by Ella Steele
I arch a brow at him, “Who’s over here? I thought all these buildings were residential?” The helmet isn’t cooperating. I can’t seem to get it untwisted. I undo the chin strap completely, pull it, and start over.
Edward’s eyes fixate on my hands fumbling the helmet strap. “It is, but there’s a—” he stops talking and steps toward me. He reaches for the black straps and says, “Here, let me do that. You seem shaken up.”
I want to jerk my head back, but I don’t. Instead I stand there like an idiot and let him strap my helmet on. His fingers push the black strap through the metal loops and he pulls, tightening it. I grip my hands in front of my waist and try to slow my pulse.
When he finishes, he grins at me. When I don’t smile back, he asks, “What’s wrong? You seem out of sorts.”
I want to say only around you, but I don’t want him to think that he affects me. Besides, this doesn’t make sense, any of it. Why is he here? What are the odds that he’d walk in front of this garage at this time? Is he following me? I think I’m being paranoid, but the feeling doesn’t fade.
I turn away from him, smiling nervously and reach for the bike. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just jacked up on caffeine. You know me.” I lie and swing my leg over the motorcycle.
“I do know you, Anna. And I’m here if you need me.” He glances at me on the bike for half a beat and adds, “Be careful with this guy, Anna.” He says it like he knows something I don’t, like it’s more than a general warning.
I wonder how he knows anything about me and Cole. It must have been Emma. She must have told him I was with Cole. Irritation shoots through me. I didn’t think it was necessary to tell her not to discuss my love life with her brother, but apparently I was wrong.
I start the bike and say, “I can take care of myself, Edward. And you better get to your interview or you’ll be late.”
He laughs, “I’m never late. I’m still early actually.” That was probably true. He is always early. It irritated me when we were dating. Everywhere we went, he had to arrive half an hour early. Edward looks from his watch to me and steps in front of the bike. He rests his fingers on the handlebars and looks up at me. “Just be careful, okay?”
I nod at him, wanting this conversation over. “I gotta go.” Edward steps aside and I rev the engine and pull away from him. I can feel his eyes on my back until I’m out of the garage and on the street zipping through early morning traffic.
__
I stop on the side of the Long Island Expressway and grab a cup of coffee. The morning air is cooler than usual. I breathe deeply, admiring the white fluffy clouds strewn across the sky. If I was still in high school, I’d be drawing clouds today. I had one art teacher who was always excited when those fluffy white ones appeared. I didn’t understand why until I tried to draw one. It turns out that drawing clouds is hard. Mine looked like floating bricks. There was nothing light and fluffy about them.
I pull out my phone and rest the coffee on my thigh. I won’t have time to see Emma until this weekend, but I have to know if she told her brother about me and Cole.
I text her as I sip my coffee.
Me: Hey Em. Saw your bro. Did you tell him anything about Cole?
A few minutes pass. Emma is in class. I don’t expect anything back right away, but my phone dings.
Emma: No. That’d be worse than talking to u about him. What happened?
Me: Saw him in the garage this morning. He warned me away from Cole. Wondered how he knew.
Emma: idk. I swear I didn’t say anything.
Me: OK. Just asking. Will u b around tonight?
Emma: Yup. Catch up then?
Me: Hell yeah. Lots to tell u.
For a second I just stared at the screen. How did he know about Cole? And did Edward really know something about Cole, or was he just screwing with me? I wasn’t sure, but it left me feeling very uneasy.
I poured the rest of the coffee down my throat and tossed the cup before pulling back into the traffic. Why I took the LIE is beyond me. It’s always crammed with traffic this far west. Once I got out onto the Island a little ways, it would clear up. In the meantime, I bobbed and weaved between cars and trucks, passing the occasional driver who was horrified of motorcycles. One woman nearly drove into the wall trying to get away from me. I zip past her and feel the rush of early morning air on my face.
I refuse to let my mind play games with me. Edward’s not a stalker. I dismiss my lingering apprehension from this morning and push it out of my mind, giving the situation with Cole full access to my entire brain.
