by Leela Ash
“There’s no other way to eat,” Gabe said, his lips twitching in an effort to suppress a smile.
Soon, they were eating together and having an easy conversation; talking about Val’s course load and all the things she hoped to do with her degree.
“I’ve never met a woman who wants to be a ranger before,” Gabe said, chuckling deeply. The warm rumble of his laugh brought an involuntary smile to Val’s lips, and she realized just how good a time she was having with him. She had never felt like part of a family before, but here at the kitchen table at Gabe’s house, she could almost imagine what that might be like. It was a comforting feeling. One that kind of scared her.
“Well, I don’t just want to be a ranger,” Val said. “I want to work for the benefit of the forest. Conservation and preserving the homes of the wildlife. That’s why one of my former professors recommended coming to Stonybrooke. They said the shifter’s programs are the best.”
“I imagine we would have a vantage point on the topic,” Gabe agreed with a small smile. “It just seems strange for a woman to want to roam around in the woods with a gun, helping little birdies that fall out of their nests.”
“I don’t mind getting my hands dirty,” Val said, unable to prevent the flirtatious smile from creasing her face. Gabe’s smile widened for a moment, and then his features grew dark.
What the hell was she thinking, coming on to him right at the same table he had shared meals with his wife? The beautiful woman she would never be able to compare to, no matter how hard she tried? It was a hopeless effort. Why bother? And why would she let herself make him feel so badly?
“Anyway, that’s just what I’d like to do instead of bouncing around and juggling three jobs.”
“You don’t have to do that anymore,” Gabe said quickly. “Not with me.”
“I’m not going to have any man supporting me financially,” Val said, quirking her brow at him. “No matter whether we’re married or I’m claimed or not. I’m going to have my own life outside of the man I’m with. That’s just the way it has to be.”
Gabe grinned at her and nodded slowly. “Well, you finish your degree and be a ranger. But until that happens and the danger around these parts dies down, you just enjoy getting a little rest and relaxation. You feel me?”
A hot flush darkened Val’s cheeks and she looked away quickly, remembering just how good it had felt when she had physically felt him. How they had managed to stop themselves she would never know; except for the fact Gabe would never be able to care for her. The only woman he would ever want was his wife, and she was gone. That meant that whatever agonizing feelings she was having for him, she wasn’t going to be able to act on them, whether she liked it or not.
It was probably for the best.
When she looked up at Gabe again, his eyes were flashing, the same dark desire visible within them as they stared at each other. He was doing his best to contain himself; whether the wolf wanted her or not, Gabe himself didn’t.
She decided to make everything easy on him.
“All right,” she said, taking her plate to the sink and washing her dishes quickly. “Thank you for dinner.”
She disappeared upstairs to her bedroom, wondering whether or not it had been a mistake to eat with Gabe. Somehow, though, she was feeling really good about it. Maybe she would just have to play it by ear from then on out.
15.
“What the hell am I supposed to do, Moll?”
Gabe touched the glass of the frame, studying the beautiful features of his wife’s face. It had been so long since he’d seen her. He would give anything to be with her again.
But the wolf was making it more and more clear that the situation with Val was more serious than he wanted for it to be. That private thought she’d had over dinner had smelled better to the wolf than all that food combined. In fact, the wolf was pacing in its cage right at that moment, urging Gabe to throw all his inhibitions out the window and ascend the stairs with utmost urgency.
Gabe was disgusted at himself. Molly had helped him to make this house a home, and now he had invited his biggest temptation there. It had to be done, but it was already starting to feel like the biggest mistake he had ever made, or would ever make. He would never forgive himself if he let the wolf have its way. He refused to betray his wife.
“Gabe?”
Valerie’s voice cut through his thoughts like a sensual blade, and he groaned inwardly, caressing the frame of his wife’s picture one more time before placing it back on the mantel.
“What do you need, kid?” Gabe asked.
Maybe if he focused on the fact the girl was practically half his age, the wolf would let up. The last thing he needed was to feel like a frickin’ pervert.
“This is kind of embarrassing…”
Gabe made his way up to the girl, the wolf eagerly leading the way.
“What’s going on?” Gabe asked, pushing her bedroom door open.
He was startled to see Val in a fluffy pink robe, her long, beautiful legs fully visible. Was this some kind of a trap? Was she trying to get the wolf to surrender?
“I don’t know how to turn the shower on,” Val said.
Gabe looked at her squarely, realizing this wasn’t a ploy at all. The girl was humiliated having to ask him, and refused to meet his eye; her hands covering the chest of her robe and her legs pressed tightly together. This was not inviting behavior. She was flustered.
“All right. Come here and I’ll show you.”
Val took a step forward, still refusing to let go of her robe or meet Gabe’s eyes.
“You see this knob here? It pulls out. You turn the water to the temperature you want it first.”
As Gabe demonstrated, Valerie’s mood seemed to grow darker, but her voice remained bright when she laughed, embarrassed, “Oh. Every faucet I’ve ever had was kind of different. Thanks.”
