by Rita Hestand
Sarah flushed, "I-I…I don't know. It's hard to explain. But I don't think so. Usually it was in church, and someone was always gigging me in the ribs to wake me. Why do you ask?"
"Because I had a dream…and it was all the way…" She cried out with frustration. "I mean I had the most beautiful orgasm ever…several times in fact in one dream. I've never done that before and…I let myself go to enjoy it. And…when I woke up, Sarah, my body…my breasts were raw, my body showed every sign of actually experiencing it."
"Oh, you climaxed in your sleep. Yeah, I've experienced a few of those, I figured it was from not making love anymore. That is until I married."
"Well, yes and no. It…was like…real!"
Sarah's eyes widened. "Honey, it was probably just that, you climaxed in your sleep. Don't fret, it's natural. Especially if you haven't had any sex in a while. We did this for a living. Since we've come here, things have changed. It's natural to have to get used to not having sex all the time. I mean that's how I look at it."
"No, Sarah, I'm telling you I had sex…with a man…in my dream. It was real. I couldn't dream that well. I was wet all over when I woke up, I was raw, my breasts were raw."
Sarah swallowed hard. "I'm telling you, it was like wishful thinking. I think it's your body trying to tell you, hey where's the sex?" After she said it she giggled. "That sounds so evil, but what else could it be?"
Maggie shrugged. "Maybe you are right. You know Sarah as a whore, I seldom had a climactic moment with those men."
"I know. It's true. That's the difference in being in love I think. Are you that gone on the Mayor?" Sarah questioned.
"It wasn't the Mayor!" She practically screamed.
"Then…who?" Sarah looked shocked.
"Dakota!"
"Oh my! Now that is strange. I mean…you were with the Mayor I just, I thought you were gone on him."
"I know, and I'm seeing him tonight too." She cried. "But it wasn't the Mayor that made love to me. And I mean really made love to me! I have to admit; this was better than reality."
"What are you gonna do? I mean, do you have feelings for this Dakota?"
"I-I really don't know." She cried out her miser. "All I know is, when I'm around Dakota, I have this feeling of being totally protected, and totally attuned to my body too. I mean, it's like we are connected somehow. But, you're probably right. It was probably just something from old habit."
"I hear they are common with some…. whores…" Sarah caught her hand to her mouth. "I didn't mean you were one…anymore. But, I think it must be natural."
"Don't worry about it Sarah. I don't know what is happening to me. But I’m sure it won't happen again." Maggie affirmed. "What are you doing here?" Maggie asked after she started to get dressed.
"I wondered if I could wear your pearls tomorrow for Church?"
"Sure, help yourself, honey." Maggie told her. "And don't say anything to the others about this. I just knew you had dreams too."
Sarah went to get the pearls. "Don't worry honey. It's kind of good to know that someone else has experienced the same thing, even though I never had the pleasures you are talking about. Only because someone was always waking me up." She giggled.
Maggie slid into a slightly modest dress and started fixing her hair.
"I appreciate it Sarah."
"I won't honey. Some things are personal. And if it had happened to me, I'd be just as startled as you. After all, if no one had woken me, it probably would have. I've been so in love with Luke from the start. Oh Maggie I'm so happy. It's like we were made for each other. But you know you are right. The other girls never understood. Thanks for sharing that with me."
Maggie smiled and hugged her, "And I’m happy for you, honey. You deserve it. And he's a nice man too."
"You know, I honestly thought you'd be married first. At one time I was so jealous of you. Oh, so jealous."
"You were jealous of me, that's funny? Why?" Maggie looked at he with concern.
"Because you sing at church and Luke was so taken with you for it. I was afraid you and him…."
"He's a nice man, but not my type, Sarah."
Sarah looked at Maggie seriously, "Well, he might look mild on the outside, but let me tell you, he can be quite a tiger."
