My Tomorrow

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My Tomorrow Page 9

by Megan Nugen Isbell


  “You don’t strike me as an art enthusiast,” he said once we were inside and had stopped in front of a Van Gogh painting.

  “I don’t? Why would you say that?” I asked, staring at the thick brush strokes of Starry Night, amazed that nothing was separating me, not even a pane of glass, from one of the most beautiful paintings ever made.

  “Iowa doesn’t strike me as a budding world of culture.”

  “That it may not be, but I can still appreciate it. I had to take an art appreciation class in college and it kinda wore off on me.”

  “So, what do you appreciate?” he asked, sidling up beside me as we both stared at the painting.

  “I don’t know,” I said, pausing to think. “It’s Starry Night for crap’s sake. Starry Night! It’s beautiful and famous. I mean, Vincent Van Gogh actually touched this painting. He created it. It’s not a cheap copy. It’s the real thing and it’s beautiful.”

  “That it is,” he said and when I glanced to my side at him, he was grinning at me and I couldn’t help but smile back before we made our way to the next painting.

  ~~~

  “So, what’d you think of the MOMA?” Drew asked as he took a bite of the calzone he’d ordered from the little pizzeria he’d insisted on for our late lunch.

  “It was actually a little overwhelming.”

  “Overwhelming?” he asked, and I noticed how he raised an eyebrow, obviously curious about my choice of word.

  “In a good way. It was overwhelming to see so many famous paintings in real life. It was almost surreal.”

  “You didn’t get that in Iowa?”

  “I think you know the answer is no,” I smirked at him, knowing he was just baiting me.

  “Why’d you come to New York? Aside from wanting to work in publishing?”

  I sighed and thought back to my journey with Ethan to New York and how much things had changed. It seemed so long ago and I could still recall how hopeful I’d been when we left, but when I thought about it, a better word to describe me would’ve been naïve. I wasn’t so naïve anymore.

  “Are you going to share what you’re thinking about?” he said and I drew my eyes up to meet his across the table.

  “My boyfriend.”

  “The stupid boyfriend?” he laughed.

  “Yes, that’d be the one.”

  “Why’d he want to come here?”

  “He wants to get a job in a show.”

  “Like Broadway? Is he an actor?”

  “No. He works in the audio visual/department. Well, that’s what he wants to do.”

  “He’s not doing it though?”

  “Not yet.”

  “Do you think he will?”

  “Yeah, I do,” I said quickly.

  “And if he doesn’t?” Drew returned just as quickly.

  “He will.”

  “New York’s a tough place,” Drew said, raising that eyebrow again.

  “Believe me, I know,” I sighed, thinking back to my Ramen noodle dinners and delayed coat buying.

  “So,” Drew continued. “Stupid Boyfriend…what’s his name?”

  “Why are you so interested in Stupid Boyfriend?” I laughed.

  “I don’t know. Curiosity, I guess.”

  “Ethan. His name’s Ethan.”

  “Are you guys getting married or something?”

  “What the hell? What is this? Twenty questions?”

  “Curiosity, remember?”

  “No, we’re not engaged, but who knows what tomorrow will bring. Now, enough questions about me,” I said adamantly. “I’m not that interesting. You, however, are one of New York’s most eligible bachelors.”

  “I am? And where did you hear that?”

  “From Court,” I told him, thinking back on how Court had spent practically the whole time Drew was in Boston filling me in on all the gossip about my boss.

  “Don’t listen to Court. He’s got a big mouth, plus I think he’s got a crush on me,” he said and we both laughed.

  “You’re probably right, but so is he. You’re young and rich and successful, which makes you very eligible.”

  “Since you put it that way, perhaps you’re right,” he said smugly. “But, I’m not as important as Court likes to think I am. I don’t bathe in hundred dollar bills every night,” he said and we both laughed. “I’m just an architect. I don’t own my own plane or have apartments all over the world or go jet setting across Europe. I’m just a guy who’s found a little success and that’s not something I take for granted.”

  There was something about the way he said it that brought him down from the pedestal I’d put him on. He just seemed like a regular guy, because that’s all he was.

  “Court made you seem different.”

  “I know exactly how Court made me seem,” he grinned and I knew I should’ve stopped with the questions, but as I sat across from him, I wanted to know more.

  “Still, even though you’re just a regular guy,” I began with a grin. “Why haven’t you settled down? I mean, most guys your age are married or at least have a serious girlfriend.”

  “My age? I’m thirty. You make me feel like an octogenarian,” he said, both of us laughing and I realized how much I missed laughing with someone like this.

  “I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intention. You know what I mean though, right?” I asked and he smiled and nodded.

  “I do know what you mean because you sound exactly like my mother,” he said with another deep chuckle. “It’s simple though. I haven’t found the right girl.” He winked as he finished off his calzone. “What about you and Stupid Boyfriend?”

  “What about Ethan and me?”

  “What are your future plans?” he asked and I didn’t know how to respond. I was fine asking him questions, but when the tables were turned, I was tongue-tied.

  “I don’t know. I’m sure we’ll get married eventually.”

  “How long have you been together?”

  “Four years,” I replied and he nodded, taking a bite of his calzone.

  “Why couldn’t he come out with you today?”

  “Work. A shift came open and he offered to take it,” I said, looking up at him. “Money’s been kinda tight since we got here.” I tried not to sound embarrassed. I knew it was nothing to be ashamed of, but I didn’t like admitting my financial troubles to someone who had none.

  “That’s too bad he missed out on today, but his work ethic is admirable. At least he’s taking care of you.”

  I almost told him I didn’t need anyone to take care of me, but I knew that wasn’t true. I’d needed Ethan more than I ever had when we first moved to New York. It was because he busted his ass that I had food to eat, even if most of it came from a box, and I suddenly felt terrible for how I’d treated him.

  “It’s getting late. I should probably get home.”

  “It’s only six o’clock.”

  “Yeah, but you see, I’ve got this boss and he’s kind of a jerk and I’ve gotta work tomorrow,” I said and Drew burst out laughing. It was a hearty laugh, the kind that was infectious and I laughed too.

  “I know how that is,” he said, throwing his napkin on his plate and standing up. “We should get going then. C’mon. I’ll walk you home.”

