by Jen Gilroy
He kicked up a spray of water and splashed her shorts.
“Hey.” Mia scrambled to her feet. “Charlie will think I fell in.”
“A wet T-shirt look would be real sexy on you.”
“In your dreams. If I go into this lake, I’m taking you with me.” She stood with her hands on her hips and gave him a mock glare. “And those pants of yours look like dry-clean only.”
“I went straight from the office to Mom’s. Since I was worried about you, I didn’t stop to change.” He pulled her into his big body, and his smile warmed her inside and out. “The past few weeks have been good.”
“Yeah, they have.” She ran a hand along the dark stubble on his jaw.
“I’m still going back to New York after Labor Day, but there’s no reason we can’t keep on seeing each other. I’ll visit my mom, and you can come to the city. Mom would love to have the girls stay.”
Mia curled her toes into the edge of the dock, where the wood was wet and slippery. She didn’t want to lose Nick’s friendship, but she wanted more. “You mean we could see each other on weekends?”
“Sure.” He gave an awkward laugh. “I’ll miss you. You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had.”
He was one of the best friends she’d ever had, too, but friendship was only one part of everything else she felt for him. “Nick, I…”
“Don’t answer right away.” His breath was warm at her temple. “Think about it.”
“Okay.”
She wanted to say yes, but she had to be true to herself. Despite Nick’s reassurance, what if Jay took the girls from her? What if he twisted her relationship with Nick to depict her as a bad mother? Naomi and Emma were already churned up about what they wanted and clutching at straws that, like Humpty Dumpty, their fractured family would somehow fit together again.
Nick cleared his throat, and when he spoke again, there was a catch in his voice. “I guess you need to think about the girls. They’re your family.”
“Yes.” Mia slipped her sandals on and rubbed her arms. The wind off the lake was cooler, and dark clouds bracketed the forested hills. She’d gotten what she wanted: a new start as the strong, independent woman she’d resolved to become.
Nick exhaled and the expression in his eyes was a lot like regret. “I’ll walk you back to Charlie and Sean’s.”
“It’s only five minutes. I’ll be fine. Jay was headed to the airport anyway.”
“I insist.” His gaze locked with hers.
“Nick?”
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t. We’re friends.” She tried to smile but instead buried her face in the front of his dress shirt and the warm, male smell of him.
“Friends,” he murmured, his voice thick.
Mia blinked back tears. “If you come over to Charlie and Sean’s with me, why don’t you stay for dinner? The town has stocked them with freezer meals and desserts, so there’s plenty of food.”
“I can’t.” Nick stepped away and put his socks and shoes back on. “I have to work on a probate case, and I’ve booked time off to take Kylie to Burlington.”
In that way, Nick was like Jay and her dad. Work always came first. Before her and before family.
“I see.” Mia tightened the already tight clip that held her hair away from her face.
“Why don’t we go out to dinner tomorrow night? We could take the girls and Mom with us. Celebrate your new job.” His tone asked her to understand, give him a chance.
“Fine.” The tightness in her chest didn’t ease. She walked across the beach and Nick followed. “Do you plan on spending any time with Lexie?”
“Sure I do.” The three words were too quick.
“You left early when Charlie and Sean brought Lexie home from the hospital.”
The silence stretched between them as they went into the woods and followed a faint green path. After a forest fire the summer before, young trees had already pushed up to seek the light. Nature’s constant cycle of growth and renewal.
“I’ve been busy.” Nick’s voice was low. “There’s the work at your house, Harbor House, and Kylie. I’m working on legal stuff at night because I take time off during the day.”
“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and everyone else, but when did you last take a vacation?” She wouldn’t let him off the hook, not on this one.
“I…that’s not fair. I had to get McGuire and Pelletier back on track and—”
“Allison’s a partner in the firm, and she takes vacation but you don’t. Allison also spends time with her nieces and nephews, and she volunteers at the county women’s shelter twice a month.”