“You’ve had a lot of faucets?” Gabe asked, sensing sadness in the girl’s voice.
“Yeah…I was in the system. Foster care. My parents didn’t want me.”
Gabe frowned, all traces of the wolf’s longing had gone and was replaced by the fierce urge to protect her.
“Well, you can stay here for as long as you want,” Gabe said, the wolf taking over before he had the chance to filter it out.
“Thank you, but you don’t have to say that. I think I’m going to shower now…”
“Of course!” Gabe exclaimed, suddenly embarrassed. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel like he was making excuses to stay in the room with her half naked.
“Thanks again,” Val called, ushering him out of the room and closing the door behind him.
Gabe stared at the door, just as flustered as Val had been, and then walked slowly to his bedroom. He sat on the bed and ran his hands through his thick hair. It was hard enough having the girl there in the first place. How was he going to handle this?
He stood abruptly and rummaged through his closet, taking down the small box of sentimental items he had left from his wife. He had put a lot of her things in storage already, knowing it would be too hard to stop grieving her with her clothes and possessions still around the house.
Gabe sat back down on the bed, opening the box carefully to look inside. The room was filled with the gentle scent of Molly’s perfume, and a lump formed in his throat. She would probably hate him for what he was doing with this girl. Val was just a sweet, innocent child that his wolf was trying to take advantage of. And now that she was living in his house, it would be all the easier for that to happen.
He would have to be on his guard more now than he ever had been before. Not only to preserve his love for his wife, but to protect the girl he had taken in. Not only from the dangers of the outside world and the shifters who were surely out to get her but from himself. The wolf simply wasn’t to be trusted. It had gotten him into a serious situation; one that could mean his claim on his late wife would soon mean nothing.
Gabe couldn’t let that happen
. From then on out, he was going to have to have an iron will. Absolutely nothing could distract him from the task at hand. He had to find the men responsible for breaking into the shops, find out exactly what they were up to, and put a stop to it once and for all.
In the meantime, he would treat the girl no differently than he would have treated his own daughter, had he and his wife been blessed in that way. Unfortunately, Molly hadn’t been able to have children, and he wasn’t even sure he wanted them anyway. It seemed like a hell of a lot of trouble for little reward. He had his pack to act as a family. He didn’t need anybody else.
Gabe looked through the box for a little while longer, then sighed deeply. It wouldn’t do him any good to get all sentimental about the past. He had to focus on the present or he would never get anything done.
16.
Valerie woke up early the next day, surprised and relieved to realize she no longer had to wake up at the crack of dawn to get ready for work. But when she sat up and realized the room she was in was not her own, that it was decorated by the careful hands of the woman that Gabe was mourning, the woman he had loved more than he would ever love anybody again, her elation turned to distress and she sat heavily against the headboard of the bed, her chest tight with agony.
“What am I doing here?” she mumbled to herself.
She dressed slowly, taking articles of clothing out of the small duffel bag she had packed them in the day before. Gabe had told her to unpack and get herself comfortable there, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. After so long bouncing from house to house, family to family, she felt, once again, like a stray dog who couldn’t rest. There was no way she would be able to feel at ease in his home. She would never just simply unpack and “make herself at home” as he had so casually encouraged her to do. Without her own apartment, everything felt off kilter somehow. As if she were right back where she had started when her parents had driven her at such a young age, but old enough to remember, to the place that had solidified her deepest fear – that nobody could possibly love her.
And now, she was repeating the cycle again, but this time with a man she so desperately wanted to love. A man she wished she could reach out and touch, whose arms, when they were around her, felt more like home than any crummy little apartment she would ever be able to settle into. Gabe had promised her protection, safety, security. His claim had been his word as a wolf, his vow that she would never be alone in this world again. So why was it that she felt more alone now than she ever had before?
A small lump forged itself in her throat, and Val tried to sigh it away, but it went nowhere. Soon, she was crying despite herself, quietly and desperately, wondering what in the hell she had done to deserve such a cruel life, where no matter how hard she tried, she was doomed to suffer in silence, all by herself. She was worthless. It was about time for her to accept that.
Suddenly, Gabe’s great, familiar arms were around her, and her head was pressed against his broad chest. His rugged scent filled her nostrils and she tried to force the tears to stop. But he stroked her hair, and, somehow, they just fell with more force, until she was sobbing, mourning all the things that had brought her to the point of sitting on the floor of a stranger’s house, wishing that the home he had promised her was something more than a glittering illusion.
“Come on, kid, it’s going to be all right,” Gabe’s deep voice said, rumbling her to the core and forcing another sob to her lips. “I know things are hard. They’re always hard, one way or another. That’s life. We all have things we wish were different about our lives. People and situations we miss; no matter how hard we try, we can’t change the past or the things that have happened to us. All we can do is try to greet each new day and live like it will be the last.”