  ~~~

  “I can’t believe you braved the subway to make sure I got home okay,” I said as we approached my apartment building.

  “Just as bad as I recall.”

  “Why’d you break your no subway rule?” I inquired.

  “I guess you bring out the wild side of me, but I will definitely be taking a cab home,” he said with a smile and stopped in front of the stoop leading to the door of my apartment building. “So, this is where you live?”

  “Yeah,” I sighed. “It doesn’t exactly overlook Central Park.”

  “Hey, we’ve all gotta start somewhere. At least it’s in a decent part of the city.”

  “I guess that is the silver lining,” I said, standing on the bottom step of the stoop so I wa
s now eye to eye with Drew. “Thanks for showing me around the museum and for lunch. It was really nice of you to give up your day to entertain me.”

  “You don’t need to thank me. It was fun. I had a good time,” he said and then it got quiet for a moment and before I knew what I was saying, I was asking him inside.

  “Do you wanna come in?” I asked, wondering what we would even do if he agreed. It’d just slipped out and I couldn’t take it back.

  “You’re inviting me in?” he asked with a coy grin.

  “Yeah, I guess I am,” I said and he nodded.

  “Then I’m accepting,” he said and my heart started beating harder as I tried figuring out what I was going to do with him once we got upstairs.

  “Alright then. Follow me,” I said, opening the door.

  We stepped into the quiet hallway, which was as dead as it always was. We made our way up the stairs and I was grateful Doris wasn’t there. I could just imagine what she’d say to Drew. I didn’t need the third degree from my nosey neighbor.

