by Lucy Wild
“Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. All of a sudden, I felt like a little girl, being told off by her teacher. I wanted to cry.
He held out a paper that I recognised as mine. “I’m giving you one week to get this up to scratch. You want to write about lust versus love and you talk as if you’ve never experienced either.”
You’ve no idea, I thought to myself. No idea at all.
“The best work comes from the heart,” he continued. “I know you’re capable of doing better.”
“You really think so?” I tried to keep the hope out of my voice.
“But this is shit, I mean really shit. The worst piece of work it has ever been my misfortune to try and read through.”
“I did my best, really I did.”
“No, you didn’t. It reads like you’ve not listened to a single thing I’ve said all year. And to cap it all, today you just ignored me when I was speaking to you. I’ve never had a student do that before.”
“I said I was sorry, Mr Shepherd. I’m not sure what else you want to say.” I could feel the tears forming. I couldn’t help it. He looked so angry, almost snarling at me when all I wanted to do was please him. I didn’t want to have a crush on him. I didn’t want to risk failing at my degree, wasting all the time and money that had been spent on me. I wanted to concentrate, not act like a girl with a crush on a pop star.
Christ, pop star. I sound so old.
“You’re not listening now,” he said, tapping my shoulder. “Are you?”
“I am, I promise I am.”
“What did I just say?”
“That my essay is not good enough.”
“And after that?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“Exactly. You know, back in my day, you’d have been in line for corporal punishment for such a poor show, Donna. Do you realise that? I went to the same school as you, did you know that? And when I went there, they still had the cane and the slipper in use. You’re lucky we’re not as barbaric as that anymore or you’d have been sent screaming out of here.”
I tuned out again, unable to stop thinking about bending over for him. It wasn’t a cane in his hand, it was just his palm slapping down on my ass, spanking it bright red as I…
“See, you’ve gone again. Get out, Donna. I can see there’s no point trying to solve this. Don’t bother coming back to my class until you have a better attitude.”
“Please,” I mumbled, the tears that had been welling in my eyes began their journey down their cheeks as I muttered another apology.
“Out!”
I turned to go, sobbing loudly. I was halfway across the room when I heard him shout my name.
“Donna, stop.”
I turned, sniffing loudly as I did so.
“Get yourself together over the weekend. Come to my office at eleven o’clock Monday after the lecture. We’ll see if we can sort this out, all right?”
I nodded, turning away again and hurrying out before he changed his mind. One thing was clear, any thought that I had that he had a crush on me had gone. He couldn’t have made it any clearer that he despised me, only throwing me a bone of pity at the end to assuage his guilt for making me cry. I stopped in the corridor and wiped my cheeks before running to the girl’s toilets to fix my make up.
Chapter Four
I caught a glimpse of her running off to the bathroom and it was a sight I’ll never forget. I was instantly hard as her skirt flicked up at the back, revealing enough of her thighs to make me want to run in after her and grab her, shove her against the wall, fuck her without caring who saw us.
Instead, I turned the other way and hurried to my office, settling into my desk and trying to concentrate on the lesson plans for next week.
It was Friday and I had two days off coming up. I needed to think about dealing with my ex, not the girl who would get me sacked if I didn’t get a hold of myself.
I’d seen her pussy. It was only a glimpse but the image kept intruding on my mind as I worked. I kept wishing it was Monday morning already, wanting to see her again.
What was my plan anyway? Her essay hadn’t been that bad. It was a passing grade. A scrape through but still a pass. If she showed it to any other tutor for a second opinion, I’d be rumbled.
I had been an idiot. Frustrated by my own desire, I’d taken my anger out on her and then my lust had risen up again and I’d made up that story about corporal punishment, just to see how she reacted. And she did react, her cheeks flushing as her eyes glazed over. She wanted me. But the tears, I just wanted to comfort her when she cried, unable to resist stopping her in her tracks to arrange a private tutorial. It was a mistake. I knew at once I shouldn’t have done it but by the time I reached the corridor, she was already running off and my thoughts were back in my pants again.
Or was my mind playing tricks on me? Did she want me? Was I reading too much into things? I guessed I’d find out on Monday when she realised what I demanded of her to get her essay to a better standard.
I somehow got through the rest of the day although Donna remained in my thoughts, particularly that flash of her thighs as she ran into the girls toilet.
At six I finally headed off, driving to my ex’s house. She ignored me knocking on the door until I did it a second time, just one more little pointless gesture to show how little she thought of me. If it wasn’t for Daisy, I’d have told her exactly what I thought of her behaviour.
The door opened at last and Daisy ran out to me, wrapping herself around my leg. “Daddy!”
I reached down and picked her up. “Hey, sweetheart, ready to go?”
“Course I am. What we doing this weekend?”
“I thought playing in the park might be nice, what do you think?”
“Yay!”
Sarah appeared on the doorstep. “You were meant to be here at five.”
“No, six, remember, we agreed six?”
“You would say that.”
I kept the smile on my face for Daisy’s sake. “Say bye bye to Mummy. See you on Sunday night, Mummy.”
