with you.
Caleb—You’re just solid. Strong when I am weak. Loving when I’m frustrated, and supportive when I’m down. You understand the point of being a partner. You get it, and you’ve taught me so much over the last twenty years. I’m grateful for that. I love you so much and no matter how many times I thank you for helping me raise our kids and being such a great influence to them, it will never be enough. You love me… and the thing is… I know it because you show me every day.
Coby, I’m so proud of who you’ve become. Solid, loyal, and smart; you’re going to do great things. I love that you have such a tender heart on the inside, but you’re so tough on the outside. It makes me feel special, like I know a part of you that even your closest friends don’t know about. I love you. I’m so excited to see what you accomplish in this next phase of your life. You’re an adult now… and I’m middle-aged. Thank you for being a great son. You make me proud—everyday.
Ayden, you are such a light in the world we live in. Always caring and grateful for everything you have. Your talent knows no bounds. There is almost nothing that would surprise me about you, and I adore that. You’re funny and are always looking out for those around you. People like you are rare. Thank you for making me laugh—even when your jokes are full of thirteen-year-old boy humor. I’m so proud
of you. Thank you for being a great son. I love you.
Mom and Dad, I love you. Thank you for being the kind of parents who always supported us, and let us be who we were. You don’t often think about how awful it would be to spend your whole life with someone trying to change you until you become a parent yourself. Well, I’m there… and there are times where I start to say something to one of the boys, but always think about how you didn’t. Thank you for that example. I love you.
My sisters. CP and Carlos… I’m running out of words. I don’t ever want to live in a world where you two don’t exist. That’s the short of it. I love you both. Thick and thin. Ride or die… we never give up. We stick together and we pick each other up when we are down. I have a built in support system and a couple of best friends out of the deal…so we’re not changing anything.
K.D. Wood, you are an awesome person. I will never forget meeting you. Something clicked with us, and I believe you are the epitome of the stars aligning. Even with all the noise around us at the time, there was something so soundless about our relationship and what it would become. I knew we were going to be friends; I just didn’t know how close we’d be. We’re simple. We’ve got each other’s backs. We laugh at the same jokes—mostly our own, and no matter what happens, I know I can count on you to be living the same freaking life I do. So…I guess that means we’re not changing anything either. Sorry. Not sorry.
Melinda, Kira, Linda—you girls are awesome. Supportive until the very end. I wish the very best for each of you. Our friendships mean the world to me. Thank you for being there and helping me with whatever I need, never expecting anything in return. Not many people are so selfless and caring. Finding you ladies in this big ol’ world was fate. You are all priceless to me.
Mel, thank you for all your help. You’re a rock star!
Victoria Schmitz, the talent you have inside you is crazy. I’ve had the pleasure to work with you for years now, and I still can’t wrap my brain around how cool you are. I trust you so much. Thank you for all your hard work.
Thank you, Tanya at More Than Words Graphics. You did a wonderful job on the cover. I love it and so will the readers!
I wanted to name all the readers who have reached out to me, but I knew I’d leave someone out, and that would make me feel crappy. So, to anyone who has read my books and left reviews, or reached out to me, thank you. Thank you so much. I can never express the crazy, humbling emotions I feel each time one of you spend your hard-earned money on something I created. It’s the coolest thing ever. Thank you for being interested and supporting art.
Read on for a peek at the Dream Girls series. This New Adult series follows three best friends on their journey toward adulthood and finding love.
A SNEAK PEEK OF DREAM GIRLS: PIPER…
“OKAY, BACK IT up now!” I screamed, waving my hand to Stephanie, signaling how much room she had left before she slammed into a van parked behind her.
We’d just ended an epic road trip from our small home town in Missouri with our friend Nicole and were in front of our new apartment in Dallas. Ultimately, moving hadn’t been a hard decision. Leaving our families wasn’t easy, but the freedom of our own apartment while still in college was incentive enough.
We were used to parking lots where we were from; however, I’m sure our new neighbors were impressed by the twenty minute display we’d just put on, zipping back and forth, blocking traffic and narrowly side swiping a couple of parked cars.
“Hot damn, I think we did it! Thank you, Piper.” Stephanie hit the steering wheel in celebration. Nic and I laughed. Parking was our first obstacle and we’d conquered it.
Once we gathered all of our bags, we finally made it inside. Stephanie’s mother and aunt had brought a moving truck the week before when she’d put the first and last month’s rent down on the apartment. Steph’s family had money and they were happily footing our rent as long as we all stayed in college. It took most of the pressure off of us financially. My mother certainly didn’t have it to give and Nic’s dad was still raising her two brothers. We were all appreciative.
The space was bigger than I thought it would be. The floor plan was open, and the apartment was filled with dark furniture and hardwood floors. There were many windows providing a lot of light. The living room was fully furnished and opened to the kitchen and small breakfast nook.
