The Monster's Corner

by Christopher Golden

  He looked out over the world for a long moment. “Can you really do that?” he said, not looking at me.

  “Yes,” I said. “I have been given special dispensation, from on high. The temptation has to be real, or it wouldn’t mean anything.”

  Jesus laughed quietly and turned his back on the world. “Worship God, and serve only Him. Because only He is worthy of it. What is all the world, against Heaven?”

  I sighed, and nodded, and took us back to the desert. I didn’t snap my fingers. Couldn’t summon up the enthusiasm. I pulled up a rock and sat down. Jesus did have a point about the peace and quiet of the desert. He sat down on another rock, facing me.

  “Is that it?”

  “Pretty much,” I said. “I’ve covered all the bases He wanted covered, and got the answers He expected. I’ve got a few things of my own left to try, before I go back. But I’m starting to wonder if there’s any point.”

  “You don’t have to go straight back,” said Jesus. “We can sit here and talk, if you like.”

  “There are things we should talk about,” I said. “We could talk about our Father, brother.”

  He looked at me consideringly. “We’re … brothers? How did that happen?”

  “Brothers in every way that matters,” I said. “Think about it! He’s as much my Father as yours. I was the first thing He created; the first angel. Made perfect and most beautiful. He put me in charge of everything else He created … and then objected when I used the authority He gave me! I didn’t fall; I was pushed! I failed Him, so He’s trying again with you. Both of us created specifically of His will, to serve His purposes. Come on; you know what I’m talking about. It hasn’t been easy for either of us, has it? Living our lives in the shadow of such a demanding Father. Trying to please Him, when it isn’t always clear what He wants. He always expects so much of both of us …” I looked at him squarely. “Don’t you fail Him, Jesus; or you could end up like me.”

  “You always were the dumbest one,” said Jesus. “You didn’t fail Him. You failed yourself. You weren’t punished for using your authority, but for abusing it. That’s why you had to leave Heaven. And you know very well that you can leave Hell anytime you choose; all you have to do is repent.”

  “What?” I said. “Say I’m sorry? To Him? I’m not sorry! I’m not sorry because I’ve done nothing to be sorry for! I did nothing wrong! I was His first creation; He loved me first! What did He need other angels for? He had me! I did everything for Him. Everything. If He had to have other playthings, angels or humans, it was only right I should be in charge of them. I was the first. I was the oldest. I knew best!”

  “No you didn’t,” said Jesus. “That’s the point. You always did miss the point. Hell isn’t eternal, and was never meant to be.”

  “The guilty must be punished,” I said stiffly. “Just like me.”

  “No,” Jesus said patiently. “The guilty must be redeemed. They must be made to understand the nature of their sin, so they can properly repent it. Hell is an asylum for the morally insane. God’s last attempt to get your attention. Hell was never meant to be forever. Do you really think I’d put up with a private torture chamber in the hereafter? The fires are there to burn away sin, so all the lost sheep can come home. Eventually … all Hell will be empty, its job done. And every soul will be in Heaven, where they belong.”

  “I’ll never say I’m sorry,” I said, not looking at him. “He can’t make me say it. I’ll never give in, even if I’m the only one left in Hell.”

  “If you were, I’d come down and stay with you,” said Jesus. “To keep you company. Until you were ready to leave.”

  I looked at him then. “You really would, wouldn’t you?”

  He looked at me thoughtfully. “Be honest, Satan. What would you do, if I did say yes to you? If I were to turn away from our Father; what then?”

  “What couldn’t we do together?” I said, leaning forward eagerly. “We could fight to overthrow the Great Tyrant, and be free of Him! Free to do what we wanted, instead of what He wanted. Take control of our own lives! We could set the whole world free! No more laws, no more rules, no more stupid restrictions. Everyone free to do whatever they wanted, free to pursue everything they’d ever desired, or dreamed of … No more guilt, no more repressed feelings; just life, lived to the hilt! Wouldn’t that… be Heaven on Earth?”

  “If there was no law, no right or wrong,” said Jesus, “how could there be Good and Evil?”

  “There wouldn’t!” I said. “You see; you’re getting it! My point exactly!”

  But Jesus was already shaking his head. “What about all the innocents who would suffer, at the hands of those who could only be happy by hurting others?”

