by Rita Hestand
It had a been a long walk, and it was late afternoon. There was a hint of cool in the air now. But Maggie was aching by the time the town of Vada was in sight again.
As they got Simon to the doctor's office, she and Dakota sat and waited outside the room. They were tired from the journey.
As they waited, they talked.
"I did not know you had to marry to stay here." Dakota said out of the blue.
"Yes, if I find someone I can live with." She nodded dully.
"Did the Mayor himself not propose to you?"
"He was on the verge of it, yes. But he is not for me. I tried hard to like him but it just wasn't there. And I have to be true to my heart, despite the fact that I set my cap for him intentionally."
"Oh?"
"Well, I thought it would be exciting, but it's just the opposite, very boring. And I can handle a lot of things, but boring isn't one of them."
"You did not want to marry him?"
"No. I thought I did, when I first came. But, you have to get along and like things about each other to marry. There was one thing about him that I couldn't agree on. He could not accept my friend, Nadine, because she was black. Nadine saved my life once. I love her. I would never marry a man that could not accept her only because she was a black woman. To me she's a woman. Black has nothing to do with it." Maggie's voice drifted off.
"You accept people for who they are, not what they are?" He asked carefully.
"I like to think so. Nadine is a wonderful friend. We've been through a lot together. I look at her as another woman, not a black woman. When I look at you, I see a man, not an Indian. Is that wrong of me?"
"Then you have eyes that see beyond. That is good."
"I like to think so, yes."
"That is why you accept me so easily?" He asked. "When you first came, I found you strange. So accepting, I did not understand you."
"The color of your skin," He took his hand and laid it on hers.
"Makes no difference. I like you Dakota, why shouldn't I accept you as you call it." She looked up at him as though amazed he didn't know this about her.
"You see no color?"
She shrugged, "I see, but I accept."
"You are a special kind of person, Maggie Hilton."
"Tell me, do you see me as a woman, or as a white woman?" She asked.
He stared into her eyes, his face very serious. "There is only one way to see you…as a woman."
"I hope that is a compliment." She smiled.
"Yes…" He smiled back now, and covered her hand with his. He took her hand and held it, and they smiled into each other's eyes.
That one action meant so much to her, it nearly brought tears to her eyes.
When the doctor came, Dakota removed his hand from hers. He informed them that Simon would be alright but that he wanted to keep him overnight there so he could watch him.
Dakota walked her home once more.
"I was never so scared in my life when that rattler jumped out at Simon." She said breathlessly. "I've heard about them for years, but never saw one strike out a man before. It was terrifying."
"He would have made a good steak."
"You eat snakes?" She turned up her nose.
"Do not frown," He chuckled. "In the cities they consider it a delicacy. Of course few have seen the snakes like we have out here." He smiled.
"Maybe I should try it." She smiled. "But I wouldn't forget how they look when they strike either." She chuckled. "The way you threw that knife and whacked his head off. That was magnificent."
"A rattler will strike more than once, if they can." Dakota informed her. "I saved his rattlers for Simon," He produced them to show them to her.
"Oh my, aren't they something. This is what makes that horrible sound?" She reached to touch it, and put her hand in his. He squeezed it and looked into her face. Maggie eyes met his and she ached for another kiss.
"It is."
She shuddered.
"Simon is a nice person." Dakota said. "I am sorry he was hurt."
"You like him?"
"Yes. We had a few drinks together the other night. They would not sell me a bottle, so he paid for one and we sat at a table and talked half the night. He is a good person. He's very open about himself. I was surprised when he said he wanted to play in the big concert halls in the cities. That is quite an ambition. He should practice and do it." Dakota nodded. "He lacks a little confidence, but I shall work on him, encourage him."
"He is very good, and knows music well too. He can play anything and they say he plays strictly by ear. Even though he has the sheet music in front of him, he doesn't read it. I find that amazing. He says to play by ear, means you feel the music and if you feel it, it is good."
"That is a real talent." Dakota smiled then looked down to see her hand still in his.
"I enjoyed this afternoon," She sighed softly. "I felt so relaxed."
"And I as well. It is good to have a day off to relax."
The sun was setting as they spoke and Dakota pointed to it. They both watched the beautiful colors in the sky and he reached for her hand once more, to hold it tightly in his. She felt so light headed.
They were nearing the boarding house. She was disappointed that the afternoon had ended so abruptly. She had really enjoyed talking to them and now, being alone again with Dakota she hoped he'd kiss her once more. He always pulled her or walked her toward the bushes so no one would see them.
"Would you like to come in," She asked breathlessly. "Ma usually has a pie made, and I can make a pot of coffee."
"No, I should get back, let the cat out for a while…"
"Are you afraid of what Ma might say if I brought you inside?"
"Ma Jones is a fine woman, but others, might not think it appropriate. Indians are not yet welcome everywhere. I do not seek to cause trouble. Her boarders might object."
"Is that why you pull me into the darkness to kiss me?" She whispered.
"One of the reasons, yes. It would be a scandal to have people talk. And it wouldn't do your career any good."
"Sometimes, people don't care what others think." She murmured.
"Don't be too generous with your reputation."
