by Zoe Adams
Indiana smiled at her mom. They both saw love in their future, but Indiana couldn’t talk about hers. Ellen would feel better if she helped make plans for Indiana’s future, but she couldn’t plan all of it. They talked about other things, and completely avoided the two things that always got Indiana’s heart thumping: race cars and Richard Sand.
After today, Indiana knew her mother still stood adamantly against a dangerous career for her. Indiana should’ve been used to it. It seemed like something was always against her.
Indiana finished her drink. “I want another one of these.”
Indiana held up her glass to her mom. She wasn’t sure if her mom would let her continue to drink or not, but it was worth a try. How else could she deal with so many problems?
“Yes,” Ellen stood up, “I would like another margarita too.”
It took Indiana a few moments to bottle up her wants and dreams. She enjoyed the solace of the ocean, but had remembered why school absorbed her. She didn’t like free time to let her mind wander. She just wanted to drive fast cars and seduce an older man. Her dreams were steamy, and she had to reel herself in all the time.
Ellen came back with a pitcher of crushed ice and booze. She filled up the glasses and sat down in the shade.
Indiana pulled herself from the daydream and settled back into reality. Time had no choice but to pass.
They got drunk together, and the sun turned the sky purple. As they sat and talked, both mother and daughter entered a more comfortable territory of their relationship.
Indiana felt slightly dazed for the first time. She helped Ellen to her room, and fell asleep more relaxed.
Indiana could tell the fresh air from the ocean was doing her good. She felt it calm her and excite her at the same time. The ocean inexplicably called her. It was the one place she wanted to be.
The girl who had been properly institutionalized in communities and cities found the constant, crashing surf a mystery to be tamed. Indiana learned to put sunscreen on every hour to avoid getting a sunburn. The white sand became an unavoidable commodity.
She rented some snorkeling gear.
Indiana flopped into the water with fins and goggles. It took a few minutes to acquaint herself with the gear. She then spent the afternoon with her head underwater, looking at rocks and fish.
It started to get later and Indiana realized how hungry she was. The smell of beach burgers and a quaint store beckoned her. Indiana knew there would be a formal dinner later. She had to go to it. But right now, she was finally hungry, and ate in comparative privacy—without prying eyes.
The next day she did the same thing again. Close-by reefs provided a dizzying array of sea creatures and color. Indiana would float on the surface for hours. She would look up at the beach and get her bearings, then look back down at the other world of fish. .
Sprawling atop the salty surf would become a lifetime hobby. She absorbed vibrant displays of otherworldly life. Long, dark hair fanned out and waved around her. Indiana popped her head above water and into gravity just long enough to remind her why she needed it, then dropped again into weightlessness.
Another kayak crossed its shadow across her peripheral and a woman’s high, teasing voice said, “That snorkeler looks funny. There’s so much hair circling the body and it isn’t moving. It looks like that girl is playing dead on the surf. How funny.”
The agreeing voice was lost to the crashing waves and striking oars pulling them away.
Indiana swam and floated in a world of her own. She tried to take advantage of the few hours and days with no brain cram.
That night, in a commonly played out scene, Indiana walked the invigorating beach to the restaurant. This one meal was always shared with her mother and Frank. They swore it to be the best restaurant on the beach.
A lengthy white sarong only covered one leg, and a shell pink top showcased other gifts. Luscious locks of hair kept smooth shoulders warm. She carried the comfortable flat sandals that were required for the upscale meal. The moon shadow was just getting warmed up when she stepped into the moderately lit retreat.
It had been years since Indiana had seen Richard Sand. He hadn’t changed a bit. She heard his deep, smooth timbre of laughter, and goosebumps sprang up on her arms. She had grown into a woman and was painstakingly aware of her surroundings.
Ellen saw her daughter and waved her toward the table of four.
Indiana didn’t need breath in her lungs to walk across the crowded room. No accelerants, caffeine, or drugs racing through her bloodstream could have made her feel giddier at the shared dinner.
The semiformal affair made them all stand to greet the newest addition. Ellen gave a fullhearted hug and a kiss as she gushed over her amazing offspring. The men in attendance agreed and followed suit. Frank greeted her with wide eyes and much reserve. After waiting patiently, Richard bestowed a like welcome.
Everyone rising and seating themselves had left Richard’s date sitting closer to Tommy. She looked a little more uncomfortable with a boy her own age. Richard doomed the whole event by not introducing his date to the woman on the other side of him.
“Hey, Richie, doesn’t that look like the girl we saw snorkeling in the water today?” She leaned across the luxurious man in between them and glared at the latest joiner.
The heated question should have broken his reverie, but it only helped consume his attention. Richard placed both hands on his thighs, and seemed to enjoy the reclaimed space.
“Yes, that was you, wasn’t it, Indy?” His eyes were a warm shade of green.
Indiana smiled and noticed Richard flexing the palm nearest her hip.
Indiana looked up to see mischievous looks on her mom and Frank’s face. Tommy was trying for the model’s attention. She was vying for her date’s attention. And Richard stared at Indiana like she was a long lost kitty cat. They were enjoying the delicious scene before them. Indiana realized how transparent her feelings were.
