Clinging to Rapture

by Megan D. Martin

  If I was honest with myself, things hadn’t gone my way in a really long time, even before I became a household name at Rapture. Had I really wanted to be a stripper? Not really. But I did it because it was easy—because I knew that it was something I would do okay at, if nothing else. I hadn’t been living. Not really.

  I was going to start today in this swamp in the middle of BFE Louisiana. The mud and slime squished beneath my toes; nothing had made me feel so free in my entire life. I took two more steps, the mud rising higher on my calves and sucked in a deep breath, letting my eyes flutter shut, extinguishing the dim light of the restaurant just down from where we were. There wasn’t much of a breeze down here, but that didn’t matter either.

  “Julia.” My name on Cole’s lips sent a shiver down my body. “Are you okay?”

  “Why did you bring me here?” I took another step into the swamp, not turning to look at him.

  “You said you wanted to come down here and—”

  “Not to the swamp. To New Orleans.” I’d had my speculations earlier, but now I needed to hear him say it. I wanted him to admit he brought me here because he cared about me, because he still loved me.

  He was silent for several moments and I gave him time. I took another step, the mud reaching my knees.

  “You needed to get away. A lot of things have—”

  “I don’t believe that.” I turned around, finally. I could barely make out his face in the dim light. “I think there is more to it.”

  “Julia—”

  “You took me to where you grew up.”

  “Yes.” He rubbed the back of his neck with one hand. My heels dangled from the other.

  “Why did you do that? Did you plan to take me there all along?” I started making my way back to him. The freedom of wading in the swamp had become less important.

  “Does it matter?” His answer surprised me, like he was trying to hide.

  “To me it does.” I reached down and skimmed my fingers through the mucky water at my feet.

  “It shouldn’t.”

  He was closed off. At dinner he had finally opened up to me, really talked to me, but now he was gone. Hidden. I wouldn’t let him hide. I took the last couple of steps until I was out of the swamp and standing before him on damp, solid ground.

  “Why do you do this?” I asked, eyeing him. His coat was still over one shoulder.

  “Do what, Julia?” He seemed tired.

  “Why are you hiding from me now? What are you afraid of?”

  I expected him to laugh to brush me off, but he didn’t.

  He looked away. “We should head back.” He held out my heels for me to take.

  “I’m not leaving until you talk to me.” I planted my hands on my hips.

  He jerked his head back and looked at me sharply. “What do you want from me, Julia? What do you want me to say? You think I have some big explanation about why we are both here right now? Well, I don’t. There’s nothing special about this. Just a friend helping another friend out in their time of need.”

  “Friend?” I pressed my hand against my chest. “Friend?” I spat the word like it was disgusting. “We are not just friends.”

  He smirked at me sadly. “What did you think, Julia? That I would bring you out here and profess my undying love for you?” He shook his head. “I already did that once, and we both saw how well that went over,” he added, so quietly I barely heard him.

  “That’s it!” I took a step closer to him, my breathing erratic. “You are afraid to tell me how you really feel because of what happened at Rapture, because I walked out on you when you told me you loved me.”

  “Come on, Julia, this isn’t some fairytale romance. This is real life.” His voice level rose an octave.

  I went on like he hadn’t spoken. “What did you expect from me in that office? Did you think I would be okay with the fact that you’d been stalking me? Did you think we could just hug it out?” I clenched my fists, and the dried mud on my fingers cracked, making me feel like I had a bulky extra skin. “I’m a woman, for God’s sake. A woman who just found out the man she was falling for had been following her for God only knew how long. A woman who hated the fact it didn’t scare her as much as it should have!” I yelled the last words at him. I trembled all over. The warmth of the alcohol was long since gone and I was strangely cold in the warm night. “I wanted to hate you. I wanted it so much. I wanted to be disgusted by you…but I wasn’t. And that shamed me even more.”

