by Rebecca Lang
'All right,' she said, sitting rather stiffly, almost unbearably sensitized to the feel of his body against hers, acutely aware that she was not being very articulate, yet knowing that she had talked enough earlier in the day and now did not trust her ability to control her own labile emotions.
'Is Alec asleep?' he asked.
'Yes, he went out like a light,' she said, feeling more comfortable talking about her son while Joel was looking at her in the way that a full-blooded man would look at an attractive woman, their faces almost touching. That look was what she wanted, yet she was frightened that she might not be ready for the challenge.
Over the years, so much time had been given to work and study that she often had not known how to respond when overtures had been made to her, feeling always that she had been waiting for Joel. Here he was, within kissing distance, his arm warmly around her shoulders, gripping her firmly as though she might take flight.
'Good,' he said. 'It might be a little premature for him to find me here so late.' Nell noted the nuance, that it might be premature but was not necessarily ruled out for the future...or so she thought.
With that, he bent down and kissed her, tilting her face up to his with his free hand. The touch of his mouth on hers was like an electric force, and she shut her eyes, letting the sensations he was evoking drown out everything else. Passion flared between them, as it had always done.
In the recent past they had kissed, yet it had seemed to her then like shades of the people they had been in their early youth. Now, as his mouth moved firmly on hers, assured and demanding, Nell got a greater glimpse of the mature Joel Matheson, the one she did not know, the one who had grown away from her, the one she wanted to know in the future. The insight was exhilarating as she found herself responding. Here was the mature man, the one she didn't know whether she could cope with—hard, spare and unforgiving. Nervous and unsure, she nonetheless kissed him back. She could not help herself, even if she had wanted to.
With his free hand, Joel swung her legs up onto the sofa so that she was lying down, then he lay beside her, enfolding her in his arms, hugging her close. 'I've wanted to do this all day,' he said huskily.
'I would never have guessed,' she murmured, her mouth against his, her arms around him. Once again she had the feeling of having come home, could feel his smile rather than see it.
'Am I forgiven?' he asked. He kissed her neck, her cheeks, her mouth.
'I'm not sure,' she said. 'I'll think about it. Have you...have you changed your mind about anything?'
'Not essentially,' he said, after a hesitation. 'I just want you to know I'm going to keep an open mind and Vow not to be so boorish in the future.'
Nell stiffened, her increasing physical desire for him vying with an innate caution not to make herself more vulnerable than she was already.
'I—' she began, then he cut her off by kissing her, a long, lingering kiss that left her aware of nothing else but him.
Joel unbuttoned her blouse and eased it off her shoulders, then unhooked her bra and slipped it off, while Nell lay there as though in a dream. The room, where she had not bothered to put on a light, was illuminated only by a faint glow of a streetlamp. All was quiet. The pleasantly warm air of the room played on the sensitive bare skin of her breasts.
As Joel's hand closed gently over her soft flesh, brushing over a nipple, she held her breath, before letting it out in an involuntary sigh. At the back of her mind was the niggling idea that he was going to seduce her for reasons of his own, perhaps to prove something, but she didn't care—it was what she wanted, too.
'Joel, Joel...' she whispered, stretching up to tangle her fingers in his hair, kissing him as he smoothed his palm over her.
Joel drew back, propped himself up on an elbow and looked down at her, his breathing deep and fast. As he smoothed her hair away from her forehead, he kissed her eyelids gently. 'I wanted to test what you said,' he declared quietly, 'that you loved me. Among other things. As cynical as I am, I don't believe these declarations easily.'
'You believe me now?'
'Mmm.'
Sensitized to him with every nerve in her body, she looked back at him steadily in the gloom. Although she desperately wanted to know how he felt about her, she was not going to ask. There was a fear that he did not love her, that he was simply reverting to the physical relationship that they had had before. Well, she could wait. That he wanted her was very evident.
Nell pulled him down to her. 'Come here,' she said.
