by Zoe Adams
The day of the wedding arrived. Indiana liked Frank Atwater. Not just because he was super rich, but he had an intelligent and gentle spirit. Frank had a boss, but they were more like partners. Frank acted like the top man who mostly overlooked certain business deals and aspects. Of course, Ellen would be his new appendage.
Frank had a high status. His friends were wealthy beyond what Indiana was used to. She felt like she came from a family of grunts compared to the refinement of old money.
At the wedding, Indiana was a study of the perfect maid of honor. She backed the beautiful bride and supported her lightly. At the glittery reception, the daughter stood up and made a toast to love.
She had been planning what to say since she heard about the wedding. Indiana blushed when she blessed the insanely successful businessman who charmed both of the Bernstein women completely.
Richard waited at her table and pulled out her chair.
“Wow, Indy!” He smiled at her. “You look great.”
“Thanks. So do you.” Indiana smiled again.
All of this had been done before. It made her happy and sad at the same time. She remembered Richard’s jealous eyes when they had invited him over for dinners and holidays. For all of his party boy ways, he was still in need of a home life.
Indiana and Richard looked at each other in silence. There were a lot of things they could have said to each other, but nothing was as important as enjoying the moment. Their eyes could speak more than their lips anyway.
There was longing and masked requests. But there was no confusion.
Ellen had to remark, “Yes, Richard has always looked good. He’s got everything he needs but a wife.”
Indiana blushed but there was no way she would look away. That was a statement she had been worried about for a long time.
Richard smiled and shifted his body. “It just hasn’t been the right time yet.”
A weight that Indiana didn’t know she carried was lifted off her heart.
The women at the table lit up at the sharply dressed man.
Richard answered some innate calling and looked across the room.
“I’d better go.” He walked away smoothly.
Talk about Richard continued well after he left. Indiana contented herself with the adult conversation and the maturity coming with it.
Tommy was at another table with his friends. They were just as loud and boisterous as any other table in the room.
Indiana knew she didn’t belong with her brother or his friends. She also didn’t belong at the table of aging aristocrats.
At least she knew where she did belong, and there was no confusion in her thoughts. She bid her time.
The calm complacency of her resignation was being tried once more. Indiana nervously scratched her wrist and her leg. She wanted to move so badly.
If she could just stand up for a minute, she would feel better. But she had nowhere to go.
She had finished her dinner a while ago. The idea of dancing or partying wasn’t a welcome one.
She planned on going upstairs. If she left then they would probably notice and be offended. Or, if nothing else, they would wonder what was wrong with her.
Indiana didn’t want to attract any concerned attention. She wanted another kind of attention; one that seemed to already know her. That other attention from Richard was dangerous. Indiana imagined the scandal of their involvement. His career would be in jeopardy. He could lose his sponsors if word got out about a relationship with a minor. She stuck to her resolution of staying away from him.
Indiana smiled and walked away. There was only one way to the elevator. Indiana had to pass through the banquet hall on the way.
Indiana looked around the festive room. The party was cutting the cake. People stood nearby offering toasts and well wishes. Richard was in his element, and smiled broadly.
Indiana felt shortchanged again.
Indiana realized she was doing what she always did, walking away alone. At that moment, Indiana would have paid to be walking beside someone. All of the weight of all of the years carrying herself had finally caught up to her.
Indiana had a silent moment of inner conflict. Her feet walked her across the ballroom where she smiled and grabbed a glass of champagne from a tray.
“Thank you,” she said to the attendant.
Indiana stood alone and took a sip. She smiled at the bridal party and laughed with everyone else. The cake eating ended and they were ready to dance.
The bride and her groom were called out to the dance floor. Richard appeared beside Indiana.
“Come sit down,” Richard said to her.
He gently pulled her elbow. They walked around two tables. Richard pulled a chair out and Indiana sat down.
He seated her between him and the dance floor. He took a sip of beer and looked over her shoulder at the dance floor.
Indiana took a sip of champagne and clinched the bottom ring of glass uncomfortably.
He stared at Indiana. His body seemed distracted, like he was scared to give her all of his attention.
“This is a nice party.” Indiana kept it simple and smiled at him.
Richard relaxed slightly. “Yes, it is.”
“Are you going to dance?” Indiana hesitated.
“I was thinking about dancing with you.” Richard put out his hand. “Come on, let’s celebrate.”
Indiana had lived a sheltered life. She hadn’t danced with a man since her father so it limited her experience. Normally, she would be alone and crank up her earbuds. Dancing around her room to a few songs always helped her get back to schoolwork.
Indiana fell into place when the music started moving her. Richard danced good. They fed off of each other’s energy. Indiana didn’t realize she could equal him until the song ended and someone else tried to dance with her.
“No way,” Richard said, “this one’s mine.”
Richard held onto her tightly and moved away from the newcomers. They danced two more songs.
Richard looked over her shoulder. “I guess I should let the groom dance with you.”
Indiana looked up at him expectantly.
