She froze at the insult, lips trembling slightly before they clamped shut. I stared at her. She stared back. Oddly, it went on this way for a while. When I still said nothing, she finally sighed. “I can’t wait any longer. I am sorry.”
The static sounded again, which would’ve been telling if I’d recognized it early enough. Before that could happen I was sprawled on my back, breath knocked from my chest, shocked that someone who had yet to take full corporeal form could weigh so much. The doppelgänger’s eyes glittered as they bored into mine, then raced over my face, seeing past the breathy, soft Olivia exterior to what was beneath. There was a slight adjustment to her nose, I saw it shift and stick, her heart-shaped chin squaring, the eyes deepening. When they darkened, the clouds disappearing in a pupil of black—literally the eye of the storm—I knew I was fucked.
She licked her lips, and I saw her teeth had squared in her mouth, the middle two slightly crooked, but only if you knew to look. I swallowed hard. Almost there. Almost me.
“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I really am on your side. I have been all along. But another agent of Light will figure it out. Eventually.” She sighed, like she was imagining things differently, then sighed again. “Maybe it’s like that mask. It’s just too close to your face to see it clearly.”
I turned my head to find the animist’s mask sprawled right next to me. I hadn’t yet gotten a chance to return it to Xavier’s and had forgotten I even had it with me until now. It must have fallen out of my bag when she’d tackled me, and it stared up at the sky of splintered reality like it saw something I couldn’t.
I had a thought, smiled slightly, and gazed at the fragile webbing above us, as if at the same spot the mask had pinpointed. The doppelgänger, looming over me, frowned. Then she turned her head to see what I did, which gave me my chance. “You can eat my heart, but you’re not going to become me.”
I’d had enough of people doing that, and I slapped the mask over my face before she could turn back around.
I jerked beneath her, head flying back to hit the concrete with the g-force of pure chaotic violence. The doppelgänger howled above me, but the mask was already fusing greedily to my skull. The synthesis happened in the snap of fingers, and colors too bright to see swirled behind my lids like whipping snakes. I couldn’t see out, and felt for a moment like I couldn’t breathe either. I concentrated on that alone, breathing in and out, and eventually the dizziness lessened, colors fading until I was deathly calm and the mask only pulsed gently against my cheeks.
Then it all ceased, and this time there was no vision, no dream, to replace it. My mind was whitewashed, shallow breathing echoing loudly in my ears, punctuating the silence, my thoughts lost even from myself.
“Olivia?” the doppelgänger asked, then “Joanna?”
“What?” Hollow…like the mask.
“What do you see?”
She meant what did I think about what I saw…but I saw nothing. “J-just so you know, you can’t remove this mask. It has adhered to my face.” Better. Almost like myself.
“No shit,” she said, her weight shifting as she fell back on her heels. “Not until the trapped stream-of-consciousness has played your future out in full. After that it will release, and I can look until my little heart is content…no pun intended.”
But her black humor didn’t interest me. It was what she’d said before that, revealing a purpose to the animist’s mask that no one had correctly guessed.
“It tells the future,” I whispered. But that meant my future was blank. I sat in the silent wake of those punishing sheets of light, in total solitude, without even thoughts to keep me company. I’d seen destruction to the city before, death to the inhabitants, my troop, the being on top of me, along with the Tulpa and my mother. So maybe that had changed? Either I was really going to die now, or maybe…“It’s mine to write.”
Or rewrite. I took a deep breath, and thought back on the chain of events since I’d last donned the mask, all the things that could have altered the destiny I’d viewed before. The past twenty-four hours alone was enough to send me reeling. There was my visit with Zane, discovering Ben with Regan at the chapel, my night with Hunter, and the single-minded search for Regan that had finally landed me here. I recalled, and followed, my own progress down the Boulevard, and when the static overtook me this time, I let go of the thought thread, and freefell into my own mind.
