by Sophie Stern
I nod. She’s right. It’s scary.
It’s terrifying.
“But,” she continues. “War trauma is not the end of the world. Life goes on. August has moved on, but he’s still going to have bouts of depression, Sweetie. That’s part of who he is now. He’s still going to have days where it’s a struggle just to get out of bed, where he can’t bear the thought of going to work, where his nightmares are eating him alive. That’s his life. You can be a part of it or not, but he’s told you exactly what you’re getting into.”
“Yeah,” I know what she’s saying. I can give up and quit, losing something that could be truly spectacular, or I can stay and fight for what I want. “You’re right. It’s not like we’ve been going out that long. It was pretty impressive that he opened up to me this early on in the relationship. I think that has to count for something.”
She smiles.
“I think it counts for a lot.”
I hear a squeal and a pitter-patter before Tiffany’s oldest daughter, who is three, appears in the doorway.
“Mommy, mommy, mommy!” The little girl bounces in the room and jumps on Tiffany’s lap, giggling and mumbling something I can’t understand.
As I see the way Tiffany looks at her little girl, I realize that love isn’t always easy. It’s not always painless. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.
Right?
28
I’ve called in sick to work all week. I don’t exactly have any vacation time built up, but no one gives me any crap about not showing up. August seems to have given up on calling me. After constant texts and calls for the first three days after our discussion, he must have gotten the message that I wasn’t ready to talk.
I realize that I should at least say something. I should at least let him know that I’m okay.
But I can’t.
I need time. I need space.
I need solitude.
Instead of talking with him, I throw all of my energy into moving into my new place. Colby has already finished moving his stuff in with Anna, essentially pushing me out of my own house, but I don’t really care. He’s a good guy and she’s lucky to have him. Now I just need to focus on figuring out my problems with my own good guy.
Despite all the confusion, I honestly believe that August is genuine. He’s good. He’s kind. So what if he has PTSD? Like Tiffany pointed out for over an hour, he’s doing much better than he was 8 years ago when he came back. So what if he’s nervous about being in a relationship? It’s the first time he’s dated seriously since the accident. It’s normal to be nervous. I’d probably be nervous, too.
I try not to focus on the fact that the last decade has primarily consisted of one-night stands for him. Instead, I think about the fact that he’s giving that up for me. He’s giving up a lot for me. He’s giving up his privacy, his space, and now his secrets.
So knowing all of that, why am I still so afraid?
Do I think he’s going to hurt me?
Do I think he’s going to damage me?
Or do I think he’s still broken?
Do I think he’s still lost?
What the fuck is my problem?
Before I can even think about talking with August face-to-face, I have to figure out what I’m feeling, but I can’t keep ignoring him. I need to say something.
So I pick up my phone.
He answers on the first ring.
“I didn’t think I’d ever hear from you again,” his voice is smooth and sultry. He sounds like honey. He sounds like perfection.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Charlotte. I know I dumped a lot on you. I didn't expect you to want to talk about it right away.”
I take a deep breath.
“I don’t want this to be over, but I’m scared and I’m nervous. I need a little bit of time to process things before I’m ready to see you again. Can I have a few more days off of work?”
He takes a deep breath. Relief?
“Yeah, Char. Whatever you need. You got it.”
“Thanks.”
“Charlotte?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for calling. I was worried about you.”
29
Two weeks after the night of confessions, I call August and invite him over to my new place. He agrees to come over, so I text him the address. I have to try five times before I get everything in my message right. I'm trying so hard to sound sexy and casual instead of shaky and emotional. Why am I so nervous? It’s just August.
But it’s August.
It’s my August.
And we’ve been apart for far too long. Part of me regrets taking so long to mentally process everything he told me. Another part of me feels thankful that he gave me the space and the time that I needed.
I hang up the phone and pour two glasses of wine. I down mine and pour another, feeling anxious. Fortunately, I don’t have to wait long before the doorbell rings. It’s August, and I realize just how nice it is that I live so much closer now. We’re only five minutes apart.
I open the door and he’s standing there looking wonderful. The tight tee highlights all of his muscles, while his jeans make me want to reach out and cup his package. Instead of groping him the moment he appears on my doorstep, I just press my lips against his and pull him inside.
“What are you wearing?” He murmurs as our tongues swirl around each other. Somehow, he manages to close and lock the door behind himself without stopping our kiss.
“Nothing.”
“But why?”
“Because I haven’t had you inside of me for two long weeks, Mr. Mason, and I need you now.” I slide my tongue over his bottom lip and whisper, “I didn’t want to waste time with clothes.”
August doesn’t need any further prompting from me. He doesn’t take time with pleasantries or talking. He just strips down and grabs me, pulling me into himself. My tits press against his washboard body, reminding me that I should probably try spending more time at the gym, but that’s something I can worry about later. Right now, I’m his. Right now, I’m completely his.