Last night didn’t go the way I planned. I want more from Cole, but I don’t want to risk losing him. Finding out the woman in the red dress was his attorney doesn’t make me feel better. At first it did, then I realized that if she’s around that much something must be very wrong. I wish he’d ask me for help or at least lean on me a little, but Cole is so closed off. He keeps his emotions close to his chest and it’s hard to tell what he’s thinking. But after last night, I did learn one thing—I do mean something to him—I just have no idea what.
CHAPTER 3
“Regina, we have a full calendar today so I need you to fix the sets as we rotate through. That way as soon as the next client is here, we can start.”
Regina looks up at me. Her copper hair dangles over her shoulders. The green top she wears makes the color more awesome and her crop pants are so cute. Like all Le Femme employees, she’s barefoot. She nods, “No problem. Oh, there was a message from your school. They said they hadn’t received your internship papers yet and they need them back by the end of the week.”
“By tomorrow?” My brows pinch together as I straighten and look at her. I drop the rug I’m holding and stare at her. That’s not right. The internship papers weren’t due until two weeks after the internship was over. That is four weeks away.
“Yup,” Regina says. She looks up at me when she sees my expression. “I wouldn’t worry about it. Cole probably lost the papers or something.”
I nod slowly and go back to what I’m doing, “Or something,” I say under my breath, trying to figure out what it is.
__
By the time I get to the campus, it’s nearly 5:00pm. They’ll close before I get to talk to someone. I glance at my watch. The line at the registrar’s office is moving at snail speed. When I finally get to the front, I’m really anxious and not looking forward to talking to some kid about the lost papers or why the university wants them back early.
I step up, ready to ask what the hell is wrong with them, when Jesse Oden looks up at me from the desk. “Can I help—” he smiles when he sees me, his expression completely changing. “Anna.”
“Jesse? What are you doing here? I thought you graduated?” The girl behind me audibly sighs and folds her arms.
He ignores her, “I did. I’m doing some grad work over the summer. Student job. So what do you need? Enrollment forms? Application for graduation?” he guesses.
“No, I’ve done all that stuff already. I got a phone call today that said my internship papers weren’t turned in. I thought they were due after the internship was over. I have two weeks left. Could you check my account and see what they want?”
“Sure,” he smiles tapping the keyboard. After I tell him my student number, he’s into my files. He grins, “Impressive GPA.”
“Snoop,” I laugh. He looks up at me and winks.
“Let’s see,” he says, his finger tracing lines on the screen, scanning it quickly. His expression changes as he does so. He glances up at me and I can tell something’s very wrong, but he says, “Yes, they want your papers early. There’s a note here for me to hand them to you when you come in, and schedule you an appointment with the dean.”
“The dean? What for?” Everyone is watching me now. This isn’t typical. Something is wrong, I just don’t know what.
Jesse nods as he collects the papers I need from the slots on his desk. Taking the stack, he taps them once on his desk and shoves the
m under the stapler, then hands them to me. “Get these back to me by tomorrow. And I’m scheduling you for an appointment with the dean for tomorrow at 4:00pm.” He hands me an appointment card. I’m annoyed and worried. I just take it and don’t look at it.
“Thanks,” I say and head out the door.
If I blow this internship, I don’t graduate. I want to pull my hair out. I exit the building and find a bench. Sunlight pours through the leaves forming a lacy pattern on the ground. Taking my phone, I enter the appointment time for tomorrow and notice Jesse wrote a note on the back of the card.
Wait for me.
I sit under a tree and watch the students as they head toward their evening activities. About ten minutes later, Jesse walks out of the building and sees me. He smiles initially, but it fades quickly. He sits next to me on the bench.
“So, what’s new?” he asks teasingly.
“Oh, my God! Is it that bad? I saw your face. Just tell me.”
