“Thank you, Josh.” Her voice was soft. “I’m glad to see you.”
“Let’s…”
“Hello, Joshua.” Mrs. McKay stepped into the doorway and pushed herself between the two of them “Shall we go before we’re late?”
When she pushed Sarah past them, Ben rolled his eyes.
“She’s going to be tough,” he mouthed to Josh, who nodded.
Who knew where this evening would lead?
* * *
Sarah thought she would throw up before they reached Win’s house. She was so nervous that she just knew her blood vessels would burst and she would die. She was the one who had suggested the trip back to Mac’s Crossing.
No, she’d done more than suggested it, she’d fought for it. She loved Josh so much that it was going to be hard to leave him. But there was no way she was going to marry Ernest Hall without one final look at the man who had filled her dreams for the past five years.
She’d had a crush on Josh when her family had lived in town, and when they’d decided to move to St. Louis, she’d convinced them to let her stay with Aunt Becky, sure that Josh would ask her to marry him.
He acted as if he liked her. He touched her arm gently sometimes and would give her a one-armed hug when there were others around. He’d never done anything untoward. Never once had he tried to put his hands were they did not belong.
But as the years passed by she realized that the only thing that Josh felt for her was friendship, and that he would never ask her to marry him.
She’d been shocked when her father had announced that Ernest had asked for her hand, and her father had agreed, without asking her.
When she’d balked, her father told her that she would do as she was told, or she would be put out on the street with nothing to her name. End of story.
Sarah had wondered if it would go that far, but she didn’t push it. If he had put her out where would she go? Back to Becky to live the rest of her life as a spinster? She didn’t think she could stand working with Josh and knowing that he wasn’t going to return her affections.
Besides, she’d been taught that good, obedient daughters obeyed their fathers. Ernest was a nice enough man. His children needed a mother; and, if she had children of her own with him, then she would raise them too and be a dutiful wife and mother.
She was sure that everything would work out. Her mother had convinced her she was doing the right thing. But the look on Josh’s face this afternoon when he’d found out she was marrying Ernest had made her want to cry.
Maybe she was wrong about his feelings. Maybe he did care about her. He himself looked like he would cry, and she knew that men never cried.
When they arrived at the house, she allowed him to take her hand and help her down from the carriage. He squeezed her hand and smiled at her.
“I want to talk to you,” he whispered as Ben led her mother and Aunt Becky toward the house. “Alone.”
“We can’t. It wouldn’t be proper now that I’m engaged.”
“Nonsense. Just for a little bit. Sometime after dinner.”
She nodded curtly, and then smiled at her mother who turned a questioning eye toward them.
Win was on the front porch. He introduced her mother to the new members of the MacAllister family, including his own two sons; Robert’s new wife Dawn, and their children; and Ruby.
At one point, Sarah had hoped these men and women would be her family. Now that she knew it wasn’t going to happen, it made her very, very sad. They all seemed so happy with each other, and so casual. They were always laughing and having a good time.
At her father’s house, everything had been strict, and she’d always done what she was told. She didn’t want to think that the strictness was why she was marrying Ernest, simply because her father told her that she had to.
She knew there was no spark there. When she saw him her heart didn’t pound, as it did when she saw Josh. When he touched her, her palms didn’t sweat, as they did when Josh would touch her arm. And when he’d kissed her, well she’d done the best she could to make sure he hadn’t kissed her on the lips. She knew that wouldn’t last, though.
At some point she would have to let him kiss her. It would be his husbandly right.
The idea made her shiver. Josh, who was still standing next to her, bent down, his breath hot against her neck.
“Are you all right?” The concern in his voice made her moan softly.
“Yes.” She wanted to pull away from him. Being this close would make things harder than they had to be.
“Don’t worry, Sarah. I won’t let you marry him. I love you too much for that.”
Sarah’s heart almost stopped as Josh’s words filtered through her mind. He put his hand on the small of her back and propelled her up the porch stairs. She hoped that he never moved that hand, because if he did, she was sure that she would faint.
Chapter 2
Sarah checked her plate. It was full of delicious looking beef, potatoes, carrots and peas. Yet every bite she put in her mouth tasted like lead.
“I love you too much for that … I love you too much for that… I love you too much for that…” Josh’s words rang through her mind over and over and over again. If he loved her, why had he never told her? Why had he let her leave for St. Louis? Why hadn’t he written to her when she’d repeatedly extended her trip?
The conversation around her bubbled and all she thought about was Josh. He occupied her thoughts, and her space, since Vanessa had sat them right next to each other, much to the chagrin of her mother, who sat between Win and Ben. Both of these big men bent toward her, talking a great deal and keeping her occupied.
“When dinner’s over, meet me in the library,” Josh said softly as he handed her the bowl of potatoes. She looked at her still full plate and passed the potatoes to Dawn’s son, Frank, who took them and filled his plate back up.
“I can’t,” she whispered. “My mother…”
“Will be occupied.” Josh turned to her. “Don’t you want to talk to me?”
The hurt look on his face made her toes curl. “Of course I do. But things are different now. If my mother found out she’d spank me, even at my age.”