His sigh of pleasure as his mouth claimed hers vindicated all that she had said that day.
'I'd like to take you to bed,' he said after a while, his voice soft and husky. 'Is that possible and practicable? I feel I'm going mad with wanting you so much.'
Nell sat up and fumblingly put on her blouse and buttoned it up. Inside she was trembling, her desire for him goaded by his barely controlled need of her.
Silently she stood up and held out a hand to him. Together they went up the wide, old staircase that creaked now and then. Her bedroom was not close to Alec's, and she had a lock on her door.
Inside, with the door locked, she turned to him, and he began to undress her, his hands shaking slightly, his breath laboured.
When there was nothing left to take off, he drew her to him and ran his hands over her, down over her back, her hips, while she closed her eyes and clung to him. 'Oh, Joel,' she whispered.
'Is this what you want?' he said.
'Yes.'
He lifted her up and put her on the bed, then undressed himself, leaving his clothes in a heap on the floor. In a moment he was lying beside her.
'As happy as I am to have a son,' he said, his mouth against her ear, 'I'm going to be more careful this time.' She could tell that he was laughing.
'I'm glad you said that—' she smiled back in the darkness '—because I'm not prepared for this.' Happiness and a rare contentment erased everything else from her mind.
'Not in any way?' he teased softly.
'Well,' she murmured, 'I've waited so long for you. I can hardly believe this is real.'
'It's real all right,' he said. 'Little Nell Montague, grown up, so that I don't have to feel guilty.'
'You...you felt guilty?'
'Sure. Guilty as hell. As soon as I knew you were sixteen,' he said.
'Sorry,' she whispered, running her hands over his warm skin. 'No more guilt, then. I love you.'
In answer he kissed her, wrapping both arms around her, drawing her close. But he did not say that he loved her.
When the first glimmer of dawn showed itself through the curtains, he got up and left.
CHAPTER EIGHT
It was midsummer and the sun was blazing in all its customary glory for that time of the year, with the temperature in the high twenties. As Nell drove to work she was glad of the air-conditioned car, while enjoying every moment of summer away from work.
That day she would be taking part in outpatient clinics, to do follow-ups on some patients, working with the staff men. Then she had floor rounds to do. For part of the day she might be accompanied by a medical student or two, she reflected, although the students had finished their academic year, taken their exams, so that the ones who were still around had summer jobs at the hospital or were staying on voluntarily, learning at the same time. She would wait to see who turned up.
These days, with the memory of Joel's love-making on her mind most of the time in quiet moments, she felt herself going through the routines of her life with that always in the background. Since that time, they had not met again except at work, having been extremely busy, yet had vowed to meet for another walk with Alec and the dogs when they were both free, if emergencies permitted. Although they were not on call during the coming weekend, anyone on the team could be called in for an emergency if the on-call team could not cope. With the coming of the good weather, accidents involving burns took on a new dimension. Instead of so many house fires, brought on by heating devices, burns in cars,
boats and industrial accidents often came to the fore.
After Nell had parked her car in the multi-storey parking lot opposite the main entrance of the hospital, she walked briskly though the main rotating doors to the large lobby and reception desk, down past the small coffee-shop that was for staff and patients, down the wide corridor that would take her past the large staff cafeteria and to the bank of elevators for that particular building. She had to go up one floor to get to the outpatient department, but before that she wanted to see two patients on the burns unit who had been operated on earlier in the week, where she had assisted. There would be new orders to write on the charts.
As she approached the entrance to the cafeteria, three doctors came out, wearing white lab coats over green scrub suits, the ubiquitous uniform, and she saw that they were Joel, Trixie and Rex.
Rex was the first one to spot her as she came up to their level. 'Hi, Nell,' he greeted her. 'How are you? You're just the person we want to see. Have you got a few minutes to come up with us to see David Tranby, Joel's patient, the one you operated on with us?'