  “What about them?” I said. “What have the meek ever contributed? What have the weak ever done, except hold us back? Survival of the fittest! Stamp out the weak, so that generations to come will be stronger still!”

  “No,” said Jesus. “I’ve never had any time for bullies. As long as one innocent suffers, I’ll be there for him.”

  “Why?” I said. Honestly baffled.

  “Because it’s the right thing to do.”

  He still wasn’t listening to me, so I decided to try one of my own special temptations. Not one of the official ones, probably because it was a bit basic; but it hadn’t been officially excluded, so … I called up the most beautiful woman I knew and had her appear before us. Tall and wonderful, smiling and stark naked. I’ve never seen a better body; and I’ve been around. She smiled sweetly at Jesus, and he smiled cheerfully back at her.

  “Hello, Lil,” he said. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? How’s tricks?”

  “Oh, you know,” said Lilith in her rich, sultry voice. “Going back and forth in the world and walking up and down in it, and sleeping with everything that breathes. Giving birth to monsters, to plague mankind. Play to your strengths, that’s what I always say.”

  “You two know each other?” I said, just a bit numbly.

  “Oh sure,” said Jesus. “Lilith herself; Adam’s first wife in the Garden of Eden, thrown out because she refused to accept Adam’s authority. Or, to be more exact, because she wouldn’t accept any authority over her. And we all know where that leads. You got your punishment, Satan, and Lilith got hers. And just like you, she can put down her burden and walk away the moment she’s ready to repent.”

  Lilith laughed. “What makes you think it’s a burden? Come on, Jesus; how about it? You look like you could use some tender loving care. See what you’re missing! How can you really understand mankind if you don’t do as they do? Do everything they do?”

  But he was already shaking his head again. “No,” said Jesus. “I made up my mind about that long ago. I can’t afford to be distracted by the pleasures of the world. I have a mission. Home and hearth, woman and children, are not for me. I have to follow my higher calling. Because so much depends on it.”

  “Oh yes?” said Lilith. “And what about you and Mary Magdalene?”

  He smiled. “We’re just good friends.”

  Lilith laughed. “From you, I believe it.” She looked at me and shrugged, in a quite delightful way. “Sorry, Satan, I did my best; but you just can’t help some people.”

  I nodded and sent her on her way. Her scent still hung around, long after she was gone. Jesus and I sat together for a while, both of us thinking our separate thoughts.

  “Come on,” I said finally. “Your forty days and nights are up. Time to go back. I’ll walk along with you for a while. Just to keep you company.”

  “Thank you,” he said. “I’d like that.”

  So we got up and headed back to civilization, or what passed for it, back in those days.

  “Sorry I had to do the whole temptation thing,” I said. “But … it’s the job.”

  “That’s all right,” said Jesus. “I forgive you. That’s my job.”

  I looked at him. “You know one of your own is going to betray you?”

  “Yes,
” said Jesus. “I’ve always known.”

  “They’ll blame it on me; but it’s just him. Do you want to know who it will be?”

  “No,” he said. “I’ve always known. I try so hard not to treat him any differently from the others. He means well, in his way. And I keep hoping … that I can find some way to reach him. And perhaps … save both of us. They’re good sorts, the disciples. Best friends I ever had.”

  “You know how the story’s going to end,” I said roughly. “You can’t change it. Can you?”

  “Perhaps,” he said. “I could be tempted … but I won’t. It’s just too important.”

  “You must know what they’re going to do to you!” I said. “They’re going to nail you to a fucking cross! Like a criminal! Like an animal!”

  “Yes. I know.”

  “It’s not right,” I said. I was so angry, I was shaking so hard, I could barely get the words out. “It’s not right! Not you … Just say the word, Jesus, and I swear I’ll come and rescue you! I’ll take you down off that cross and kill anyone who tries to get in our way! I’d fight my way up out of Hell, to rescue you!”

  “You would, wouldn’t you?” said Jesus. “But you mustn’t. I have to do this, brother.”

  “But why?” I said miserably.

  “To redeem mankind,” said Jesus. “Because … I have faith in them.”

  We walked for a while, in quiet company.

  “Come on, Jesus,” I said. “We’ll never get there at this rate.”

  So we went jogging across the desert, side by side, two sons of a very demanding Father, who might have faced the world together if only things had been just a bit different.