It seemed an ironic thing for Gabe to say, considering he was clearly never going to be over his wife. He couldn’t possibly imagine the torment of having nobody in this world. Gabe was a shifter. A wolf. He would always have his pack, even if he didn’t have a wife or family. He knew where he was and where he belonged, and that was something Val would never have. She wished she could take comfort in his words, but they felt hollow.
“I know it’s rough, but you’re going to get through this just like you get through everything. You know how I know that? Because you’re a fighter. You’re always going to keep going, no matter what happens. You’re not like me…”
The statement took Val by surprise and she looked up at Gabe, whose dark eyes were shadowed with concern.
“What do you mean? You don’t think you’re a fighter?”
Gabe shrugged helplessly. “If I was, I don’t think I would be so stuck. Everyone is always telling me what I should be doing; how there are all these other fish in the sea and that Molly wasn’t my last chance at having a mate. But I don’t care about what they say. I don’t even want to believe them, if that makes sense. I just want her back, and I’m a stubborn ass. I’m not going to be happy until I get what I want, and she’s all I want. It’s impossible.”
“So, what, you’re just going to accept the fact that you’ll never be happy?”
Now, Val was more confused and agitated than she was unhappy, and her eyes bore into Gabe’s with an intensity she hadn’t known she was capable of. He looked away, clearly caught off-guard by the question and her determination to see to his answer.
“It isn’t like I wanted any of this to happen,” he said, his voice low and tortured. “I just wanted to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love. But I have a lot of years left. And she’s gone.”
Val’s anger melted at the pain in Gabe’s voice, and now, she was hugging him, stroking his well-muscled back as he sighed, his body tense as she tried her best to comfort him. He relaxed a little under her touch, and they held each other on the floor like that, quietly and with an odd, unspoken understanding. Both of them were unhappy. Both of them needed comfort and peace. Both of them felt more alone now than they ever had before, and both of them were to blame for all of it. And yet, there they were, the only remedy to each other’s pain. And yet, healing seemed farther off now than it ever had before.
Finally, Gabe pulled away and bumped Val’s chin gently with his fist.
“It doesn’t do any good to cry about the past. It’s over and done with. We make our own realities, you know. Everything we see around us is a reflection of our own feelings and lives. It’s up to us to figure out what the hell we’re supposed to do with the pieces we have left. And even if we can’t gather them up and move on the way some people think we should, at least we can honestly say we have nothing left to lose.”
Val tilted her head, then shook it. “No, there’s plenty to lose. For both of us. I think it’s better to keep fighting and working toward a better future. That’s the only real solution.”
Gabe’s handsome face creased into a look that was almost a smile, and he nodded. “All right, then. Want to come with me so I can open the shop?”
It seemed so natural to let him care for her in this small way, but being cared for still wasn’t something she was comfortable with. Still, she wanted nothing more than to get up off the floor and pretend nothing had happened; that he hadn’t seen her in a moment of rare weakness, and she hadn’t seen him during the same. That was the only way she would be able to face the rest of the day and still pretend she was strong enough to face the rest of this life on her own.
“All right,” she agreed. “Let’s get this day started.”
17.
It was starting to feel familiar having the kid around. Gabe hadn’t had anyone in his house for so long that it was surprising to wake up and find Val’s gentle voice laughing at something on television, or hear her as she puttered around the kitchen, determined to perfect her very first shifter recipe. He was happy to know she was starting to feel at ease in his home. He knew that must not be easy for her.
When he had found her there, sitting on the floor beside her sad little duffel bag in tears, it had nearly broken his heart.
Her energy was all over the place. She had suffered tremendously during her young life, and maybe it had aged her beyond what normal girls her age had endured. She was practical and mature, no-nonsense and intelligent. Determined and independent. And so, so beautiful.
He could tell she felt lost, and felt stupid for not taking her feelings into consideration more. But what was done was done, and he wasn’t going to be able to change the past, or the fact that she was stuck there with him until the outside world was safe for her to return to. And he couldn’t help but dread the day that happened. He had forgotten just how nice it could be to live with someone. He hadn’t realized just how lonely he had been until Val arrived.
But Gabe couldn’t live with the idea of a threat on the woman he had claimed and took to the streets. When he knew Val was sleeping, safe and sound in his home, he would go out in his wolf form, allowing his senses to take over and guide him on the trail of the group of shifters that had been trying to destroy his business. What was it that they had wanted?
His first clue had come late one night, when he and Val were closing up shop.
“What do you keep in the basement?” Val asked, coming up the steps, her eyebrows knitted in concern. “There’s a weird humming coming from behind one of those shelves.”
“A humming?” Gabe asked, immediately thinking of the intruders. Had they planted something down there? Something that might endanger Gabe and anyone who came to his shop?
“Yeah,” Val replied. “Like a giant refrigerator or something. I know you keep food stocked down there, but it was different…”
“Stay right here,” Gabe said. “And don’t move until I come back, unless somebody comes in the shop. Then come down with me.”
Val smiled, clearly thinking Gabe was overreacting, but he couldn’t be too careful. Especially when it came to Val’s safety. He had dropped the ball with Molly, but he wasn’t going to do the same with her.