Nell glanced at her watch quickly. 'I think so. I was actually on my way up there myself. Don't have a great deal of time. Hello, Joel. Hello, Trixie.'
'Hello, Nell,' Joel said, smiling.
'Hi,' Trixie said, something about her expression letting Nell know that she hoped all was well between her and Joel.
Rex took her arm as they pushed their way forward into the crowded elevator. 'It's a relief to see you, Nell,' he said quietly as they squeezed together into a corner. 'Trixie has verbal diarrhoea as usual, which I'm finding increasingly wearing. Compulsive talking is, I have often thought, a form of aggression.' He tempered his comment with a grin.
'Don't be hard on her,' Nell said, who liked the chatty Trixie. 'Deep down she's like all of us, looking for companionship, attention and affection.' Right at that moment, Joel and Trixie were in conversation, with Trixie doing most of the talking. Seeing the two colleagues together reminded Nell sharply that she did not have any claim on Joel.
'Mmm,' Rex said. 'Maybe John should take her on, although I rather fancy he wants you.'
Nell did not rise to that bait. 'No comment,' she said. 'Why don't you make a few moves to bring them together? I'm sure you could do it.'
'Maybe I will,' he said.
Trixie was very beautiful, Nell considered, with her striking colouring, her red hair and green eyes, her delicate skin. Twinges of jealousy niggled at her as she watched her with Joel. Perhaps he fancied her, Nell thought sourly, looking at them quickly and away again.
How could she bear it if she and Joel did not actually get together? The possibility was there.
Once out of the elevator and walking into the burns unit, Joel detached himself from Trixie and came up to her. 'I thought you and Rex might like to have a closer look at David Tranby,' he said smoothly. 'Some of the dressings are being changed now. He's doing very well, no infection so far. He's looking forward to being discharged, but I want to keep him in a bit longer.'
'I'd like to,' Nell said, taking pains to keep her voice neutral as they entered the nursing station in the unit. Their mutual physical awareness was always there between them, the overwhelming attraction, which she had decided to deal with by just accepting it and not altering her day-to-day behaviour in any way if she could help it. Since they had spent the night together, Joel looked at her with a new warmth in his eyes, which made her long for him all the more. Yet, inexplicably, he did not follow on with any definite moves towards her. Perhaps, she thought sadly, it had to do with that issue of trust.
Trixie detached herself from their little group and began to go through data on a computer to get the latest lab results on her patients, for tissue biopsies, blood tests, culture swabs to detect infection, electrolyte balances and so on.
A nurse handed Joel a few computer printouts. 'This is the latest on Mr Tranby, Dr Matheson,' she said. 'There's a nurse in the room, taking the dressings off. Everything looks good.'
'Thanks,' Joel said, taking the papers.
The three of them went into a small anteroom, off the room where David Tranby was in isolation. As they covered up to protect their patient from any infection they might bring in, Nell was acutely aware of Joel and tried not to make eye contact too often, yet did not want it to be the other way, to be too obvious to Rex that she was doing so, that there were vibes between her and Joel. Being too nonchalant was a dead give-away. Better to be as natural as was possible in the circumstances. Resolutely, she pushed thoughts of her personal relationship with Joel out of her mind.
'I have been to see Mr Tranby a few times,' Nell said. 'He seems in good spirits. And he was off the ventilator after the operation.'
'Yes,' Joel agreed. 'The grafts have taken well and, as you know, I have done a few more since the initial operation.'
When they went into the room a nurse had already removed some of the dressings in readiness for them to view the areas of new skin underneath before she applied new dressings.
'Hello, Mr Tranby,' Joel said. 'How are you?'
'Pretty good,' their patient said, from where he was lying on the bed. 'Looking forward to going home.'
'Won't be too long now,' Joel said reassuringly. 'These grafts look very good, no sign of infection. You remember Dr Montague and Dr Talbot?'
'Oh, yes,' David Tranby said. 'Good morning.'
