She's moving my way with a serious look on her face, she already knows. "Turn around and look again."
I don't really need to see more but I do as she says because she doesn't have a smile on her face. Tess always smiles. Bull has the whore's hands behind her and he's walking her out. Bob has a smile on his face. What the fuck is going on?
"Now you can leave." Tess say in my ear, I can hear her smile. "I think Bob offered you a ride." When I turn to her, she's walking back to Penny, CJ and Anita. Damn woman. I can't help but smile; she wanted me to see the whore get picked up. She wasn't just picked up by Security either, Bob is High Security, head of the Family Security and Bull is an Officer in High Security on the computer team. Whatever she did has to be bad for two Officers to be involved. I've seen Security pick guys up, it's always regular Security, and of course it's from my shop, but still. I remember the night Bob and Chet showed and feel the heat on my face; they were headed to the R&R when I called. I wish it was regular Security that showed. I shake it off; I can't change it now.
I grab my purse and walk over to the bar. Bob's talking to another HS guy so I order a drink and sip it while I wait. When the guy leaves he turns to me, he knew I was here the whole time. "Hi." I have no idea what to say.
He smiles; damn he's got a nice smile. "Are you ready to go?" I nod so I don't say anything stupid. He holds his finger up and looks around. I follow his eye and see two from Security sitting by our table. They throw chin to him and he turns back to me. They must be CJ and Tess' guards for the night. I slide off the stool and his hand goes to my back. "All set, Amanda. Did you drive here?”
“No, I walked. I was going to get a ride home from Tess and Security. I knew I would be drinking.” I tell him trying to ignore the heat from his hand on my bare back. He pushes the door open and waits for me to go through. Once we're outside he puts his hand back. Why the hell does this feel so intimate? After what I did I would think a hand at my back wouldn't make me feel so connected to him. It's just a damn hand. I mentally shake my head and pay attention to where he's guiding me.
"This is me." He says at a black truck. With all the other black trucks I don't know how they tell them apart. He hits his key fob and opens the door for me.
I climb in and he closes the door. I get to watch him walk around the front of the truck and sigh; too bad he's not boyfriend material. Holding and opening doors makes women feel like their needs are important enough for the guy to expend some energy so we don't have to. It's always good to feel taken care of even if it's something small and stupid. Because of my job, people don't normally treat me with that kind of care; maybe that's why I'm blinking tears from my eyes. Get a fuckin grip, Amanda.
Bob gets in and looks at me. "Are you ok?" I nod and smile. "Did you want to stop for a drink somewhere a little quieter than here?"
I look at him surprised. "I don't really know what to say here. I don't mind stopping somewhere but you wanted to talk to me so I don't know if I'm going to need the drink or not."
He laughs. I just watch, he looks so different when he laughs, younger and not so intense. "I'm not sure if you need the drink but I do want to talk to you and I'll need it." He's still smiling.
"Ok." I keep watching him trying to figure out what this is all about.
Bob
Fuck I'm nervous. "Do you mind if we go to T&G?" It's small, quiet and just outside of town. No cameras make it perfect for me.
"No, I've never been there. To tell you the truth, it's been almost a year since I left the yard." She smiles, fuck she's got a pretty smile. "Having a guard with me when I do is comforting."
I look at her then back at the road. "Are you afraid of leaving the yard?"
She laughs, "Not at all, I just have no reason to leave. Tess told me the world outside of the yard is crazy."
Fuckin Tess is cute and right, it is. "She would know." I look at her, she's watching me. "Does your family live in the yard?"
She looks forward. "No, my parents live in Danvers. We're not close."
"Brothers or sisters?"
I can feel the tension rolling off her. I don't think she's going to answer when she looks at me, "I had a twin, she died a few years ago, she was the smart good girl. My parents aren't thrilled that I survived. I get a call on Christmas but not an invitation so I have no reason to leave the yard."
"Of all the things you could have said there, I didn't expect that. I'm sorry I brought that back to you, Amanda." Fuck, I should have checked her back story before I did this. I didn't want the info before I got it from her though.
