I’ve always found that an intimidating part of the interview is deciding where to sit, especially if your seat’s not obvious, like a lone chair in front of someone’s desk, or if you’re meeting with multiple people. That’s why as we’re walking in I always ask, “Where would you like me to sit?” This way, there’s not that awkward little dance, and you don’t make the dreaded mistake of taking somebody else’s “spot.” People can be very territorial about seating arrangements. (Just think back to Dad’s Barcalounger in the den.)
It’s an Interview, Not a Starbucks
Your energy level is crucial during a job interview. Sitting forward, being connected and “up” indicate that you’re a good candidate. It’s really annoying when the person you’re interviewing sits like he or she is lazily enjoying a fourth latte of the day (or in a guy’s case, a sixth hour of playing Call of Duty). Conversely, don’t be so manic that you’re bouncing off the walls. No one wants to feel like the office has suddenly become a Chuck E. Cheese restaurant. (What does that middle initial stand for, anyway?) Just be an engaged and positive presence.
Cursing is a shockingly common misstep. It’s a behavior that definitely falls into the category of “I don’t need to do this, it could be damaging, so why do it?” It isn’t simply a matter of someone being a conservative prude. Your interviewer may be thinking, “If I hire you, is this how you’ll speak to clients?” Too risky! F-bomb all you want when it’s your personal time, but when you’re in somebody’s office, act like it’s primetime on the networks and the FCC has its lawyers on speed dial.
And guys? Never call a woman “ma’am,” no matter how respectful you think it is. Replace the word with “incontinent old bag” and you’ll get an idea of what it feels like.
But Enough about Me—What Do You Think about Me?
Another rookie mistake I’ve made while interviewing was talking endlessly about myself. This is an occupational hazard for comics, but it’s a trap anyone can fall into. Yes, showcasing yourself is a key element of scoring a job, but it’s always good to remember that even interviews are conversations. Be present and aware that you’re talking with someone else who has likes and interests. It’s a good idea to do an Internet search on the person (and company) you’re meeting to find out more about him, her, or them—hobbies, charitable endeavors, etc. For example, I am way into animal rescue. It’s my passion. This information is all over my Wikipedia page and many press pieces. So if I was interviewing someone and they told me that they volunteer at a shelter, or love the work of the Humane Society, or had a rescue dog, that would give them a leg up (sorry) in my book. Fair or not, that’s just the way it is.
In most meetings, you’ll hear the dreaded phrase: “Do you have any questions for me?” It’s usually toward the end, and it always catches you off guard, as if you were suddenly asked, “Who’s your favorite boy band?” (“Don’t make me choose!” I would say desperately, and then sob uncontrollably.) So prepare for it. Even if it’s something as simple as, “Yes, I do have a question. What are you looking for with this hire that you didn’t find before?” Or just go with a simple, friendly “When did you join the company?” I’ve found that people always like to share their own job histories, so deploying that question is a safe bet.
Be Good to the Gatekeepers
Most people you interview with will have an assistant or a secretary. Be really nice to those people. These gatekeepers often have input into the hiring discussion. Say the boss comes out of her office after you’ve left and remarks, “I really liked that person. I think she’s my top pick so far.” And then the assistant says, “Well, she left her empty energy drink can on the coffee table for me to clean up and never returned the key to the can after being in there for half an hour.” Suddenly, you’re sunk.
So you want to leave that assistant with something nice to say about you, or at least not give him reasons to “accidentally” delete your contact info. Besides, if you’re lucky enough to get hired, an assistant who likes you can be tremendously helpful in navigating the tricky landscape of your new workplace. I’m not saying to be such a blatant kiss-ass that you show up to your interview with flowers and truffles for the receptionist. But it’s extremely important to see the office as a full environment, not just one lone boss in a vacuum. You want to make a good impression on everyone you encounter.
