He’d known he hadn’t had a chance in hell in making it out, and then Mike appeared. He was the most beautiful damn sight that Ash had ever seen, with sweat tracking through the soot and grime on his face. The memory of that moment, the realization that he had a chance because Mike had risked his own ass to pull him free, clenched his chest in a viselike grip.
Now Mike was dead. The tightness in his chest moved up to his throat as he allowed himself to indulge in a few more memories. How much Mike had loved video games and tinkering with anything electronic, swearing he could make it better. Most of the time, he did. How he never talked about his parents, but idolized his older brother. The way he’d push his glasses up with his middle finger when the others would rag him too much.
Goddamn, Ash would miss him.
Mike had saved his life, and Kurtis had saved his damned sanity when Ash had been ready to wallow in the guilt and remembered terror after he’d been injured because he’d screwed up. Fuck. He had to be there for him when Kurtis returned to the US. He had to call Jamie and check on her and the twins.
What the hell had gotten into him yesterday? His memories were vague and hazy after the phone call. He’d only been looking to have one drink to ease the shock. That one must’ve turned into several, based on how he felt today. What a fucking asshole moron he’d been.
As Ash sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, he heard an odd skittering noise outside his bedroom door. Before he could make sense of what it was, the door banged open and a white, black, and brown blur leapt at him with a happy bark that made his head ring. “Jabbers, what are you doing here?”
Ash jerked on a pair of sweat pants and rubbed the beagle’s ears as Jabbers tried to lick him to pieces. Despite his hangover, heartache, and worry, he found himself smiling at his enthusiasm. “So you were the one licking my toes last night. I thought that was just a dream,” he mock growled. “Does this mean your daddy is here too?”
Through the bourbon haze, he thought he remembered Eli pounding on the door and him yelling at Eli to go away. He frowned, struggling to bring back more details, and all he got were fragmented memories of Eli standing by him as he hurled and then tossing him into a shower. “Not my finest moment, huh?” he asked Jabbers as the beagle settled down for a good tummy rub.
“I wouldn’t worry about it too much. How are you feeling today?”
Ash looked up at Eli in the doorway, and damned if the sight didn’t ease his heart even more than slobbery beagle kisses. Eli wore only his faded jeans, his hair unbound and hanging in a tumbled mess around his shoulders. Ash followed his long, lean chest and tight stomach with his eyes down to the two steaming mugs in his hand.
“Dear God, is that coffee?” Ash held out his hand for the mug and nudged Jabbers over so Eli could sit next to him on the bed. “I think you’re my guardian angel.”
“If you think I’m an angel you must still be drunk.” Eli handed the mug over, his blue-gray eyes shadowed with worry. He didn’t ask what had to be on his mind, just sat down and quietly sipped from his own mug. It was one of the many reasons why Ash had come to the realization that he didn’t want this relationship of theirs to be just a fling before moving on. “I can make you a light breakfast if you want me to.”
Ash grimaced at the thought of any food, light or not. “No thanks, at least not right now. My stomach just might rebel, and you’ve already tended to me enough.” He leaned over and laid a light kiss on Eli’s lips. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that, or stay.”
“I promised you I would.”
And Eli kept his word; at least Ash had yet to see him break it even if it cost him in the process. He took a sip of coffee, feeling both awkward and the need to bare his soul. “Do you have to get to your office anytime soon?”
“I can stay as long as you need me to,” Eli replied softly. “Do you want me to stay?”
Ash nodded, his throat tightening. “If ya don’t mind. Ah need someone to talk to. Melanie didn’t call, did she? Or Jamie?”
“No, but it’s still pretty early, not quite seven. You passed out before dark and only got up once in the middle of the night.”
Ash didn’t remember that at all, though he had dreamt of Eli pressed up against him with an arm around his waist. Perhaps it hadn’t been a dream. “I’m going to take a quick shower so I’ll feel marginally human, and then I’ll tell you everything.”
“I’ll fix you my hangover cure. I get the impression you’re going to need all the energy you can get.” Eli rose and then paused by the door. “Do you remember anything we said last night?”
Ash frowned as he scrubbed a hand over his head. Oh damn, what had he said? He’d been pretty pissed when Eli had come in and taken away the rest of the alcohol. He was sure there had been a broken glass in there somewhere. He just hoped he hadn’t thrown it at him.
“Whatever I said, ignore it. In fact, I probably said a lot of things that I didn’t mean so I’ll apologize now.” Ash searched Eli’s face for any sign that he’d hurt his feelings, but he couldn’t tell.
“You just cursed quite a bit and told me to go away several times,” Eli said with a chuckle. “And when you realized I wasn’t going anywhere, you calmed down. Nothing to worry about.”
Ash scratched his head as Eli disappeared; maybe he was missing something. His brain had not yet caught up to his body. It still wanted to crawl back into the bed, pull a pillow over his head, and forget that the world existed for another couple of hours. He downed the rest of his coffee and went to go drown himself in the shower instead. He’d chosen to drink yesterday and now he was just going to have to man up and deal with the consequences.
