by JA Huss
His tongue travels up my thigh, his hand gently caressing the opposite knee. “Say yes,” he murmurs as he kisses. “Give in to me, Syd. You know you want to.”
I do want to. But I’m not ready to say it out loud yet.
Case unbuckles his belt, undoes his button, and unzips his fly. The lantern isn’t bright enough to see it, but the shadow of his hard dick is thick as he fists it in his hand. He drops the feather and reaches for the knife attached to his belt. And then he drops his pants and we are both naked.
He climbs on the table and straddles my hips.
I let out a whimper.
“I want you to say yes, Sydney. Because yes is the answer to all your problems right now. I’m the answer to all your problems right now. But you can say no. Now’s your chance. Your last chance, Sydney. I can kill you now”—he holds the knife up to his throat, making a slicing gesture across it—“and it will be over. You never have to know the truth. You never have to face this reality. Say no and I’ll make it all the confusion go away. It will be very simple and I’ll make it very quick.”
I stay silent.
“But wildcat, do you really want to move on to the next world being played instead of being a player? Do you really want to give up? Give in? Check out? Don’t you want to know, Sydney? Don’t you want answers to all those burning questions you must have?”
I hold my breath trying to understand him.
“If you give me what I want, I’ll make it better for you.”
What am I supposed to say to that? “Fuck me then. Or kill me. I don’t really care. Do whatever you want.”
“You’re missing the point, cowgirl.” He stares down at me. I can’t see his eyes very well, there are too many shadows. But I know that stare now. I’ve seen it in my head for years. I’ve craved it.
And here he is. The gift I wanted, but not the way I fantasized. I wanted him to choose to save me that night. And even though I know I’m only here so he can use me, I still need to hold on to the illusion I’ve built up in my head. I want Merric Case to desire me so much, he chooses differently. I want him to change my life. I want him to take it back.
“What’s the point?” I ask softly. “Tell me what you need and I’ll try and give it to you.”
He huffs out a breath of air. A sort of satisfied laugh. “Famous last words, Syd. If you really want to give me what I want, you need to tell me what you know.” He crawls up my body, a hand on each side of me, one still grasping the knife. And then he positions his cock in front of my face. “You’ve seen him.”
“Who?” I ask, my voice barely a whisper.
“Garrett,” Case says, leaning down to whisper back as his lips cover mine. “You’ve seen him, Syd. Lots of times. You used to disappear every once in a while. Be gone for days. Sometimes up to a week. I used to think you had quite the stealthy skillset.” He pulls back a little so he can see me. His body is covering most of the light behind him, so I can’t see him at all. His face is just a shadow. “But I’ve been thinking about why you’re not responding to the drugs, cowgirl. And the only possible answer is Garrett.”
I shake my heavy head and close my eyes. “I don’t want to play anymore. I don’t want to play—”
“You’re gonna play, Sydney. You know how I know that?”
I don’t answer. I don’t open my eyes. I’m so dizzy.
“Because all I gotta do is tell you to hush.”
I spin. The darkness becomes so much more than blackness. It becomes everything. It becomes safety, and relief, and desire. It calls to me, makes me want him in ways I can’t explain.
It splits me open and empties me out.
And then he’s there with my reward. My last chance is over.
He fills me back up.
Chapter Ten - Merc
“Satisfaction comes from achievement. The problem comes when you can’t decide where the finish line is. Sometimes you cross without realizing.” – Case
Her lips wrap around me as I ease into her throat. Her tongue flattens down, sliding against my shaft. I grunt, wishing I had her in the light. Wishing I could see every moment as she takes my whole length.
“You feel good,” I tell her, my hand pressing against her face for a moment of encouragement.
She gags a little when I thrust too hard.
“Shhh,” I tell her. She’s out of it now. Lost in her own world. I hate to take her this way, but I need her in that world. It’s the place that has the answers. And this is the only way I know to get her there. Garrett used her this way. He knew a long time ago how to make her comply with his demands.
I’m just figuring it out now. And she’s damn good at it. Her teeth scrape against my skin and make me wish for more. I want her on her knees. I want her eyes on me, open wide and filled with the desire to please. I’d fist her hair and pull her towards me, making her take me all the way to my balls.
Just imagining that is enough. I throw my head back and she chokes as I come down her throat, but she swallows just as the sobs start. I pull out and get off the table so I can get dressed.
The sobs build to full on crying. Big ugly gasping. Tears streaming down her face. Coughing. Semen she didn’t already swallow spilling out of her lips.
I have a moment of pause and wonder if I should just kill her. This is not what I thought it would be.
But I don’t. Because I need so much more from her than this. I need to get inside her. So I lean into her ear and whisper, “Hush.”
She stops all of it. Like I just flipped a switch.
And I did.
I put my hands behind my head and look up at the shadows on the ceiling. When I look down at her she’s staring at the ceiling as well. But her eyes are blank.
I know what he did. I know exactly what he did to her. That motherfucker.
Kill her, the voice in my head says. Kill her now.