  “Ju—”

  “And then you came back into my life.” Fat tears had started rolling down my cheeks. “Just when I thought things had really fallen apart. You walked back in.” I used the back of my wrist to wipe at my face.

  “Let—”

  “No. Fuck you, Cole. Let me finish. I need to finish.” I took a deep breath. “You walked back into my life just when I needed you. I hadn’t been certain I would want you back, but when you walked into the gas station that night, everything changed. I knew I wanted you. But then she walked in. And just like that…you moved on like it was nothing. Like I was nothing to you,” I sobbed.

  “Do you really think that, Julia? Do you really think I moved on?”

  Breaths came out of me in quick succession, my chest rising and falling rapidly. This was what I had been looking for. This was what I wanted to hear from him. I wanted him to tell me how he really felt, but suddenly I was afraid.

  “Do you honestly think I want to be with her?”

  My breath hitched as Cole stepped closer to me, so close we were nearly touching. I inhaled his masculine scent. “Then why are you with her? Why did you tell me you regretted what happened between us that night in Ecstasy? Why?” I demanded.

  He stared down into my eyes, searching for something, yearning for something, for what—I wasn’t sure. “I-I don’t know.” He stumbled over his words.

  “You shouldn’t be with her. You know you shouldn’t be with her. You know you don’t regret what happened.”

  “Who should I be with?” Cole stepped even closer, causing my breasts to rub against his chest. I shivered and took a step back, letting him back me up against a tree. Something dark flittered across his eyes as he did so. Predator. Hot desire ripped at my insides. Rough bark pressed against the exposed skin of my back, while Cole’s hard body pressed against my front. “Who should I be with, Julia?”

  I stared up into his perfect face, the face of the man I loved, and told him the truth. “Me.”

  NINETEEN.

  “Don’t say things you don’t mean.” Cole’s voice was gruff as he stared down at me, his body almost as unyielding as the tree at my back.

  “I mean it.”

  “I’m going to give you one chance to take it back, Julia.” His words were like steel, so different from only minutes before when he’d been caustically denying any feelings for me. Now he acted like the dominating Cole I knew. The man who took what he wanted.

  “Why would I take it back? It’s the truth. You should be with me. Not with her.” The image of Elaine’s face tried to pop into my head, but I pushed it away, hating the way it made me feel.

  His body shook against me, with emotion he fought to contain. “That’s it, then? Because you can’t change your mind. After this, I won’t let you change your mind.”

  What is this? What are we doing? I didn’t know, but I didn’t miss the importance of it. Something big was happening between us.

  I should have been nervous, uncertain, but I wasn’t. “I’m never going to change my mind.”

  And that was it. It was as if my words triggered an explosion. Cole mashed his lips against mine. I gasped in surprise, but fell into the kiss quickly. He was ravenous against me. Parting my lips with a stiff thrust of his tongue. He caged me against the tree making the bark dig into my skin, but I didn’t care. The pricks of pain only enhanced the surge of ecstasy that pulsed through my system.

  Cole thrust his body against me, spearing me with his rock hard cock. Fuck. I’d m
issed it. I used my hands to claw at his shirt. I tugged, trying to rip it from his body, but was completely unsuccessful. Cole didn’t seem to care. He moved his hands from where they caged me and tore at his shirt sending buttons flying without breaking our rough kiss.

  I ran my hands up his chest of tight muscles. But that wasn’t enough. I wanted more. My heart thundered in my chest with desire, with relief, with the utter pain I had tried to hide from losing him, and suddenly I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to tear at his skin. I wanted him to know how I felt when I stood there staring at him and Elaine.

  I raked my nails hard down his chest. He groaned into my mouth and thrust against me, his cock even harder than seconds before. I did it again, harder, and he broke the kiss. I expected him to look at me in horror, but he didn’t.

  “I need you now.” His words were gruff. Sending desperate desire swirling through me. My pussy clenched. I needed him too. More than he would ever know.

