For reasons she could not articulate but present all the same, she quelled her softening attitude, thinking: So what. Steffor being different, defying all the stereotypes I have come to rely on, and the apparent holes in my "Healer-patient" theory, means nothing. She peeled away another layer of denial, concluding her feelings were simply the bi-product of too many years of self-imposed celibacy, in tandem with Steffor's seductive physique and natural charisma.
After all, while working long, intense hours with male Healers in the past, she had developed a level of intimacy with a few that resulted in similar lustful impulses. The feelings would always pass in due time once the Provider called them in separate directions. Steffor was her patient that would soon be following a separate path. All she needed to do was keep it together, long enough for that event to pass.
She brought her knees to her chest, stowing away the remnants of their lunch, saying more coldly then she intended, "We should get going." Steffor rose without comment, a dejected frown seen creasing his face before he turned his back to her and continued down the small branch.
All too soon, Calivera discovered sticking to her new resolve had boiled down to an epic test of willpower, one she was failing at every turn. For moments after they resumed their trek, Steffor led them off all semblance of trail, deep into the jungle. High into the canopy, the new course had them scaling sheer cliffs of fused stems with no perceptible holds and vertical walls of tangled vine, climbs a novice Guardian can make with ease but only the most competent harvest Shifter dare undertake.
Several times, she found herself clinging to his arm as he swung her over a jutting overhang or wrapping her arms around his powerful neck and shoulders while he navigated a knarly web of vertical vines. Vigilant in her efforts to show no outward signs of joy, the intimate encounters made her cheeks burn crimson, embarrassed by her inner child clapping in delight, jumping on tippy toes, squealing "again, again, again!"
Every brush of skin against skin, whiff of musky scent or tight press of body threatened to unleash her lustful desires. She soon became resolved to the fact that it was only a matter of time before succumbing to her hormonal impulses and finally tasting his lips as she pulled him behind the next fern grove and unleashed urgings suppressed for too long.
The sun was setting below Razum, the fat buttress blocking all but a few of the days’ last rays, amber beams that shot wide of the narrower branch to disappear amongst Instenkul's needle covered twigs and airy canopy. Either feeling the press for time or in need of a more strenuous work out, Steffor abruptly decided to test the full extent of his restored Guardian strength and dexterity.
Now confident in Calivera's ability as an active passenger—proven to know when and how to lean into leaps and dives, strong enough to hold with arms or legs when necessary and overall agility to adjust on the fly—Steffor began to swing from twig and vines and catapulted from springy stems and leaf.
Calivera's heart oscillated from throat to pit of stomach with each bound that propelled them forward fifty to hundred feet, floating just above the broad leaf canopy for a few terrifying seconds before gravity pulled them back down to start the process over. Their progress increased dramatically and within minutes, Calivera began to see Fregak's Ladder off in the distance. At first a thin thread slicing the open sky between the two limbs, moments later a spiral staircase shifted from Sofelarus’s sturdy hardwood, growing up into Instenkul's coniferous branches far above.
While between leaps, they spotted the staircase's small landing some thirty yards away, located just below the canopy top. Exerting himself with a slight grunt, Steffor stretched horizontally to reach and grip a thin stem jutting just above the canopy, used their momentum to complete a full rotation before flinging them in a high arc through the air to land deceptively soft onto the small deck.
The move had forced Calivera to wrap arms and legs around his neck and waist and press tight against his body. Both covered in grime and sweat, Steffor prolonged the intimate embrace a moment longer before he gently but firmly placed his hands about her waist and slowly lowered her to the platform.
Faces but inches apart, his sapphire eyes dilated with desire, the throb of his powerful heart pounding against her own heaving chest, Calivera’s resolve melted away as she leaned up to kiss his waiting lips. Climax at hand, conscious or not, a triumphant smirk formed on Steffor’s face and stopped her approach short.
His apparent detection of her arousal had nothing to do with her sudden embarrassment. No, he had duped her and only now did she piece it all together. The need for an intense exercise or urgency to reach Lake Arol at a certain time had little influence on Steffor's decision to take the more hazardous route. It was all a premeditated attempt to break her defenses and set free the feelings she had for him; the same feelings he had blatantly displayed for her the moment he awoke on the veranda. A scheme that, if not for the display of his childish smugness, was but a breath away from flawless execution.
To Steffor's soon to be discovered chagrin, being manipulated was the biggest turn off he could have possibly done. The act instantly removed her hormonal burden, providing the negative energy to counter the onslaught of lecherousness. Lust after all, she told herself, is a natural occurrence but does not mean anything past that. Despite the innocence of his trickery, anger began to mount.
I am his Healer, nothing more. I will see him to his destination and then part ways as it should be intended.
Calivera pushed away and walked over to a bench shifted into the semi-circle shaped platform. She sat down with her back to him and faced the tiny waterfall fed by one of the countless streams formed by shifted twig and stem, splattering against a mammoth three-pronged leaf before descending further into the dense jungle. The waterfall sprayed a cool mist over her, instantly calming her frazzled emotions while washing away the dirt and sweat from the day's toil.
Still put off but less irritated, without turning she patted a spot next to her and said, "Come Steffor, sit down with me and rest for a spell."