But I take out the syringe from my pocket and plunge it into her thigh instead. I need answers and she is the only one who has them.
My phone buzzes in my pants so I walk out of the room and take it out so I can tab the accept button. “Yeah.” I don’t get service up here. Not regular service anyway. This is a local network I rigged up when I first bought the place.
“You have a message, Mr. Case.”
I put it on speaker and go grab a pen and notepad from the coffee table. “Go ahead.”
“Sasha called three times.”
I put the pen down and scrub that hand down my face. “What’d she say?”
“She says she really needs to talk to you. Should I patch you through?”
“Sure. Buzz me back when you get her on the line.” I end the call and sit down on the couch. She’s the last person I need to talk to right now. I stare at the fire for a few moments and then my phone buzzes again.
I press the speaker as I take out my knife and start carving into the wood of the coffee table. “Sash,” I say, trying to sound upbeat.
“Where have you been? I’ve been calling.”
“I’m in the mountains. No service.”
“Obviously. I need you to look something up for me.”
I scowl and take her off speaker. “Why can’t Ford do it?”
She laughs. “Please. He’s the last person I want to know about this.”
“The answer is no. Anything else? I’m real busy.”
“Why? I just want a background check on a guy.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “Ford can definitely do that, kid.”
“Yeah, but if Ford does it, he’ll go too far. He’ll have people follow him and stuff. And then he’ll show up and scare the shit out of the guy. And I might like this one.”
Fucking Ford. “I can’t, OK? I’m not near my gear. I’m…” I think about Sydney in the other room. Should I tell Sasha? No. Not yet. Not until I have answers. “I’m not gonna be near a computer for a few weeks, probably.” She’s silent on the other end. “Sasha?”
She sighs. “I thought you were done work
ing?”
“I am,” I lie. “I’m just taking time off away from shit. Call me in a few weeks if you still like this guy and I’ll help you out.”
“Hmph. Well, I got into grad school. And I already got an internship for the summer. Just lab stuff. But it’s a good start.”
Sometimes I do wish she was my kid. Then these proud moments would be the result of me instead of her normal family. But if I was the one who’d kept her, she’d be all kinds of fucked up by now. “I never doubted you, brat. I’ll call you in a few weeks and we’ll celebrate.”
I end the call before she can say anything else and then throw my phone onto the couch and pick up the guitar. I start strumming that song again. It’s soft and slow. Reminds me of that year all the shit hit the fan.
I hum along with the melody, the meaning behind the words taking over for a little bit.
Happiness is not what you think, this song reminds me. You spend your whole life looking for it, but you can’t find it. It’s not a thing. It’s a state of mind.
My fingers continue to strum as I think about the words and then I stop and set the instrument aside.
Way too depressing.
I get up and turn out the lights and then dress so I can go check the property. Make sure that fuck Garrett didn’t really set me up. Of course, it’s been ten days, but old habits never die.
I get my winter gear on and step out into the cold night air. In the summer you can hear the river from here. But it’s frozen over now and will be for at least three more months.
I don’t like it out here in the winter too much. But this cabin is the perfect place to kill a girl. That’s why I brought her here, after all. I will kill her. She’s Garrett’s weapon and she needs to be neutralized. It’s not my fault he did this to her. It’s not my fault she’s so fucked up..
My feet crunch along in the snow as I think about that for a moment. Sydney Channing is probably gone. Her mind is very messed up. And if I tell her just how badly she’s been used, it might complicate things.
I really need to keep this simple. I pat my pocket looking for smokes, shake one out, and light it up. If I go back in there and tell her what I think is going on, things will not be simple. Things will become more than complicated. I’ll start something I might not want to finish.
If, on the other hand, I go in there and cut her throat? Well, then things get real simple.
Maybe Garrett is looking for her right now. Maybe I can take her somewhere and parade her around to get his attention. Make her bait.
I take a long drag of nicotine and blow it out as I consider my options. When the smoke is finished I toss it down into the snow and stub it out. I start the snow machine in front of the cabin and patrol the outer perimeter of the property, checking for tracks. Garrett. Wolf. Mountain lion.
All predators.
But the only tracks out here are mine.
When I’m satisfied we’re alone, I park the machine in front of the cabin and walk back inside. My mind is made up.
Simple is definitely the way to go.
I need to be with Sasha. Do that little job for her. Make her happy. I need to catch up to my friends and get a life. Put this shit behind me.
It’s time to kill Sydney Channing and move on.
Tonight.
Chapter Eleven - Sydney
“Things have meaning because we give them that meaning. Everything. From the song in your head to the photos in your phone. They mean things. For me, they just mean a little more.” - Sydney
The phone call throws me. Sasha Cherlin. I’ve heard a lot about that girl but I’ve never actually met her. Seen her, back when she was a little girl. Heard about her. And maybe, if I’m honest, wished I was her on more than a few occasions.
Her life might’ve gotten off track—fucked up is a much better way to put it—but she had a real father growing up. She was never hidden away. She was never…
Stop, Sydney. There is no point in going backwards. Now you have to think about…
The music throws me again. I’m tied to the table still. His drug cocktail isn’t working as well anymore. I’m getting a tolerance for it. But it’s still good enough to take me out of things.