“Bye bye, Mummy,” Daisy said, waving back at her.
“Bye, sweetheart. You behave for Daddy, all right.”
“She always behaves,” I said, already walking towards the car. I could hear her breathe in as I went, she was ready for an argument.
I got Daisy strapped into her seat in the back before climbing in. Luckily, Sarah had remained on the doorstep.
I got Daisy home and played with her for an hour before putting her to bed. Once she was asleep, I sat with the laptop on and tried to make some headway with my paper. It was supposed to be submitted by the Easter holiday and if I didn’t get it done soon, I could kiss goodbye to journal publication. I was required to submit a certain number of papers per year by the university and if I didn’t keep up with the deadlines, my chance of head of department would vanish as quick as if I turned up wearing an “I fucked Donna Malley,” tee-shirt.
It was a little after ten when I stopped and got myself a coffee. I returned to the computer to see an email notification in the corner. That wasn’t that uncommon. The students all had my email address and regularly sent questions and papers to me at odd times. I’d grown used to it, making sure my phone was on silent before I went to bed to avoid being woken by a four in the morning sob story on the day a deadline expired.
The name on the email caught my eye. It was from Donna. Was it going to be another apology? Beg for forgiveness? Threaten to sue me for affecting her emotional wellbeing?
It was none of those things. There was no text in the email, just an attachment. I clicked on download and waited. A few seconds later, I opened the file. It was an image.
It was a photo.
A photo of her topless.
I couldn’t believe it. I looked around me. Was this a sting operation? Were the senior staff about to burst in and fire me for looking at it? For opening it?
No one appeared. There was just me and the screen and the image. It w
as recent. Her hair was the same as it looked now. She was outside somewhere, near a lake maybe. There was water behind her. She looked as if she’d been caught unawares, a look of shock on her face as if she was about to cover her chest when the photo was taken.
My eyes moved to her chest again and again. I wanted to look away, I knew I should. I was in a world of trouble if anyone found out I had this. But I’d done nothing wrong. It had been sent unsolicited. Would they believe that?
Her breasts were small but well rounded, her skin soft looking. The nipples were hard and dark brown, the areola pink, making my cock strain in my trousers.
I headed to bed, taking the laptop with me. Once in bed, I reopened the image. There she was. I closed my eyes and could see between her legs again. The laptop pinged and there was another email from her. I opened it so fast I nearly knocked the computer off the bed. This time she had written to me. I scanned the words quickly, desperate to know what she was going to say.
Chapter Five
I hadn’t bitten my nails since I was about twelve but the urge came storming back while I waited for his reply. Jenny sat next to me looking guilty, as well she might.
Once I’d sorted myself out in the toilet, I made a beeline for home, getting there and finding the place empty which was a blessed relief. I slipped on a pair of knickers and felt infinitely more comfortable. I was never going out without a pair again. The rest of the day was spent in the library, going over the paper Mr Shepherd had given back to me. I tried to focus on it but I kept daydreaming about him finding it as bad as before and spanking me for letting him down. I couldn’t stop thinking about being draped over his lap, his firm hand smacking down on my ass as I felt his hard on dig into me as I squirmed in place, yelping at each blow.
I didn’t get much work done.
When I went home that evening to get something to eat, Jenny was there. Her first question before I even had the door closed was, “Did he fuck you then?”
I shouted back to her, “I wish.”
She appeared in the hallway with a bottle of wine in her hand. “Tell me everything.”
I told her about going in with no panties on. I told her about the telling off he’d given me. I told her that I was supposed to see him on Monday. I didn’t tell her about aching for him to take me. I kept that to myself but she pretty much knew.
“You should have flashed him,” she said when I was done. As she talked, she poured out more wine for both of us. “Given him the full view from the front row, then he’d have fucked you.”
“Or thrown me off the course.”
“Bullshit, if he didn’t like what he saw, he’d just ignore it.” She took a sip from her glass. “And I’ve seen what you look like, he’d be a fucking idiot to turn you down.”
“He clearly hates me, Jenny, you should have seen how angry he was.”
“He’s probably sexually frustrated. I heard he broke up with his partner a year ago and hasn’t had sex since.”
I didn’t need to ask how she heard that piece of gossip. She had a network of spies who passed on information to her whenever she asked, helped by the bribery ability of having an obscenely rich father.
“You know what you should do?” she asked as we reached the end of the bottle.
“Have some more wine?”
“Yes! You know what else we should do?”
“What?”
“Never mind, leave it with me.”
I shouldn’t have trusted her. I found her in front of my laptop at ten o’clock that night when I emerged from the bathroom, the taste of toothpaste still in my mouth.
She sat looking guilty at the desk in my bedroom as I walked in. “What have you just done?” I asked, knowing she was up to something.
“Don’t get angry,” she replied, her hands held out towards me. “I did it to help you.”
“What have you done?”
“Well, you remember that photo when we went skinny dipping?”
“You mean the topless one of me? How could I forget? I thought you deleted it.”