"To tell you the truth I'm glad you don't know about me. I know you could have every bit of my life on paper but it won't tell you who I am. I like that you have to ask, even if it is a little uncomfortable." I take a quick look at her and see she's not pissed and more relaxed than a minute ago.
"I didn't look just for that reason, I jumped wrong once already. I don't like making mistakes. This is me trying to fix that." I hope she doesn't question me right now, I need a fuckin drink for this.
I can feel her looking at me. "Ok. I'll wait until you can explain that a little better."
I smile and pull in to the T&G parking lot. "Thanks, I need a drink for this."
She fuckin smiles. "Good thing we're in front of a bar." I get out and go around to her door opening it, I smile; I like that she waited for me. "Thank you." She says when I give her my hand.
I bring her to a booth and go get us drinks. She looks relaxed when I sit down opposite from her. "I like that you're not nervous or tense." I tell her because I'm nervous as fuck.
She gives me a shy kind of smile. "It sounds like you fucked something up, so I don't have to be nervous. At least not yet."
Fuckin girl makes me smile. "I did. I assumed so much where you're concerned, I believed it without actually seeing you. I know that doesn't make much sense." I wipe my hands on my thighs. "I'm not good at talking so bear with me." She nods and doesn't look pissed or bored. "Because of your job I assumed you were with guys all the time. Then that night with me and Chet, I took it as a kind of proof of what happened in your shop. I'm sorry I didn't look past anything but what was in my head. I should have paid attention, I had no right to judge you or believe anything but what you showed all the time we've known each other."
She waves her hand, "After what I did you had no reason to believe anything but I'm a slut. I didn't or I should say, ‘don't take offense’. I was hurting and drank more than I should have. I fucked up big time. I can't blame you for seeing it for what it was." She shrugs.
"Can I ask what happened, what made you decide to step so far out of character?" I have no fuckin right to answers here.
She looks away from me blinking. I take her hand, she looks down at our hands. "My sister's name was Amelia, I called her Meely, she called me Mandy. My parents hated it but we never used our full names. She was the best sister, my parents put her on a pedestal and she pulled me up with her every fuckin time they tried to tear me down. She was smart, I was the artist. She supported me enough that it didn't matter what my parents thought about me, she was enough. One night she went to a party and I covered for her. My parents never checked on me so I slept in her bed that night. When they found out it was me in the bed, they went crazy. They never allowed her to do anything. She was just being a kid but she would always push it. She was daring and reckless when she got out from under them. She died driving home drunk from that party. For two fuckin months they didn't even look at me. I finally moved out leaving them my cell number on the fridge. When Meely died I lost my whole family. I had only my reflection and the box of crazy shit she used to write when I left home. She made a bucket list, I revised it and put stuff from her list and mine together. Every couple of months, I cross something off the list. She had three way on her list, that night was the anniversary of her death. I had too much to drink, trying to get enough courage to go through with it." I see the tear fall down her cheek and wipe it off. I feel like an ass.
"I wish I could bring her back for you, Amanda. Sounds like you made an amazing team."
She looks up at me, I can see the pain clear as day in her eyes. "Thank you. We did. I'm sorry I used you like that. I knew what I was doing but I was scared, I knew you wouldn't let anything happen to me."
Fuck, I treated her like a whore. "Don't apologize. It wasn't like I didn't get anything out of it. I wish you would have told me. We can't change the past but I'd like to start over Amanda. I'd like the chance to get to know who you really are. Can we start from right now?" My heart is beating a fuckin mile a minute. You'd think I've never had a fuckin date. I shake my head, I never really did.
She looks at me for a minute; I'm not sure what to do. "Yes. I'm not the girl that's going to jump into bed with you tonight. What I did can't be undone but it's not my normal behavior."
I nod. "I get that." She smiles; something in me wants to keep that smile on her face. "So besides being the preferred artist for the MC, what do you do for fun?"
She smiles, "Well, I make wind chimes, design patriotic pictures on the computer, hang with Tess and company and take long walks on the beach. What do you do for fun, Bob?" Her eyes are lit making her face light up and she's talking like a contestant on a game show. Fuckin sassy and cute.
