by Verna Clay
He pulled to the front of her duplex and bounded up the steps. There was an envelope taped to the door and he thought maybe she was out walking her babies and she was just letting him know.
The envelope had his name on it and he hastily opened it. His happy attitude soon vanished. What the hell!
Preston,
I'm really pissed at you! All this time I thought your dream girl was just that, a dream fantasy. But today I got a rude awakening. I came by to see you at noon, and when Tessa smiled, bam, I suddenly realized that she's your flesh-and-blood dream girl. She's stacked and she's got a gorgeous dimple.
How could you not clue me in? Looks like I got bonked by another cowboy. I hate cowboys!
I figure you owe me, so I've taken Biscuit.
I hope you have a great life with Tessa. Well, maybe I don't.
Freckles
Preston slapped the paper against his thigh. So the little hellion thought she could have the last word. No way. He was going to find her, tell her off, and then ask her to marry him.
On her drive home, Tessa thought long and hard about everything Preston had said. Was she ready to go for what she wanted—who she wanted more than anyone in the world? Was she ready to see herself in a different light? The way Preston saw her; the way Sean saw her. She knew neither of them were liars and if they saw her as desirable, why was her inclination to discount their words so strong? She knew why. Partly, it was because she had bought into society's lies of what a beautiful woman looked like, but the other part was more difficult—Jared, her loser ex. His constant bombardment about her weight, her hair, her makeup, had eroded whatever fragile self-worth she had developed since the age of ten with the help of her dad and stepmother.
She punched the fob to open the garage door and was surprised to see her dad sitting at the bottom of the stairs leading to her apartment. Lucky lay at his feet but jumped up to rush forward and greet her. She patted his head. Her dad stood and waited for her.
"Hi, Dad. Is everything okay?" "Yeah. I just wanted to have a father-daughter chat. Do you have a minute?"
"You know I always have time for you, Daddy."
He smiled and sat back on the stair, patting the place next to him. "Have a seat, sweetie."
She set her purse down and sat beside him. Lucky decided to run into the yard to play with Sadie.
Her father said, "Tessa, I know that you and Sean had a physical thing going on."
Her eyes rounded and she felt herself turning pink.
Her dad reached and patted her hand. "And I'm actually happy that you let a man like him into your life. But the two of you also had so much more going for you. You had a connection, the same as Monica and I have a connection. The same as your mother and I had a connection." He kicked the heel of his boot against the floor. "Honey, you didn't go ballistic until that woman showed up. Sean came to me after she left and told me that he'd been intimate with her and he regretted it every day of his life. He also told me how much he loves you."
Tessa lifted a hand to her mouth.
Her father reached for her other hand. "Tessa, I want you to know that your mother carried extra pounds and it never mattered to me. I thought she was the most beautiful, sexiest woman I had ever met. After I met her, I couldn't even look at another woman, and when she died, I thought I was going to die, too. But I had you, our beautiful daughter, so I knew I had to go on. And then Monica came into our lives. Monica is the total opposite of your mother and, believe me, I was surprised by my love for her. I guess what I'm trying to say is that love can't be tamed, it can't be put in a box, it can't be manipulated—it just happens. And when it happens mutually, like it did with me and your mother, and then me and Monica, you need to grab it with both hands and hang on."
Tessa turned into her father's arms. "I know, Daddy. Preston just had a similar talk with me and I've been trying to decide what to do. But hearing you now, I know what I've got to do. I've got to make a phone call." She jumped up and said, "It's time to do something positive."
Chapter 22: Groupie
After the concert, Tessa rushed back to her hotel, the same hotel Sean was staying at, although he didn't know she was there. After Preston's talk with her and then her father's, she'd put a plan into action. It had taken the help of her mom and dad and Sean's mom and dad to pull her caper off, but she was determined to see it through to the end. No matter how the night ended, it was a new beginning for her. She was letting the old Tessa rest in peace in exchange for a woman determined to accept herself and move forward. No more pity parties. If Sean rejected her, at least she'd know where she stood and she wouldn't wonder "what ifs" for the rest of her life.
She had plenty of time to get ready because Mark, a member of the band that Sean's dad had designated the go-between, had said Sean didn't get back to his hotel room until after midnight. Mark was going to call as soon as he did.
Tessa showered, changed out of her Levis and pretty blue top, and into the skirt and blouse Monica had helped her pick out. The forest green confection matched her eyes and floated around her body—a body she was determined to accept. She'd finally figured out that as long as she exercised and ate right, her extra pounds didn't matter. In fact, as she twirled and watched herself in the mirror, she decided she looked damn sexy. The skirt reached mid-calf and the blouse dipped just low enough to give some tantalizing views of cleavage. The bodice was reminiscent of a peasant top from the regency period and had just enough green lace to make it elegant and not fussy. Silently, she thanked Monica again and then slipped on some low heels. Although tall heels would have looked nice, she didn't want to increase the odds of tripping over her own feet in her nervousness.
Fluffing her springy curls with her fingers, she twisted a few and pulled them to her cheeks. Her hair had just the right amount of "muss" to make it appealing to a man. Next, she outlined her eyes the way Monica had showed her and applied blusher and lipstick. Standing in front of the full length mirror again, she really looked at herself, and then smiled.