Know Your ABCs
It’s not as if anyone gives you a pop English quiz when you sit down for a job interview. But any correspondence with your prospective employer is going to be part of the mix, which is why it’s so important to use correct grammar and spelling in e-mails and letters. It looks bad when someone doesn’t take the time to write correctly, especially when the information for proper usage is out there and easily available. (Hello, spellcheck!) Any mistakes you make are recorded in print, or the digital equivalent. As they used to threaten in school, it becomes part of your permanent record.
I’m particularly sensitive to this point, since my last name is a tricky one to spell. It violates the old adage of “i before e, except after c.” I can’t tell you how many times I receive requests in a letter or e-mail with “Leifer” spelled incorrectly. Or even my first name—they’ll add an “e” to the end of “Carol.” Oh, the horrors! But to be honest, it’s an immediate turnoff. I figure, if this person couldn’t take the two seconds to google me and learn the right way to spell my name, why should I consider the request? Taking the time to be certain your correspondence is properly spelled—including (especially) the name of the person you’re communicating with—is a good example of attending to a simple but important aspect of the hiring process that’s under your control. No doubt there’s someone else out there up for the same job who has stellar spelling and grammar.
Keep It Short and Sweet
Another priority for e-mails and letters is to keep them brief. (But don’t be cute about it. Spell out the words, even in e-mail. K? GR8.) When someone I don’t know sends me a message and it’s l-o-o-o-n-g, I usually delete it. Always remember the importance and value of someone else’s time. It took me many years to learn that people who are successful are overwhelmingly busy. They’ve got a lot going on and their attention is at a premium. So if you hope to catch just a small portion of it, you’ve got to be quick, clear, and succinct.
Being able to do so not only means that your correspondence is more likely to be read, it also shows that you know how to zero in on what’s important. Being able to distill concepts to their essential elements is a hugely important skill in business. Your message should not be so lengthy and overwritten that it reads like a summary of the company’s 401(k). Twitter has the right idea, and I feel it’s a key to the company’s success—whatever you want to say, try to communicate it in fewer than 140 characters.
And speaking of Facebook and Twitter and all the other social media sites out there, DON’T POST ANYTHING THAT YOU WOULDN’T WANT A POTENTIAL EMPLOYER TO SEE. PLENTY OF COMPANIES CHECK OUT YOUR PROFILE, AND AS BIG BROTHER (NOVEL, NOT CBS REALITY SHOW) AS THAT IS, IT’S A REALITY. I LOVE THAT YOU WON A FIERCE ROUND OF BEER PONG, BUT DON’T GO SHOWING THE WORLD.
(SIDENOTE: MY BEST FRIEND’S DAUGHTER WAS FIRED FROM HER WAITRESSING JOB BECAUSE OF A BAD YELP REVIEW THAT NAMED HER. IT’S A DRAG, COMPLETELY NOT FAIR, BUT THAT’S THE WAY IT IS.)
Sorry about the caps again, but by now you know how I am.
Plan Your Sequel
It’s a good rule of thumb to always send a thank-you note after an interview. Not an e-mail, mind you, but the old reliable handwritten message on nice stationery. You have the address—you interviewed there—or you can get it off the business card (the one you should always ask for as you’re leaving the interview).
Again, make the note short and sweet. As simple as “Dear _____. Thank you for taking the time to meet with me. I hope I have the opportunity to work with you—if not now, then sometime in the future. Best regards, _____.” Anyone would like to receive a note like that (assuming you fill in the ____
_s with the correct names).
Give Yourself a Break
Hopefully, following all this advice will help you feel more confident when they call your name and you walk into that office. But remember, everybody’s nervous when they go after a job. Even after many years in the business, I still won’t drink a cup of coffee before an interview, because I know my heart will be racing already.
If you’re at the beginning of your career path, know that the beauty of interviewing is that, like everything else, with practice it becomes easier. Even enjoyable, as strange as that may sound to entry-level novices. I may get nervous, but I love meeting new people and checking out places I’ve never been before. When I’m on an interview, I try not to focus on whether I’ll be hired. I just want to be the best “me” I can. Then I’ll have no regrets if I don’t wind up with the gig. AND I HOPE YOU STRIVE TO DO THE SAME.