"I ride, do tai chi, ride, hang with Rich and company and ride."
I get her to laugh. "Where is your favorite place to ride?"
I shrug. "Anywhere makes me happy but the back roads give me something. I can clear work out of my head and look around." I don't even know if that makes sense.
"Stop and smell the roses?" She asks with a smile.
I think about that, "Yeah, something like that. I don't normally talk about this shit so I make it sound stupid but you get it."
"You don't sound stupid. Do you have brothers and sisters?" Thank fuck she changed the subject.
I shake my head no, "The only fuck up of my family. Only child."
She watches me but what else is there to say? "Being an only child makes you a fuck up?"
I laugh, "No, my parents fucked up. I was the result, they didn't hide that from me. I spent a lot of time alone growing up."
"That would explain the not talking much." She smiles like she knows how that feels.
I'm out of things to say. I need a fuckin list of topics. "Do you want to dance?"
Her smile lights up her face again. "Sure, thanks."
We dance and talk until last call. I'm fuckin shocked, we've been here for hours. "I didn't realize the time. Are you hungry?" I don't want to take her home yet. I like the way this feels. Fuckin Rich knows his shit.
She's been smiling the whole time, I don't know how but her smile gets bigger. "I could use a bowl of cereal. I may have enough to share."
Fuck, she's cute when she's happy. "I might be able to do cereal, tell me it's not chocolate covered cookie candy and you might get a yes."
She laughs, "Good old fashioned raisin bran or shredded wheat."
I stand and put my hand out to her. She takes it and doesn't let go while I walk her out. It feels good. I don't know how long it's been since I've held a woman's hand when I wasn't leading her to my room at the club. Before I open her door, I put my hands on her face and bend to kiss her. With my lips inches from hers I whisper, "Tell me it's ok to taste you, Amanda. I'm not planning on your bed tonight but I've got to taste how sweet you are." She takes in a breath saying yes. Fuck if she doesn't taste sweet. One hand moves to her back, fuckin skin, I pull her to me rough and her mouth opens wider. Fuckin shit! I want to fuck her. I growl and loosen my hold. Kissing around her lips, she licks my rings; fuck, my dick is fighting to find where it's going to be buried. I pull away and watch her open her eyes. She wants me too but I can't treat her like a whore again. She's fuckin cool as shit and deserves better than that twice from me. I've been with the Club forever and fuck if I know how to do this different. I put monumental effort into kissing her lips, stepping back and opening her door. "Thank you, Amanda." I say as she moves to get in. She smiles up at me like I gave her the world. Fuck.
Getting her home takes minutes. I park and walk her up. I'm surprised by her apartment. She took over the whole floor of her building, it's two shops downstairs and one apartment up. It's open except the rooms on the sides; a bathroom and bedroom on each side. Another cool as fuck thing about her. "I love your space. I like how open it is."
She looks over her shoulder drawing my eyes to her hair and bare back. Fuck. "Me too. It took me three years to finish it but it was worth every minute and drop of sweat. Once the building was mine, I decided to make it mine in every way. I love it here, it's comfortable, no one judges me because I tattoo roughnecks, sailors and bikers. The women are all my friends, I couldn't ever say that before, most women ignored me or talked shit about me. Here I'm accepted for just me. I love it." I watch red spread up her face and smile. No one judged her but me. "I didn't mean it bad, just an explanation of why it's important for me to be here."
I nod. "If I feel bad about it that's on me, not you, Amanda. I'll deal and show you I've changed that way of thinking. I'm glad you found your peace, don't be embarrassed because of my fuck up. You space is cool as shit, you should be proud of it." She smiles and grabs cereal from above the fridge. I sit at the island and watch her. She's comfortable and confident here. We eat and talk some more. She's fuckin funny as shit and has me laughing and talking more than I have in a fuckin month. I stand, watching her face turn to confusion. "I've had a good time, Amanda." I walk to the sink putting our bowls in it and turn back. "I need to check the schedule for today and crash for a while. Do you want to go to dinner with me later? It's just a pot luck of sorts, Tiny always mans the grill but we all bring something to add to it."
