by Unknown
Delwyn’s lolling head snapped upright; she fixed Ross with a stare of bleary indignation. “Escuse me, but I losñ€†2019; two and a quarter pounds on my wedding diet.”
“Well, I think you look at least five pounds lighter,” Jo soothed, slinging Delwyn’s other arm around her neck. “Doesn’t she, Ross?”
“I didn’t see her before,” he said with annoying male truthfulness. “On the count of three. One … two … three!”
They hauled Delwyn upright and she hung between them like a sack of potatoes.
“C’mon, sweetie,” Jo encouraged. She’d forgotten that drunks were deadweights. “We need you to walk now.”
“Jus’ wanna go to sleep.”
“Only a few steps, I promise … you don’t want to wake your flatmate, do you?”
“Don’ care,” said Delwyn. “Don’ care ‘bout anything now Wayne’s dumped me.”
Inside she shrugged off Jo’s arm and collapsed on Ross’ chest. “You wanna have sex? That’ll show Wayne.” She hitched up a shoulder strap and licked her lips to make them shiny. “I mean, you do think I’m hot, right?”
Jo prayed Ross heard the plaintiveness in her voice.
“I think you’re gorgeous,” he said.
Delwyn beamed and flapped an arm in Jo’s direction.
“Go ‘way.”
I don’t think so.
“But the thing is, Delwyn,” Ross lifted her off his chest, “you’ve seen me limping, right?”
She rolled her head to look at his leg. “Uh-huh.”
“Well … the … accident also affected my ability to satisfy a woman. Otherwise I’d be all over you.”
Jo hid a smile.
“Really?” Delwyn clutched his shirt.
“Really.”
“Can I tell Wayne that? I mean you being hot for me, not about—you know.”
“That depends. How big is Wayne?” Delwyn indicated a picture in a heart-shaped frame on the mantel. Even the wrench in his hand couldn’t make the lanky mechanic look menacing. “Sure,” Ross said generously. “You can tell him.”
Delwyn’s flatmate came out from the bathroom, clutching a towel around her, then fluffed up her wet hair as she caught sight of Ross. “What’s going on?” Delwyn burst into tears.
“I want Wayne,” she wailed.
Leaving her to her flatmate’s ministrations, they made their escape. “You can be nice,” Jo said as they walked back to the car. “Who knew?”
“Yeah, like I told Dan … you and I are nothing alike.”
She laughed. “And the impotence thing was inspired.”
“I’m glad you found that amusing.” The flatness of his tone gave rise to a terrible suspicion. No, thought Jo, Dan would have told me.
Assuming Ross had confided in him.
Unsure what to think, she changed the subject. “Dan said you want to go back … to operations, I mean.”
Ross clipped his seat belt. “As soon as the scars heal.” Unconsciously, he massaged one fist and her skin prickled. The Iceman was the last person she’d expect to see in the thrall of revenge.
Disturbed, Jo refastened her own seat belt and started the engine. She knew from her mastectomy that external healing was the easiest part of the recovery journey. It was the internal scars, the ones you refused to acknowledge, that held you back. And she sensed Ross hadn’t even begun that process.
This week it had become increasingly apparent that neither had Dan.
When he’d first joined the SAS, Jo had been a little jealous of Dan’s bond with his fellow soldiers until it hit her that these guys held his life in their hands every time they were deployed. The closer the bond, the better their odds.
Which was why the survivors were suffering so much now. Not only had they lost buddies closer than brothers, they’d failed to keep one another safe.
However ambivalent she might feel about Ross personally, Jo would never question his loyalty to Dan. In fact she was banking on it.
“I’m worried about him, Ross,” she said abruptly. “I think Dan holds himself culpable. But he wasn’t with you on patrol and he couldn’t have done anything if he was.” Taking her eyes off the road, she glanced his way.
“Could he?”
He was silent a moment. They’d left suburbia and were on country roads. No streetlights to illuminate his profile. “Do you know why we called him Shep?”
“I assume because he’s a farmboy.”