“Mia, angel.” There was a sad note in Nick’s voice that caught her heart. “You’re right. I should spend time with Lexie. Work can wait. I’ll pull an all-nighter if I have to. I’ll stay and eat with you.”
“That’s not what I meant. You shouldn’t have to pull an all-nighter because you had dinner with your friends and spent time with your goddaughter.” Mia put one foot ahead of the other on autopilot. While she hadn’t paid attention, she’d fallen for Nick harder than she’d ever fallen for anyone.
Except, in falling for him, it turned out she wanted more than she’d ever expected. Maybe more than he could give.
“Do you want to stop and eat?” Nick glanced at Kylie slumped beside him in the passenger seat.
“No thanks.” Kylie had stared out the window all the way to Burlington, and her baseball cap was pulled low over her eyes.
“If you don’t want to stop at a restaurant, we could eat some of the food Mia packed. She made lots.” Because Mia was a nurturer and one of the ways she showed her love for others was with food. Nick signaled to turn off the interstate onto an exit ramp as per the directions Kylie’s social worker had emailed him.
“I’m not hungry.” Kylie pulled at the zipper on her jacket in a monotonous rhythm.
Nick focused on the traffic as he merged onto a parkway. “Mia made those cowboy cookies for you. You can share them with your new foster family and take some to school in your lunch.”
Kylie hugged the backpack he’d given her and rocked back and forth. “Mia said she’d call me tonight.”
“Sure she will.” That was also the kind of woman Mia was, one who kept her promises through thick and thin.
“Do you think you could maybe call me sometime?”
Nick took another exit onto a quieter street. “Of course. I’ll miss you, kiddo.”
He’d miss Kylie more than he’d admit to anyone, even Mia. He pulled into a parking lot next to a low-rise building surrounded by greenery. At least dropping Kylie off at her social worker’s office meant he didn’t have to see her with her new family.
“Here we are.” He parked the Lexus beside a late-model red Toyota with a “Somebody in Vermont Loves You” decal on its dented bumper.
“Yeah.” Kylie clutched the backpack so tight her fingers dug into the nylon.
“I’ll get your suitcase and—”
“I’ve got it.” Kylie scrambled out of the car and wrenched the suitcase from behind the seat, the new one he’d gotten her that held the clothes she’d picked out and presents from his mom and Mia and the girls.
“Wait.” Nick caught up with her. “Don’t forget the cookies from Mia and the other snacks.” He grabbed the Firefly Lake market bag, but Kylie shook her head.
“You keep them.”
“Kylie, wait.” He pulled on the suitcase, but she held the handle in a viselike grip.
“I’ve got it, okay?” She pulled the case across the parking lot, and the wheels bumped against the asphalt. Her small body was bent almost double with the weight of the backpack.
“No, it’s not okay.” Nick reached the door of the building first and stood in front of it. “Let me help you.”
She stopped and stared at him, and her chin was tucked into her chest. “If you really wanted to help me, you wouldn’t make me go in here. You’d let me stay
in Firefly Lake.”
“You know that’s not possible.” Nick pulled the door open and stepped into the building. The reception desk was empty, and two spindly potted palms flanked several black plastic chairs.
“Why not?” Kylie stood with her feet apart and balanced the suitcase against one denim-clad knee.
“You need a family.” Nick took the suitcase and rolled it toward a door marked FAMILY SERVICES.
“You could be my family.” The pleading light in Kylie’s eyes almost undid him.
“I’m a guy and you’re a girl. I can’t foster you.” Besides, he wasn’t suited to foster any child, girl or boy.
“You and Mia could foster me and be my forever family.” One of the laces on Kylie’s sneakers was undone and her fingers shook as she bent to tie it.
“Mia and I aren’t together. Not in that way.”
In what way then? asked a little voice inside of him. He cared for Mia, maybe even loved her, but he couldn’t let himself take the next step and risk losing more than he’d ever lost before.
“You don’t want me.” When Kylie straightened, the defiant look was back. The look that had been there the night he met her on the porch at Camp Rainbow. “Nobody wants me.”
