by Zoe Adams
Having a place to start storing her things and building up inventories was a major improvement, and her dorm room felt lighter.
She had bought every race car and automotive magazine from the last three years. They had been her one guilty pleasure. She would buy three magazines and read them all in one day. Once she was done, they would be stored under her bed.
Indiana knew there were no more magazines under her bed. She had checked twice to make sure.
Her computer desk sat cleaner than ever. Old textbooks collecting dust were now gone. Pens and paper were stacked neatly by a printer. Indiana had even unplugged the computer.
She could admit her room lacked a homelike quality. Indiana laughed and shut the door behind her. She wondered how anyone could be comfortable in a transitional phase of their life.
Indiana drove two hundred miles then turned onto a county road. Fifty miles and two left turns later, Indiana was home.
A mass of dark rain clouds had been following her across the land. It started raining huge torrents of water five minutes before she pulled into the driveway.
Indiana turned her car off and stared out the window. The house looked greyer than she remembered it. Water ran off the roof and started to gather in the gutters. Right above the front door the gutter had failed and water dropped heavily.
For all of the home’s failings, it still held its charm. Indiana knew she had her work cut out for her—she was just glad it was an action instead of a test.
She shuffled around for a minute as she grabbed her duffle bag and coffee mug. With her arms full of what she would need for the night, she made a mad dash through the rain.
At the front door, she fumbled with the lock. She turned the key one way and tried the handle. The door was still locked. Indiana groaned and turned the key again. This time the door wanted to move, but it needed a firm nudge to swing open.
Indiana turned on the main floor lights. The living space looked just as she had left it. For all of her thoughts and dreams of how it would feel to come back, she was surprised at the loneliness that fell on her.
She set her bags down softly at the door. Indiana found a large plush sitting chair and pulled it across the carpet. She took the sheet off the chair and sat down.
Indiana felt the weight of the long drive and the weight of an overworked brain crash down on her. She sat in the chair for a long time and stared at the house around her.
This formal entryway had a great view of the house. It shared the tall ceiling of the sunken living room, but it was the same height as the dining room and hidden kitchen.
Looking around, she envisioned future nights of walking into this house. It held a restorative power for her and she felt her strength returning.
Indiana smiled to herself when she bent over to untie her shoes. This house recharged her inner self. It made her slow down.
She set her soggy shoes to the side and removed her socks. Her toes looked pale and she massaged them softly.
After a full minute, Indiana straightened her back to the upright position. She was still sitting in the chair, not quite ready to stand up.
Indiana reached her arm out for a bag. Her body was still adding an inch of height every year. The cuff on her shirt had been pulled tightly up her arm. She wondered when she would stop growing, and what it would feel like to keep shirts for longer than a year.
Her slippers were old, though. She brought the old pair on purpose. Anything that could add to her comfort level was in high demand. Indiana couldn’t wait for the house to be more convenient. But for now she would focus all of her attention on herself and her goals.
There were three things that she had been planning on for a long time: fixing up the house, driving fast on that racetrack, and seducing an older man. Two of those were unattainable, so she focused on one.
The bathroom became the first thing on the agenda. It looked dull and dusty. All she really wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. She looked at the bathroom with distaste.
She wouldn’t be able to take a shower and feel clean until the bathroom was shiny. She got out her rubber gloves and a spray bottle. Indiana cleaned and scrubbed for an hour. She felt much better when she stood in front of the spotless mirror.
Indiana looked at herself carefully. Her long hair fell from a massive bun in stringy clumps around her face. A dust ball had clung to her t-shirt and she picked it off carefully.
Her complexion had stayed surprisingly clear. Her pale skin showed slight discoloration around her eyes. Indiana sighed to herself and decided it wasn’t that bad considering she wasn’t wearing makeup.
Only one thing could make her feel better and that was showering. She grabbed her bathing bag and jumped into the bathtub. Seven minutes later she shut off the water, feeling much better.
She dried off with a towel and looked around for her clothes. She had left the other bag by the front door.
Indiana realized that she could walk stark naked through the house at her leisure. She felt very sexy and grown up as she walked confidently out to the other room. No one could see her and there was no reason to duck behind the windows.
Indiana picked up her bags and walked to the other living room. She uncovered the couch and unfolded a clean sheet. When she flapped it, a large gush of air traveled against her skin and hair.
Indiana felt more free and alive than ever before. She enjoyed feeling something new on her flesh so much that she decided to sleep naked.
Indiana woke up early the next morning. She rolled onto her back and stretched her feet over the end of the couch.
Indiana started to understand why people liked to be touched so much. It was more than just a feeling, and she had a really good one that morning.
When Indiana got off her couch, her legs felt like they were floating. She walked into the kitchen and made coffee and toast. Indiana stood at the counter and read the label of a cleaning can.