Richard gently put her hand in Frank’s and walked away. He didn’t go far. He held out his hand to Ellen and danced with her.
Indiana danced with her new father. Then she danced with another man, then another. The night flew by. Indiana was actually having fun.
Richard was having fun too. Every once in a while their eyes would meet. He let every guy take her away. They didn’t dance together again.
Indiana would not let it bother her. Richard didn’t belong to her, nor her to him. It was acceptable to be apart, and in some realm Indiana had peace with it.
The night wore on. The music got louder and the songs got racier.
She danced with Frank and his brother. A plethora of old or young men were always ready to partner with her.
The party had a conglomeration of guests. Indiana tried to mingle and be friendly. One couple caught her eye, and she inched closer to them.
Indiana bravely introduced herself to the couple.
“Hello, my name is Indiana Bernstein.” She held out her hand.
“My name is Lady, and this is Del.”
“Nice to meet you,” Indiana said with sincerity.
The couple intrigued everyone. Del was a classic Scandinavian-looking Viking. He wore a dark plaid kilt with a tuxedo jacket. Lady Steele stood small, petite, and classic beside him.
“So, how do you know Frank?” Indiana asked the traditional question that bonded marriages with new friends.
“I work with his boss.” Lady’s voice was sweet and precise.
Indiana looked around. “Oh, is he here?”
Lady pointed toward a tall, well-dressed couple on the dance floor. Just their clothing and jewelry alone could have intimidated anyone. A lump rose in Indiana’s throat. The man looked big, controlling, and articulate.
Indiana could make small talk, but she would make a point to avoid them
. As luck would have it, the man seemed to know when people spoke of him. After the song ended, he steered his partner toward Indiana.
“You must be Ellen’s daughter.” The man held out his hand.
Indiana shook hands. He was astoundingly good looking, and his flamboyance wasn’t just a fashion trend. He shook Indiana’s hand solidly.
“I’m Indiana Bernstein.” This was her automated response for herself. She had to swallow hard before saying anything else.
“Your mother says you are quite the little savant. Only sixteen years old and almost ready to graduate college. We’ll have to keep an eye on her, won’t we, Susanna?”
The tall blonde woman with him nodded and agreed courteously.
Indiana heard the feminine whisper beside him. Maybe every girl whispered around him. Realizing this phenomenon broke her silence
Indiana found her voice and it came out strongly. “Well, my parents told me I had to have a college degree before I could do anything. So, that’s what this girl’s gotta do.”
Indiana wasn’t used to talking to grownups, but she made all four of them laugh.
“And what are you in such a hurry to do?” the man asked.
“Race cars.”
“I didn’t know that needed a formal education.” He laughed at his joke.
Indiana blushed. “It doesn’t need an education, and neither does being an orphan. Enjoy my mother’s company while you are traveling around the world. I will be stuck in college, which is much better than being stuck in my mom’s house. Mister…do you need an education to introduce yourself?”
Indiana had silenced the older critics. They stared at her, a little dumbfounded.
Then the man laughed and turned toward his companion. “Susanna, this girl has the same fire you had when we first met.”
Indiana knew her face wore a scarlet letter of shame. She was saved by the woman saying something.
“Yes, Royce, she has fire. And you haven’t changed a bit since the day we met. You walk around expecting everyone to know who you are.”
“Ha. I see I’m outnumbered by opinionated women. Let’s leave before Lady picks up any outlandish traits.”
He didn’t leave that fast. He gave solid goodbyes and pecks on the cheek before leaving.
Susanna grinned over his shoulder. “Come on, husband. Let’s leave before you offer this underage genius a job.”
Indiana realized it was time to leave. She made a beeline toward the door. Crossing the hotel lobby and putting space between the party and herself could be done quickly.
She wanted to be gone. Richard could look for her and wonder where she went, or not. Indiana didn’t know what he would feel or do.
Chapter 11
Indiana slept hard and woke up with a weight around her lungs. She dressed for ski lessons. Judging from past experience she would need a lot of clothes. Three outfits under the snow suit felt about right.
It got harder to move. If she fell down then at least she would be padded. She looked around, wondering what else she would need. She grabbed a granola bar, beef jerky, and an energy drink. Her coat had zippered pockets and Indiana felt comfortably padded against the world.
Indiana left a quick note for her family saying she would be skiing for a while.
Indiana arrived at the ski lodge with other early morning optimists. She rented skis and polls for the day.
She didn’t expect to see Richard or anyone else. In fact, she was looking forward to an uncomplicated day.
Her wishes came true and she learned how to ski under strangers’ eyes. She could stop, slide to a stop, and fall to a stop.
The lessons ended and she felt more confident about the mammoth slopes behind her. Indiana enjoyed the quietness of the ski lift. It had snowed throughout the night. The fresh powder was perfect. Indiana laid fresh tracks in the virgin snow.
Her first run was exciting. The second one was invigorating. After the third run, she was hungry.
She ate a granola bar on the lift and tapped the snow out of her boots. The mountain would be properly tackled. She slowly ascended the runs coming down from the clouds. Her favorite were the private tree lined runs, and she could never make them last long enough.