By the time he emerged, he felt at least up to tackling whatever Eli decided to make for breakfast. Eli pointed to a glass of orange juice and a banana, then took Ash’s coffee mug to refill it. “Start with that, the peanut butter and toast is coming.”
“Thank God for simple. I was afraid you’d go overboard in your zeal to pamper me.”
“Another day.” Eli slid two pieces of toast onto a plate and handed it to Ash. “Besides, you know I try not to cook if I can help it. My problem is, I like to eat, so sometimes I get stuck with the chore.”
Ash listened to Eli’s small talk, just enjoying the sound of his smooth voice as his gut churned while he ate. It probably had as much to do with the hangover as it did with the news of his friends. Finally, he set down the rest of the breakfast, unable to take another bite.
“I appreciate you staying with me and checking in on me. I know it must’ve worried you when I missed class and didn’t respond to any of your texts.”
Eli sat back with his mug. “What happened?” he asked softly, his expression compassionate, not pitying. Ash couldn’t take pitying right now.
Ash’s poked at the toast on his plate. “I’ve told you about Kurtis and Mike, right?”
Eli nodded and reached over the table to lay his hand on Ash’s. “And the rest of the men you talk with on your webcam.”
Ash finished the rest of his juice, though it did nothing to dissipate the lump in his throat. “There was an ambush on the convoy. Kurtis was hurt, Melanie didn’t know how bad. He might lose his leg,” Ash said in a hoarse whisper. “And Mike was killed, by friendly fire, they say. God, Eli, he took a gut shot and there was nothing they could do where they were. He was in pain for hours.”
The lump grew larger, threatening to strangle him as he thought of Mike’s last hours. The only consolation he had was knowing that Kurtis and Mike hadn’t been alone. Lewis and Jamison would have kept vigil with them until help arrived.
Eli squeezed Ash’s hand, empathy in his gray eyes. “I’m so sorry, Ash.”
“Mike saved my life.” Ash felt the sting return to his eyes, the same stinging that he’d tried to drown in bourbon yesterday. He blinked against it and focused on his coffee. He couldn’t believe that he would never see him again. It was like he’d woken up to find a piece of himself neatly excised
away. “If it wasn’t for him risking his ass and pulling me out of that wreckage…. I just can’t wrap my mind around it; they were going to be coming home next week.”
“Are they bringing Mike home?”
“Yeah, and Kurtis is going to Walter Reed in DC. Melanie’s supposed to call me when she has all the details.” He should’ve called Jamie already. Dammit, he should’ve left yesterday and been down there with her. That was his duty as Kurtis’s best friend.
Guilt weighed down on him. Guilt that he’d been safe in New Hampshire while his brothers had been stuck over in that hell. Guilt that for one brief, horrible second he’d been relieved that it wasn’t Kurtis who had died. How could he ever think anything like that?
He could never admit that to anyone, much less his best friend or the man currently sitting across from him, fingers twined with his with that steady, calm expression on his face that made it so tempting to lean on him more.
“Let me know what you want to do, and I’ll make arrangements with your professors. We can head down to Georgia tonight, or to DC, depending on what your sister says.”
It took a moment for Eli’s words to sink in, and then amazed gratitude filled him as he stared at Eli, unable to quite believe what he heard, what Eli was offering. It touched him deep inside, a place where Ash hadn’t let anyone in before. “You’d go with me?”
“If you’d let me. I don’t like the thought of being away from you when you’re hurting, whether you’d admit it or not.”
Ash shouldn’t take him up on his offer. It was selfish with everything Eli had riding on him at work, but he couldn’t bring himself to refuse. He felt like he was coming apart on the inside and he couldn’t. He had to be strong for Kurtis and Jamie and their twins, just like Kurtis had been there for him.
“Thanks, Eli, I appreciate it.” He tugged on Eli’s hand and the other man rose, coming around the table toward him. The light in Eli’s eyes, the expression that he reserved just for Ash, made his chest tighten and ache. Ash stood up and sank his hand into Eli’s tumbled hair. There was so much he wanted to say to him, but the words tangled up nonsensically in his brain and wouldn’t translate to his tongue.
So Ash kissed him instead and hoped that maybe what he meant would somehow magically transfer to Eli. Eli slipped his arms around Ash, pulling him close. As bad as he still felt, he sure as hell didn’t want to drink it away today. He’d rather drown himself in Eli.
The sound of the phone ringing broke them apart. Eli smiled and nuzzled Ash’s mouth before letting him go. “You should go get that.”
Ash took a deep breath and nodded, feeling much steadier he picked up the phone to console Jamie. “Hey, darling, how are you holding up? How’s Kurtis?”
“Ash, what am I going to do? He’s going to take it so hard.” She sounded so distraught that it tore at him. He should’ve already been on a plane south. Eli squeezed his shoulder before moving on to clean the kitchen.
“Talk to me, Jamie. It’s going to be okay. Kurtis is the toughest guy I know,” Ash said in a soothing voice, anxiety for his friend tearing at him. “Did they have to take his leg?”
She broke down crying, and Ash stared up at the ceiling, his own eyes burning. That was an answer in itself. He’d never heard Jamie cry before, not even when Kurtis had been shipped out again. “Not yet, but it’s still a possibility. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t call you to wail in your ear.”