“I’ve missed you, Miss Ryan,” his cock pushes against me. He’s already hard. His tongue glazes my neck, sending shivers down my spine and making my entire body feel alert. Oh, how I’ve missed this. It’s been far too long since August fucked me. It’s been far too long since I felt him against me.
“I need you inside of me,” I murmur into his ear. “I need you now, August. Fuck me hard.”
He doesn’t need any more prompting than that.
August lifts me up effortlessly, like I’m weightless, and carries me into the kitchen. He pushes my bills and paperwork and dishes out of the way before dropping me on the countertop. The tile feels cool against my skin, but I barely notice with the heat radiating off of August.
This is what I need: this moment.
This is what I’ve been craving.
He bites my neck and slides into me at once, not wasting time making me wait. I've waited long enough. His thrusts come hard and fast, pounding into me. It’s the roughest he’s ever been, but I don’t care. It’s what I need. It’s what I’ve always needed, most of all tonight.
Things haven’t felt right without August around. Things haven’t felt complete.
Moving into a new house, being on my own without a roommate, missing work, it’s all been a tough adjustment. Finding out how to deal with August’s secrets and Tiffany’s explanation has been trying. I’ve lost weight. I’ve missed meals. I’ve lost sleep.
But now, now that I’m in his arms, now that he’s buried inside of me, now none of that matters.
Nothing but this moment.
He thrusts harder and I feel my thoughts begin to float away as I lose all of my focus. The only thing happening is right now.
A bead of sweat appears on his neck and slides down, I lean forward and lick it. His hands are still firmly on my waist, holding me in place, but now that
I’m forward, he slides his hand to my clit and starts circling.
Beautifully.
He hisses with satisfaction as I cum on the counter, throwing my head back and moaning through my release. Every inch of me explodes with pleasure and I push his fingers away to give myself a chance to recover, but before long they’re back, winding me up for another orgasm.
The pleasure blinds me as he kisses me and thrusts into me at the same time, pushing me over the edge, making me squirm, making me scream, making my nails dig into his back.
And I realize in that moment, as everything slowly zooms back into focus, that this is where I want to be.
No more insecurities.
No more wondering.
No more “is this going to work?”
None of that.
Today, I decide that I’m in.
And there’s nothing August can say to convince me otherwise.
30
“I wasn’t lying when I said I missed you,” August tells me. We’re entwined in my bed, comfortable, naked, and sweaty after another round.
“I missed you, too,” I tell him. “I don’t feel complete without you.”
He sighs.
“I know what you mean.” His fingers lazily trace my body, taking their time to form inVisible lines on my stomach, my breasts, my shoulders. It’s an intimate moment that I never want to forget. I feel safe now. I feel whole. This man knows me inside and out, but he still understands me. He still gets me. He’s not afraid of me or my shortcomings or my weirdness.
He just likes me for me.
“Things haven’t been the same without you at work,” August says. There’s a hint of sadness in his voice.
“I know. I’m sorry.” And I am, really. I might not come across as the most sympathetic or the most understanding person, but I’m sorry for hurting him. “But I needed time,” I say honestly. “And you have no idea how grateful I am that you gave me space when I needed it.”
He raises his eyebrows and glances at his cock.
“Well, I might have a little bit of an idea how grateful you are.”
“Stop it,” I laugh, hitting him with my pillow.
He calms down and smiles, tossing the pillow aside and kissing me deeply.
“You mean the world to me, Charlotte. Do you know that?”
I quiver. I didn’t know. I should have, really. I’m the first girl he trusted his secret with, after all. I’m the first girl he’s wanted for more than one night in many, many years. I’m the one he’s been pining after. Part of me doesn’t understand why. I’m just a computer geek from Southvale who wasn’t even cut out to be the webmaster at a community college.
Yet here I am: fucking a billionaire.
And I know in my heart that when August looks at me, he thinks I’m amazing. I know that when he melts into me, I’m the only girl he sees. I’m all he sees. I’m all he thinks about, all he worries about.
“I’m scared,” I say. The words surprise both of us, but they aren’t a lie. “I went and saw Tiffany.”
He shrugs. “I know.”
I shouldn’t be surprised. She probably called him before I showed up to ask what was going on.
“She said a lot of nice things about you,” I tell him. A smile flickers before he looks serious. “I know that what happened was an accident, and I know you’re scared.”
He looks frustrated and torn. “Charlotte, what happened tore me apart. If anything ever happened to you…” He clenches his fists. “I don’t know what I would do.”
“I know you would never hurt me on purpose,” I say, “and I think that someday we’ll get to a point where you feel comfortable sleeping with me. Until then, I’ll respect your boundaries, August. I know they’re in place to keep me safe. To keep both of us safe,” I add.
He looks a little surprised at my comment, but there’s something else there, too. Relief?
“Charlotte, my pain is something I’ll probably struggle with forever, but it’s much more manageable than it was. I’m a lot better at getting help when I need it.”
“I know,” I tell him. Then I smile. “That’s why I got you a present.”