The house was a little quiet, and Indiana liked it. There was still the hope of things to come, and she fell into a silent commune with the house.
The kitchen was still a mess. All of her paint, tools, and things lined the countertops. The only thing that made it a kitchen was the tiny space between the refrigerator and the sink that had a coffeepot, toaster, and microwave.
Indiana looked around. She had a lot to do. She needed to move her tools somewhere. One of the indoor rooms would be used solely for household projects. Then the garage would be reserved for automotive products. Indiana wanted things separated. Not like it was now, with food, paint, and nails sharing a room.
Indiana refilled her coffee mug before walking from the kitchen hurriedly. She didn’t hesitate to put on mismatched clothes. She put on a pair of twill striped shorts and a yellow and white flowered shirt. They were comfortable clothes and she would be able to cross out errands on her list without changing clothes.
The living room was her new base of command. The master suite was the only other room on this side of the house. The view of the cliff was shared by both rooms. Indiana always felt like the room was about to fall off the cliff. She wondered if that feeling of doom was what it was like to fall in love.
Indiana started by cleaning the master bedroom. The more she cleaned and dusted it, the more she liked it. She had intended on using the room, but once it was all clean and put together, Indiana shut the door of the room. She hung up a few articles of clothing from shelves in the living room.
The couch may not have been the most comfortable thing to sleep on, but she didn’t want to sleep in that big bed by herself. She just didn’t want to hang from that ledge by herself.
The commonality of the room and her love life culminated quickly. Indiana wondered what Richard was doing. She knew he jumped headfirst into relationships quicker than any other bachelor. He wasn’t the type of man to be alone. Indiana wondered what he would think of her house, or her life.
She realized that wishful thinking was a bastard’s existence. Always wondering
about love and what it would feel like to be loved had her leaving the house upset.
She zoomed down the road over and over. Indiana looked down at her gas meter and reluctantly drove into town.
She filled up her tank silently.
Indiana still felt melancholy when she walked into Walt’s shop. She should have known he would cheer her up. She spent a large amount of time in the little store. The only escape came after promising to come over for dinner the following night.
Indiana realized this had been the first person she talked to in a couple of days. Indiana didn’t know if she liked that fact or not. It was certainly easier to get things done, but she wondered how long she could survive by herself.
Money wasn’t the problem. Her father had been greedy. Her mother lived with extravagance. Indiana received healthy monthly allowances. Ellen would check to see that Indiana spent the money. If she quit spending then she quit receiving. Indiana had rolls of hundred dollar bills stashed all over her car.
Having money at this age could be considered unusual anywhere. She had just enough of everything to survive.
But she was the exception to every rule. She hadn’t found comfort in food yet and hardly ate. Indiana was on the high end of average size. Some of the clothes fit and others didn’t. Indiana didn’t mind the weight, but her mother was delicate. Indiana stood straight as an arrow and backed herself gracefully. A little flounce of skirt made her staggeringly feminine.
Indiana walked tall and proud. There were still other attributes she needed to learn. Right now she only worried about accomplishing goals. The what ifs and freaky scenarios belonged to other girls.
She sped back out into the countryside. She drove around the track a few more times. The sun was setting low on the horizon, and Indiana turned in toward her house.
She worked in her house. She moved chairs and couches countless times in the next few days. What she thought she would like was done and lived in for a day before being rearranged once more.
Tonight she stood at a wall. She had glued the wallpaper back onto it. After drying for a few days, she pulled off the tape that had held it tight.
Indiana stood back and smiled. The wall looked bright and new. The gold and the white leaves stood out in tinny sixties’ shine. The dining room table had been dusted. At first Indiana hadn’t liked the dark wood of the heavy table, but once it was polished and the room was clean she could see how it matched the other furniture.
At the end of a week Indiana got bored with the house. She wanted different couches and a new TV. She loaded up her car with her duffle bag and drove down the hill. She stopped at Walt’s gas station on the way out of town and said goodbye. Indiana wasn’t sure if she would be back before starting the next semester of college. She left the older man shaking his head, and drove out of town.
She went to the nearest city and checked into a hotel room. Once more she had a lot of things to do.
The next day she went to numerous furniture stores. Indiana left all of them with nothing. She didn’t know she was picky until that day. She usually bought something out of resignation or need. Now things were specific and it led her to custom shops.
The furniture wouldn’t be done for a few weeks at the soonest. That was fine with Indiana. She didn’t need it for a few months.
They could have the furniture delivered to her house and sit outside. Indiana was faced with a tough homemaking choice. How was she going to get the things into her house while she was in school?
She knew Walt was a good friend, and would probably put the things in the house for her, but she didn’t want to ask for help. Indiana wanted to be independent, and especially wanted to be a hassle free neighbor.
She told them she would call back with delivery information.
Next she went to the electronics store. Here she had the same problem as well. The company could ship the items, but Indiana didn’t want them sitting outside in the elements.
