Mrs. Davies puts her hand on my arm. Tracy, Michael and a woman walk in the room. I sit up, feeling suddenly vulnerable lying down.
“Dani, this is my mom, Collette Mason,” Michael says.
I try to wipe the sleepy haze away. I’m bound not to make a good impression.
“Hi Dani.” She has a wide, easy smile and reaches out to shake my hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Tracy and Michael have talked about you a lot.”
I look from them, back to their mom. I have no words or thoughts yet.
“Would you like to stay with us for a while?” s he asks.
I don’t know how to answer. Why would someone just open up their home like that? I do want to stay there. She has the same nice feeling around her as Michael and Tracy have. But there’s no way she could want another kid in her house.
“Tracy thinks the guestroom is hideous, but it’s yours if you’ll take it.” Colette laughs a little at that. “I’d love it if you felt comfortable enough with my kids and I to stay for a while, at least until the school year is over.”
I cry in relief then. It’s embarrassing. I stare at my lap, unsure of what to do. Michael and Tracy sit on the bed behind me and each give me a half hug.
I hear Collette’s voice again. “Okay, there’s no reason for you two to be missing class right now. I’ll see you after school.” She turns toward me then. “Why don’t we go home and get you settled, okay?”
“Okay.” I can’t believe what this lady is doing for me. A stupid teenage girl who’s dumb enough to get herself knocked up.
The nurse and Collette step off to the side. “I’ll get her homework and send it home with your kids. I’d keep her home tomorrow since it’s Friday. She has to need the rest.”
“Okay.” Collette’s voice is so easygoing. There’s a happy feel to it. I like her immediately.
I follow her out to the car, not sure what to expect. There are no words, no coherent thoughts, not yet.
I sit in the passenger’s seat and buckle in, waiting for a lecture, or a warning, or something.
“I can’t pretend to have any idea how you feel.” She sighs as she begins to drive. “I don’t want to pry. You just have to trust that I want to listen to you any time you want to talk, okay?”
“Okay.” I look out the window. I never pictured this happening. In the millions of scenarios I played out in my head, this definitely wasn’t one of them. “I’m sorry to do this—”
“Dani.” Her voice is the most serious I’ve heard from her. “No mistake on the part of a teenager warrants this.”
“You do know I’m pregnant right?”
She laughs. “Yes.” She takes a deep breath in. “I got Michael from someone very much like you.”
Right. This is going to be okay.
9
I’m stumped by my room and stand in the doorway almost afraid to step inside.
“You’re thinking what Tracy always tells me, that the room is hideous, right?” Collette asks.
“I’ve never had my own room,” I admit. Besides, the room isn’t hideous. It’s not my style but everything’s nice. There are no stickers or marker on the white dresser, there’s real curtains on the windows, not old blankets. It’s a soothing color of yellow and bright, clean white. Happy.
She puts an arm around me and rubs my back. I feel like I might cry again , but I really don’t want to.
Collette gives me the brief tour of the rest of the house. It’s small but set up really well. There are three bedrooms, a kitchen, and a laundry room on the main floor. Her room is the loft above the kitchen and dining area. The house is also on the lake, but probably one of the oldest places here.
After showing me around she has to leave to finish up her workday, and I feel bad again, like a big inconvenience.
“Try to get some rest Dani. I’d guess you didn’t get any sleep last night.” She r ubs my back one more time. “I have to get back to work, but I’ll be home for dinner.”
“Thank you,” I say. It just doesn’t seem to cover it.
She leaves, and it’s so quiet. I sit on the couch with very little idea of what to do with myself. Why am I not tired anymore? I suddenly need a shower. After spending the night in a Denny’s, anyone would need a shower.
It feels strange, helping myself to a bathroom I’ve never been in before. I rub my hands over the small bump of my stomach. It’s growing so fast. I wonder if I’ll be able to finish the school year without obviously being the pregnant girl.
Standing in their bathroom makes me realize how little I have. I have nothing. I’m using their shampoo. I’ll have to borrow Tracy’s deodorant. I do a quick wipe with my hand both before and after I put the stuff on my armpits. I’m not sure what time it is or when Michael will be home so I wrap the towel around me tightly as I go my new room.
The contents of the pack that Daniel brought to me are better than I expected. My cheeks heat up when I realize he emptied my underwear drawer—or maybe Hannah did. There’s also a pair of pajamas and some socks. Not a lot, but more than I thought I’d have this morning. I slide on my pajama pants and the Mrs. Pac-Man shirt. Thoughtful of him. My sweatshirt has been my constant companion since I found out I was pregnant. I slide it back on.
I brush through my long dark hair and sit on the pale couch. Even after using the bathroom and putting my things in my room, I’m afraid to touch anything. I lie back against the cushions and fall asleep in the quiet. I startle awake when the door opens.