Lightning punched a blackened desert floor and I was streaming out to Cathedral Canyon, meeting the others for Kimber’s metamorphosis, biting down on ozone as the world readied for another star sign. Next I flashed to an image of me standing over the fractured gorge, buffeted by the vibrations of impending violence, much of which I would cause. It went on this way until the blank slate reappeared, and my future lay unwritten again. Then my breath again filled my ears, harsh and rattling, but not with fear this time. With excitement. I glanced up, and this time I could see out the slits of the mask to the wide, blackened eyes staring back at me.
“Oh,” I whispered, as my fingers blindly found the mask again. But what I meant to say was Oh fuck. Because I knew then who had set the doppelgänger on me. I knew it like I knew my own name.
The mask released me with an audible snap. The doppelgänger reached for it.
“Not so fast, Hannibal.”
I slipped the mask from my face myself, easy now that it’d already told me its story, and ran a hand over my sweat-dampened hair. “What would you say if I told you the third sign of the Zodiac was about to come to pass?”
She didn’t look as impressed as I thought she should, and smiled wickedly, teeth bared. “Same as before…I’m hungry.”
I smiled back. “And I’d say come and get it.”
It took some time—too much of it—to collect what I needed and put my plan into action. Namely, one Zell Trexler, for whom we had to wait for over an hour before he came sauntering around the back of Master Comics, a freshly lit cigarette flaring between his lips. The smoke only blunted his senses for a second, but if I’d had my conduit with me it would’ve been enough to kill him. In the next second, his head shot up and his hand found his ax, which he could fling with such deadly accuracy I quickly jerked back behind the illegally parked van where I’d been hiding. Fortunately, due to the prophecy that he was to die at my hands, my disembodied voice was all the weapon I needed. “Thank God you’re here. I was afraid the Tulpa really had tipped you off.”
The cigarette was discarded, red ash burning down to nothing in the gutter. “Tipped—?”
“He told me about your little penchant for frightening the changelings as they leave the building,” I interrupted. “You’re such a dick.”
“I’m brokenhearted that you think so,” he said, sounding more like himself. Defensive, but still arrogant. “I suppose you’re looking to score another meeting with Daddy, huh? Too bad he’s no longer taking your calls.”
Because, I knew, the Tulpa had what he wanted. He’d given me the mantra that would trap the doppelgänger, call him to finish her off, and place me in servitude from now until eternity’s end. Using it would be icing on his cake-o’-death. Still, I had to be sure.
“I guess I’ll have to use his answering machine like everyone else.”
Zell just scoffed as he backed down the alley, returning the way he came.
“Hold up. What’s the rush, Zell? Hot date?” I tapped my fingers on the hood of the car so he could tell I hadn’t moved. “Just remember, bite the pillow and you’ll be fine.”
“Fuck off,” he shot back, unable to help himself. “You only wish you knew.”
Which told me all I needed to know. “Oh, but I already do. Haven’t you heard? The Tulpa’s given me a way to join the Shadows.” I peered through over the driver’s side mirror to find him looking skeptical, though he was no longer moving away. “I thought I could ride with you to the rendezvous point for tonight’s ambush.”
He was silent for so long that if I were still hidden, I’d h
ave thought he really had left. But I was watching, and saw the uncertainty, followed by resignation, creep over his face. “How ’bout I just give you directions?”
“That’s nice of you,” I said, my tone companionable.
Zell sneered in his reply. “I’m bighearted that way.”
“But I’d rather come with you anyway. It’s a long drive, I could use the company…and you drive a Prius, right? So practical.”
“No.”
“Hm, that almost sounded definitive.” Taking a chance, I did step into view now. His eyes traveled over my body, encased in unrelieved black, and lingered on my mask. “I guess I’m going to have to force you.”
“Force me? Honey, you don’t even have a conduit anymore, and by the way, Regan has been bragging for days about the way she tricked you into attacking a mortal. You’re the laughingstock of the Shadow side.”
That did it.