Ross shook his head. “It’s short for the good shepherd. As our signaler, it was always Dan’s job to get us in.” He eased his leg forward. “And get us out. He knows there’s no reason to blame himself, he knows he would probably have been another casualty. I’ve told him that. But he doesn’t feel it. And feelings don’t disappear just because you apply logic.”
“Love isn’t a cure-all,” said Jo, “but I think Dan expected it to be. His faith in my ability to heal him is touching but—”
“It’s misplaced,” Ross supplied. “The only person who can forgive him for not being with us is himself.”
“You’ve got to help me talk him out of this wedding,” she said desperately. “He’s not making rational decisions right now.”
“Are you?”
“You tell me since apparently we’re so much alike,” she snapped.
Ross smiled. “I’ll help you,” he said, and Jo unclenched her hands on the steering wheel. “Thank you.” “And in return.” Jo took her foot off the accelerator.
Back in the Soldier’s Arms/Here Comes the Groom
CR!93BHZ3MAHS4NVAVVWQG1QCZMZ0ZB
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“MIJN GOD!” ACROSS the bar, Herman gaped at his wife, currently hiking her orange skirt up to her knees so she could climb onto a barstool.
Dan shrugged. “I did tell you about the hair last week,” he reminded his father.
Herman’s eyes widened as Pat called loudly for another drink. “Yes, but … but blond not … not …”
“Tarty?” Dan suggested. “Vampish, slutty?”
“Common,” growled his father. “And your moeder is not common. Why are you still letting her drink?”
“Anton’s been secretly feeding her nonalcoholic cocktails for the past hour. Mom only thinks she’s getting drunker. What took you so long?” Dan was irritable. He’d sent Ross off with Jo half an hour ago because Ross needed to get that injured leg elevated, not that he’d appreciated the reminder. Steve’s widow, Claire, and her son, Lewis, were arriving sometime after 9:30 p.m. He needed to be there to welcome them. Hell, he needed to tell Jo they were here for the wedding. Hopefully she’d have dropped Ross off and left before they arrived.
After his houseguests were settled he’d drive back to her place. Dan didn’t sleep well, but he slept even worse without Jo in his arms. He’d break the news to her in the morning before he returned to the farm to make breakfast.
Any way you looked at it, things were getting complicated.
“I took so long,” grumbled Herman, “because I got a flat tire. I don’t know why I’m here anyway. It’s not like your mother even wants me.”
Catching sight of him, Pat scowled. Tossing her head, she swung around to the counter and started talking animatedly to the next person in the queue for drinks, a middle-aged man who looked at her bemusedly.
“You see,” said Herman gruffly and turned to go.
“Oh, for God’s sake,” Dan said. “Wait here.”
He strode over to his mother. “Okay, Blondie. Are you going to keep channeling Monroe or put some of those psychology books to use and save your marriage.”
The ditzy airhead changed back into his mother. “I’m scared, Danny. I don’t know if there’s anything left to save.”
“Feel the fear and do it anyway, Mom.” He helped her off the stool but when they turned around, his father had already gone. Shit. “We’ll catch him in the parking lot.” Hand under Pat’s elbow, he hustled her outside. Herman was twenty paces ahead.
“Dad! Wait u
p.”
Herman kept walking. Dan urged his resistant mother faster. A couple of yards away from her husband, she pulled free. “That’s right, Herman Jansen, make me run after you. Again!”
Herman stopped. “LoD;< t‡oked to me like you were running after some other guy two minutes ago.”
“Oh, c’mon,” said Dan. “He was twenty years younger.”
His mother narrowed her eyes. “Are you saying I had no chance?”
“God, I hope not.”
“Well, I hope you get lucky this time,” Herman spluttered. “Heaven forbid you have to suffer another thirty-five years trying to make a silk purse of a sow’s ear. Maybe this guy will share his feelings and go to art galleries and finally make you happy.”
Pat’s eyes glittered with tears. “Maybe he’ll care enough about me to fight for me, too.”