Indiana brushed a look at the fire starter beside her. Richard sat back, utterly content, like a king on his throne. He was totally entertained by the one-sided cat fight trying to upset a passive tiger.
The youngest member of the table poured herself some wine. She flashed a very big smile at everyone and raised a glass. “I did go snorkeling today. I have found that three minutes can be an eternity when underwater.”
A quick puff of air attempted to measure the depth of the wine. An appreciative sip rolled on her tongue, with a little too much experience. The man to her left exhaled heavily before draining the rest of the dark bottle in his and his date’s moderately full glasses.
Dinner and drinks were ordered, delivered, and consumed. The conversation was painstakingly light.
“So, Richard,” Ellen steered the conversation, “we are all here because Tommy just graduated school.”
“Congratulations, Tommy. What are you going to do now?” Richard gave him a light look but Indiana could see the seriousness in his clinched palm.
“I’m going on vacation. My stuff is stashed at Mom’s for a year. My buddies and I leave with backpacks for Europe next week.”
“And then you’ll be going to college.” Ellen smiled at him and tilted her head. “Your little sister’s already in college. What if she shows you up?”
“That won’t happen.” Tommy shook his head and turned to the model. “What are you doing next week?”
She rolled her eyes and looked at Richard. Everyone looked at Richard. When Ellen spoke he turned his head away from Indiana, toward her question.
“Imagine running into you out here on the islands.”
“There is a great house for sale, and I’m in the market, so here I am.” Richard set his hands carefully on the table, and remained leaning forward.
“Oh really, and where is this great place?” Frank cut in, always alert for great deals.
The mansion sounded amazing. Indiana felt relieved and saddened the location was in the opposite direction of her little beach b
ungalow. Sensitive subjects like lost loves, old jobs, and thoughtful gifts were left off the table. Richard knew how to be congenial, and he tried to keep his date from glaring at the brightly different girl on the other side of him. After supplemental needs were filled, two sets of couples walked lazily in different directions.
Indiana ordered a brand new bottle of wine and made sure they opened it for her. She walked to the bungalow alone. She weaved on her feet before reaching the halfway mark, and sat down in the sand.
She knew where the reefs were, and bravely fulfilled a dream of skinny-dipping. Indiana left a neat pile of shiny glass and clothes when she slipped from the shore.
The water gliding across bare skin felt super smooth. She swam faster without any constraints. Indiana floated above the reefs. Even in the darkness of night the clarity of water surprised her. Nearby splashing interrupted the sensual dip. The upsetting reality of a visitor came crashing down with the oar that easily caught her long hair and tangled promptly.
Indiana was dragged to the surface in all of her naked glory. The paddle dropped. When it banged across the girl’s forehead she slipped under water. Someone was beside her in less than a splash.
Richard Sand removed her from the water. He checked her breathing and kept her lips from turning blue. The small kayak had enough room for her to be laid on her back, and tiny pink toes dropped over its edge.
Richard desperately pumped her chest and punished her lips as he beseeched a stuck diaphragm to start. A gurgle and spew of saltwater was a welcome waterfall from her trembling lips. Richard wiped her clean and tried to remove himself from her curves.
“Swimming in the ocean naked.” He sat back and clucked his tongue.
“It’s my first time.” Indiana swallowed heavily and raised her eyes to him. “Do you have any water?”
“No.” He exhaled heavily. “No water, no paddles, and no clothes.”
Each time he said the word no it was more like a mantra he practiced. But with each emission, it brought him closer to the real object of denial. Richard kissed her. It was a sweet well of the freshest relief. The joining cut short.
“You are so cold.” His tight voice opened her eyes again.
“I know,” she said softly, and then pulled him back to her face.
Indiana feigned experience because she had planned on kissing him for years. She knew running her fingers through his hair would be like touching gold. But she didn’t expect it to shake her to the core. She had anticipated his hard washboard abdomen on her smooth belly, but she didn’t realize its heat would mold her to him. Indiana gave herself fully to experiencing love for the first time.
“Richard,” Indiana whispered from the bravest part of herself.
He stopped his warming trail for a quick grunt. “Huh?”
“This is my first time.” The million pinpricks of sensitivity ended.
Indiana was instantly chilled by what her honesty created. She remained limp and raised her chin.
“I had to tell you.” She shook her head.
“Yes, you did.” Richard eyed her steadily.
She found a way to keep her chin raised and breathing steady.
He leaned toward her offering, and questioned it fully. “How is this even possible?”
“My friend, Calvin, is gay. He’s my decoy to keep other guys away. We met when I was almost raped in college. He saved me and we have been close friends ever since.” Indiana tilted her chin to the side but didn’t lose eye contact. “Girls are allowed to have decoys too, you know.”
He looked at her very differently then. “Yes. I needed to remind myself you’re not a woman yet.”
“It’s not fair,” Indiana said. “I almost have my college degree, and I’m only sixteen. I could sleep with any number of guys in college, and they would still be sleeping with a minor.”