Josh’s laugh made her smile. “Would you like me to spank you instead? Would that take away your guilt? Please, Sarah, I have to talk to you.”
“Isn’t that right, Sarah?” Her mother’s voice boomed down the table.
Sarah looked down the table. The look on her mother’s face could have started a fire.
“I’m sorry, Mother, what did you say?”
“Your dress for the wedding. It’s just beautiful.”
Sarah nodded and smiled, even though she knew the smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“Yes, Mother, it is.” She coughed slightly and took a drink of her lemonade. She kept the glass near her lips and cut her eyes to Josh.
“Right after dinner’s over?”
“No. Vanessa will take you there, so your mother sees the two of you leave together. She’ll think I’m in the barn, with Corbin.”
Sarah nodded, but remained silent. Josh beamed at her, and then focused on his plate, as if he couldn’t wait for dinner to be over.
* * *
Sarah fidgeted with the hanky in her hand. Across the room her mother, Becky, Ruby and Dawn were playing Whist. Her mother seemed to love it. Her back was to the door, but every once in a while she would turn around and see if Sarah was still sitting with Vanessa.
“Just a little while longer,” Vanessa said. “Once the game really gets going she’ll never notice you’re gone.”
“Don’t count on it,” Sarah said. “She doesn’t want me out of her sight. She knows how I feel about Josh.”
Vanessa nodded, and about ten minutes later, she put her hand on Sarah’s hand, placing a free finger to her lips to tell Sarah to remain silent. Sarah looked at the ladies playing cards. They had become loud, and were enjoying themselves very much. Vanessa took Sarah’s hand and silently led
her from the drawing room and down the hall.
She opened the door to the library and led Sarah inside, leaving without saying a word. Josh stood and walked toward Sarah, a big smile on his face.
“I missed you so much.” He pulled her into his arms and hugged her close and Sarah didn’t fight him. He smelled of the store, like he always did, of honey and the candy that he sold.
“Josh. I missed you too, why didn’t you…” Her words turned into a moan as his lips claimed hers. She melted into his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck in an effort to blend into his body.
“Josh.” She whispered the word against his lips. “We shouldn’t do this. I haven’t even let Ernest kiss me.”
“You’d better not,” Josh said with a laugh. “These lips belong to me. I love you, Sarah. You can’t marry that man.”
“I don’t have a choice. My father would be embarrassed, and who knows what it would do to him at his work place. Josh, if you had said something earlier, then maybe…”
“No maybes. I love you, Sarah. Tell me you don’t love me.”
She stared at him, the words on the tip of her tongue. She had to tell him that, for her father’s sake. It would be the only way for Josh to realize that she couldn’t marry him. Couldn’t love him.
She swallowed hard as she stared into his eyes. She knew what she had to say, but the words wouldn’t come. “I love you, too. But…”
“No buts.” He put his finger on her lips to shush her. “We’ll run away together. Tonight. We’ll go to Denver and get married. It was Ben’s idea.”
She put her head on his chest, leaning into him. His arms felt so wonderful around her. It felt so right, so perfect.
“We can’t. Josh what’s done is done. I can’t go against my father’s wishes. Besides, he’d find us and make us get an annulment. And then what? I’d still end up married to Ernest, but my family would be shamed.”
Josh took her hand and led her toward the couch. “You need to come and work with me at the store until we figure a way out of this. Come tomorrow.”
“My mother won’t let me.” They sat down and he kissed her again, his hand cupping her cheek. His lips took her breath away. She wanted to climb onto him and smother him with kisses.
“Well, we’ve figured out a way out of that dilemma, too. Ruby’s going to talk to her tonight. By the time she and Vanessa are done your mother will think it was her idea for you to work at the store until I can find a replacement.”
“You don’t know my mother.”
“But you know my sisters-in-law. They’re stubborn, and they will get the job done. You’ll see.”
“Well, they are stubborn. Still, I don’t see how.”
“Just sit back and watch. Sarah, if I can make your father break the engagement, will you marry me?”
“Yes. Oh, Joshua, yes.” She threw her arms around his shoulders and hugged him close, then pushed away suddenly.
“But, Josh, you have to make sure that my father is not embarrassed in any way. You must promise me.”
“I promise. And you must promise to do exactly as I say, no matter how awful you think it is.”
“What do you mean? Are you talking about…?” She put her hands to her chest and pulled back.
“Sarah, you know me better than that. No, we won’t make love until after we’re married. But if I say you have to find a way out of your aunt’s house at night, to stir the waters so to speak, then you need to do it. Understand?”
Sarah studied him, her hesitation clear on her face.
“Sarah?”
“But Josh, what if…”
“There are no what ifs, Sarah. You must trust me and do as I say, understand?”
She nodded. She trusted Josh with her life, but the idea of doing exactly as he said, with no questions asked, made her nervous.
“I must warn you that if you break your word on this you will be punished. If you want to be with me, Sarah, you must let me take the lead.”
“All right, Josh. You’re in charge. Please make it to where we can be together.”
“It’s as good as done, my love.”
He captured her face between his hands and lifted her lips to his, capturing them in a fiery kiss, pushing his tongue into her mouth as Sarah’s head swirled with pleasure.