“Hey, I wasn’t the one who asked for a divorce,” Herman accused her. “I’m not the one gallivanting around town telling anyone who’d listen how goddamn fine I am about our separation. I’m not the one getting drunk and flirting in bars.” Bewildered, he asked, “What am I supposed to read from that?”
“That she loves and misses you and wants you back,” Dan interjected. “Isn’t it freaking obvious that she’s only been kicking up to get your attention?” Honestly, how had his father learned so little about women when he’d raised two daughters?
Pat didn’t answer.
Dan coaxed her closer to Herman. “And you seem to forget that she stuck by you for thirty-five years as a farmer’s wife. And maybe she begrudged that sacrifice sometimes … okay a lot—”
“You can stop now, Danny,” Pat interrupted.
Doggedly he continued. “But she made the best of it most of the time, didn’t she?”
His father looked at his mother. It was a strange look, almost of compassion.
Pat bowed her head. “No,” she admitted. “I didn’t.”
There was a short, tight silence.
“If you come back now, lieveling,” Herman said softly, “you’ll never know who you were meant to be. I’ll end up the scapegoat again and I don’t deserve that.”
Pat looked up. “No, you don’t,” she agreed.
“Wait a minute,” said Dan, “am I hearing you both right? You’re giving up on thirty-five years of marriage just like that?”
“Sometimes admitting defeat takes more courage than going on,” said his father. “But you’re too young to understand that. Patricia, I can still give you a ride home.”
She straightened her shoulders and forced a smile. “Thank you, Herman.”
His father helped his mother into the car with the same gallantry he’d always shown her. When he closed the door, Dan stopped him.
“But, Dad,” he said, confused. “You don’t want this.”
“No, son.” Herman smiled sadly. “Unfortunately that doesn’t mean it isn’t the right thing to do.”
JO WAS IN THE FARMHOUSE kitchen making two hot chocolates while Ross took a shower. She heard the ung�€†rumble of a familiar engine on the driveway—it had been a long time but she still knew the sound of that Caddy.
She reached the porch just as Claire got out of her late husband’s fifties Coupe de Ville. Jo had talked to Steve’s widow half a dozen times over the past year, but this was the first time since his death they’d caught up in person. Claire’s smile wobbled as she approached;
so did Jo’s. Then they were wrapping their arms around each other and holding tight. They rocked like that for a moment then Claire murmured “Lewis” and they broke apart.
Swallowing tears, Jo peered into the back window for Claire’s thirteen-year-old son. Moonlight revealed his face half buried in a pillow as he slept. “Out cold,” she reported. “Dan can carry him in when he gets back.” Tucking her arm through Claire’s she led her inside and settled her at the kitchen table with Ross’s hot chocolate. “Am I allowed to ask how you’re doing?” she said gently.
Claire Langford had always been an ethereal beauty, fine boned with long blond hair and delicate features. Only her eyes gave a clue to her character, being a fearless Viking blue. Now they were wary and sad. “To tell the truth, I cope best by concentrating on other people’s lives…. How’s your grandmother?”
Jo took the hint. “Slowly settling in at Pinehill.” She found another mug for Ross, filled it with milk and spooned in some chocolate powder. “She’s becoming less aware of her condition, so happier I think. But again, I could be projecting,” she added ruefully. “It’s difficult to tell.”
“Is she coming to the wedding?” Jo sighed. “Please tell me that’s not why you’re here.”
“It’s off?”
“It’s never been on.”
Sitting down, she told Claire the truth. All of it. She reacted as Dan had. “You should have let us know when you were first diagnosed.”
“I guess I still have something to learn about relying on other people,” she said.
Claire was silent and Jo let it lie. She knew Dan was frustrated by Claire’s refusal to accept support. The SAS had a trust that provided financial assistance to widows, but emotionally she was going it alone.
“Anyway you can see why I want to wait.” Choosing a pink marshmallow to annoy Ross, Jo put the mug in the microwave and keyed in a minute and a half. “At least until my odds of survival are closer to normal people’s.”