“That’s not true. You’re a great girl, and your social worker said your new family’s excited about you moving in. They’ve got two daughters, and one’s almost the same age as you. They’ve fostered several kids over the years who’ve stayed until they were eighteen. Kim thinks this family will be perfect for you. They can even take you to see your mom every two weeks.”
Kylie laughed and cracked Nick’s heart a bit more. “It’ll be perfect, really perfect.” She stuck out a hand. “Nice knowing you.”
He took her sweaty palm in his. “I’ll call you, and if you have something special at school, like a Christmas pageant, maybe I can come.”
“Whatever.” Her face was white under her tan.
“I’ll come in with you and talk to Kim.” He stopped at the office door. In there were people whose job it was to make everything okay for kids like Kylie.
“Don’t bother. I know the drill.” Her backpack bumped against the door frame. “See you.” She grabbed the suitcase, pushed the door open, and disappeared inside.
Nick raised his hand to catch the door as it closed, then let it swing shut. No. It was better this way. He fumbled his car keys out of his pocket. Quick, painless, and a clean break. He’d call Kim from the parking lot instead.
As he stood there, the door swung open again and Kylie barreled out, a package wrapped in purple paper in one hand. “Here, this is for you.”
“Kylie…”
Then Nick’s breath left his lungs as she wrapped her skinny arms around him and hugged him like she never wanted to let him go. “Thanks,” she mumbled before she dashed back the way she’d come.
He grabbed the door and took a step forward only to be stopped by a gray-haired woman with a kind face. Kim, Kylie’s social worker, spoke, but he didn’t hear anything she said above the roar in his ears. Then Kim put her arm around Kylie and, as she led her away, Kylie looked back once, only those sharp green eyes giving away how much she hurt.
Nick took another step forward, but Kylie turned again. Her shoulders were stiff, and her hair stuck out the back of her ball cap in an untidy ponytail. To remind him, even as a chunk of his heart broke off and shattered, she was a girl who needed a family. A real family.
Back in the car, he drove forty-five minutes out of Burlington before he stopped at a rest area. Under a canopy of trees already tinged with autumn yellows and reds, he stopped the car. The package Kylie had given him was on the seat beside him.
He untied the lopsided purple ribbon bow, peeled back the tape, and unfolded several layers of purple and white tissue. A twig frame decorated with purple feathers and glitter nestled in the paper and held a picture of him and Kylie. The two of them sat on the beach below Harbor House, and Kylie grinned at him with the teasing expression her face so rarely wore.
He traced the edge of the frame, where the wood was rough beneath his fingertips. Mia or his mom must have taken the picture when he wasn’t looking, because they’d caught him in an unguarded moment. He and Kylie had their heads together, and his expression was open and relaxed.
He rewrapped the present in the paper and smoothed the ribbon.
Kylie would forget him. Or she’d make herself forget, like he’d made himself forget his dad and the times the two of them had spent on that same beach. Two guys shooting the breeze away from a houseful of women. Back when his dad was his hero and the man Nick had wanted to be.
He rested his hands on the steering wheel, and the interstate traffic was a distant hum. What if Kylie didn’t forget and, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget her either? What if he didn’t want to forget her? What if he wanted to be more like the man in the photo? Someone who knew how to have fun and open his heart to a kid who needed him?
What was he thinking? The ridges on the wheel dug into his palms. The past few days had bewitched him. This temporary pull of who he might want to be went against everything he’d worked so hard to become.
A guy who was too busy fighting for justice to have time for a kid in his life beyond occasional visits. A guy who wasn’t weighed down by memories and losses like a Lake Champlain ferry in peak tourist season. And a guy who didn’t have roots that twisted and bound him tight but that could still be torn loose in an instant to leave him adrift and alone.
“Luc Simard came by while you were at school. He rented Cat’s old bedroom until next spring. He’ll move in next week after you and the girls are back in your house and the painter’s done.” Gabrielle rested her weight on a hoe and looked at Mia on her knees planting a yellow potted rosebush. “Together with the money Nick’s put toward the renovations instead of the bungalow, I can stay in Harbor House.”