Maggie chuckled and looked at herself in the mirror. But she noticed a glow to her face now and how alive she felt, so satisfied, as though she'd been thoroughly made love to. But that was impossible, wasn't it? Or was it?
Maggie nodded. But her hands were shaking. Not from fear, but from not understanding what happened.
She needed to put it from her mind. But it was there all night as she tried to enjoy herself with Richard.
Why hadn't it been Richard? It should have been Richard, but she suddenly realized Richard's kisses were nothing like Dakota's. There was something so lacking, almost as though he wasn't sincere, more practiced, rehearsed.
Okay, so Dakota kissed her. Why did that kiss send her into a tailspin of making love with him? Why was he on her mind when she was out with Richard. She needed answers. But where would she find them? Who could answer such questions? And how could she ever ask? She barely knew Dakota. Well, in real life at least.
Richard had taken her to a friend's house for dinner. The house was huge, magnificent, with big white pillars on the porch, and chandelier's in the dining room. There were servants everywhere and so many people. She was sure she'd never remember all their names. Thank God, she'd worn something appropriate. She'd worn a beautiful gown, fit for any royal occasion. Decent, but alluring.
But some of the looks from the ladies were frustrating. Had she overdressed?
The friend was a Congressmen and Maggie tried her best to keep up with conversations and enjoy the atmosphere. But her preoccupation with her sexy dream took control of her. She found herself wondering where Dakota spent his evenings and what he might be doing, who he might be seeing. Did he have a girl? She had so many questions, and no answers.
She squirmed and couldn't quite get the image of Dakota out of her head. It wasn't fair. It wasn't supposed to go this way.
Mrs. Worthington talked to her half the night, and she barely recalled what she had said. And the way she kept looking at her made Maggie uncomfortable. What had she done wrong, she wondered. Was her hair mussed. Did her lip rouge smear?
When Richard took her home that night, she was in a complete fog.
"Did you enjoy the dinner?" His look galvanized her.
"Oh, yes, of course." She answered sweetly. Knowing that was a lie, she silently scolded herself. She hadn't, of course.
"Good, we'll have plenty of dinners like this from now on. And I'm hoping you'll be along with me each time."
"Of course Richard. I'd love to." She answered. "But I must tell you. Some of the ladies kept staring at me and they weren't smiling. I don't understand what I did wrong. I kept wondering if I had a hair out of place, my lipstick smeared, a button undone."
"It's very simple, my dear. They were jealous of you. You captured every male's attention at the dinner. You can't help being beautiful Maggie. Half the conversations tonight hung on how long I'd known you and where you came from and if you were available. I knew I had to keep you by my side. I don't think you realize how sensational you look sometimes."
"I dare say, I've never had a whole dinner table full of disgruntled women. And I did nothing to invite the men's attentions?"
"You didn't have to, dear. You're so lovely, it's automatic."
Didn't he realize that she was no porcelain doll to be admired and put on a pedestal. She was human, with feelings, and emotions.
He leaned at last, to kiss her and she closed her eyes, wanting to enjoy Richard, but Dakota's face interrupted it. She pulled away to look at him, and it was Richard who held her. She kissed him then, boldly, wanting to destroy the oneness that seemed to envelope her with Dakota. It didn't happen. And Richard's kisses were so bland, no life to them, leading her nowhere.
It
was a battle.
She hadn't meant to respond to Richard so passionately, but by now Dakota was pulling all the strings and directing her passion in the wrong direction.
When she came up for air, Richard looked surprised but smiling, "Well, I guess I did impress you." He said, kissing the tip of her nose.
"Oh yes, it was wonderful." She smiled dully. "It's so exciting meeting so many prominent people. But I must admit, sometimes, there are so many, it's like an endless sea of faces."
"You'll get used it, darling. I'll see you in a couple of days then, I'll plan something grand for us. Maybe we could be alone again."