'Good morning.' Nell moved closer to the bed to inspect the grafts, which were certainly looking as though they had taken well. The transplanted skin was growing well over the raw areas that had been burned.
'It's looking great,' Rex said.
After a few minutes Nell had to leave in order to see other patients, being on a tight schedule that day. 'I'll see you again before you go home, Mr Tranby. It's great to see you doing so well,' she said.
'Thank you,' he said, smiling at her. 'I appreciate all that you've done for me.'
Taking off her gown in the anteroom, Nell acknowledged that this outcome made it all worthwhile—the exhaustion, the sacrifice, the single-mindedness of it. Sometimes when she felt near rock bottom after a particularly gruelling operating list or some terrible emergency, she thought of these times and they lifted her spirits.
After seeing the two patients that she had to see, she hurried to the outpatient department to see post-op patients who had gone home and were coming back for checks.
The morning seemed to go by with great speed, and after a quick, nutritious lunch in the cafeteria, she was back at her desk again in a small room, when the telephone rang. It was the nurse from the unit front desk. 'Dr Montague,' she said, 'there's a call for you from the emergency department. Will you take it there? I would have dealt with it, except that they want to speak to you personally. There's been a fire in a factory in the west end, a lot of burns, and they're coming here by ambulance, some of them. The doctors in Emergency are trying to round up some staff people and residents from the burns unit to help make the initial assessments and to stand by in the operating rooms as usual.'
'OK, put it through,' Nell said. 'I guess I won't have time to finish off my patients here. Could you fit them in with someone else, Maggie? Preferably with Dr Lane.' She knew that John was there and would only be called away to an emergency when all the other available surgeons on the team had been mustered.
'Will do,' Maggie, agreed, 'if you could let me know when you have to depart. I'll put the call though.'
The nurse on the line was from the triage desk in the emergency department. 'Hi, Dr Montague,' she said. 'I'm glad I've found you. We're getting a number of burns .patients, coming in by ambulance. Don't know exactly how many yet, because some will be going to University Hospital and maybe a few other places.'
There were not many hospitals in the city that had specialized burns units that could deal with major trauma, so they did not have a choice about how many injured people they took. 'What happened?' Nell asked tersely, knowing that for the remainder of the day and
maybe the evening and half the night she would be in the operating room.
'There was an explosion at a synthetic rubber factory in the west end,' the nurse said. 'Apparently it was caused by the ignition of a dust cloud in a particular part of the factory, flammable stuff. Some workers have died, some have bad burns.'
'OK. Would you page me when you know the approximate time of arrival? Give me five minutes, if you can. I'll be ready,' Nell said.
'Sure. From what I know now, they could be here within the half-hour. I'm trying to get Dr Matheson and Dr Talbot as well.'
'You've let the burns operating rooms know, I assume?' Nell asked.
'Yes, they're going to free up at least four rooms.'
Nell hung up and dialled her mother's number. On days like this, that promised to be long, she would ask her mother to keep Alec at her house and let him sleep there for the night.
Having done that, she arranged with John to take her remaining patients, then went to the female doctors' locker room in the outpatient department and changed into a clean scrub suit and lab coat. Looking at her watch, assessing where the ambulances might be at that moment, she made her way to the emergency department.
'You don't need to page me because here I am,' she said to the triage nurse at the front desk, remembering with a certain fondness how she had worked there as a volunteer. At that moment it seemed like a million years away.
The nurse acknowledged her presence with a wave.
They could hear the screaming sound of ambulance sirens when they were still some way off. At that moment, Joel, Trixie and Rex came into the department, as well as Bill Currie. With him was the intern, Dr Sy Grant.
'Will you help me, Bill?' Nell asked. 'Or have you already been spoken for?'
'I'll work with you,' Bill said. They worked together well as a team.
With so many patients coming in, each experienced staff person would have to take a case, perhaps with only one other person helping.