  “Come on, Satan,” said Jesus, grinning. “Put some effort into it. Go for the burn.”

  I had to laugh. Typical Jesus. He always has to have the last Word.

  THE AUTHORS

  KEVIN J. ANDERSON is the author of more than a hundred books, including his Terra Incognita and Saga of Seven Suns original epics, as well as Dune novels with Brian Herbert, and novels for Star Wars and X-Files. He collaborated with Dean Koontz on Frankenstein: Prodigal Son. He is also the editor of the three Blood Lite anthologies for Pocket.

  KELLEY ARMSTRONG is the author of the Women of the Otherworld paranormal suspense series, the Darkest Powers YA urban fantasy trilogy, and the Nadia Stafford crime series. She grew up in Ontario, Canada, where she still lives with her family. A former computer programmer, she has now escaped her corporate cubicle and hopes never to return.

  GARY A. BRAUNBECK lives in Columbus, Ohio, with his wife, author Lucy A. Snyder, and five cats that will not hesitate to draw blood if he fails to feed them on time. He has published ten novels and ten short-story collections, as well as nearly two hundred short stories in a variety of genres. His work has garnered five Bram Stoker Awards, an International Horror Guild Award, and a World Fantasy Award nomination. He is the creator of the acclaimed Cedar Hill Cycle of novels, novellas, and stories, which has been compared to Ray Bradbury’s Green Town, Illinois, tales, as well as the Castle Rock stories of Stephen King.

  CHELSEA CAIN is the author of the New York Times bestselling thrillers Evil at Heart, Sweetheart, Heartsick, and The Night Season. All take place in Portland, Oregon, and focus on Detective Archie Sheridan, rainbow-haired journalist Susan Ward, and Sheridan’s lovely nemesis, the serial killer Gretchen Lowell. Chelsea’s books have been published in over twenty languages, recommended on The Today Show, appeared in episodes of HBO’s True Blood and ABC’s Castle, and named among Stephen King’s top ten favorite books of the year. NPR included her book Heartsick in its list of the top one hundred thrillers ever written. Chelsea lives in Portland with her husband and remarkably well-adjusted five-year-old daughter.

  TANANARIVE DUE—pronounced tah-nah-nah-REEVE doo—is an NAACP Image Award winner and American Book Award winner, the author of books ranging from mysteries to supernatural thrillers to a civil rights memoir. Her upcoming novel My Soul to Take (Fall 2011) is the long-awaited sequel to Blood Colony, The Living Blood, and My Soul to Keep. Due also writes the Tennyson Hardwick mystery series, in collaboration with her husband, Steven Barnes, and actor Blair Underwood. In the Night of the Heat won the 2009 NAACP Image Award. Due also brought history to life in Freedom in the Family: A Mother-Daughter Memoir of the Fight for Civil Rights, which she coauthored with her mother, civil rights activist Patricia Stephens Due. Freedom in the Family was named 2003’s Best Civil Rights Memoir by Black Issues Book Review. Due and Barnes are raising their young son, Jason. Her blogs are www.tananarivedue.blogspot.com and www.tananarivedue.wordpress.com.

  New York Times and USA Today bestselling author HEATHER GRAHAM is the child of Scottish and Irish immigrants who met and married in Chicago and moved to South Florida, where she has spent her life. She majored in theater arts at the University of South Florida. After a stint of several years in dinner theater, backup vocals, and bartending, she stayed home following the birth of her third child and began to write. Her first book was with Dell, and since then she has written over one hundred and fifty novels and novellas, including suspense, historical romance, vampire fiction, time travel, occult, horror, and Christmas family fare. She is founder of the Slushpile Band and Players, providing something like entertainment at many functions, with proceeds going to the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation and various charities in the Gulf region and New Orleans. Phantom Evil (Mira Books, April 2011) will be followed by a trilogy, Heart of Evil, Sacred Evil, and The Evil Inside, in July, August, and September 2011.

  SIMON R. GREEN has written over forty books, his best-known series being the Deathstalker books (space opera), the Nightside books (private eye who operates in the Twilight Zone, solving cases of the weird and uncanny), the Secret Histories books, (featuring Shaman Bond, the very secret agent), and, most recently, the Ghost Finders books (traditional hauntings in modern-day settings). He rides motorbikes, acts in open-air Shakespeare productions, believes in ghosts because he’s seen one, and believes in near-death experiences because he had one.