Okay, now I’m just being obnoxious with the caps.
Me and Tubby—what a bill!
CHAPTER 5
SPIELBERG WASN’T AVAILABLE
I like watching morning news shows when I wake up; it’s my habit. One particular morning, on one of my favorite morning shows, the hosts teased that a group of women (among them Trudie Styler and Gwyneth Paltrow) was going to be promoting short films they directed for Glamour magazine, a series called “Reel Moments.” I was intrigued because I, too, have always dreamed of directing a short film. The interview came on and I immediately fell in love with the idea—short films inspired by women (Glamour readers), shot by women (the celebs). I thought the “celeb” part might knock me out of the running if I pursued trying to participate in the series. But then they mentioned that one of the directors was a writer colleague of mine, the talented Jenny Bicks of Sex and the City fame, so I figured maybe I had a shot.
I called my agent to find out if they were doing another round. She got back to me quickly, saying that the production house, Moxie Pictures, was in preproduction for another set of films. The bad news: they had already secured all the talent. Now, for many people, that might be where the story ends. But not for me. I was like a dog with a bone!
I asked my agent to please relay my disappointment that no spots were open at that time but to see if, the next time I was in New York, I could have a general meeting with the production house. My agent followed through (yes, that sometimes happens) and the execs were open to it.
Cut to two months later, and I’m in New York. I sat down with the folks at Moxie Pictures and we had a nice easy-breezy confab. I told them how bummed I was that I didn’t get the opportunity to take part in the Glamour series, but that I hoped they would think of me in the future. Now, even at this point in the story, some might still call it a bust, right?
Well, three months after that, I got a call. The directors of one of the shorts had dropped out, having gotten staff jobs on a television show. And guess who Moxie thought of to replace them? Sofia Coppola, but she was tipsy at her uncle’s winery, so unavailable. No, just fibbing. They asked me!
I went on to direct a short film called Blinders. We cast Jamie Lyn Sigler, of Sopranos fame, for the female lead, and, I’m very proud to say now, a then-unknown actor named Matthew Morrison (of Glee) as the male lead. Both super-cool people, by the way. Directing a film turned out to be everything I had dreamed of, although I skipped wearing the requisite baseball cap because of “hat hair” concerns. As someone who started her career in New York City, I was thrilled to shoot in Manhattan. They closed city streets for us, and we even got to film on an IRT subway. All my fantasies of being a female Woody Allen fulfilled! (Minus marrying my stepdaughter.)
One of the “pinch me!” moments of my career. (There’s “Jen,” second from right.)
The other directors in the Glamour series were Bryce Dallas Howard, Andrea Buchanan, and Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer, being a good friend of Oprah Winfrey, told us that she’d spoken personally to Ms. O, who relayed that she was dying to have us all on her show to promote the films. Woo-hoo!
When the time came to tape the show, Jen (do you like how after only two sentences I’ve started calling her “Jen”?) raised the experience to a whole new stupendous level by inviting us to fly to Chicago on her private jet. I would have been excited even if she’d asked me to be the flight attendant. The show couldn’t have gone better. Oprah even commented on how much she loved particular moments of my short, which made a permanent deposit in the old memory bank.
But as I’ve often mentioned throughout this book, yours truly is a connector, big time, and I left Chicago with budding friendships with many of Oprah’s producers. I genuinely like getting to know people when I work someplace new. But in any situation, the business part of yourself always needs to be engaged, connecting, and thinking forward. It’s not a question of using people (which is frowned upon in show business, of course). It’s just that you should never leave a work experience without a ton of business cards or new contacts added to your phone. And afterward, don’t forget these people—stay in touch. Which I did, with an e-mail here and a note there to comment on a particular Oprah episode that I’d seen and liked, adding them all to my holiday card list, and so on.