  “Yes!” But he was already spinning me around and jerking my dress up. He groaned when the globes of my ass were revealed in a white thong. He palmed one cheek roughly while I gripped the prickly bark.

  I heard his zipper being jerked down. That sound alone made the arousal drip from my cunt and down the side of my leg.

  “Need you so bad,” he growled as he shoved his cock into me. He stretched me, my pussy desperately trying to accommodate his wide girth. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes at the pain, but I loved it. I fucking needed him too, in any way I could have him. “Fuck, Julia.” Cole pistoned his hips, nailing me against the tree like he was the big, hard hammer, and I was the pliant, desperate nail.

  “Yes, Cole, more, I need more!” And he gave more. My chest bounced against the hard bark, ripping the soft material of my dress. His hands dug into my waist, biting my bare skin. I could already feel it, the orgasm building deep within my body. It grew with each beat of my heart, each slam of Cole’s dick into my pussy. “God, Cole, please!”

  “Yeah, you want more, baby?” Cole’s voice was rough, so rough, like gravel. It only amped me up more. He slammed into me harder and my grip slipped on the tree. I tried to grab it back but his hard thrust caused me to stumble and not regain my footing. Together we tumbled to the ground. My hands, face, and knees met the damp earth. Cole landed partially on top of me, but he was quick to readjust behind me on his knees, never missing a beat.

  I pressed my hips back into him.

  “Yeah, you like that, Julia baby? You like taking this big cock? My cock.”

  “Fuck, yes! Cole. Yes! Your cock.” I moaned into the dirt.

  “Only my cock,” he demanded, fucking me even harder, so hard my chest pressed against the cool earth. Intense pleasure erupted through me when my bare nipple dragged against the ground. My orgasm was imminent, I could feel it just barely out of reach. “Uh-uh. Not yet.” Cole slowed his hips.

  I made a sound of annoyance. “Please.” I would beg. I didn’t care at this point. I lifted my upper body and looked back at him. His hair had come loose at some point and his shoulder length waves framed his chiseled face. Rivulets of blood trailed down his toned chest from when I scratched him. My pussy clenched, the orgasm threatening to come back just from the sight of him. “I need to cum. I fucking need it, Cole.”

  The expression on his face was dark, calculating. Still the predator.

  “Who’s going to make you cum?” He thrust into me hard, filling me to the hilt.

  I closed my eyes and moaned. “You!”

  “Whose cock are you going to cum on?” He thrust hard again.

  “Fuck! Yours!”

  “No. Say my name, Julia. Say my name!”

  “Cole!” I tried to thrust my hips back on him, but he stilled the movement with his hands. “Fuck, please!”

  He slapped my ass with his open palm. I felt the stinging all the way to my toes.

  “Cole’s going to make me cum,” I moaned. “Cole’s cock. I’m going to fucking cum on Cole’s cock.”

  “Yes, yes you are!” He gasped the words as if they had some sort of magical effect on him. As if he had been waiting his entire life to hear me say it. He plowed into me with no reserve. Pressing his hand roughly on my back, forcing my head and chest to the ground, my ass up in the air, vulnerable, his for the taking.

  There was something about that. About him. About being here in the middle of nowhere, my cheek pressed into the wet earth with Cole behind me, dominating me, owning me. His stiff cock unrelenting as he pounded into my soaked pussy. The orgasm I’d been teetering on, for what seemed like eternity, finally gave way. Like a dam breaking, the walls protecting me from a flood of ecstasy gave in to the cracks that had only threatened it before.

  I was engulfed in it, buried in its waves, shuddering for more. Always more. I was lost, destroyed and repaired all at once. I was no one, I was everyone. I was me.

  “Fuck, Julia!” Cole pulled out of me and I turned my head just in time to see him palm his thick erection in his hand. It was wet with my cum. My cum. He palmed my ass with his free hand, squeezing the thick globe hard. “Fuck!” White hot ropes of cum shot out of his dick onto my ass. His body trembled until he was spent.