Anxiously, she glanced at the clock beside her bed; almost twelve-thirty. She started to bite her fingernails, but quickly reached for a glass of water. No way was she going to mess up her beautiful manicure painted with tiny butterflies.
Her cell phone rang and she almost jumped out of her skin. Inhaling a calming breath, she said, "Hello."
"Tessa, he's in his room. Knock lightly on the door in exactly ten minutes and I'll let you in. He's going to be pissed when he thinks I'm letting a groupie in, so I'm just warning you he might cuss me out until he sees you. I'll walk into the sitting room first, and then you follow a few seconds later. Oh, this is gonna be fun. I've already clued the guys in, and believe me, they're as excited as I am to get you and Sean back together. All he does is mope around. Are you ready?"
"Ah, I don't know if I'll ever be ready, but let's do it."
Chapter 23: In a Moment of Time
All Sean wanted to do was get some shuteye. He'd been back on the tour scene for over a week and he was exhausted. Today he was in Dallas, tomorrow he'd be in El Paso, after that, he knew all the major cities would be in the mix: Phoenix, San Diego, L.A., Sacramento, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, and then off to the east coast. His head was pounding just thinking about it. He had to keep reminding himself that he had less than a year to go until freedom. Of course, with Tessa out of the picture, his future still didn't look bright. What the hell was he going to do? As much as he loved Paxtonville, he couldn't imagine living there and seeing her. She'd probably marry Preston and the two of them would ride off into the sunset together.
The guys in the band were milling around the sitting room in his suite and he wished they'd just leave. They were rehashing the night's performance and talking about some of the hot girls. He said evenly, "Hey, guys, as much as I hate to break up the party, I'm going to bed. See you–"
Mark stepped into the room. "Oh, boy, have I got a groupie to die for! Wait 'til you see her. She said she only wants t
o see Sean, but maybe we can change her mind. I might even turn monogamous for this one."
All eyes turned from Mark to Sean. Sean was so angry he couldn't see straight. He shouted, "How many fucking times do I have to tell you I don't do group–"
Tessa walked into the room.
Sean's mouth dropped open and Mark sniggered, "What Sean? Have you changed your mind?"
Sean shot warning glances to all the guys and said, "Get out! Now!"
Although they tried to act mad, the affect was ruined when they couldn't stop grinning.
Finally, he was alone with Tessa. He couldn't breathe and he was afraid to hope. His brilliant first line was, "What are you doing here?" She looked so pretty and sexy that he had to hold himself back from begging her to reconsider marrying him.
She twisted her hands in front of her. "I enjoyed the concert."
"Did you have a good seat?"
"Not really. I was about halfway back."
"You should have let me know you were coming. I would have made sure you were in the front row or you could have watched from backstage."
She twisted her hands some more.
He couldn't stand it any longer. "Why are you here, Tessa?"
Her beautiful green eyes stared directly into his heart, like always, and he held his breath.
"Because I love you and I want you to give me another chance."
That was all he needed to hear. In a moment of time, his life had just skyrocketed from zero to infinity. He was across the room and pulling her into his arms before her next breath. He buried his face against her neck and said, "I love you so much, Tessa. I'm sorry for the way I just left. I should have stayed and talked with you some more. I should have–"
She stopped his rant when she planted her lips on his. She kissed him long and deep and he wanted to sink into her softness. She pulled back and said, "You were right to leave. I was being an idiot and believe it or not, it was Preston who made me see the light. I'm here because of him, and also my dad."
Sean must have looked confused because she said, "I'll explain it all later. Right now, I just want to be with you."
He studied her flushed cheeks and understood. "Oh, baby, those are the sweetest words I've ever heard." Holding his hands on either side of her face, he kissed the corners of her mouth, her eyes, her pert nose, her forehead, and finally her dimple, before slowly walking her backward toward the bedroom. Inside, he kicked the door shut and said, "We're never going to forget this night."
Much later, Tessa breathed in Sean's scent, snuggled closer, and said in a trembling voice, "I'm ready to talk about some things if you want to listen?"
He wrapped his arms tightly around her and put his chin on her head. "I'm always ready to listen to whatever you have to say."
She didn't want to cry, but the tears came anyway. "I've done a lot of thinking since you left and I need to share some things that I've kept bottled up."
"You can tell me anything, Tessa."
"Okay, here goes." She inhaled a long breath. "I've tried to understand what drove me to Jared when he was always so cruel to me, and I just can't. And what's worse, I keep wondering why he was drawn to me after high school. Is there something about me that says, 'Hey, I like abuse; I'll be your punching bag'?"
She felt Sean's breath on her temple as he moved his mouth to kiss her cheek.
"You know, Tessa, the first time I saw you and talked to you, I thought you were the sweetest and prettiest girl I had ever met. And every year when I returned for visits with my family, you were the first person I wanted to see." He lifted her chin until their eyes met. "There is absolutely nothing about you that cries out for abuse."
"Then what happened? Why did I marry him and why did he want to marry me?"