"But it would just be for coffee…"
"What we often desire, is not the best for us…" He smiled sadly into her eyes.
"How do you know unless you try?" She asked boldly.
He smiled.
"Someday, I'd like to see upstairs." She murmured. "And where you keep your cat." She smiled up into his face.
He looked at her and stared into her eyes, he knew what she meant. His face went very serious, and he seemed to search hers. "Maybe, someday."
The look in his eyes told her he wanted a kiss too, but he refrained this time and it saddened her.
"I had a wonderful day," She told him.
"Yes…goodnight." He started to pull her toward him, but thought better of it and backed away.
But before he left, she ran up to him, tiptoed, kissed his cheek and ran into the house. She was crying softly.
He stood staring after her for a long while.
Ma was baking an apple pie and she saw Maggie crying. "Whatever is wrong?" She asked grabbing Maggie as she was about to run up the stairs.
"I'm in love with him," She cried aloud.
"Dakota?" Ma looked quite serious.
"Yes. I'm so crazy in love with him. I don't know what to do." She cried onto Ma's shoulder.
"Aw, honey…. it'll all work out, somehow."
"How can it? He's an Indian. People find out, they won't come to hear me sing any longer. I won't marry, I'll have to leave Vada. Oh God, Ma, I don't want to leave. I want to be free to love him…He makes me want to sing. He inspires me to. He put the music in my heart."
"H-how does he feel about you?"
"He likes me. I don't know how much. But I know we have something. I know it Ma."
Ma sighed. "It could be a real problem for you dear."
; "I know…that's what is so tragic. What I feel inside of me, is so beautiful Ma. I truly love him. I realized it today, when Simon was bit by the rattler and he carried him, in his arms all the way back to town and to the doctor's. He didn't think twice about it. He did what was necessary. He's a protector of all people. And I'm so blindly in love with him."
"Simon was bit by a snake?" Ma's face turned up in a frown. "Is he…alive?"
"Yes, we got him there in time. He'll be fine in a few weeks."
"You say Dakota carried him from the countryside back to town?"
"Yes, physically carried him. It was miraculous. It was so heroic. He killed the snake with one throw of his knife. Cut his head off. Picked Simon up, cut out a piece of his arm and hauled him as quick as possible to the doctor. You see our buggy and horse ran off when the snake started hissing."
"My word child. What a day you've had."
"Well now, let's sit down here and talk a bit. I've got coffee on, and two pies in the oven. We can cut one and send the other to Simon tomorrow when you go in to practice." Ma told her.
"Alright Ma. Sounds good. I need to talk to someone about all of this." Maggie told her. "And you are the only one that will listen with an open heart."
She poured them some coffee, cut the pie, and dished it up then sat down with her at the table.
"Is it his good looks that has you in such a tailspin?" Ma asked with a chuckle.
"That's only part of it. It's actually…. his protectiveness that I love the most. It's important to me, Ma." Maggie saw her perplexed look. "And there are many other things I admire about him. I know I can trust him. And I don't trust men easily, Ma."
"What exactly happened with you and the Mayor?" Ma stared at her now for an answer.
"Richard's so uppity. And he doesn't like me being friends with Nadine because she's black. I told him that Nadine saved my life and it made no difference at all to him. He's no narrow minded and always thinking of his next election. I think the only reason he was truly interested in me was that I made a gracious hostess for his friends."
"I've heard most politicians are that way dear."
"Well, you can have them."
"Now you mentioned Dakota was protective and you needed that. What makes you think you need protection?"
"I know I acted like his being my bodyguard was nothing, but it has come to mean a lot to me. I feel so safe when he's around. Oh Ma, I don't like dredging up the past. It does no good, but suffice it to say, my childhood wasn't very pleasant and I don't like to think about it. It has created a weakness in me…A need to feel safe."
"I knew there was something in your past that made you reach out to people to make them laugh and feel good about themselves. I've waited for you to come to me and talk about your past. All the others have…"
"I've never wanted to talk about it Ma. I've done my best not to talk about it. Or even think on it."
"I sensed that too." Ma looked straight at her. "Can you talk about it now?"
She nodded slowly as though shocked that she could. "It's just…I don't know how to go about telling you though. It's so ugly, so awful."
Tears rolled down her cheeks. "I'm a good listener honey, and I know how to keep quiet too."
Maggie stared at Ma a minute, trying to find a way to tell her what had torn her life up so badly.
"My Ma died early. When I was four or five years old, my Pa…well he began to— mess with me." She said, her voice fading into quietness as she said it.
"Mess with you! You mean…. He—"
"He touched me Ma, all the time. I was so miserable. At four years old and not knowing why he was doing it or what I was supposed to do about it." Maggie didn't want her saying the words. She didn't want to think the words, much less hear them. She'd tucked that into the deepest, darkest part of her heart. "He took Ma's death hard. He missed my Ma. And he'd get drunk and come into my little room, scoot me over and touch me. He kept touching me, for years. I hated it. I begged him not to, I cried, I pleaded. Nothing worked. He kept it up. I realized what he was doing wasn't right at some point, a few years later. I tried to kill him, Ma. That's why I really left home. And Ma, I haven't told anyone about this before. So please…"
"Oh darlin', I'm so sorry. So terribly sorry."