“That’s great.” Mia’s face was shaded by a floppy white hat. “You got what you wanted.”
Gabrielle stuck the hoe deeper into the soil. She had, so why wasn’t she happier about it? Maybe because she didn’t have everything she wanted. With Nick, with Nick and Mia, and with Ward. “Luc’s having a house built on land he inherited from his grandparents by the lake near the inn. Since his parents have downsized, he needs a place to stay until his new house is ready.”
“I knew everything would work out. Nick will be thrilled.” Mia’s smile was forced. “You won’t be alone, and Luc’s so big and strong. Remember how he towered over Cat at the fashion show?”
“Yes.” Gabrielle also remembered Cat’s false cheerfulness that night and her daughter’s awkwardness whenever Luc’s return to Firefly Lake was mentioned. “Luc’s big, all right. Pixie didn’t leave my arms the whole time he was here. I think she was scared he’d step on her by accident and crush her.” Gabrielle left the hoe where it was and bent to Mia’s level. “Let’s sit on the patio and rest a while.”
“Of course.” Mia got to her feet and took Gabrielle’s arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think. You must be tired.”
“Not that tired.” Gabrielle left her hand on Mia’s arm longer than she needed. “I’ll miss you and the girls. I already miss Kylie. She’s sure a bright spark.”
Mia dropped her garden gloves on a bench. “She’s with a nice family. Still, I miss Kylie more than I expected. Although the girls and I will miss you, unlike Kylie, we’ll only be five minutes away. Whatever you need when Nick goes back to New York, you call me first, okay?”
“Okay.” Except, all along she’d hoped Nick would stay and settle with Mia and the girls. Gabrielle moved toward the patio with Mia at her side.
“Have you heard from Ward?” Mia pulled out a patio chair for Gabrielle and adjusted the sun umbrella to shade the small space.
“I emailed him to say hi.” Although she’d told him not to come back to Firefly Lake because she didn’t want to get hurt again, she hurt anyway, and there was an ache in her heart not even Harbor
House could ease.
Mia slid a chair beside hers. “Ward will get in touch. The way he looked at you, it was obvious he didn’t want to leave.”
“Once he left, he’d have soon come to his senses.” Gabrielle sniffed and dug in her pocket for a tissue.
“That’s ridiculous,” Mia countered.
“Is it? I’ve seen how Nick looks at you, and he’s still set on going back to New York.” Gabrielle’s voice was quiet.
“That’s different. I didn’t tell him to leave.” Mia blew out a breath.
“You haven’t asked him to stay either, have you?”
“I can’t.” The two words were an anguished moan.
“You could, more than me.” Gabrielle rested her hands on the table. Two of the knuckles were knotted with arthritis, and the backs were dotted with age spots. When had her hands grown older? “If I ask him to stay, I’d hold him back, whereas you—”
“I’d hold him back, too. I know all about men who work twenty-four/seven. I want to come first. I deserve to come first.”
“You do, but Nick doesn’t understand.” She’d tried to do right by her children, but each of them was wounded. “I could talk to him.”
“No, Nick’s my friend. That’s enough.” Mia’s eyes were dark with pain.
“Really?” Gabrielle crossed one leg over the other and her knees creaked. She hadn’t noticed her knees getting older either.
“Of course.” Mia twirled the pearl ring on the fourth finger of her right hand.
“That was your mother’s ring, wasn’t it?”
“My grandparents gave it to her for her sixteenth birthday.”
“You always wear it, like I wear my mom’s engagement ring.” Gabrielle held out her right hand, where a trio of diamonds glinted in the light. “I didn’t know your mom well. I only talked to her a few times in the market and such, but she sure loved you and Charlie. She wouldn’t want you to spend the rest of your life alone because you’re scared to risk your heart again.”
Mia’s expression was bleak. “She stayed with my dad all those years, even with his affairs. I knew she wasn’t happy, and everybody here talked about how Dad ran around. Whenever we came into town, I saw how they looked at him and at us.”