Jesse looks up at me and I can tell it’s bad. His smile falters and he looks at his hands. “I’m not supposed to say anything, but it seems too insane to be true. Your internship was ended early,” he says softly. “Someone reported that you’re having sexual relations with your boss.” His dark brows creep up his face as he says it, looking at me like he can’t believe it.
I can’t breathe. I feel like someone hit me in the stomach with a board. I lean forward, panic flooding every inch of me. Even though Cole and I don’t have a sexual relationship, it looks like we do.
“So, it’s true? I’m guessing this is the guy who had your heart when I first met you, too—isn’t it?” He sounds sympathetic. He places his hand on my back and pats once like a friend. “It’s not going to go well if you tell them.”
I sit up quickly and stare at him, “There is no sexual relationship with him. There hasn’t been. It’s been all work. Nothing else.” My voice is soft, remorseful.
“But you wish it was,” he adds, and I nod. Blinking hard, I look over at him. “Thank you. I know you’ll get in trouble if they find out you told me. Did it say who made the allegation?”
He shakes his head, “No. The complaint was filed directly with your dean. The info wasn’t put into your main file.”
“This isn’t happening,” I clutch my face, horrified that I’m reacting this way in front of someone I barely know.
“Hey, if nothing happened, there’s nothing to worry about.” I feel desperate and lost. He leans close to my face, tucking a curl behind my ear. Our eyes lock. He wants what Cole can’t. Jesse breathes, “I’ll cover for you. I can tell them how we met that day on the beach. There were other people around. If you say that me and you are together, and deny your relationship with your boss, they should let it drop.”
“I can’t have you lie for me,” I say, not looking away, not putting more space between us.
“It’s not a lie,” he says lifting his hand to my cheek. “I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I keep checking my phone, hoping you’re over him—and calling me.”
I feel so lost, so alone. I need Cole, but that will just make it worse. The entire relationship with him made everything worse, including me. I want something with him that he won’t give. I want his whole heart, but he won’t let me in. Loneliness and fear mingle together and I can’t stop looking at Jesse’s lips. He pulls me to him slowly, gently pressing his mouth to mine. It’s like last time. The kiss is sweet and chaste, asking me if I want him.
Indecision flashes through my mind. I could try to hold onto whatever I have with Cole, but there’s nothing there. Correction, there’s friendship there and nothing more. We traded sex secrets and he didn’t even look at me last night. I thought I meant something to him. The way he cradled me in his arms felt like I mattered, but I went to sleep alone and woke up alone. Cole didn’t see me off this morning and didn’t say anything else last night. Was it cheating to continue this kiss?
There’s nothing between you and Cole, so how are you cheating? The voice inside my head snaps at me like I should know better.
Jesse’s breath is warm, and the feeling of his hand on the side of my face is strong and perfect. He lingers by my lips, his lashes lowered, looking—waiting for me to push him away. But I don’t. I lean into the kiss, feeling a rush of emotions race by as I plummet off an emotional cliff and obliterate any chance of being with Cole.
Jesse’s tongue slips past my lips and into my mouth. He strokes me slowly, like he’s thought about this since the first time we met. I want to lean into him. I want to feel nothing, to let go of the weeks I’ve spent with Cole, but I can’t. I break the kiss and look down. Jesse’s hands remains splayed on my cheeks, cradling my face. I can’t look at him.
“Sorry. I just can’t...” my voice is shaky and trails off.
He touches his forehead to mine, “It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything, Anna.” When he leans back, he drops his hands to his lap. He smiles at me sadly, “I wish I had better timing. I wish I found you first.”
I glance up from my hands, and try to smile, but I can’t. Everything is pressing down on me, making me feel like a claustrophobe trapped in a coffin. I can’t stand it. I want to nod at Jesse and act like he doesn’t affect me, but he does. I stand and he does the same.
“You okay?” he asks, trying to catch my eye.
I mean to look up and nod, but a sob catches in my throat. Tears fill my eyes as I nod and cry, “Yeeees.”
“I think you mean no.” He steps toward me and says, “Come on. Let’s go grab an early dinner.”