She excused herself from the store associate and called Walt. She absently walked down aisles as she told him what she was doing.
“Why don’t you just have them shipped to my store, and I will have them delivered to your house for you,” he offered loudly into the phone.
Indiana imagined him in the quiet shop and talking into the antique wall phone. Not much happened in that little town that he didn’t know about. Large crates and furniture could easily put a strain on the man’s lifestyle.
Walt had caught on to her silence and said, “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”
Indiana gave a nervous laugh. “All right, Walt. Thank you very much. I’ll call you back with more details.”
Indiana hung up the phone and felt freer to make plans. Walt was a good friend, and she would have to buy something for him as well.
Her week in the city ended. Indiana did not go back to her house. She went back to college just in time for classes to start.
Chapter 15
Indiana counted the days until Christmas. The holiday provided legitimate time at the house. All the previous presents she had sent Richard had been little glimpses of times together. She wanted heartfelt gifts and didn’t care about how extreme they were.
Indiana didn’t know when she would see him again. None of their meetings finished the way Indiana wanted. Promises and reassurances never came, but the attraction she felt kept growing stronger.
Sending him a gift made her feel closer to him and more adult. It made Christmastime special. She had already ordered him a custom table. But this time she had gotten to see it before he received it. This gift felt more special than the clock. She signed the return label on the box with her initials I.B. and the college’s address.
Pride crept into her life. It slipped right in with things she kept hidden. It had all started with her great hidden love. Then pride parked itself in a home all her own.
Indiana hid love and a house. The home with the valley racetrack and tall cliffs nearly held the same feeling of a man. Finding the geographical location intact and so pleasantly usable made her happy in so many ways.
Indiana had plans to be at her home on the cliff for Christmas. That was an easy plan for her to make.
Ellen called to see what she was doing for the holiday.
Indiana still hadn’t told her mother about the house she was renting. She wasn’t ready yet, and she bit her lip.
“A friend invited me to her family’s house for Christmas.” Indiana was telling the truth, however she didn’t say she had refused the invitation.
Ellen sounded relieved. “Oh good, dear. Frank and I are going to Paris. I just wanted to make sure you would be all right.”
“I’ll be fine.” Indiana tried to perk up her voice, and stuck with the lie.
A few minutes later the call ended.
Indiana was off the family hook. She would be free to spend Christmas the way she wanted. Indiana had a moment of clarity, and she realized all she had done to lead up to this moment.
She finally had a home for the holidays. Actually, she would be sneaking to a home no one else knew about. Indiana knew from past experience keeping secrets was hard. But wanting to race cars and wanting to date Richard was more like a dream. Having a secret house was a real thing.
Indiana felt young and naïve. She didn’t know how to keep secrets over the holidays. She had wanted to tell people about the house, but still hadn’t. The timing was never right. Indiana didn’t talk about herself in general, so the subject never came up.
The weight of the secret was a lot to bear. She vowed that over the holiday she would find a way to tell her mother and friends that she was almost the owner of a house.
But that would be left to figure out in a few days.
Leaving classrooms, equations, and assignments behind freed her brain immensely. Indiana happily put her head in the clouds for a day. It brought her as close to cloud nine as a solitary girl could be.
Indiana arrived at her country house. She parked in the driveway and
stared at the front door.
Indiana sat silently and considered her feelings. She knew what waited for her behind the closed doors of the home. Its interior would be dark and dusty. The rooms would already be made up of someone else’s fashion ideas and tastes.
Everything she had ordered had been put in the garage. Indiana didn’t know how, if, or when she would be able to move it. Maybe she could hang a big TV by herself.
Indiana wanted rest, relaxation, and racing. She laughed to herself. Somehow working and cleaning hard invigorated her.
Indiana leaned into the car door and it swung open. She grabbed her bags and entered the house.
As soon as she stepped inside the front parlor she felt better. All of her trepidations rolled away. Her secret hideout welcomed her. She was glad she hadn’t told anyone about it. She really needed some time by herself.
Here there was no one waiting for her, or judging her. There were no dorm mates bumping into her, or teachers demanding things.
Indiana stood listening to the quiet house. A shell-pink Frigidaire cooler matched the curving stove exactly. Antique pink and white checkerboard wallpaper matched the curtains. The rest was completely outdated, functional, and cute.
Indiana was back to exercising her mind and stressing out her body. She focused on anything other than tall men of steel reserve, and foggy green eyes piercing all chance of a normal life.
She tried to abandon her personal riddles by questioning how to procure more RPMs, torque, and speed from the reciprocating love of her life.
Waking before the sun, she would work inside for a while, then run over to the garage, slide down the hill, and play under bare trees. Her fun was had, and shared with none, on those solid stretches of speed.
She had a few conversations with her neighbors, Walt and Charlotte. They were short, courteous, and good at reading between the lines.