by Kat Bostick
Jasper watched over her late into the night, long after the crickets quieted and Mother Moon made her ascent beyond the tallest of trees. Mari couldn’t bring herself to say his name, to call him to her, but she could have this. Even from a distance she could feel the heat of him at her back and it was enough to salve her raw heart.
Lyse was right. Mari wasn’t alone.
Chapter 34
Jasper
Strange faces formed in the shadows cast on the ceiling from the open window, mocking Jasper’s sleeplessness with their twisted smiles. For ten nights he’d slept in his own bed, wrapped in his own scent. It should have been a sweet victory not only to return to his home but to return to himself. Over a year passed while he was a shattered, wandering creature. Half of him confined to his mind, all of him confined in unwanted isolation.
Jasper should feel liberated. Instead, he felt deflated. And confused and even more lost than he was before he found his way back home.
Memories were always elusive to him. Even when he first came to Charlie, just barely a young man—barely even human. They were as delicate and ephemeral as butterflies, fluttering in and out of his mind on their own accord. Yet, there were some experiences—more feelings than true memories—that were permanent scars on his heart. Memories of family, of loss.
The Humble Springs alpha assumed Jasper wouldn’t open up to them because he wouldn’t trust them. In part, this was true. After the torturous year he spent in Nikolai’s pack, it was difficult to believe that an alpha’s word was worth anything. He expected Charlie’s kindness to be a trick used to lure the man out of the wolf. It was a relief to be proven wrong.
It wasn’t trust alone that kept him withdrawn from the Humble Springs pack for months, even years after he arrived here, however. Fear drove him to isolate himself. Family was so precious and it seemed too easy for it to be snatched away from him. Jasper had no faith in Gods above or below at that point. He believed them angry with him, punishing him for some unknown crime.
Why else would they leave him orphaned? Why else would they take from him the sole person in his life that mattered?
Perhaps those questions were not for him to know the answers to while he was in this world. He’d found peace with that when he finally accepted Charlie and his unruly wolves. Jasper let the Dunne’s into his heart and they weren’t ripped away from him in unjust and untimely deaths. In fact, they bandaged many of his wounds, not healing them but covering them so they weren’t on the surface, always visible.
Sometimes, in his darkest hours he would uncover them, open the window to the broken parts of himself and look inside. Seeing those wounds still weeping, still as tender as the day they were inflicted, was a reminder. Jasper wouldn’t suffer that kind of pain again. That was why he refused to let Charlie set him up with a mate. It seemed pointless to chance becoming attached to someone that could be his undoing.
Then Mari appeared like an angel with a halo of moonlight and Jasper realized that his alpha was right; she was worth the risk.
And just as quickly as he found her, he was losing her and he couldn’t fully understand why. Worse, he had no idea how to stop it. There was no enemy to be killed, nothing to protect her from. There wasn’t even a mistake to correct. Jasper refused to acknowledge what he’d done as wrong. It wasn’t. Claiming Mari was the single best decision he had and probably ever would make.
No matter what she asserted, their mating was willed by the divine. They came together by fate, not chance. With no way to prove that to his stubborn witch, however, he was stuck. Jasper didn’t do well with stuck.
On the bright side, it was obvious that Mari was not as unaffected by this as she pretended. Even without the link between them he could see the way the forced distance was wearing on her. It was evident in the dusky circles beneath her eyes, in the tight lines around her mouth, and most of all in her stolen glances when she thought he wasn’t watching. Jasper could see the longing there, the loneliness that mirrored his own.
He didn’t need any of that as proof, though. He could feel it. Mari was as restless and torn as him.
As if awakened by the intensity with which he was thinking about her, there was a sudden shuffling in Mari’s room. Jasper raised his head from the pillow to better listen. Bare feet scuffed on hardwood, followed by the quiet creak of door hinges. Was she leaving for another midnight walk? She hadn’t since that first time, having instead resumed her regular runs at dawn.
Jasper listened for her every night, just in case she wasn’t leaving for a simple walk but running away from him. He shoved the blankets down to his ankles, ready to tail her if necessary. Then his doorknob twisted and Mari appeared in the doorway. Her gaze was soft, her long hair mussed, and her expression distraught.
“Mari? What’s wrong?” Jasper sat up, wanting to go to her but unsure if his affection would be unwelcome.
A gentle curve graced her lips and she whispered “Jasper,”
“Mari?” He said again.
She crossed the room and slid onto the mattress. Her arms circled Jasper’s neck, tugging him down to the pillow. Mari burrowed into his chest until she was nearly beneath him, her mouth pressed to his collar bone. Their legs became a knotted mess as she squirmed her thigh between his.
“Are you alright?” He brushed hair from her face. “Did you have a nightmare?”
The only answer she gave was a contented sigh.
Jasper lay stunned for a moment, eagerly accepting this unexpected visit but feeling puzzled nonetheless. A memory of Mari snorting with laughter as she regaled him with absurd sleep-walking stories came to mind. The sleep-walking began the same time her dreams did, when she first came into her powers. For months she would wake up in the strangest of places, once even opening her eyes to find herself curled up on the front lawn with no recollection of how she got there.