But the music. Of all the songs in the world, my killer has to play that song?
Did he hear me play it? How long has he been watching me? He said the whole time. But if that’s true, then he knows I haven’t seen Garrett. So it must be a lie.
I hum the song and in my head I can hear him humming along with me. Or maybe that’s really happening.
It’s hard to tell in this dark room. The sink is not dripping. I don’t even know when he left the room. All I know is that I heard the phone ring and then suddenly I was staring up at the ceiling. He had his…
Oh, God. The image of him straddling me. Taking my mouth that way. I sob. Not because I hated it, but because I loved it. I’ve dreamed of him and now here he is. And I despise myself for wanting him. I loathe myself for saying yes, even though I can’t say no.
The music stops. A few minutes later I hear a door close. Did he leave? A little while after that I hear a snow machine.
I struggle against my bindings. They are tight, but they are also damp from the hose and I’m a small person. My hands are tiny and my wrists are narrow. It won’t take much to slip through. And the ties are leather, so they give more and more as I wriggle them back and forth, desperately trying to get free. They give a little, but not enough.
Hurry, Sydney, my mind urges. Hurry, before he comes back.
I start to breathe hard. Panting, almost. My heart is racing with the thought of escape.
But then I stop. What will happen if he catches me?
Not anything worse than if he comes back in to find you still here!
I wriggle some more, and bit by bit, the tether around my wrists becomes large enough for me to slip my hands through. I sit up, getting dizzy from the drugs. But I push that down and reach for my legs. They are cuffed in leather with buckles, so those are much easier.
When I’m free, I stand and feel my way to the door. It’s locked. I feel around the perimeter of the room, my hands scraping across the rough wood of the walls, until I come all the way back to the door he uses to enter and exit.
No windows. Not even one that is boarded up.
And I’m naked. It’s winter. Freezing-ass cold outside. So what did I really think I was going to do? I scoff at my stupid plan. Escape? Naked? This thought alone is enough to make me shiver. The room is colder than it was. He must’ve let the fire die down. I feel my way back to the stone hearth and kneel down on the rug. It’s warmer here, but not by much. I press myself up against the metal that separates me from the heat and let out a sigh.
I give up. Maybe I can lie? Or maybe he will come to accept the fact that I don’t know anything? Or maybe—
A door slams on the other side and I know he’s back. His boots thud across the floorboards. There’s some crackling of the fire on the other side and then a burst of heat, letting me know he’s put more wood on the fire.
Just give him what he wants, Sydney.
But I don’t know anything!
The floorboards creak under his weight as he nears the side of the room where the door is. The latch jiggles and I take a gulp of air. But it doesn’t open.
Instead he walks away. A few minutes later I hear the guitar again. That song.
How can this killer create something so beautiful?
My eyes grow heavy as he plays it over and over. Like it’s on repeat. Before I know it, I’m humming along.
Chapter Twelve - Merc
“Of course lies play a part. That’s the most beautiful part of the dance. The courtship you have with your own lies.” - Case
I play the tune over and over again, never stopping. I’m on a loop, my fingers picking the strings, sliding over the frets. Making that squeaky sound that I love.
I want to kill her. I really do. I want to make this all end and let it go.
Move back to civilization. Go see my friends and their kids. Move on.
I want all those things. And killing her is the quickest and easiest way to get there.
But Garrett. I don’t think he wants me to have the happily ever after. And if I kill her… well, I’ll be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life. Just wondering when he will show up.
He’s not dead. Sydney has the information I need. I’m so close. I’m so fucking close. All I have to do is wait it out. Tell her what I think and wait for her to crack.
And she will crack. Could even crack tonight. And then I can kill her and leave. Finish the job.
One last job.
I laugh. My fingers continue to play, but I laugh. That’s what they all say. Just one last job to set things up for retirement.
Hell, I don’t need the money. Everyone else’s last job made sure of that. We all became richer than God with that last job. No, I don’t need money. I just need peace. And peace runs directly through Sydney Channing.
I stop strumming as I accept my situation.
She’s not the prisoner here. I am.
The fire has long stopped crackling and that’s probably why I notice it. Humming. From the other side of the hearth.
I put the guitar down and walk over there as quietly as I can, leaning in as far as I dare with the flames.
Yes. She got herself free and she’s on the other side humming along to my music.
I lie down on the rug and listen to her. Eventually it dies off, like she falls asleep with the tune still on her tongue.
I stay there. Still. Thinking. The fire is lower now, ready for more wood. But I don’t feed it. Instead I stand up and press a button on the wall.
The metal partition separating us slides up and then there she is. For the first time since she got here I can see her in the light. The soft flames make shadows that dance across her face. Her eyes are closed and her mouth is open. Her hair is dark and long. She’s on her side and it falls over her shoulder, shielding her bare breasts. Her skin is a milky white even though all her other features are dark. Her eyes, her hair, her mind.