So it should be no surprise that when my first book came out three years later, getting on Oprah to promote it was well within my reach. That’s not to say it was easy—when Oprah was on network TV, every author and their mother (mine, no exception) knew that getting on that show was the shortest route to the bestseller list. But my contacts with Oprah’s people were deep, and I started from a distinct advantage, working diligently until my publicist and I, in tandem, got a “yes!”
And it all started with a meeting for a project that had already been staffed. So whatever job you’re in or aspire to get, you’ll never go wrong sharing your genuine enthusiasm with those involved and keeping tabs with folks you meet as you pursue your goals. When you have your heart set on an opportunity that slips from your grasp, forming a connection to the people who can make it possible is the next best thing. Especially when you witness that happy accident, a seemingly missed chance that does a complete one-hundred-eighty-degree turn.
Tenacity will always make you a winner. Though the odds of ending up on a private jet with Jennifer Aniston (I mean, Jen) … still very small.
CHAPTER 6
THE RULE OF TEN
I’ve always had a pretty simple philosophy about business—I like to treat people the way I’d like to be treated. That’s not to say I’m not tough and a mo-fo when I have to be. But overall, it doesn’t take much to be a kind and giving person. And as far as your career is concerned, as you’ll find out down the road, it’s smart to be nice.
This many years into my work journey, I get the occasional pleasant reminder about having been a good egg here and there along the way. There’s a great comedy writer named Gary Janetti, of Family Guy and Will & Grace fame, whom I’ve worked with over the years. When we were first introduced, it made me laugh when Gary surprised me by saying that we had already met. In the early 1990s I was headlining at Caroline’s in New York City and staying at the Paramount hotel. Gary was the front desk clerk who checked me in, and apparently he’d told me that he was a big fan. So I gave him a couple of comp tickets to go see my show, and then I requested fresh towels every six hours. (Okay, I made that last part up.)
It seems that I have also been pleasant to waitresses who were aspiring actresses at one time. Megyn Price, who starred in the CBS show Rules of Engagement, for which I was a writer/producer, told me that she had worked the take-out counter of Maria’s Italian Kitchen in L.A. when she was struggling to make it in show business. She said that I was always friendly to her when I went in to pick up food. She still remembers the tips I put in the jar on the counter. (But thankfully not all the extra napkins and plasticware I took.) Same thing with Kate Flannery of The Office. When I met her at the Emmys in 2012, she said that she used to wait on me at Kate Mantilini (still one of my favorite restaurants—try the Life Rice!) and that I was
always a considerate customer.
Callie Khouri, me, and writer Marjorie Gross (may she rest in peace).
These comments from people whose work I admire always makes me feel so good that (a) unchecked I wasn’t a surly bastard and (b) they didn’t forget it all these years later. If I had been a prick to these people, they sure would have remembered that, too.
I’m still grateful for the incredible gifts of kindness that others have bestowed upon me and my colleagues. The second season that I worked on Seinfeld as a writer/producer, I cowrote an episode with the brilliant Marjorie Gross called “The Understudy.” (It’s the episode where George and Jerry are suspected of deliberately injuring Bette Midler during a softball game so that Jerry’s girlfriend, Bette’s understudy, could have a chance to go onstage. At the end, Kramer makes Bette a “Macaroni Midler!”) Back then, Seinfeld was not the ratings megahit it was to become. We were having a hard time convincing a big-time celebrity to commit to the part. As hard as that is to believe now, every A-list actress was turning us down, including Liza Minnelli, whom I personally pleaded with on the phone to take the role.
With Bette Midler and Marge Gross on the Seinfeld set while taping “The Understudy.”
The only actress who eventually said yes was Bette Midler, and here’s the reason. At that time, Marjorie was battling ovarian cancer. As her bosses, Jerry and Larry could not have been more supportive through Marge’s health crisis, letting her rest and take breaks when she needed to, even putting a cot in her office for that very purpose. Bette came through simply because she was an old friend; on hearing about Marge’s illness, Bette rallied, wanting to do anything she could for her pal. I even remember Bette changing her tour schedule to tape the episode.
How to Succeed in Business Without Really Crying Page 4