For as long as they were together, Jasper had never seen her sleep-walk so he assumed she grew out of it. Apparently not.
A smug smile stretched his lips as he gazed down at her sleeping form, happily tucked in his arms. “Couldn’t stay away, could you, little witch?”
Hours later, Jasper woke with a grunt when an elbow pushed forcefully against his ribs. Instinctively he tightened his old around the warm body next to him, thinking Mari was simply rolling over in her sleep.
“Jasper, what the hell are you doing?”
“Sleeping.” He mumbled.
Mari writhed wildly to extricate herself from his arms, toppling from the bed when her legs caught between his and the blanket. She steadied herself on the bed frame and practically leapt across the room to get away from him.
“Why are you sleeping in my bed?” She hissed. “What exactly is the point of giving me space if you’re just going to encroach…” her words faded and a perplexed frown marred her features as she scanned the surroundings. “This is your room.”
“It is.” Jasper pushed up on his elbow to watch her sleep muddled brain process the situation.
“How did I get here?”
“You walked.”
“I walked?” Mari cupped her face and groaned into her palms. “Oh Father Above, I didn’t.”
“Don’t sound so disappointed. You were quite pleased when you arrived.” He grinned at her.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” She planted her hands on her hips and scowled at him.
“How was I to know you were asleep?”
Mari sputtered, several half-sentences tumbling from her mouth before she finally said “it should have been obvious.”
“All that was obvious to me was your desire to be held.”
She continued to glare at him with a pouty lower lip but on their own volition, her eyes began to wander, roaming over his bare chest and pausing to take in the sight of his legs. Jasper’s grin widened, provoking an indignant huff. Why was he suddenly so infuriating to her? It was clear what she wanted.
“You can come back to bed, Mari. I won’t bite.” He winked. “Much.
”
“I’m going for a run.” She growled, marching out of his room and back into hers.
Jasper fell back onto the bed with a chuckle. The first beam of early morning light broke the tree line, leaving a shimmering line of gold in place of the shadowy faces above him. A newfound sense of hope came with that sunrise. The tether between him and his mate was stronger than he thought. Even if she wouldn’t yet come to him in waking moments, Jasper was confident that Mari couldn’t resist him forever.
With unusual energy for such an early hour, he climbed from his bed, hurriedly getting dressed so he could make it to the kitchen and back before Mari was ready for her run. The coffee maker sputtered uselessly for what felt like half an hour before it started spewing the rich liquid he required. He nearly spilled the mug all over himself as he rushed out of the kitchen and up the stairs.
Mari gasped when he opened her door, stumbling backward with a look of guilt on her face. Guilt? What could she possibly be doing that made her feel guilty? He opened his mouth to ask when he noticed her discreetly tucking her cell phone into the pocket of her sweatpants.
“Why didn’t you knock?” She scowled at him.
“Why would I knock?” He asked, setting the mug on the nightstand and flopping onto her unmade bed. He shamelessly lifted the end of the sheet and brought it to his nose to inhale.
“I could have been naked!”
He smirked. “Even better.”
“It’s called privacy, Jasper. I know you don’t seem to understand the concept but I like mine. Please knock before you come barging in here.”
Jasper resisted his desire to immediately respond with “no.” Mari was avoiding him and his attempts to woo her and so he had to step up his game, even if that meant censoring some of his more instinctive responses. “Whatever you want, sweet Mari.”
A half smile curved her mouth before she could stop it. Mari pretended to be choosing her already selected exercise clothes to hide the expression as she asked “what are you doing in here?”
“Bringing you coffee.”
“I can’t drink a cup of coffee before a run.”
“Skip the run this morning. I have something to show you.” Jasper sat up, giving her his most pleading look. If there was one thing his mate was a sucker for, it was puppy dog eyes.
“What?” She must have realized how snappish the word came out because she quickly amended her sentence to “what is it?”
“It’s a secret.”
The first hint of excitement danced in her eyes. “A secret?”
“Yes. Get dressed if you want to see it.”
Mari quickly grabbed for her shorts before turning to frown at him. “I’m not changing in front of you.”
“It’s nothing I haven’t seen.” He probably shouldn’t have said that.
“I had no idea who or what you were then so it doesn’t really count.”
“Oh it counts.” He returned to his lounging position on the bed. “I won’t look.”
“You’re not going to leave, are you?” She groaned.
“No. And unless you want to walk through dewy grass in your pajamas, you should hurry up and put some clothes on.” Jasper knew this was risky. The current state of affairs between him and Mari was fragile and she was extra sensitive about his supposed bossiness.
She scrutinized him for a long minute before huffing “fine” and turning her back to him. Jasper wasn’t a liar and he really didn’t want to break Mari’s trust but it was impossible to keep his eyes averted the entire time. He successfully kept his gaze on the wall while she slipped on her shorts but the moment she lifted her sleep shirt over her head, it was like her body became a magnet for his irises.