  My hand nervously rested on the doorknob, turning it and then pushing it open, revealing an empty, lonely apartment. I hadn’t heard a word from Ethan all day, but that was intentional. I’d purposely left my cell phone at home and I could see it sitting on the counter.

  “Welcome to my castle,” I said, stepping inside and closing the door once Drew was next to me. I watched as he eyed the place and I wondered what he was thinking.

  “It’s not bad,” he said, leaving my side and walking to the back wall, tracing his fingers over the exposed maroon bricks. “These are a nice feature along with the beams,” he said, his neck craning up at the large wooden beams overhead.

  “It’s small though,” I said, making my way into the tiny kitchen. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “What do you have?”

  “To be honest…not much. Water actually,” I said, hoping he didn’t think I was as pathetic as I felt.

  “What a coincidence. That’s exactly what I wanted,” he said with a grin and I just smiled back as I filled two glasses with water from our Brita in the fridge and then walked over to Drew, who’d made himself comfortable on our crappy rented couch.

  “Here you go,” I said as he took the glass and I sat down next to him. The cushions were so old I couldn’t stop myself from tilting towards him. It was a far cry from the posh leather furniture in his apartment.

  “Thanks,” he said, taking a drink.

  “We’re gonna get another couch once we can afford it. I mean, we used everything we had just to get out here and pay the security deposit on this place. As soon as we can though, this piece of crap is outta here,” I babbled quickly until I felt his hand rest on my knee.

  “Why are you apologizing for your life, Natalie?” he asked gently and I looked down at the hardwood floor that was begging for refinishing.

  “I don’t know. I guess after seeing where you live…” I said, my voice trailing off.

  “You can’t compare our lives. You’re just starting out. You’ve got a roof over your head, right?”

  I looked up from the floor and turned so our eyes met and the way he smiled at me made me feel better, as if he wasn’t judging me the way I expected him to.

  “Yeah, you’re right,” I said, smiling back for a moment until I felt his fingers start to move in slow circles over the denim of my pants. I drew my eyes up and my smile vanished as did his and I focused on his lips and I tried to ignore the way my breathing picked up and the pull I felt to him. His fingers stopped moving on my knee and they slowly slid a little higher and my heart started beating even faster.

  “Natalie,” he said, his voice low as his breath, warm and sweet, brushed over my cheek, but before he could say anything else, the clicking of the doorknob caused both of our heads to jerk towards the door.

  Ethan walked in, his arms loaded with two paper bags from the market down the street. He stopped, not bothering to come in all the way or shut the door. He was just staring, his eyes moving curiously back and forth between us.

  “Hel…lo,” he said, stretching out the word so much it made me uncomfortable.

  “Ethan,” I said, standing up and taking one of the bags from his arms and walking it over to the kitchen counter. “I didn’t expect you home. I thought you were working.”

  “I left early…to make up for this morning,” he said and I knew he didn’t expound because of our visitor. He was looking over at Drew as he placed the other bag on the counter beside the one I’d just set down.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, shaking my head, hoping I didn’t appear as nervous as I felt. “Ethan, this is Drew, my boss.”

  “Your boss?” he asked, raising a curious eyebrow.

  “Hi,” Drew said, walking over to Ethan and extending a hand, which Ethan took. “Drew Saben. I ran into Natalie at the park and I offered to show her around the city.”

  “You did?” Ethan said, but it wasn’t a question by the way he looked at me.

  “I hope you don’t mind. We just ran into each other. I thought it might be safer, for Natalie, to not wander around the city alone. I hope we’re cool.”

  “Yeah…yeah,” Ethan nodded quickly. “Thanks.”

  “Well, Natalie,” Drew said, turning to me. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night. And Ethan,” he said, looking at him and extending his hand again. “It was good to meet you.”

  “Same here,” Ethan answered, quickly shaking Drew’s hand.

  Drew smiled at me again and then he was gone, quietly shutting the door behind him, leaving just Ethan and I in the quiet apartment in a sea of awkwardness as he began unloading the bags.

  “What’s all this?” I asked, looking at the noodles and pasta sauce.