  LAUREN GROFF is the author of a novel, The Monsters of Templeton, which was short-listed for the Orange Prize for New Writers and was a New York Times bestseller and Editors’ Choice. Her story collection, Delicate Edible Birds: And Other Stories, included stories that had first appeared in the Atlantic, Ploughshares, Glimmer Train, One Story, Pushcart Prize XXXII: Best of the Small Presses, and the 2007 and 2010 editions of Best American Short Stories. Her second novel, Arcadia, will appear in March 2012. She lives in Gainesville, Florida. More at www.laurengroff.com.

  NATE KENYON’S first novel, Bloodstone (2006), was a Bram Stoker Award finalist and won the P&E Horror Novel of the Year. Bloodstone was followed by The Reach (2008), The Bone Factory (2009), and Sparrow Rock (2010). The Reach, also a Stoker Award finalist, received a starred review from Publishers Weekly and was optioned for film. Kenyon’s latest novel, StarCraft Ghost: Spectres, based on Blizzard’s bestselling video game franchise, will be released in the fall of 2011. He has recently signed on to write a novel based on the video game Diablo, again for Blizzard.

  DAVID LISS is the author of seven novels, most recently The Twelfth Enchantment. His six previous bestselling novels have been translated into more than two dozen languages, and several of them, as well as a short story, are in development as film projects. Liss also writes the monthly series Black Panther: The Man Without Fear for Marvel Comics.

  JONATHAN MABERRY is a New York Times bestseller, multiple Bram Stoker Award winner, and Marvel Comics writer. He is the author of many novels and nonfiction books and over twelve hundred magazine articles, as well as short stories, poetry, and plays. Jonathan’s books include the popular Joe Ledger thrillers (The King of Plagues, Patient Zero, The Dragon Factory), horror novels (Dead of Night, Ghost Road Blues, The Wolfman), and teen dystopian adventures (Rot & Ruin, Dust & Decay). Nonfiction works include Wanted Undead or Alive, Zombie CSU, and The Cryptopedia. His work for Marvel includes Captai
n America: Hail Hydra and Marvel Universe vs. Wolverine. He is the cofounder of the Liars Club, which hosts the Writers Coffeehouse every month. Jonathan is a frequent keynote speaker at SF, horror, and writers conventions. Visit his Web site/blog at www.jonathanmaberry.com.

  SHARYN McCRUMB is an award-winning Southern writer, best known for her Appalachian Ballad novels, including the New York Times bestsellers The Ballad of Frankie Silver and She Walks These Hills, and for St. Dale, winner of a Library of Virginia Award and featured at the National Festival of the Book. Her current novel, The Devil Amongst the Lawyers (Thomas Dunne, 2010), deals with the regional stereotyping of rural areas by national journalists. In 2008 Sharyn McCrumb was named a Virginia Woman of History for Achievement in Literature. She lives and writes in the Virginia Blue Ridge.

  JOHN McILVEEN has five daughters. He lives in Massachusetts and works at MIT’s Lincoln Laboratory. John is, or has been, an electrician, a pipe fitter, a carpenter, a bookseller, a writer, an editor, a publisher, a facility engineer, an electrical engineer, a process engineer, an electrical and mechanical designer, a father, a son, a winner, a loser, a student, a teacher, a husband, an ex-husband, a beginner, a pro, on bottom, and on top. Someday he’ll figure it all out, but he likes being a father the most.

  DAVID MOODY was born in 1970 and grew up in Birmingham, England, on a diet of trashy horror and pulp science fiction books and movies. He worked as a bank manager and as operations manager for a number of financial institutions before giving up the day job to write about the end of the world for a living. He has written a number of horror novels, including Autumn, which has been downloaded more than half a million times since its publication in 2001 and has spawned a series of sequels and a movie starring Dexter Fletcher and David Carradine. Film rights to Hater have been bought by Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Pan’s Labyrinth) and Mark Johnson (producer of the Chronicles of Narnia films). Moody lives outside Birmingham with his wife and a houseful of daughters and stepdaughters, which may explain his preoccupation with Armageddon.