"As I grew older, he took me. I was still a virgin. By then, I hated him. All those years I was so miserable. I know that you don't understand it. But at such an age when a man touches you, and leaves you like that, because there can be no climax, if you will. It leaves you to wonder why they did it. And you touch yourself to try to find out. And no answers come, Ma. I hated him. When boys started noticing me, he run them off. All but Haywood. He wasn't scared of him; said he'd even kill him for me. But Haywood drown the next summer and never did kill him. I left soon after the drowning. Without Haywood life was unbearable."
"Didn't anyone ever suspect?"
"My three brothers never knew. Oh no, I couldn't tell them. They worshipped Pa. It would have hurt them too much. I couldn't do that to them. So I left. I had to Ma."
"What happened to you?"
"I finally got the gumption to run away, while he was nursing a bottle. I ran forever. I didn't know where I was going, or what I'd do. But that's why I became a saloon girl. After what Pa did to me, working in a saloon wasn't any worse. I got away from my Pa, once and for all. For years I felt so dirty about myself. I felt so unclean Ma. And the worse part was, I felt like I was the cause of it all. Like no matter how hard I scrubbed I couldn't come clean. And every shadow scared me witless. I can still feel the cold on my back when I get scared, like he's after me."
"Oh Maggie!" Ma got up and came to hug her. "Bless your heart. I wish I'd been there for you. I could have put some buckshot in him myself."
Maggie started laughing, "Oh Ma, I love you!"
"Your brothers never suspected."
"I had three brothers, I was the only girl. My brothers had always protected me, from everything but Pa. I just couldn't tell them. They were all older and only one was left at home when I left. He idolized Pa. I couldn't do that to him."
"Why didn't they take you with them?"
"They all got married and moved away."
"I never imagined such for you. You always seemed so full of laughter." Ma said looking into her tear stained eyes.
"I covered my fears with laughter, Ma. I had to. I was so ashamed most of my growing up years. I always felt so dirty."
"Did anyone ever know?"
"One of my brother's suspicioned it. The oldest, his wife told him something was wrong. She told him it wasn't natural for a girl to hate her Pa. So he seemed to want to do something, but I didn't want to cause problems in the family. Pa could be a mean one when he tried."
"It's a wonder you turned out so good, girl." Ma chuckled.
"If people knew I was in love with an Indian, they wouldn't think I was so good." She cried. "Would they? They'd think I was white trash. That's what my Pa use to call me. You see he never could face what he done. So he blamed me. And I blamed me."
"Oh darlin'. Dakota is well liked in this town. But the women wouldn't accept it. It would be unbearable for you. The looks they would give you."
"I've known those looks Ma. You see, Haywood was black, but at the time he was our only neighbor, him and his pa. He knew I needed help and he was the only one that wanted to help me. He knew my father was no good. I'm not sure how he knew, but he did. He also knew I just don't see color. I love Nadine, I love Dakota, and I loved Haywood. Dakota's just a man to me, a wonderful, kind, protective, man. It's his very protectiveness I love so much. He's very good at his job, Ma. And he truly is a bodyguard. But there's more too. He's kind, he does so many good deeds, like carrying Simon all the way to town, it must have been a good ten miles back to town. The way he killed the snake and took care of him. Mrs. Giver can't see good and at every performance, he personally escorts her to a seat front and center. He has a cat, and he told me what appealed to him to keep it
was that it was injured and needed help. He's the kind of man you can depend on. They are rare."
"I know Maggie. I know." Ma comforted her. "We'll have to think on this a while I don't hold it against you Maggie. I think you are truly in love with him." Ma told her after a long silent moment of thought.
"There has to be a way…I love him!" Maggie cried.
"Then we'll find a way." Ma encouraged her.
Maggie stood up now and turned to the stairs. "I don't think there is a way. Not that's acceptable by everyone, but I may have to make some heavy decisions soon. And if he loves me, we are going to be together. Not everyone will approve, but I need to know you do. I need to know—"
"Maggie dear, I love you, like a daughter and I only want your happiness. Whatever happens, I won't desert you. I know your heart is true. But one thing, if you do go off with him, and everyone turns up their noses at you, be sure you can live with it, because there could be no turning back from it. Your love will have to be strong to survive all the hell people will put your through, so be very sure of how you feel. And realize that it might not be a dream come true. There will be a lot of strife." Ma assured her.
"Here we are talking as though I’m going to run off with him and he hasn’t even said how he feels about me. Maybe he doesn't feel the same. I don’t' know."
"Then you should find out."
"You are right about that. He hasn't really said how he feels. I could be jumping to conclusions."
Maggie shot her a vague smile and walked up the stairs slowly. She turned midway up the stairs, "But I don't think I am. I think he loves me truly, but he doesn't want to hurt me in any way. He doesn't want to cause me problems. That in itself speaks highly of him."
Chapter Nine
She was about to perform and there was a ruckus out front, she peeked out of the curtains, to see what was going on.
"Escort this lady out," Richard was telling Dakota.
"Why?" Dakota asked.