"Oh…Richard, wait…it's too soon. I hope I haven't given you the wrong impression. I want us to get along well, but I don't want to rush it. I know I returned your kisses, but I don't want you thinking me too forward. A good relationship is based on liking someone first, then…whatever that liking leads to. Don't you agree?"
"Nonsense, nothing at all wrong with enjoying each other a bit." He said. "I enjoy your kisses. I really enjoy your company. I'm very proud and fortunate to escort you anywhere."
"Yes well, good night." She insisted. She got out of the carriage by herself and turned to smile at him on the back steps of the house.
"Goodnight, darling." He said with a smile.
Darling! What had she done?
Chapter Four
The next few days she went for rehearsal, working with Simon and knowing that the silent but ever present Dakota stood by somewhere watching.
She could feel his eyes on her. Her heart fluttered at the thought. Just him being in the same room excited her beyond belief. She tried to play it all down, to forget those silly dreams. But how could one forget an erotic dream or such fulfilment? There had to be a reason for it.
She didn't talk to him and ask him questions, but every day when she left his eyes found hers, as he told her goodbye each day.
But the day before her first performance he was there alone with her. How strange that merely breathing left her tingling all over. The tension was like a strong string between them, unbreakable. She'd come early, she didn't know why, she just felt compelled. It was the perfect opportunity to talk to him about it, but could she dare say anything to him about what had happened?
She decided to be quiet and wait to see if he approached her.
And he did. She'd just finished playing a song and singing it and he was right behind her as she sat on the piano bench.
"You have a voice like a bird, only louder." He smiled.
She saw that smile and her heart began to thud. He'd never smiled directly at her and to see it turned on her made her giddy.
"Thank you. Tomorrow is the big day." She said with a shaky voice.
"You will do well." He assured her.
She whirled around and looked up at him, "You think so?"
"It is your calling." He said and looked away. "You are like the mockingbird; you sing to please others."
"Why do you look away from me; do I repulse you so?" She asked.
"I look away because I have no right to look toward." He answered.
"Why do you say that?" She asked breathlessly.
"You are the Mayor's woman, are you not?" He asked now staring into her face.
"I-I…see him. I'm not his…" She said adamantly.
"This is true…" He said boldly.
How did he know that? Her mouth flew open and he stared into her eyes once more. "H-how did you know that…"
But just as he was about to reply, Simon came in. She moved away from him and greeted him. "I didn't think you were coming."
"Tomorrow is your first show, of course I was coming. Now, let's get to work, shall we." He glanced at Dakota who stood off to the side.
"Hey Dakota, good to see you."
Dakota nodded.
Maggie noticed that the three of them had a camaraderie that others probably never noticed. Like a team. They all functioned well together.
Maggie shot Dakota one quick smile and then they began rehearsing.
It was late when they finally stopped and she gathered her things to leave. "Will you walk me home, Dakota?" She asked with a slight smile.
He nodded.
Simon waved to them and left, thinking nothing of the request.
They didn't talk at first, but then she rushed to ask him just as they rounded the corner to the boarding house. "You never answered, how did you know?"
"Someday," he glanced down at her now. "I will answer that question, but not today. Today you should concentrate only on yourself and your wonderful performance tomorrow."
She studied him long and hard, "All right, Dakota. Good night."
"Goodnight, my lady." He whispered and walked away.
His lady. Was he trying to tell her something or was she reading too much into his words? It was so frustrating. If he was interested, why didn't he tell her, or kiss her again, or something?
She talked with Ma and Harry and Jo Ella for a while in the kitchen about her big day, but she was exhausted and went to bed early.
She had to prepare for her performance and for some reason, those dreams had given her a new kind of courage. She was a desirable woman with talent, and confident of it. She wasn't just a doll to be paraded about, but a performer who knew her talent. But thinking on it, she liked how Dakota described it, a mockingbird.
She got up early the next morning and walked to the creek. Dawn was announcing itself over the horizon, a beautiful and glorious morning. The birds sang in the trees, the grasshoppers buzzed.