Ash closed his eyes as relief swept through him. There was still hope. “It’s okay. Are you still at home? I can catch a flight out of Manchester and be there tonight.”
“I can’t ask you to do that.” Jamie cut off his protest before it started, her voice firming. “Melanie’s here and your mama’s driving up. You have school, and I really want you to be there for him when he gets to Walter Reed. Take some time off then. Kurtis is going to need you.”
“Do you know when they’re bringing him home? Is he stabilized?” And what about Mike? He had parents that he was estranged from and an older brother he looked up to that he hadn’t seen in years. He was some kind of doctor. Ash wasn’t sure how far the estrangement went with his parents; Mike had never wanted to talk much about it. Ash had to make sure the brother knew so he could go to Mike’s funeral. He should have one blood relative there at least, if his parents continued to act as if they didn’t have a Marine for a son.
“I’ll call you as soon as I know. I promise, Ash.”
Ash talked with her a few more minutes, and she sounded calmer by the time they hung up. Kurtis was lucky to have her. There weren’t many women who could handle being a Marine’s wife. He turned to see Eli watching him as he cradled a cup of coffee in his hand. Damned if he wasn’t lucky to have Eli too. He wanted those blue-gray eyes on him all the time, sometimes calm, sometimes stormy, sometimes laughing. He’d take him in any mood.
Ash tossed his phone down and absently patted Jabbers. “I need to talk to Sheriff Cooper.”
Eli blinked, and then his brows came together in a frown. “What for? Wayne came to the office to apologize to me.”
“He did? When?” Ash stuffed his feet into his sneakers. “Wait, tell me on the way.”
“Okay.” Eli disappeared into the bedroom and came back out shrugging into his shirt. “I’d still like to know why we’re going.”
“I need his help tracking down a person the fast way. I’m not sure if Mike had his brother listed as his next of kin or not, but I’m not going to take any chances by assuming that he is. Mike would want him to know what happened to him.”
Ash tossed Eli his coat and held the door open for him. “Now tell me all about your meeting with Wayne.”
Eli studied Ash as the cab crawled through the DC traffic toward Walter Reed Hospital. Ash was a doer, and the inactivity these past several hours was beginning to wear down his patience. Ash glared, tight-lipped, at the cars packed around them, and drummed his fingers on his knee.
“It’s always a disaster when it rains,” the cabbie said with a grimace as he laid on the horn and cut off another driver.
“And I’m reminded, yet again, why I’ll never move to a city,” Eli murmured under his breath.
The drumming ceased as Ash turned his face toward him. “Not even your beloved Boston?”
“If you think this is bad, try dealing with that commute every day.” Eli briefly touched the back of Ash’s hand. “We’re almost there.”
“Am I that bad?”
“I’m half-expecting you to get out and start directing traffic,” Eli teased, though deep down he was worried. Ash hadn’t shown one more crack in his demeanor since that morning. He’d buried himself into self-appointed tasks, finding Mike’s brother, getting ahead on his schoolwork, and coordinating with Jamie. Now he was here in DC, to bury one friend and console another, and Eli wasn’t sure how he was handling the pressure because Ash wouldn’t talk about it at all.
“Don’t tempt me. I just might.” Ash leaned forward with an explosive breath as the hospital came into view. “About damned time,” he growled. “Good thing we didn’t stop by the hotel first.”
Eli stifled a flutter of nerves as they got out of the cab and retrieved their bags. He would be meeting some of Ash’s family, and others he considered family. At least Ash had shown no indication that he remembered Eli tossing around the L word the night he was drunk. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell him, but Ash was under enough stress right now. If he didn’t return the feeling, it would be just another pressure point on Ash. More guilt when he was already wrestling with an armful.
“Are you ready?” Eli asked as they stood outside, cold drizzle coming down from leaden skies.
“As ready as I can be,” Ash said with a sigh as he shouldered his duffel bag. “Come on, they’re waiting for us.”
Eli had the nagging suspicion that something was eating at Ash. Something more than the circumstances, something that had made him get out that bottle of bourbon and drink himself into a stupor. It bugged Eli because h
e wanted to get it out of him before it began to fester. He just hoped that Ash wasn’t blaming himself for not still being with his brothers in arms when the convoy had been attacked.
They walked down the hushed corridors, Ash’s expression set in stone until they reached Kurtis’s room. Green eyes flicked toward him, and Eli smiled, touching his shoulder. “Right behind you, Georgia.”
Chaos erupted as soon as Ash opened the door. Eli held back as Ash was swarmed under women and toddlers. A petite dark-haired woman with short hair got to him first and hugged Ash fiercely as a taller, slightly plump redhead waited behind her, shifting in impatience. Two equally dark-haired children attached themselves to Ash’s leg, babbling for attention.
“Out of the way, Jamie,” the other woman said with a good-natured smile. “It’s my turn to maul my brother.”
The bed in the room stood empty, and there were signs that it had been occupied. One of the toddlers peered around Ash’s leg and gave Eli a wave. He crouched down and waved back. “You must be Brandon.”
All Bets Are Off Page 27