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“I’d rather be your friend than nothing at all. Besides, it seems like you could use a friend right about now, anyway.” He keeps his distance, occasionally brushing against my arm or directing me by my elbow, as we walk across campus and emerge onto the jammed streets. It’s rush hour. He takes me into the first place he sees and we grab a table in the corner.
I dab my eyes with a tissue and look up at him. He’s the only one who seems to want me, and I keep telling him no. What’s wrong with me? Jesse is my age, my type, and I’m pushing him away because I want something I can’t have—Cole Stevens.
“So, you want to talk about it?” he asks, leaning his arms on the table.
“There’s nothing to talk about. Nothing happened with me and Cole. Nothing’s happened the entire summer.”
“But you wish it did?” he says.
I nod. “I thought there was something there, but I was wrong. When we talked about it last night, he pretty much told me no.”
Jesse’s face twisted with confusion. “Then where’d the complaint come from?”
I shrug. “No idea. It’s a slap in the face after last night. Honestly, you got further with me than I got with him.”
Jesse smiles. “Did I?”
I nod and look up at him. “If I met you a few weeks ago...”
“I know,” he says. “Listen, if things fall apart, you risk not graduating. We need to focus on that. That’s the main problem right now.” I nod, agreeing with him. “Let’s assume that they find you guilty.” My spine goes rigid as my mouth falls open.
“But I didn’t—”
“I know, but say things go to hell—worst case scenario. You’ll need another internship. Something where you can jump in and wrack up a ton of hours fast. Did you have a fallback?” I nod. Sophia ended up being my second choice. “I’d contact that person if the shit hits the fan and the university scratches your hours, especially if that studio showed any interest in you. It’s the fastest way to fix it.”
I think about that for a second. I’d be back where I was in the beginning, except Sophia would know I’d chosen Cole over her. I wasn’t sure how she’d do with that. I nod and look up at Jesse across the table. I wonder why I can’t let Cole go for him. I wonder if I do this to myself—pick guys who are defective to prevent having a real relationship with them. It seems like a double strikeout, first with Edward and now Cole. Me
anwhile there is a perfectly hot guy sitting in front of me, who seems genuinely interested in me. I sigh and lower my gaze to the table. I’m such a head-case.
“That’s really the only option I have, right? Go back to Sottero and beg?” I look up at Jesse to see him nod.
“Do you have classes in the fall?”
I shake my head. “No, I finished everything early by taking short courses last year. Usually people have their internship over the summer, come back and complete their classes. The dean let me flip them around so that I could walk in graduation at the end of August.”
“So that’s your best bet. Go see the dean, deny the whole thing and hope it was just some jealous guy spewing crap. Maybe it won’t go anywhere.” Jesse waves at the waitress and she refills our glasses.
Sipping my soda, I ask, “You think someone did this to me on purpose?” Who would do that?
Jesse shrugs, “Maybe. Or maybe something just didn’t look right. Is there anything that would have made someone think you were together?”
My face flames. “Ah, well that answers that question. Listen, Anna.” He leans forward in the booth and pats my hand to get my attention. “Think of it as just another hurdle to jump over before graduation. No big deal. It’s your boss that’s going to catch hell for it, not you.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s against university policy to have a sexual relationship with your intern. Period. If they think he did it, well, I’m not sure what they’ll do, but since it’s Cole Stevens I don’t think it’ll just get swept under the rug. Tabloids have been following him around for the past couple weeks. It’s like they sniffed out something brewing below the surface with him.”
As Jesse speaks I think about the woman in the red gown, his lawyer. Something bad was coming. Something Cole already knew about. My stomach twists and I wonder if he already knew about the accusations, if that’s the reason why he won’t touch me. Hope and dread flood through me, making me feel sick.
Jesse sees me pale. “Listen, you can handle this. Keep acting like it’s nothing. Don’t react until it hits the fan, okay?” He squeezes my hand. I look up at him and nod slowly. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that it already has and I’m the last to find out.