She looks surprised. "Yes, I'd like that. I'll put something together, what time is it?"
Fuckin cute. "You don't have to, I have us covered. Five or so, they don't give a fuck really. The kids do a last swim about eight."
She giggles and my dick swells. Fuckin sexy sound. "Tess invited me, I didn't get the time though."
I stand in front of her, putting my hands on her waist. "I'll pick you up at quarter of." I bend and kiss her, fuckin mistake. I'm hard as fuck when I pull away. I kiss her head and get the fuck out while I can. "Sleep well, Amanda." I throw over my shoulder as I walk out. I wait until I hear the lock engage then walk down the stairs to my truck. My dick isn't happy but I have a fuckin smile on my face. Fuckin Rich is right, she's a fuckin good girl and talking clued me the fuck in.
I grab my bag and drag my ass through the Club. In my room, I recheck the family cover then hit the shower. I could find a whore but being with the Club my whole adult life taught me the value of respect and honor. I've never done the dating thing, women just appear and want to fuck so I do. This feels good, like I'm working for it like Rich said. I find my relief and fall into bed. I need to ask Rich what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing with her.
Chapter Four
Amanda
The family dinner is a blast. I always have fun; I don't come to many but Tess always invites me. Cloud and CJ's kids are all active and funny. They swim like fish, play volleyball like a professional team and are always smiling. Everyone is always building the others up, kids and parents. I love it.
Bob plays with the kids and sits with the men. His eyes follow me everywhere but he's not stuck to my side. He makes me laugh, throwing Jessie and Brantley two bucks when I swear. Jessie has tears running down my face when he tells me since I'll be around I should take the flat monthly rate.
"You shake down your parents with that flat rate?" I'm still fuckin laughing.
He smiles, "Been doing it for years. We collect over a fifteen hundred a month just in flat rates. The best part is, since they pay the flat rate, they keep swearing. It's a viscous cycle but profitable for the Little Brothers." When I can breathe and talk again I ask what they do with the money. "Last month we paid a landscaper to do old man
Cromwell's yard. His wife used to do it but she died and it got overgrown bad. The landscaper switched plants and put irrigation so it runs on a timer. He's helping Cromwell learn how to take care of it. Now he sits on the bench again and watches the beach like before his wife died."
I think my mouth fell open. Fuckin kids. "What's the fuckin flat rate?" He laughs.
"Hundred a month for you. Make the check out to Little Brothers and Sisters. I'll have Joey send you a reminder so you get the information. It's due on the first." I'm laughing again. Fuckin kids are better than the mafia. Who can resist them?
Bob saves me. "I just give them cash every month, they pretty much leave me alone."
I'm laughing hysterically. "I just agreed to a hundred a month. He told me they'll send a reminder and it's due on the first. Angel faces fuckin shaking everyone down. I love it." He laughs, walking me back up to the tent. The adults are sitting around chatting.
Bob gets me a beer and sits beside me. "Jessie caught her for a hundred a month." They all laugh, I laugh with them and ask how long they've been at it.
"Since Jessie and Little Ben were seven or eight. Fuckin kids." Steve says. I have tears in my eyes again, at least I'm laughing.
The guys get the kids out of the water and start a barn fire. We move closer and sit together talking and laughing. CJ is wicked funny; she fits right in with the women. With so much that happens in their lives it always surprises me that they laugh so much.
The visions that Tess and Christian have must make life hell at times. I've seen a few but they are always smiling. They don't let it affect the happiness they find. It dawns on me that they've found a way to be happy in spite of the horrors they live through in the visions. Looking around I realize they all do, Kate was kidnapped and drugged, CJ was shot twice, Tess was beat and raped by Outlaws and Jess was beat by a gang. I don't have the story on Nancy but they all share horrific things in their past. They've laughed all day, I can do it too. I should stop declining invitations and keep these people close.
L. Ann Marie Page 3