Father Above, he wanted to reach out and run his hands over every defined muscle between her neck and her tail bone. He knew how soft her golden skin was there. He knew touching it would be like touching a piece of the sun. And her beautiful, dark hair, cascading down her back in shimmering glory, was calling to him.
“You do realize I can feel your eyes on me, right?” She said as she hooked the strap of her bra and yanked a t-shirt on over it. He smirked when she turned to reveal a black shirt that read “you say witch like it’s a bad thing” in bold white font. Mari’s wardrobe was certainly interesting these days.
Jasper cleared his throat and forced his gaze back to the wall. “Did you really think I could resist peeking?”
“No.” She scooped the coffee mug off the nightstand and sat on the bed next to him.
When the silence stretched on, he twisted to look at her and ask “how do you like the guest room?”
“It’s nice. Really nice.” She sipped from her mug. “I do envy your tub though.”
He knew an opportunity when he saw one. “You can use it whenever you want. My room is always open to you.”
The unexpected mistrust that flashed across her features hurt. “I’m good.”
More silence yawned between them. She used to find it so easy to talk to him. Why was she so determined to distance herself from him now?
“I didn’t mean to come into your room last night.” She blurted. “I had no idea what I was doing.”
“I know.” He watched her face, desperate for her to meet his eyes. “But you still came to me.”
“Yeah and I didn’t mean to.” She sipped her coffee more aggressively. Jasper watched as the liquid sloshed dangerously near the rim of the mug. “I won’t do it again so can we please just pretend it never happened?”
Absolutely not.
“How can you guarantee that?”
“I’ll tie my hands to the freaking bed if I have to.” She muttered. “When do I get to know about this secret?”
“Right now.” He stood, offering his hand. She didn’t take it. “Follow me.”
Mari was quiet as Jasper led her out the back door and to the tree line but he could feel her excitement. She liked surprises and she loved secrets. Other people’s secrets, of course. If asked, Mari would pretend she didn’t have any of her own. She couldn’t pretend with him though. He knew what was in her head.
As the forest thickened around them, Mari had to walk closer to him. Eventually they were close enough that her free hand brushed his with every step. It was the next best thing to holding her hand and if that was all he got from her today, he would take it.
After almost ten minutes of walking she glanced up at him suspiciously.
“Almost there. I promise.” He added a smile to the promise and she relaxed. A moment later Jasper stopped and pointed out their surroundings in a sweeping gesture. “See? We’re here.”
Before them was a narrow pond. It was so deep that the water was almost black. A tiny collection of lily pads decorated one side of the shore. On the other sat Jasper’s very favorite boulder. It wasn’t any more exceptional than the half a hundred ponds they’d encountered on their hunt for the pack but to him, it was special.
He climbed up onto the boulder, offering his hand to help Mari up beside him. This time she accepted it. There wasn’t much room for both of them on the curved seat of the stone so she had to rest one of her thighs on top of his in order to keep from falling. Jasper slid his arm behind her and cupped her hip. She didn’t protest.
“This is one of my secret places. I come here when I want to be alone.” He explained.
Mari shot him a sidelong glance. “Well now it’s not a secret.”
“You can have all of my secrets.” He leaned closer to her.
“Do you want to be alone often?”
“I used to come nearly every day when I first joined the pack. I wasn’t used to being surrounded by so many people.” That was something she didn’t know they shared.
“Really?”
“Really. I was on my own for a long time before I ended up here.”
Jasper could see the curiosity dancing in her eyes. There were a million questions she wanted to ask him but for some reason, she didn’t. For weeks she went on about how excited she wa
s to know him, to hear his stories, and now she wouldn’t bring herself to. When they first arrived Mari asked him to share all of his secret places with her and he would, including the secret places buried deep inside of his chest.
“What do you like about it?” She finally asked.
“Close your eyes.” Mari did as she was told. “What do you hear?”
Her ears weren’t as skilled as his at picking up the finer noises but she should still be able to hear the faint trickling of water, feeding the pond from some underground place. She should hear the lone frog croaking rhythmically and the rustling of the sparse cattails in the wind. Jasper always found the natural symphony peaceful.
All of it was enhanced with Mari there. While she sat quietly with her eyes closed and her ears trained to the side, he studied every line on her face. There was as much tranquility to be found in her presence as there was to be found in this private sanctuary.
Jasper watched her and prayed that he would get a hundred—no, a hundred thousand—more mornings like this. If he could start even one day a week in silence with Mari by his side, admiring the littlest details of the natural world, he would be happy.
“Doesn’t it bother you?” She whispered.
“Doesn’t what bother me?”
She lifted her lids to reveal bright hazel eyes. “That we barely know each other.”
“Do you think we don’t know each other?”
“Yes.” Her gaze darted back to the pond. “In some ways we’re almost strangers.”
“That can be easily remedied.” He shrugged. “But I don’t think we’re strangers. I know you, Mari. I know your heart and your heart knows mine.”
“Yeah? What’s my middle name? My favorite color? What about you? When is your birthday? I don’t even know how old you are. What if buried in all of those little details are things that make us incompatible?” She covered her mouth after that last question, probably not meaning to say it aloud lest she sound like she was actually worried about making their relationship work.