She’d never known something could feel so wonderful, or make her feel so complete.
“I love you,” she whispered against his lips.
“I love you, too. Now go before your mother realizes you’re gone.”
* * *
Sarah’s lips still burned from the last kiss Josh had given her. When she came back into the parlor she was surprised to see that her mother was still happily ensconced in her Whist game. She hadn’t noticed that Sarah had even left the room.
She sat down on the couch next to Vanessa, who handed her a glass of lemonade.
“Drink, quickly.”
“Why?”
“Maybe it will take that just kissed look off your lips.” The older woman grinned at her as Sarah drank from the lemonade glass. Then she touched her lips, which felt puffy. They also felt delicious, almost as if she could still feel Josh’s lips upon them.
“Thank you, Vanessa.”
“You’re welcome, little sister. It will be nice to have you in the family.”
“Hopefully.” Sarah swallowed another drink. “I hope that Josh has a plan.”
“Trust me, the MacAllister brothers always have a plan.”
They both turned their heads toward the Whist table when Ruby gave a little cry of dismay. They hurried over but Mrs. McKay was already holding the young woman’s hands.
“I’m all right,” Ruby said, taking deep breaths. “It’s just been so hard lately, working at the store while Sarah was gone.”
Sarah’s eyes widened as her mother’s shocked face turned toward her. “She’s been working in your place? But she’s with child.”
“It’s not Sarah’s fault,” Ruby said with a sigh. “Josh can’t do it alone and well, when she didn’t come back right away, someone had to help him.”
Mrs. McKay turned back to Ruby, and when she did, Vanessa elbowed Sarah and gave her a ‘say something’, look.
“Um, I’ll work tomorrow, Ruby. You won’t have to.”
“Nonsense,” Mrs. McKay said. “You’re not to center on anything but packing your bags and saying goodbye to your friends. We’re leaving in a few days.”
“I’m sorry, Mother, but if Ruby is feeling pains because she’s working at the store, then I won’t allow it. It could hurt the baby. I’ll work with Josh until he can find a replacement.”
“No.” Her mother’s voice was firm. “Sarah, don’t…”
“That’s wonderful,” Ruby said, faking another pain as she winked at Sarah over Mrs. McKay’s shoulder “It will be so helpful, Sarah. I don’t know how I can thank you.”
“I agree,” Dawn said. “You’re wonderful, Sarah. Josh won’t even have to train you.”
Mrs. McKay whirled toward Dawn. “What about you? Why can’t you do it?”
“Barbara calm down,” Becky said. “Dawn just had a baby a little while ago. Besides, they live outside of town and it would be ridiculous to think she should come back and forth every day while Sarah is here to help. Sarah, you’re a good person to offer.”
“Thank you, Aunt Becky.” Sarah cast her gaze down, lifting it back up when she felt her mother’s angry glare on her.
“We’ll discuss this at home,” she whispered. Seconds later, she cleared her throat. “It’s time for us to go. It’s getting late.”
“Nonsense,” Vanessa said. “You haven’t even had dessert yet.”
“Thank you, but no.” Mrs. McKay’s voice was firm. “We have a great deal of things that we need to take care of, especially if Sarah is expected to give in to your demands.”
“I’m not expected to do anything, Mother,” Sarah said, making sure her voice sounded firm. “Ruby is my friend and I won’t endange
r her baby, nor will I put Josh in a bind by leaving him alone. It’s been hard enough with me leaving him here for the last seven months.”
Her mother wheeled on her, anger written all over her face. Sarah wanted to tell her that she was sorry, that she would take back her offer to work. The idea flew through her mind as soon as it appeared. Making her mother angry was worth being able to spend the day with Josh, even if it was just for one day, or until her mother forced her to go back to St. Louis.
Which Sarah knew would be as soon as she could, given the turn of events tonight. Her mother knew how she felt about Josh, and she was doing everything in her power to keep the two of them apart.
Sarah bit her lip, and then looked at her Aunt Becky. Her aunt, a childless widow who was twelve years younger than her sister, was shooting daggers at Mrs. McKay’s head.
“We should go,” her mother said.
“Ben and I’ll get the carriage,” Josh said.
Sarah thought her mother would say that she would rather Josh not drive them back to town, but it soon became apparent that she had no other choice. She nodded briskly, then stormed toward the front door.
Becky came up behind Sarah and hugged her swiftly. “Don’t worry, I can control your mother. To a point. You need to stand up for yourself so that you can spend time with Josh and find a way out of this mess you two are in.”
She hurried after her sister and Sarah stared after her. It looked like she had just found a new ally.
* * *
The next morning, Sarah felt as if she were on top of the world. She and her mother had had a heated discussion when they’d returned to Becky’s house after dinner. Her mother had accused her of wanting to back out of the engagement, or causing embarrassment to the family by working.
Sarah had assured her, even as she’d crossed her fingers behind her back and prayed to God for forgiveness for lying, that she didn’t want to break off anything. That all she wanted to do was help Josh, because he had been so good to her the last few years.
Heart and Home: The MacAllister Brothers Page 23