“You’re right,” I said after a moment, voice deadly soft as I lowered my head, stepping closer. “I no longer have a conduit…but I do have a friend with very sharp teeth.”
The doppelgänger landed so softly behind him, he didn’t even hear her. But as he turned again to leave, her grin verified my claim. “How big did you say that heart was?”
28
Despite Zell’s resistance—his conduit, his cries, his fists, his blood—my next great feat actually took longer…probably because I couldn’t just whip Chandra into doing what I asked. I found her huddled over a microscope at the Sky-Chem drug testing facility, her cover in the mortal world and where she snuck in on the weekends to do the reconnaissance we needed while not surrounded by curious coworkers and bossy supervisors.
I knew she’d be here, distracting herself with work to keep her mind off where the rest of the troop was, what we were doing, and how badly she wanted to be a part of it. It was for that last reason only that I eventually succeeded in convincing her to go along with my plan.
“It’s too risky,” she still argued, but she was locking up as she said it.
“It’s the best way, Chandra. And if we succeed, when we do, we’ll have done something previously unimagined. We’ll topple a troop.” I smiled grimly as she turned to face me. “It’ll be in manuals in every city the world over.”
“I don’t care about that!” she snapped so quickly I almost believed her. I kept silent as she whirled away, afraid one more word would have her reaching to call Warren…and then I really would have to hurt her.
She paced, biting her bottom lip, running her hand through her hair so much it stood up like a troll doll’s. Finally she jerked her head, and I followed her to the parking lot for the long drive to Cathedral Canyon.
Blue Diamond Road was markedly different at night than during the day, and as we left the city glittering behind us, we fell off into disembodied blackness, only the cab of our car lit by the steady glow of our console, silence as deep as the night.
I’d once thought myself a stranger to darkness. Growing up in a twenty-four-hour town was a lot like going to bed with the ultimate nightlight on. Sure, there were untouched parcels of desert still sunk like inky pockets within the sprawling city boundaries, and the terrain surrounding that shiny core fell away abruptly into an inflexible vacuum of time and space, but that only made Vegas appear all the more like an island unto itself. Because on that island was undying luminosity. You could make your way across the valley simply by following landmark after shining landmark alone.
I first went camping when I was seven, an event fueled by my own incessant nagging and questions about why we never left town on family trips. Of course, now I knew why. As a full-fledged Zodiac member my mother could no longer physically cross state lines, or even enter another town, but she did her best to fulfill my wish, taking us to a campground in mountains I didn’t know existed so close to the desert. The camping trip was a resounding success, but on the way back I cowered in the backseat of the car as we hurtled into a darkness cut only by the beam of our headlights. Olivia slept soundly beside me, her breathing drowned out by the speed of our wheels on the asphalt road, and the report of other cars as they rocketed by us in the opposite direction. I watched them disappear through the back window, their taillights growing smaller until they popped like the dot on an old television and disappeared completely. It was, I remember thinking, as if they’d never been. There were houses in those mountains too. I saw a chimney smoking, a strong rooftop peeking out from the firs, and the occasional light winking in some far-off window, looking lonely and too isolated to stand for long.
“Why,” I had asked my mother, greatly concerned when we passed yet another one of these disturbing homes, “do these people live in the dark?”
“Humans are creatures of habit,” my mother said, her voice a comfort in that small heated space. “People do what they know, what they’ve always done, because it’s a comfort to them. Perhaps they live in a dark place because that’s where their parents lived, and their grandparents, and theirs before them.”
“I would never live in the dark. No matter where you used to live.”
She turned in her seat, hands upon the wheel, the lights from the dashboard illuminating half her face, lengthening the amused smile that lingered there. “Yes, but if you were born in darkness, born to darkness, you wouldn’t know the difference.”
“I’d know there was no light,” I said, as she turned back around. I heard a sigh stream from her chest.
“The absence of a thing doesn’t tell you about its nature, Joanna. Its lack robs you even of a comparison. You’d have no idea what you were missing; you’d only know that there was…” She paused, searching for the right word, then gestured to the landscape hidden beyond the sweep of our headlights. “A void.”