“I thought I did too but I found it again. I must have forgotten. Oh, well, night night.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” I said, blocking the door until she sat back down. “What did you do?”
“I might have emailed it to him.”
To who? To Mr Shepherd? You didn’t!” I ran over to the laptop, shoving her aside. Clicking on the sent folder, I cringed. There it was. She’d done it. I was already dying of embarrassment. “How could you?”
“I thought it would help, get him worked up, show him what he’s missing out on.”
“You’re drunk. If you were sober, you’d know what a stupid bloody idea that was.” I started typing quickly.
“What are you doing?” she asked, glancing over my shoulder.
“Trying to fix your mistake.”
Dear Mr Shepherd,
Please delete the previous email without opening it. It was sent in error.
“I just hope I’m not too late,” I said, looking at the screen as if it might tell me whether he’d received it yet. Why didn’t I have read receipts on? “I can’t believe you did that,” I said quietly.
“I’m sorry, Donna,” Jenny replied. “I didn’t think you’d mind.”
“Mind? You sent a topless photo of me to the tutor I fancy and you didn’t think I’d mind? How am I supposed to be able to look at him on Monday?”
“You were going to flash him your pussy, remember?”
“But I didn’t, did I! I realised it was a dumb thing to do.”
“I said I’m sorry, Donna.”
“Just go to bed, Jenny.”
I closed my eyes and when I opened them again she’d gone. Mr Shepherd hadn’t replied.
I climbed into bed, leaving the laptop open and the sound turned up. If he did respond, I’d know at once.
What had she done? He had concrete evidence now. I would be hauled over the coals for this and what good would it do to blame Jenny? The photo was obscene and it had come from my university email to his official account. There was no way of getting over this. All I could do was hope that he’d do the honourable thing and delete it without reading it.
It was a long time before I went to sleep. The only reason I didn’t cry was because I was too anxious, waiting long into the night for him to reply. He never did.
I slept fitfully, my dreams filled with me homeless, thrown out by my parents, branded a slut everywhere I went, ending up in some bizarre nightmarish Victorian workhouse for fallen women, my teeth falling out, my clothes little more than rags. All because I had a crush on a man I couldn’t have and my idiot housemate had tried in her own idiot way to help him notice me. He’d notice me now, all right, the girl who’d emailed a shot of her tits. I’d be famous, probably become a meme, a warning to all under graduates. Don’t do what Donna did.
Chapter Six
I knew I should delete her email. I did delete it in the end. Not just because it might get me into a world of trouble but also because she asked me. It was a strange feeling, clicking the button that sent it hurtling into nothingness. I was a firm tutor, not letting any of my students get away with thinking they were in charge. But with her, the slightest request and I wanted to obey, especially if the request was to spank her ass red.
It was only after I’d deleted the email that I realised something. The photo. It had downloaded to my laptop. I should delete that too, I thought as I clicked on the photo and stared at her perfect chest.
I felt myself getting hard, a yearning building up in me to be inside her, a yearning that I had no idea was so close to being fulfilled.
I had yet another text from Sarah around midnight. It was the way she was, often getting drunk and begging me to get back together with her, mixing cajoling with insulting in the misguided belief it would work. It would never work.
What would work was me and Donna. If only we’d met in a different way. But then how on earth would I meet someone like h
er if it wasn’t in a lecture? I wasn’t exactly the nightclub type.
I fell asleep while comparing the two of them, Donna winning on every front. I woke up the next morning to the sound of Daisy shouting me from her bedroom. “Can I get up yet, Daddy?”
I looked at the time. Just gone seven. It could have been worse. “I suppose so,” I shouted back, sitting up and stretching at the same time. “Want some breakfast?”
We ate together before I got her clothes ready while she brushed her teeth. Once she was dressed. It was a beautiful day so we ended up spending it at the seaside, splashing about in the waves and eating enough sweets to make ourselves feel ill. In the afternoon, we took it easy, building an enormous sandcastle and decorating it with the prettiest shells we could find. She was exhausted by the time we got home which meant one of the easiest bedtimes in a while. She was asleep almost as soon as she was down which gave me plenty of time to work on my paper.
Sunday was our park day. I timed it so Sarah could meet us there for the handover. It was always hard giving her back, knowing I wouldn’t see her again until the next weekend.
It wasn’t as warm as Saturday so Daisy was swamped by her favourite cold weather coat, so big I had to roll the sleeves up on it. But it was her favourite so what could I do?
Sarah arrived just after five, finding us sat together on the roundabout getting gradually dizzier. She just appeared, not smiling. “You didn’t reply to my message,” was the first thing she said.
I slowed the roundabout down. “I did,” I replied. “I asked you to meet us here.”
“The other message.”
“Come on,” I said, ignoring her and grabbing hold of Daisy. “Let’s have one last go on the slide.”
Sarah stood too close to me while Daisy played, making me shuffle further away until I almost got hit by a kid on a swing. “Why don’t you want to give it another go?” she asked at last.
“Because I remember what it was like when we were together,” I replied, waving at Daisy at the same time.
“What do you mean?”