  “I thought I’d make you dinner…to make up for being an asshole.” He didn’t look at me as he unpacked and I didn’t know what to say. “I didn’t expect to come home from the market and find you and that guy together.”

  “We just got home. We were only here a few minutes,” I said and I knew I sounded defensive.

  “It just surprised me is all.”

  “You’re not upset, are you?”

  “Upset? No,” he said as he pulled out a bag of salad. “Confused. Yes.”

  “Confused about what?”

  “Why your boss was here in our apartment. Alone. With my girlfriend,” he said and I couldn’t deny part of me enjoyed his jealousy.

  “He was just being nice. I was alone and he found me at the park by myself looking completely pathetic.”

  “Did you have a good time with him?”

  “Yeah, I did,” I answered and his lips remained in a straight line as he continued unloading the groceries. “You’re not mad are you?”

  “I’m fine,” he said, but then he stopped, staring down at the counter before looking at me again. “It’s my own fault. He wouldn’t’ve had to be there for you if I had been.” He set down the tomato he’d pulled out and walked towards me. I felt his presence beside me a moment later, heavy and obvious, and then I felt his hand on my lower back before reaching up and brushing my ponytail away from my neck so his breath was warm against my ear. “I’m sorry, Natalie. I’m sorry for what I did today. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did and I’m sorry. I love you and I hate when I hurt you.” I felt his warm lips on the skin of my neck a second later. “I thought I was doing the right thing when I offered to work the extra shift. I thought I was doing right by us, but I wasn’t. It should’ve been me taking you out today, not your boss, but I’m glad you had fun, even if it wasn’t with me. I just want you to be happy and I’m so sorry I’m not making you happy.”

  I felt my eyes grow warm as I listened to him. He hadn’t meant to hurt me. I turned around slowly, so I was facing him and I took his hands in mine.

  “You do make me happy, Ethan,” I said, reaching up and kissing him softly. “I just miss you.”

  “I’m right here.”

  “You know what I mean,” I
sighed. “I miss you. I miss being with you. I miss talking with you.”

  “I know it’s hard right now. It sucks actually, but it’s not always going to be like this. It’s just for a little while. I promise.”

  “I was just really looking forward to today,” I said, a tear escaping my eye. He reached up and wiped it away and smiled.

  “I was too. You might not think so, but I was. I thought the extra money would help though. I worry about taking care of you because I feel like I’m not doing a very good job.”

  “You’re doing a fine job,” I said with a little smile, trying to erase the worried look in his eyes. “I love that you think you have to take care of me.”

  “I love you, Nat. I hope you’ll put up with me a little while longer.” He kissed me on the forehead and I smiled up at him when he pulled back.

  “We’re doing fine,” I assured him. “We’ll be fine. We’ll eat Ramen noodles and spaghetti o’s for a while, but we’ll survive. I guess I kinda freaked out this morning.”

  “You had every right to be pissed off at me.”

  “I’m sorry for how I reacted. I’m sorry I stormed off like that and for what I said…” I began, but then he put his finger over my mouth so I wouldn’t say anything else.

  “Let’s just forget about this. I wasn’t thinking when I did what I did, but can we get past this?”

  His brown eyes looked so soft and sincere and he reached up, brushing his fingers lightly over my cheek before pushing a piece of hair that had escaped my ponytail behind my ear.

  “Is it okay if I make you dinner? Spaghetti and meatballs and a spinach salad.”

  “One of my favorites,” I smiled.

  “Now, just go sit down and relax and I’ll let you know when dinner’s ready.”

  “Okay,” I said, reaching over and touching his arm before I walked into the bedroom to change.

  “I love you, Natalie,” he called to me from the kitchen and I just smiled as I slipped out of my jeans and into a comfortable pair of sweats.

  “I love you too, Ethan,” I called back, wanting to put the morning behind us, but then my smile faded as I thought back to Drew and his hand on my knee and I didn’t want to think about what might’ve happened had Ethan not walked in.

 

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