He raises an eyebrow and I jump up and leave the room. August doesn’t follow me. I hurry into my second bedroom where August’s present is waiting. I can’t wait to see the look on his face. When I made the decision to stay with him, I started doing a lot of reading on PTSD, therapy, and healing methods. While there were a lot of options available, I realized that August has utilized almost all of them.
Except one.
I pick up his gift and hurry back into the bedroom, still completely naked.
Only now, I’m holding the sweetest, cuddliest, softest puppy in the world.
“What’s this?” He asks, trying to hide his growing smile.
“This is Checkers,” I tell him, placing the puppy on the bed next to him. Checkers immediately starts licking August’s hand and nuzzling him.
“You got me a puppy,” he says. He seems completely shocked, but not mad, which is what I was going for. Tiffany assured me that August didn’t have a dog allergy or any other aversion to animals, so my gift idea should go off without a hitch.
“Well,” I tell him, joining the boys on the bed. “I started doing a lot of reading about PTSD, and one thing a lot of people suggested was getting a puppy. You know, something you’re responsible for. Something to take care of. Something to give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.”
“Oh, he’s a service dog?” August’s eyes light up.
“Well, no,” I admit, a little embarrassed that I wasn’t able to get a professionally trained post traumatic stress disorder service animal. “I did look into a couple of places that train service dogs for veterans with PTSD, but the wait list is really long and you have to apply and do some training sessions, so I decided to go adopt a puppy.” I smile. “I might be a little bit impatient, but isn’t he cute?”
He smiles and kisses me.
“Charlotte, this is wonderful. I’ve always wanted a dog, but never made time to get one. He’s perfect. Thank you for doing this.”
August’s words warm my heart. I can’t express how relieved I am that he likes Checkers. I figured that, worst case scenario, I would keep him here. It’s only been a few days since I picked him out, but already, Checkers feels like a part of me.
The three of us snuggle up in the bed, cozy and comfortable. I lay my head against August’s chest and try to relax, try to enjoy this moment, try to soak up every second of us being together.
31
A knock at the door wakes me.
I glance over, checking for August, but then I remember that he spent the night in the guest room with Checkers. Of course. A small pang of hurt surges through me, but I push it down. I won’t get upset over him not sleeping in the same bed as me. I understand his reasons and I’m just going to have to deal with them. I promised him I would.
I wrap myself in a purple robe and hurry to open the door.
It’s Anna and Colby, looking much more awake than I imagined possible at – I glance at the clock – 8:30 in the morning.
“What’s going on?” I move aside to let them in. Anna squeals when she sees the décor.
“Oh, it’s looking great, Charlotte! We wanted to see the place now that you’ve had some time to unpack!”
Since I haven’t been at work, I literally have unpacked everything already. My house is about as decorated as it’s going to get. Colby plops down on the couch and flicks the TV on, already bored of the conversation Anna is starting about the wallpaper and will my landlord let me tear it down if I promise to paint the room a great color?
Suddenly, both their heads turn as Checkers comes bounding into the living room and August appears wearing boxers.
Only boxers.
He gives a small wave as Colby bursts out laughing.
“Hey man,” he jumps up and shakes August’s hand. “What’s going on?”
“Not much,�
�� August nods. Then, obviously aware that we’re all staring at him in his boxers, he adds, “My clothes are next to the front door.” We all turn and look. Sure enough, his clothes are in a pile where we left them last night. I pick them up and toss them, and August scurries out of the room to get dressed.
Anna bursts out laughing.
“What the hell, Char?” She giggles. “You let billionaire boy sleep over?”
“I did,” I smile sheepishly. “Though, to be honest, there wasn’t much sleeping.”
“Ha! You better watch out! Before you know it, you’ll end up like me.” She rubs her growing belly appreciatively. For someone who is still in the awkward is-she-pregnant-or-just-fat stage, I have to admit that I can understand the entire pregnancy glow thing. Anna looks great. Being with Colby has really been amazing for her and my heart swells when I think of them together.
They’re like one of those cheesy romance couples everyone loves to hate.
“So,” August comes out fully dressed and sits down next to Colby. “When’s the wedding?”
I burst out laughing at his frank question.
“They’re getting married after the baby comes,” I tell him.
“Actually,” Colby and Anna exchange glances before she says, “We decided to elope.”
“What?” This is news to me. Shouldn’t I have been one of the first to know?
“Well, we already live together and we’re already having a baby. We don’t really need a big celebration to show everyone our love. So, that’s actually why we came over today,” Anna smiles. “We’re getting married at 2pm at the courthouse and we’d love for you guys to be there.”
I turn to Colby. “Close your eyes.”
“What?” He does as I ask.
“I only have a couple of hours to throw a bachelorette party for my baby sister. August, dance up on her!”
His eyes practically pop out but Anna starts laughing. “Do it!” She squeals and claps her hands.
“Is Colby going to hit me for this?”