"Baby, I don't know if there are answers to those questions, but if I were to speculate, I'd say that you have an innate desire to help others and you knew Jared needed help. And if you'd always been attracted to him, it stands to reason you'd fall for him when he fell for you. And I have no doubt he fell for you, hard. He probably knew that if anyone could save him, you could, and I'm just betting he's kicking himself right now for losing you."
He brushed her lips with his. "Perhaps there's something in his past that makes him so angry he physically lashes out. I'm not excusing him; I'm just trying to make you see that it wasn't you."
Tessa stared into Sean's eyes, so dark and fathomless in the meager light slanting through a crack in the drapes. "You know," she whispered, "it wasn't always bad. He had his moments and things were good for a few months. He even apologized for the names he'd called me in school. But then he started to change. We were living in Denver and he was trying to balance work and school, and his parents kept trying to get us to return to Paxtonville, but he told me he'd dreamed of moving away from there for as long as he could remember. Although he never said anything openly, he hinted that his dad was a bully. It was after he lost his job at the sporting goods store that things got bad. It seemed that I could never please him. I told him everything would work out just fine and that we could live on my paycheck and savings until he found another job, but after two weeks of applying everywhere and getting nowhere, he slapped me for the first time." She sobbed, "I couldn't believe it. And then he apologized, but then it happened again. I kept making excuses for him until I got so scared I went to a shelter just to talk to someone. The counselor told me I should leave until he sought help, but I just couldn't. I kept remembering how happy we had been the first few months." She started crying huge sobs. "I should have listened because the next day he was so mad he punched me with his fists and I fell on the ground. Then he kicked me and then–" She gulped for air. "Then he raped me."
Now she felt like she couldn't breathe and she gasped for air. Sean shot off the bed and she heard him in the bathroom. He returned and knelt over her, rubbing a cool cloth along her face and shoulders. He kept repeating, "You're okay, baby. You're okay, baby. No one's ever going to hurt you again. You needed to talk about this so you could heal."
Finally, she sucked air into her burning lungs, and then more air. Sean pulled her upward into his arms and said such loving words it made her wonder what she had ever done to deserve such a sweet man.
When her breathing was normal, she said weakly, "Thank you, Sean. I don't think I could have told anyone about this but you."
She felt him grin against her face. "Do you know what this moment is?"
She shook her head.
"It's the beginning of your healing."
"Sean, I can feel it. I don't hate Jared anymore and I don’t love him, either. I just feel sorry for him and I hope he gets help."
"And you're not berating yourself any longer?" he questioned.
She moved her head so she could stare into his eyes. "No. I'm not. Something my dad helped me understand is that the heart can't be fenced. Even though we try to bend it to our will and make choices for it based on what our head says, the heart will do what the heart wants."
Softly, he asked, "And what does your heart want, Tessa?"
Her answer was simple. "To love you."
Chapter 24: Seeing Red
A bumpy flight to L.A. International and then a long line at the rental car check-out had Preston in a funk. He hated flying and he hated standing in line. He also hated traffic and, of course, he hit the evening rush hour. By the time he found Freckles' uncle's house by following the rental car's GPS, he was fuming. Why the hell did the woman just up and leave? Why couldn't she at least have had the courtesy to tell him off in person so he could explain himself?
Her uncle's home was in an average neighborhood and Preston knew she was staying there. A week earlier an internet search had located the uncle and he'd asked Midge to call, pretending to be a customer. They had blocked the phone number so Freckles didn't know where the call was originating from. When she'd asked where her potential customer lived, Midge had said Long Beach, and then held the phone to her car radio, turned up the sound of f
uzz, and pretended their call was breaking up to prevent more questions. Preston was impressed by the woman's ability to deceive so easily.
There were so many cars parked on Freckles' street he had to park a block away and walk back to the house, which made him even angrier. He pounded on the door and a rotund man with bright red hair answered. Preston said, "Ah, yes. I'm looking for Freckles."
"What do you want with her?"
"I have several dogs that I need to hire her to walk."
"Several?"
"Yes. I'm in the business of caring for animals."
"What business is that?"
The man's questions were irritating. "I'm a vet."
"So don't you have people who work for you that can walk them?"
Preston narrowed his eyes. "Yes, but Freckles comes highly recommended."
"By who?"
Preston ground his back teeth. He was about to invent another answer when he heard Freckles call, "Who is it, Red? Anyone for me?"
Red yelled, "It's some guy who says he's a vet and has a passel of animals he wants you to walk. I don't know if I trust him."
Suddenly, the door was slammed shut and Preston heard the lock click. Freckles was looking through the small window at the top of the door and she wasn't happy. Although her words were muffled, he could tell by the way she mouthed them that she was calling him all kinds of crummy names.
Now he was really pissed. "Open the goddamn door, Freckles!"
She slowly mouthed the words, "I'm calling the police."
He jerked out his phone and held it up to the window, shouting, "Here, use my phone!"
From the tall window beside the door, her chubby uncle had pulled the drape aside and was watching him with a cross between horror and fascination. He kept glancing between Preston outside and Freckles inside.