Richard still hesitated.
Indiana continued her cause. “I want you to drive me like your favorite car. My first time has to be with you. It has to be with the best.”
Indiana positioned herself in a more welcoming pose. She wet her lower lip and looked at his chest. “Looking at you makes it worse. Don’t make me do this by myself.”
Somewhere in all the begging she melted him. He lowered himself with the slow ease of an expert.
This time the kiss ignited them. Instead of quenching Indiana’s need, she was introduced to dangerous fire. The heat made her whimper. She was consumed until her chin and lips were red.
Richard left her swollen mouth, and slid down her chin. He paid a slippery toll at her dipping clavicle before heading down the mountainous drive. At this point Indiana lost track of where exactly his hand or tongue might have been at any given moment.
She managed to relax some of her arches and look at the man above her. Richard looked at her intently and played her like it was his favorite new toy.
“Please, Richard. Please. Please. Please.” Indiana raised her pelvis and dropped it with each repeat of the word.
His face was instantly beside hers again. “No, not like this, with sand under your back and hard plastic for bruising. This kayak is hardly good enough for your first time.”
He gulped and closed his eyes. “Your fresh virgin skin. Oh god, you drive me crazy.”
Indiana began to be devoured again. The taste of herself was amazing when coming from someone else.
“You are so beautiful; ivory skin, brown hair, and lips so pink.” He continued praising her.
“Richard!” Indiana had never heard her voice in just this pitch. She held his face down and repeated the plea.
He was a man of all of his senses, and thankfully not deaf. He seemed to enjoy his downward slide. Indiana wanted to provide him her forbidden apple.
Time stood still, and then came back around a few more times. Indiana repositioned herself and pulled the soggy man up. She pulled his shoulders and might have scratched his arm. His necklace broke and fell heavily between them.
Richard stopped in indecision. Indiana scurried backwards on the lilting boat. She looked for the yellow projectile that had bounced off her waist and slithered between her legs.
“I’m sorry.” Indiana picked up the disconnected pieces.
The fire was put out as he tried to put her at ease. “It’s all right. I don’t care about the necklace. I care about you. Don’t be sorry.”
Indiana held out the heavy gold in her hand.
He looked at her heavily and completely ignored the gold. “Do you want to know why I wear that ugly necklace? Seeing another man suffering made me feel so much better. Another guy had it worse.” He put the chain around her neck. “Wear this so I have to look at it between those nice big cherries.”
Sunlight began to lighten the world and still the real barrier between them remained intact. The crescendo onboard the little boat was about to reach a peak whether the man wanted it to or not. If it were a silent movie, he would have howled at the moon. He looked down at the little temptress and jumped from the boat.
He kicked the kayak ahead. Richard led them toward the shallower place, where they had previously been. Indiana popped up out of the floor. She began to work on her gnarly hair by running her fingers through its extensive length. She leaned back, completely unconcerned about what her glimpses were doing to him as she faced the back of the boat instead of forward.
Indiana could hear the approaching surf and slipped into the water. The top of her head was still dry when she placed her body against the full length of his torso. Richard held them above the surf with one arm wrapped around the boat for buoyancy.
Their closeness could be rivaled through the ages, and Indiana was reluctant to interrupt her pleasure.
“Indy, the sun is coming up.” His plea startled her.
“Thank you, Richard.” Indiana kissed him hard and felt all of his being jump and shudder. Both of their eyes were open and too consumed to close. The kiss ended with two pairs of lungs sucking all of the oxygen from the picture.
/> Indiana did not know how she could let go of him. It was just too right and too comfortable. They were made for each other. Indiana felt much better than she had at any time prior in her life. She willed herself away, and her body lost all strength as the current pulled her away. She floated and watched the little blue kayak. It seemed to have a mind of its own as it traveled the waves without a rider, and would take frustrated jumps across the golden water.
When she finally turned around, the half-full wine bottle and glass were directly before her. The single pair of clothes was picked up and quickly adhered to her body. They could cover her racing heart, but never tame it.
Indiana reached her tiny bungalow and for once the solitude offered no respite. Its white draped curtains were too bright for daytime sleeping. Coffee was a much needed morning ritual and helped her transition to showering and starting her day over.
She kept her midmorning plans and met Ellen and Frank at the golf course.
“Hello, Mom, Frank.” She greeted the people who immediately noticed the bags under her eyes and skittishly jerky movements.
“Hello, darling. Did you sleep well last night?” Ellen watched carefully.
“Of course I did. Why?” Indiana acted like it was a small subject.
She turned her attention to the golf clubs she handled for the first time.
“Well, Tommy decided to go to the green beach today with some girl he met last night. So we need a fourth for golf.”
They looked around and helped her pick out the essentials for eighteen holes.
The three headed out. Richard walked straight toward them. He looked fresh from the shower and his hair was darker than usual.
“Maybe Richard can golf with us. Richard, what are you doing?” Ellen’s question seemed to rest heavy on the air.
“I’m looking for Fridaleyesia. She said she would meet me for breakfast and never showed.” Richard looked around with his fist on his side.