Wanting to get a bath, Maggie searched the area to make sure no one was around. At this hour, she didn't expect anyone. But she wanted to make sure she had some privacy. Before an event like her singing, she liked to relax and enjoy herself. Taking a bath in the creek would allow her to relax away from people and things. Being one with nature, calmed her spirit and rejuvenated her energy.
She took her clean clothes and laid them out, and she began undressing. Sure no one was about, before she went into the creek, she stripped off and stood facing it. Only the occasional sound of a mockingbird echoed. For a moment, she was very still as she listened to the bird sing his heart out. Then she clapped for the bird, "Great show, sweet bird." She laughed.
The colors of the sunrise engulfed her and she stared out at it. So serene, she sighed. Just standing here, taking it all in, made her heart soar.
Standing there, naked, she breathed in deeply. She was one with nature, and it all came together for her.
***
Dakota had been walking in the woods and hearing a mockingbird paused to enjoy its music. A slow smile spread over his lips. It was one of the few moments that nature called to him. About to go on his way, he heard the leaves rustling. He glanced about.
There, by the pond stood a woman, naked. A white woman.
But on closer examination, it was Maggie, the woman he was hired to protect. The woman with the perfect body, perfect lips.
What on earth was she doing out here, like that! Didn't she know the dangers?
He moved closer, and suddenly he was transfixed by the woman himself. The Great Spirit had certainly endowed her with all the right parts. He'd thought her beautiful, but there were no words for the woman who stood on the creek bank. His eyes feasted on her until he realized he was doing exactly what he was paid to keep others from doing. He smiled. It was impossible not to look. Never had a woman filled him with such wonder. Like nature itself she was a part of it, blending into it, becoming one with it.
She stretched herself, lifting her arms and rising on her tip toes to greet the glorious morning.
The colors of the rising sun bathed her in a glow.
Mesmerized, Dakota glanced about to be sure of her safety.
But somehow he had to warn her. This wasn't a good idea.
In his heart, he knew he desired her. But she was a white woman and it would be impossible. Still, he had to admit, his desire grew day by day. And this one moment,
told him more about her soul than any he had previously shared.
He moved toward the creek as she went into the water and began splashing quietly about.
"Miss Maggie, I hate to disturb your bath, but this is not a good idea." He cleared his throat and said.
She whirled around and almost stood up, when she heard his voice, but she quickly covered herself.
"What are you doing out here?" She tried to sound admonishing, but it merely came out softly.
"I walk this way every morning." He said.
She crossed her arms over her chest.
"I scouted the area for people and saw no one. I wanted some privacy and to enjoy my bath this morning. Would you please either leave or turn yourself away?"
"Of course." He turned away but didn't leave. "But I must warn you that if you use this place to bath, then I'll have to escort you, and stay until you've finished. It's dangerous for you to be so—vulnerable."
"I'm in no danger." She protested as she began scrubbing herself."
"I beg to differ. If anyone knew you were here, like that, you would be."
"Like what?" She questioned, turning to look at him.
"Without your clothes…" He finished in an almost chuckle.
"Well how can one take a bath without taking their clothes off? And it is the crack of dawn…How many would get up this early just to see me?"
"Many, I assure you." He glanced over his shoulder at her. She stopped suddenly realizing he was again doing his job. "But you are right, it is early, still if anyone discovered you, it wouldn't be safe." He insisted, his voice mildly amused.
"You discovered me," She said softly.
"I assure you that was an accident. But perhaps it's for the best, as I have to warn you against such things."
She began washing her hair and he kept his back to her. She glanced at him, enjoying the view.
Despite his presence, she continued to bath. She wasn't afraid of Dakota. He was a perfect gentleman, there was no fear in her. When she was through she sighed and came closer to the creek bed. "Are you sure you aren't looking?" She asked tentatively.