“I freaking love it!” I squealed.
“Let’s pick out our bedrooms,” Steph suggested.
“I think you should get the master, since your folks are paying the rent,” Nic said and I agreed.
“All right, which one are you guys taking?” she asked.
I made my way to the end of the hallway. This room was the smallest, but it was farther away from the other rooms in the apartment. I loved my girls, but out of all three of us, I would say I was the moodiest. Sometimes, I needed to be by myself, and luckily, they understood. This would be perfect for me.
The room was painted light beige with white accents. The bed was iron, and the chest was white. I was a very simple girl. I didn’t much care for decorations; all I needed was a bed, a closet, and somewhere to put my guitar. I ran down the hall to see if Nic liked her room and ran right into her.
“I love—”we both started at the same time, then burst out laughing.
“Girls, we are about to start one of the greatest journeys of our lives. Are you guys ready?” Steph asked, running up to us and hugging us both close.
“I’m so ready. What shall we do on our first night here in Dallas?” I wagged my eyebrows.
“I say we party tonight and worry about jobs tomorrow,” Steph suggested, throwing her arms up in the air.
We all knew that we should be getting everything unpacked and arranged, but the excitement overtook the moment.
“I knew we were friends for a reason. You’re a freakin’ genius,” I said.
We each went into our own rooms to dig through clothes we hadn’t unpacked yet. It wasn’t necessary for us to get dressed in the same room for me to be able to tell what my best friends were going to be wearing, as we had spent high school and the last two years at college together. All three of us were different in personality and style. I think that’s one of the things I loved about us best. None of us were alike, and we were okay with that.
When I stepped out of my room, I had to smile a little. Stephanie looked like a model. Her perfect body was squeezed into a hot-pink mini-skirt, and her one-shoulder top showed the perfect amount of cleavage. Her hair, which I would compare to “the Rachel” that Jennifer Aniston wore for a couple of years on Friends, looked amazing. I had tried the layered look in ninth grade and I’d looked more like a dude or a lesbian who was trying too hard. I was told both, so needless to say, I kept my hair long.
Nic wore simple skinny jeans, a purple sequined tank, and the cutest pair of brown wedges, which I know for a fact Steph picked out. Nothing against our poor Nicole, but she wasn’t really into fashion. She was just more focused on her studies. She was going to be a pediatrician, and trust me—no one was going to get in her way. Nic was very determined. She graduated at the top of our class and was voted “Most Likely to Succeed”. She was almost too nice. Steph and I had to step in when someone was being rude to her or taking advantage of her because she would fold like a cheap suit.
I was feeling free tonight, and went with a long, flowing dress with sandals. I didn’t wear heels too often because I was five foot seven, the tallest out of all three of us, and I hated towering over everyone. My dress was pretty colorful, so I was able to keep my jewelry simple, with a plain silver chain. I left my long, blonde hair straight. I’d thought about wearing my hair up, but I didn’t want to draw too much attention to my back. I had two small angel wings tattooed on my shoulder blades, nothing too extravagant, but they were a real douche-bag attractor.
I was the only one out of the three of us who had any ink or piercings. My navel, ears, and eyebrow were the only piercings though; it wasn’t like I was a
wild child. My mom didn’t mind too much about the piercings because she knew they weren’t permanent. The tattoos—she didn’t really care for. Every now and then, Steph would mention getting her navel pierced, but she hadn’t done it yet. I couldn’t see Nicole doing either.
“Piper, do we know where we’re going?” Nic asked.
“I don’t have a clue. Let’s just go downtown and pick a place,” I suggested.
“Girls, y’all look gorgeous!” Steph gushed.
We really did look good, and I knew we were about to get ten times the attention any of us had ever had in Missouri. This place was way bigger than anything we were used to. I knew Steph and I would have to stick close to Nicole until she got used to the atmosphere. We headed downtown, and from the minute I saw what Dallas had to offer, I knew I was going to love it. I couldn’t wait to see what the future held for us.
Everything was bigger and brighter. There were people all over, and they were each focused on where they were going for the night. I loved the buzz in the air. It was electric, like whatever we chose to do, it would be fun.
We were all single and ready to mingle. Nicole had never really had a boyfriend before, unless you counted learning the difference between protons, neutrons, and electrons on Friday nights with Tristan Hays a relationship—and I didn’t.
Stephanie, of course, dated Nathan, the most popular jock in school for three years. Everyone thought they were going to get married, until Nathan cheated on her with a college slut at a party he attended one night with his buddies. He probably would’ve gotten away with it, but with technology these days, it was on the Internet before he even got home. The lucky girl he hooked up with had some amazing friends who posted their fun on Facebook. Steph was a wreck for a while, but soon decided that a fresh start was exactly what she needed.
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