  I watched him stare at my ass for several seconds. Do you like that, Cole? Marking me?

  “Oh my God. Julia, fuck.”

  I watched as Cole’s face, slack with pleasure, morphed into one of horror.

  “What?” My body still hummed on the end of my orgasm.

  “I didn’t mean for this to happen. Shit.” He stood up and shoved his beautiful cock back into his pants.

  “What are you talking about?” Panic bubbled up inside me, replacing all good feelings. I turned over, shimmying my body so my dress covered me. Cole watched the movement, his eyes riveted to me like I was some sort of enchanting temptress. Just that look alone readied my body for another go with him.

  He looked away from me and rubbed his temples. “Come on, we need to go.” He reached down to help me up. I accepted his hands and stood on trembling legs. I was limp from the power of the orgasm that had just rocked my world. “Are you okay?”

  I smiled up at him. “I’m great.”

  “Shit.” He reached up and grabbed my jaw lightly between two fingers turning it into the glow of the restaurant lights. “I got you all dirty.”

  I touched the side of my face, unsurprised to find the remnants of dirt smeared there. A giggle bubbled out of my lips. “So you did.”

  “And you’re shaking.” His eyes traced up and down my body. “Fuck, Julia. I’m sorry.” His words were pained, like they were ripped from his chest. He grasped the torn side of my dress and pulled it up, trying to cover my exposed breast.

  “What? Why?”

  He shook his head and snatched up my heels. His shirt was still half on, most of the buttons gone. I opened my mouth to ask again, but he swept me up into his arms, cradling me like a baby before I could utter a word.

  “What is going on, Cole?” I wrapped my arms around his neck.

  But he didn’t answer.

  TWENTY.

  “Cole?” My feet met the cold tile of the bathroom in my hotel room. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

  He hadn’t said a word since he picked me up out in the swamp. He had carried me to the car, placed me in the passenger seat, then drove us back to the hotel in silence, with nothing but some rock music playing quietly from the radio. I tried to talk to him a couple more times, but he ignored me. Staring at the road like it was some hated puzzle he was trying to figure out.

  He reached over and spun the faucet on the shower. It creaked in protest, but water shot into the glass-enclosed space. I glanced into the mirror. I wasn’t surprised to see how dirty I was. The pretty chiffon dress was torn and tattered in the front with mud smeared all over it. My hair was a mess, the pretty curls loose and kind of frizzy. I was far from what anyone would consider sexy now. Is that why he’s acting fucking weird?

  “We need to get you clean,” he m
uttered as he turned around. His expression was blank as he started tugging on my dress to get it off, over my head. I let him pull it from me.

  The words were on the tip of my tongue to tell him to get out, that I could shower myself. Does he regret what we did because of Elaine? Is that what this is? I couldn’t fathom him regretting what happened between us. He said he regretted it before. Nothing had ever felt more right. Nothing. Was it just me in this? Was I the crazy one now? The girl who had attached herself to someone who didn’t really want her? The questions spun round and round in my head.

  I let him lead me into the shower without saying anything. I gasped when the warm water hit my skin.

  “Is it too hot?”

  I turned, surprised to find that Cole had followed me inside. He was still dressed, his pants and shirt soaking up water.

  “It’s fine.” I eyed him as he reached for the shampoo. “What are you doing?”

  “Cleaning you.” He squirted shampoo into his palm.

  “Why?” He didn’t answer, but instead rubbed his palms together not looking at me. “Cole. What the fuck is going on?”

  “I need to wash you.”

  The lethal assertion in his words made tears jump to my eyes. Did he want scrub the memory of our time together from my body? Was that what this was?

  I turned away from him and stood there while he gently washed my hair. The warm water sprayed my chest and I watched as the dirt that clung to my tits and legs was washed down the clean white drain. The water swirled clockwise, erasing everything until it was joined by soapy shampoo bubbles. The tears that ran down my cheeks were hotter than the shower water. They dripped down my face and were washed away with everything else.