“I can see you want to protect him,” Claire said slowly. “But Dan’s going into this with his eyes open. Just like I did when I married an SAS trooper. And hard as it is now, I still wouldn’t trade those fourteen years with Steve for fifty with anyone else.” She put down her mug and smiled. “I know I’ve just made things harder for you, but think about it.”
Before Jo could respond, the back door opened and Dan walked in. “Claire, I’m so sorry I wasn’t here when you arrived.” Warily he looked at Jo but she was still too shaken by what Claire had said to challenge him on their so-called wedding guests.
“Not a problem.” Claire returned his awkward hug. “It gave Jo and me a chance to catcto �€†h up. Before I left Mom finally told me your parents split up. Why am I the last to know?”
Dan’s smile grew fixed. “We didn’t want to worry you.” This self-consciousness wasn’t like him.
“Like I told her, I’m a widow, not an invalid,” said Claire, an edge to her voice.
“Of course not,” Dan said heartily.
Jo rescued him. “Lewis is asleep in the car. Can you carry him in?”
He left with obvious relief. Jo looked at Claire, who shrugged. “He’s acted like this ever since Steve died.”
Ross limped into the kitchen, drying his hair on a towel. “Hey, Claire, didn’t hear you arrive.”
His greeting was more natural, but if anything Ross’s solicitude surpassed Dan’s. No wonder Claire avoided these guys, Jo thought. They were as suffocating as helicopter parents.
After Dan settled Lewis they sat talking at the table, where Jo kept up a semblance of normalcy by picking on Ross. Claire was patently grateful, Ross gave as good as he got, but Dan became twitchy.
“Jo, I’ll walk you to your car,” he said after fifteen minutes.
“You understood what I was doing, right?” she said when they were outside. “Normalizing things until you relax around Claire … and Ross.” She smiled. “I swear when you gave him that cushion for his leg he was seriously contemplating ramming it down your throat.”
“I know your heart’s in the right place,” he said carefully.
“Dan, what’s going on?” She diverted him into the barn and switched on the light. Work benches, farm equipment and the ATV came into sharp focus. “You can’t stop treating Ross like an invalid. Every time I touched you in front of Claire you pulled away.”
“I’m just trying to be sensitive,” he said. “She and Steve were always hugging and holding hands.”
Jo tried to read his expression but even under stark fluorescent overheads it was shu
ttered. “By making such a big deal about showing me affection, you’re only drawing more attention to her loss.”
“We don’t have to rub her nose in the fact that we’re happy, do we?”
Happy? Jo nearly laughed. Happy in desperate snatches maybe, both conscious of the looming wedding, both deferring a final showdown. But they couldn’t go on like this. “Dan—”
He cut her off, obviously aware he’d made a tactical error. “Like I said, your heart’s in the right place, but some of the things you said to Ross tonight were kind of on the nose.”
At this, Jo did laugh. “Ross lives for conflict. And we always take potshots at each other. You think he’d want me to go easy on him because he’s in rehab? He hates being treated as a invalid.”
“Is that a dig at me?”
“No.” Still smiling, she put her arms around his waist. “Well, maybe a small one.”
His arms stayed by his sides. “So you know Ross better than I do now, is that it?”
, o�€†1C;Hey.” She gave him a gentle shake. “Deep breaths. You’re overreacting.”
He huffed out a long sigh of frustration, but returned her embrace. “Let’s back off this because I don’t want to fight with you unless we can have make-up sex afterward.”
“Drive over when everyone’s in bed.” Since Herman’s return their sleepovers had moved to her place anyway. They needed to talk … really talk, not make love and pretend they were changing each other’s minds. Claire was here for the wedding. Jo had to challenge him on that and a cold drafty barn wasn’t the place to do it.
“I can’t.” He told her what had happened with his parents. “I should stay here, wait for Dad.”
And though she suspected he was buying time, Jo kissed him, because tonight he needed support not confrontation. Besides, Ross had said he’d help her; she had to give him that opportunity.
DAN MOVED THROUGH THE next thirty hours feeling like a bad actor in a parody of his life.
He frowned when he should have laughed and he laughed when he should have been serious. He was uncomfortable in his own skin.