A few seconds past, a time she was certain he spent sulking, before he came over and sat a few feet away.
"Lake Arol is but a few hours away, yes?" She asked, keeping her eyes forward.
"That's about right. Ginllats will be full tonight, so crossing the bark peninsulas should be easy going."
"A good night's rest at Lake Arol, a short journey to Teuton Valley in the morning...you should arrive at the ceremony well rested and in plenty of time. Are you prepared for the trials ahead?" She asked, doing her best to sound like a caring but platonic Healer.
"I hope." Steffor replied solemnly. She let the indifferent reply linger for a few minutes, not sure how to respond, when Steffor decided to elaborate: "I had hoped the trip here would help clear my mind. Memories of my past, family and friends, places, have all come back. But I cannot locate a Mystic. For that matter, I can't remember what it feels like to sync with a Mystic. It’s as if my connection to the conscious whole is someone else's distant memory."
"You have no connection?" Calivera asked with concern. The concept was unnerving. "What of the Provider...of the Source?"
"I felt the presence of the Provider the moment I awoke from your table and the Source is readily available. In fact, the presence of the Source has never been stronger. But I have not attempted to wield it...fearing I may lose control of it. It is the rest, my connection to the Mysticnet, my relationship with the Provider that will not mend."
"The Provider controls the Source. Citizens are but the vessels to wield it." Calivera regretted her pious quotation of the Deeds the moment it left her lips, realizing the Guardian would be intimate with the passage. "What guidance has the Provider given?" she asked, changing tact.
"None...yet," he replied.
"What?" she asked, incredulous.
"The truth is...well I just feel...I just haven't asked!" The anger in Steffor's words increased as he tried to explain his strange actions. "I know it is not right, or even p
ossible for that matter, but I can't shake the feeling of being betrayed by the Provider. My entire life, I have unequivocally trusted the Provider," anger transitioned into a sad quiver, "and I have always been rewarded by that trust, at least until the other day, in the dive championship, when that branch appeared from nowhere. Why? What lesson can possibly be learned from that kind of experience?" He addressed her directly with his last question, his tear welled eyes imploring her for insight.
She averted her eyes, disturbed by his confession. Turning back to the waterfall, he released a sorrowful sigh, shaking his head. "I know it serves no good purpose to harbor anger, especially toward the Provider, but I just can't bring myself to forgive."
Calivera took several deep breaths and pondered his words before stating the obvious. "You will need to connect to both Mystic and Provider if you intend on completing your role in the Forging Ceremony."
"I know."
She opened her mouth as if to add to the statement but chose to remain silent. Steffor, sensing she had an opinion on how he should go forward, turned around on the bench to face her. On impulse, she did the same in kind and gently grabbed hold of his hands. With each straddling the bench, their knees pressed together, Calivera looked deeply into Steffor's eyes. She hesitated, fearful of what she might say. Exhaling a long breath, she finally found the courage to speak. "Steffor, you are like no other I have ever encountered."
"I feel the same way about you!" he blurted, misconstruing the meaning of her words.
Sighing patiently, she continued. "It was no coincidence that led you to be my patient. When I said you were dead by most definitions of the word, I was not exaggerating." Steffor nodded in understanding, his mood noticeably sobered.
"I watched them try to save you but knew they would fail. How I was so certain still bothers me but the feeling was undeniable. At first...when I joined you on the table...shifting the Source to heal both body and soul..." She was unable to go on, unwilling to relive the terrifying memory, her gaze lost on a small knot in the bench.
She started to pull her hands away from his, signaling she had said all she was going to say. Steffor held her fast, forcing her to look back at him. I must tell him, I must shed this burden.
Drawing a deep breath, Calivera sat up strait and squared her shoulders. "I found you in a foreign place. My connection to the Provider was gone, replaced by a presence so vast and powerful my mind, out of some desperate need for survival, refused to process it. You were my beacon and I quickly grabbed hold of you. Your energy came alive at that moment. You saved me. You carried me from the depths Steffor."
"Why are you so sad? Why do you look at me with fear?" Steffor implored.
"It was the desire, the desire I still sense in you now, to never leave that makes me sad. I feel that I made a horrible mistake by forcing you to come back." Standing up, turning her back to him, her rigid composure returning, she whispered, "It this undeniable desire to go back to that place that I fear is the reason you may never mend your relationship to the Provider. That, Steffor, is the reason why I fear you."
Calivera did not provide Steffor the opportunity to discuss the subject any further by walking over to the first step of Frejak's Ladder and starting the ascent without him. Steffor lingered behind, not catching up with her until she was within the last few steps. They stepped onto Instenkul's Forging Bough together, both alone in separate thoughts.
A firm head wind leaned on them as they crossed the barren bark peninsula. Instenkul's higher altitude, the open sky between branch and Toliver's compact evergreen canopy above, the onset of night, it all made Sofelarus’s humid and confined setting feel like a distant memory.
Calivera unpacked her travel cloak and wrapped it tight around her weary body. Giving Steffor a sidelong glance, she noted how his Garments had adjusted to the colder temperatures, forming a loose body suit with high collar, his hands folded into deep front pockets. His face was blank but his mood had changed. He was distant with a troubling resolve set into chin and jaw.