“A void?” I repeated, frowning, not sure of the word, much less if I agreed. But my mother was wrong about few things. “Well, do you think people who live in the dark want some light?”
I couldn’t see her face, just the outline of her shoulders as she slumped against her seat and stared out into the night. Her voice, however, went soft, almost like she was afraid of the sound. There was no force behind the words, as if whispering them would keep them within the confines of this car.
“Yes, Joanna,” she murmured. “They covet the light more than anything.”
It was one of those answers a child was ever frustrated in understanding. One of the ones that, if pushed, would be explained away with an unsatisfying You’ll understand when you’re older. I knew I was missing something important, something she wouldn’t explain to me, and that made me sulk.
“Well, I’m never going to live in the dark. I’ll live in Las Vegas forever!”
She turned again, and this time her face was absent of all humor. “No matter where you live or how many streetlamps there are, no matter how many hours of sunlight there are in the day, or neon bulbs torching the skyline, every place at one time or another is touched by darkness. And every person.”
Well, she knew better than most, I thought, as Chandra and I hurtled forward on a similar journey. A lesser person would’ve been consumed by all that darkness too. I couldn’t help wondering what would’ve happened to me, what path I’d have chosen, if I’d been through all my mother had before me.
At least I knew Warren was right. My mother was still out there. Somewhere. She was working to do what she could to help the troop, and me, fight the Tulpa. And she’d go on doing it too, all the way up until her death. I would do the same, I swore, fists clenching on my thighs. Even if that death was only minutes away.
It didn’t matter how warm it was on any given October day, by the time midnight came around, the desert air crept in like an invisible fog to send residents and tourists alike scurrying for the indoors, its icy fingers pulling the heat from the city’s sizzling lights as it swept through the streets. It was even colder out where the wild desert air originated, the brittle breeze snapping over cacti and bramble in the same way reality could snap in the palm o
f an uncaring being.
It was this thought, more than the biting cold, that caused me to shiver as I stepped from Zell’s car at Cathedral Canyon. The other agents of Light were already waiting in the shimmering little gorge, the scent of their initial impatience crowded out by a greater worry, and finally relief as I appeared over the lip of the ridge. Just as I’d seen in the mask four hours earlier.
“I’d have called,” I told Warren as he met me at the top of the rickety wooden staircase, “but you said no cells.”
We only spoke about these locations face-to-face, usually in the safety of the sanctuary. The life of the agent being reborn into their star sign depended on the security of that information. During the metamorphosis itself, the rest of the Zodiac troop also formed a circle around him or her, partly for ceremony’s sake, but mostly for additional protection. The circle had been breached before, and if my mental dip into the future was right, it would be breached again tonight.
“We’ll talk about this later,” Warren said impatiently. “Here are your robes. The others are already waiting.”
I ignored the censure in his voice and draped the robes over my arm as I wordlessly made my way down the zigzagged staircase. It was a time for picking battles, and I needed to save my energy for the one to come.
Tekla was overseeing the troop formation and Kimber was already centered in the widest part of the canyon, the initiate’s gold robe shimmering spectacularly even among the chips of stained glass and stars. Everyone else was robed in white, and I slipped mine over my head as I passed by Hunter…not a coincidence. It would be hard to face him at any time, but right now I had to focus. I halted on the spot indicated by Tekla, immediately recognizing that we were arranged in the order of the Zodiac wheel. First came Hunter, the Aries, joined next by Warren, our Taurus. Then Jewell, Gregor, and Vanessa, all evenly spaced and somber. Micah was next, though there was a large gap next to him where Kimber would stand as the new Libra when her metamorphosis was complete. Tekla and I were followed by Felix and Riddick, with the empty Piscean spot our only weakness. Warren had been trying to fill it for months, and I eyed the dusty ground nervously. It was the one spot that could be tested.
The Touch of Twilight Page 34