Michael walks in from school, but Tracy isn’t with him. “Tracy’s at school for a student government thing. Mom’s going to pick her up on her way home. Is it okay that it’s just us here?” h e asks as he stands close to the front door.
Like what would we do about it if it wasn’t?
I laugh. Wow, I’ll be living with Michael. Another thing to go on my list of things I never thought I’d do.
“So, it’s okay?” h e asks again.
“Yeah, it’s fine. I do have brothers. I can handle boys.”
“I see.” He cocks a brow before sitting down on the loveseat across from me. “I’m sorry. I feel partially responsible for getting you kicked out of your house.” He’s leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees, and looking through his thick lashes at me. I wonder if I’ll ever get used to his deep eyes that see so much more than he lets on—because I’m sure they do.
“No.” I shake my head. “I haven’t done anything that I didn’t either ask for or choose myself.”
“Well, I disagree. No one deserves to be kicked out of their parents’ home.” His eyes don’t leave mine.
I don’t respond. How am I supposed to when he’s looking at me like this? Then I notice that his left eye is swollen up and bruising quickly.
“What happened to you?” I stand up and step toward him.
“It’s nothing.” He shakes his head, and heads for the kitchen.
“It’s not nothing.” I follow.
“Promise you won’t feel bad if I tell you? And that you won’t tell my mom?” He looks over his shoulder.
Oh no. I stop. Sinking, sinking in my chest and my stomach, this is not good. “Daniel?” I ask. Why do I ask, I know I just really, really don’t want it to be Daniel.
He nods once. I want to cry again, only I don’t want to cry again because I never want to cry again. I bite my lip instead.
He reaches over and touches the side of my face. “It’s okay, Dani.” His eyes look soft and keep me breathless for a moment. He looks at me the way I want him to look at me. His hand is still on my face, slowly melting me. It’s warm and smells like him.
I close my eyes and enjoy the butterflies in my stomach.
He suddenly turns around, dropping his hand and pulling me from my happy place. I watch as he grabs a Ziploc and stuffs it with ice.
“Michael, I’m so sorry… I shouldn’t be here.” I’m afraid to move.
He picks up his ice and walks back into the living room. “Please don’t
say that. He was sure I was the dad, that’s all. I might have done the same thing.” He sits down on the couch and flops back, lounging like he gets black eyes all the time.
I sit sideways on the couch and chew on my lower lip. I don’t know how to make things better. I’m so ashamed of my stupid brother. He can be so pig-headed.
“I’m going to ask you something personal , ” Michael warns me.
I feel so bad I’d tell him anything right now. My breath holds still, waiting.
“Where’s the dad?” He cocks his head to the side and watches my expression.
The dad… it sends me right back to that weekend. So funny, my parents thought it would be good for me to get a taste of college life. They did their best to make me excited about going. They felt like I wasn’t moving in good directions. I can see Lucas in my mind. I remember our evening perfectly.
~ ~ ~
“Sorry you have to babysit me for the weekend,” I apologized to Lucas.
“It’s not babysitting Dani. We’re friends, and you’re visiting. It’s that easy.” He looked at me more intently than I was used to from him. He’d looked at my older sister like that many times. Yes, I noticed. But never me.
“So my dad sent me up with some money. We should get out and spend at least some of it.” I shrugged. I was suddenly worried that he’d turn me down. I pulled my lower lip into my mouth, and chewed on it, wondering what he’d say.
“Yeah.” He started toward the door. “Let’s go out to eat, it can be like a real date and everything.”
I took a deep breath before I could answer. “Great.” I was in disbelief that the boy who was three years older than me, who I’d had a crush on forever, was happy to be taking me out.
He was a gentleman the whole time. He held my hand. He introduced me to anyone he saw that he knew, and he knew a lot of people. I expected him to be embarrassed by hanging out with a high school kid, but age never came up. It just didn’t matter. We ended up with a small group of his friends, from the physics department, at Pizza Hut. They were surprisingly un-nerdy—most of them anyway. I had enough money to spot everyone for pizza so they pulled out their coins for video games when the pizza ran out.
Lucas stood behind me as I went through level after level of Pacman. Pretty soon his hand was on my shoulder, then his chin was on my shoulder and his hand rested on my waist. I lost concentration then, but made it third from the top of high scores. There happened to be one at the gas station near my house, which was the only reason I was so good. I was always searching for places that had the original arcades.
“Impressive.” Lucas smiled and kissed me on the cheek. I tried to play it cool. Did the kiss mean something? What he just being friendly? I didn’t know what to say. “You just beat all the guys at the table.”
I shrugged. Because sometimes, sometimes, I could be cool like that.