They crossed the sturdy bridge, the gorge between bark plates an impenetrable darkness below, and began the steady incline toward Lake Arol. The volcanic shaped knot, a mountainous hulk of bark and wood spanning over a third of the Forging bough’s width, loomed dark and ominous against the Trunk’s enormous outline eclipsing the night sky to the east.
With Ginllats shining bright on their backs from the west, the restive silence ensued as they briskly hiked the strait trail, shifted into the smooth bark plate that led directly to the giant knot lake. A mile out, the lake depicted by its waterfall glistening in the distance as it sliced down the mountainside, tall wild flowers began to crop up, at first one or two stray plants but within in minutes of spotting the first a quilt of violet, pink and yellow petals covered both sides of the worn path.
The flower-infested path eventually led them to a T-intersection formed at the edge of a cliff. Looking over the tiered edge, they gazed upon the Forging River churning wildly within a wide basin as the high bark plate walls corralled the flowing water down the length of the bough.
"I used to dive from this spot," Steffor said absently, fresh with nostalgia. Calivera followed the cliff side directly below their feet, nauseous by the thought of diving three hundred feet into the swirling waters below.
The trail leading southwest followed cliff-side and river down the bough, where it eventually flowed into Teuton Valley. To the northeast, the trail skirted cliff-side for another ten yards where the edge of town where it forked again a few yards away. The cliff-side path led to the base of the mountain and the town's lower avenues bathed in Ginllats's ghostly green light a few hundred yards away. The third path angled to the left, skirting the western side of town entirely, where it then became a steep and direct climb to the top.
"You are healed Steffor, my presence is no longer needed," she stated as they reached the fork, meeting his hurt expression with phlegmatic eyes. "We can part ways now. I will find lodging in town as you go to see Kilton," she said, nodding toward the path leading to the looming lake rim. "I hope and pray you find a way to join us with the Provider and once again bask in his unending love." Delivered with arms crossed and knit brow, pausing long enough to confirm Steffor registered this as their final parting, she turned her back to him and started down the trail leading into town.
Twenty yards down the path, a confident voice, absent from his demeanor until that moment, called back. "Our bond spans lifetimes beyond conception. This much I know to be true. I do not understand why you choose to deny this connection between us and mask your true feelings, at a crossroads in our journey where we have never needed each other more. I am sure the reason will reveal itself, either in this lifetime or between another..." He paused as she stopped in her tracks.
The sad boy, so prevalent since meeting him, was gone. The Steffor of legend now spoke to her and his powerful diction had shattered with one blow the pathetic walls built around her heart. Yet she still kept her back to him.
"If this brief interlude is to be our only in this lifetime," he continued, "then I am grateful for it and pray you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive, till the Provider sees fit to reincarnate us onto his world so that we may yet again unite in the flesh. If not, and our souls grow closer in this lifetime, I pray you enough loss while we are apart to appreciate all that you possess."
She lost track of time, battling with the undeniable truth of his words. Steffor's arrival in her life felt like an imposed rebirth on a life just starting its purpose. Altered forever was her perception of the world and, to her shame, she resented him for it, desiring to inflict a similar pain.
Calivera knew her parting words would do nothing in the way of mending his estranged relationship with the Provider or give insight as to how he may reconnect to the whole. On the contrary, she was confident her words would only add to his insecurities and confusion. Faced with the biggest challenge of his young life, she chose to rebuke, not love.
But she had succumbed to a primal fear, hidden to the ego until that fateful moment she dove into the depths of his soul. Confused, scared and angry, she sought to explain it by making Steffor the source of her fear. She now recognized how Steffor shared that same fear, lost and confused as she was, groping for the one person who could possibly help him find his way back to the only reality he had ever known.
Her back still turned to the only person truly capable of relating to her plight, she turned to face him with a new sense of purpose. She craved his strong arms around her, to have him whisper in her ear and tell her, so long as they stayed together, all will be right in the world. To know he would always be there to shine light on her darkest shadows.
Knees buckled as she locked onto the sight of his tiny form halfway up the mountainside, her desperate plea for forgiveness lost in the rowdy breeze teasing the waist high flowers carpeting the otherwise barren bark floor.
Chapter 8
"Why Janison? What good could possibly come from such betrayal?"
Janison shot up from bed and reached to remove his link visor. His hand smacked his face, but no visor.
I knew I'd have to fight with my conscious but never imagined it would sound like Stalling.
He swung his legs around to the side of the bed and sat up. He reached for the glass of water on the bed stand and was startled to see the clock read 3:16. It had only been a few hours since taking the sedative. The dose he took should have knocked him out well into morning. He took a long drink and layback down, his body lead-heavy and head thick with sleep.
"Trust, Janison. It's a basic principle for people like you and I. What happened to make you betray yourself?"
Janison opened his eyes back up in alarm but did not sit up. He slowly turned his head and located his link visor resting on the nightstand. If Stalling was not communicating via the visor, then he must be in the room.
Known Afterlife (The Provider Trilogy, Volume One) Page 8