The day passed quickly. The next time she got hungry, she held herself back from eating again, and just snacked. This would be her last time skiing for a while and she wanted to make it last.
The afternoon started to chill. Indiana reluctantly removed her skis. She loosened the latches on her boots and walked into the lodge. Indiana ate something quickly and wandered around for a while. The building was much fuller now than earlier. Indiana shuffled to the return line.
Her muscles were tightening in new places. She remembered brains weren’t the only things to get tired from overuse.
Back at the hotel, she wondered when she could devote time to lifting weights or running. She reminded herself that soon she would be retraining herself in a life that wasn’t already guided and planned by textbooks and scholarly accomplishments. Being in shape would have to be a requirement. She would begin researching the best personal training techniques.
The walk got lighter with a new goal in sight.
She touched her cheeks and could feel the burn. She had worn goggles and wondered just how white the circles around her eyes looked. There was nothing she could do about it right now. Just like everything, she would grin and bear it until she could do something about it.
Indiana walked into the hotel completely overdressed.
Richard stood confidently at the bar with a friend. When he saw Indiana, a look of satisfaction came over his face.
Of course, he was there to see her at her worst. Indiana moved forward. She blinked. Richard had a magnetic pull that always drew her to him. She reminded herself it wasn’t special because he had the same pull for every girl, woman, and lady.
She stomped the snow off her boots. Indiana took off her gloves and unzipped her coat. She removed the snow-covered cap from her hair and shook it out.
Indiana ran her fingers over her head. She hadn’t done anything to it all day. She tried to smooth her hair. It wouldn’t be glamorous. But it was a ski resort after all. She wasn’t supposed to look great. She had fun skiing. If she looked like a fright, then it would only be temporary. Hopefully.
Indiana walked toward the elevator. She pushed the button and stood back to wait.
She turned around one more time. Richard still stared at her. He had a thoughtful and pensive look on his face. He stared so hard at her that other people in the crowd turned around to check out his interest.
Indiana smiled at him. She felt his gaze branding her from across the room. She reveled in it. She wanted to blow him a kiss or wave. She wanted to walk up to him. She could think of many solutions for her pounding heart.
The elevator beeped behind her. The doors rolled open and welcomed her.
Indiana had to leave him. Even from across the room, it was the same distance they always had. She felt like she would be leaving him alone again. She gave him a small smile and stepped on board the lift. They stared at each other until the doors closed and whisked Indiana away.
Indiana had been sobered by the subdued mood downstairs. Strangely, the feeling of euphoria and accomplishment had completely disappeared when she saw Richard. He could invoke more yearning and desire than any girl had a right to have.
She thought about her rights, or lack thereof. Being so young contributed to her down and out mood. She didn’t know how she would survive another year of this. For all of her yearning, she vowed to uphold the laws.
It was hard to see Richard. It wasn’t fair to get her heart pumping and then put restrictions on it.
She wondered how it felt for him. Indiana smiled when she visualized all of him. He was definitely all man. But he couldn’t possibly want her as badly as she wanted him. Indiana knew a man could easily replace a woman, but a woman could hardly replace a man.
She had no illusions about his
womanizing. It wasn’t fair to put her body in front of him. It would be another piece of shiny bait for a shark. He couldn’t have her yet. Being around only teased him. Any woman could tease a predator. Indiana made plans for love.
Indiana had ideals about laws and propriety. She wanted to make a decent start at her life. She already had more resources than most kids her age. Because of her wants and needs, she had an air of innocent maturity.
As she walked to her room, the old weights fell back on her shoulder. The day’s soreness made a heavy statement and slowed down her walk as well.
She realized how tired she felt. It didn’t just cover her body. It felt like a mental tiredness complimenting a dull ache in her heart.
The rest of her mini vacation passed. She didn’t see Richard again. Part of her was relieved, part of her would always wonder.
The wedding had contributed dancing and a few well-placed compliments between them. It would have to be enough to keep her fire lit for a little longer.
Chapter 12
Christmas came and went. Indiana didn’t hear from Richard at all. She told herself over and over she didn’t mind. He remembered her birthdays, and she remembered him at Christmastime.
A handful of weeks later would be Indiana’s next birthday. It had been marred by sadness. The anniversary of losing her father struck fresh and hard again.
That dreadful time of year always put her in bed. The anniversary always stung her eyes. She slept through classes in an unusual bout of neglect. She woke up to her roommate noisily entering the room.
“Indiana, you’ve got a delivery.” Three men with arms full of flowers and balloons entered the room and deposited bouquets wherever there wasn’t a textbook or computer.
The girls’ room became overwhelmingly floral, and burning eyes from all the pollen and crying had the partially rested girl out of bed.
Indiana opened the business card note.
Best regards,
R.S.
Indiana held the box for a long time. Her fingers couldn’t relax enough to pull the bow without trembling. She set it back on the table and waited to open it, then got back into bed.