We stepped outside after I smashed his friends’ scores. It was really cold in Fairbanks. Really cold. I pulled my coat around me as tightly as I could and Lucas put his arm around me as we walked to his car. My insides were a mess at the way he touched me. This was the guy that I’d tried to find a way to be close to for years. It had never worked and now there I was, staying at his place and loving his arm around me.
We got back to Lucas’ house a little after eleven. His roommate was still gone, making me feel very alone with him. Part thrilling, and part nerve-wracking.
I stopped to take off my shoes just inside his door, and he bumped into me.
“Sorry,” I said. Things were awkward but in such a good way. Awkward like, how can I touch you again, and like, I know something big is about to happen.
“No, I’m sorry…” We were in the tiny hallway between his kitchen and living room spaces and his voice got quiet. He looked down at me so intently, I stopped breathing, and my stomach flipped over. I swallowed hard and then it was like breathing in water, and I almost coughed.
“You okay?” He cocked his head, a corner of his mouth pulled up in a half-smile.
“Yeah, sorry, I just need to get all this stuff off.” I started wrestling with my oversized winter coat.
“Let me help with that.” We still faced each other in the small hallway. I looked up at him, just as he leaned down and kissed me. Me. Dani.
He kissed me again, and it was like no other kiss I’d had in my life. He was soft and sweet and unassuming and when he pulled away it left me wanting more. I realized I was following him back a moment too late and he bumped against the wall before I stopped.
I immediately backed away and ripped off my stupid coat. The huge ridiculous thing was trouble.
“Dani…” He reached out and took my hand, pulling me toward him as I started to move away.
There was no way he knew what he was doing. No way he wanted me like that.
“I like you.”
My heart beat hard—can’t breathe, can’t speak, had to get self together.
“But nobody likes me,” I blurted out, and he laughed.
“That’s ridiculous.” He took my other hand in his, leaned down and kissed me again. I started to smile, and we were still kissing as we side-stepped to his living room.
Lucas was kissing me. I never wanted it to stop. Never ever. I suddenly wondered what he wanted from me, and I stopped.
“Okay.” He breathed out and opened his eyes. “You stopped kissing me. I’m taking that as a bad sign.” He started to back away.
“No, no.” I was worried. My brain got away from me again. “I just got distracted is all.”
He laughed a little again. “Well, that also isn’t a good sign.”
I wasn’t sure what to do to show him I wanted to be there, so before I gave myself time to think I took my shirt off. His arms were around me before it hit the floor…
~ ~ ~
“Dani?” Michael’s voice brings me back to the present, and I jump, heart hammering.
I’m sure I’m smiling a little. What a dork. “He doesn’t know,” I stammer out. “I mean, I just sent him a letter finally, but it’s probably not there yet.”
He raises his eyebrows. “It just doesn’t seem fair for you to be dealing with this and for him to not have to deal with anything.”
I shake my head.
“Why not?” he persists. I’m not used to him being so direct.
“I asked him to. It wasn’t his fault.” And now I’m totally crushing on Michael. Is this what it feels like to be a slut? I’m not sure. I’m worried for a short second until I realize that right now I never want to have sex again. Ever. Too scary.
“Well, you may have asked, but he took you up on it.” He takes the ice pack off his face for a moment.
“It was a friend, in college, a few years older than me.” How else can I explain?
Michael’s face looks tense, his lips purse together but he doesn’t say anything else. “I couldn’t concentrate today.” He’s still looking at me. “I was worried about you.”
I can’t speak. He’s too intense. I’m loving it too much.
“I’ve had better days,” I tell him. “But at the same time, I can’t believe your mom is letting me stay here. It’s so nice of her that it’s a little overwhelming.”
“Good.” He stands. “Well, I promised I’d start dinner.”
“You cook?” None of the men in my house cook, at all.
“A little.” He glances over his shoulder on his way to the kitchen.
I follow him, curious.
He puts his ice pack in the freezer. “I got this playing basketball. Okay?” He points to his eye. Guilt washes over me again. He sees it in my face. He starts to reach out toward me, but his hand stops before he can touch me again.
I’m sad for the missed contact. And my stupid, stupid, brother. “Sorry,” I whisper. I want to touch him somehow, to make him feel better but nothing seems appropriate. Especially when he’s so hesitant.
“We’re having tacos tonight.” He pulls open a cupboard. “Easy.” He stands up
taller, changes his tone, and we’re right back to normal.
“Oh, my mom’s Mexican. I can help with that.” It would feel good to contribute something here.
“That’s where you get your beautiful skin.” He eyes rest on my face, and then his cheeks redden.
I try to ignore his comment, but I don’t want to ignore it. I want to wear it and soak it in.
My Forever (The Next Door Boys) Page 7