by Kate Benson
Chapter Nine
Abby
When I first moved here for school, I was absolutely terrified.
Marissa and I had just been through hell, we’d never been apart and there I was, throwing myself out into the world to potentially be eaten alive. After I acclimated to my new life here, I thought for sure that was behind me. I thought that all those months of hard work and determination to survive on my own would be enough and I’d never have that same fear again, especially after taking a job relatively close to the small town just outside of campus I’d called home over the last four years. Somehow in my quest to graduate, to close this chapter of my life and move onto the next, I never considered that starting over again is exactly what I’d been preparing for all along.
Somehow, it didn’t even occur to me until I was in the coffee shop, talking to Dex about Allentown.
It isn’t long after he leaves that I gather my things and head back toward the cabin to spend some time with my sister.
I walk inside, the warmth from the fireplace wrapping around the snow-soaked ankles of my jeans more than welcome.
Growing up in the South, our winters were never anything like this. The first night I had to scrape the ice from my windshield, instantaneously morphing into a one-woman show in the middle of the crowded parking lot of my dorm, was one of the longest of my life.
I was fresh out of high school, on my own for the first time ever and didn’t know much of anything. However, that night, I was absolutely positive of two things: The first is that I don’t like the snow. Not even a little. And the second is that in a pinch, every woman has at least three things in their car at all times that can be used to eventually rid a windshield of ice.
My items of choice that first night? An old sweatshirt from my gym bag, the back of a hairbrush and my student ID badge.
Yeah. Good times.
Over the course of four years, I’d learned a lot, grown up a little. Not only am I now a wizard at de-icing a windshield (the secret is a mixture of two parts rubbing alcohol, one-part tap water, then scrape, scrape, scrape), I’ve also learned heartache still exists long after you think you’ve endured the worst kind.
When we lost our parents, I didn’t think I’d ever feel normal again. I’m still not sure I do, but I do know that one day, I woke up and I didn’t feel quite as messed up as I had before. It wasn’t much progress, but looking back on it now, I know it was more than I’d ever hoped for. I was sure that the only silver lining of going through something like that so young was that we’d both become unbreakable. Like somehow, we got through the unthinkable and came out on the other side, so now nothing will ever be capable of hurting either of us again.
Stupid, I know, but I was younger then.
I’m still young, but the last few years have made me a little less naïve.
I’ve had my heart broken, by friends as well as lovers. For every success I’ve celebrated, there have been at least a half dozen failures. By no means do I think in my short academic career that I’ve figured out the world, but I have managed to figure out one thing and that is heartache and fear are inevitable. They’re a part of life and not one that can be avoided no matter who you are or where you come from.
But so are new beginnings.
That little annoying shit-voice of optimism pops up in my head, making me roll my eyes.
“Obviously,” I whisper. “Doesn’t mean it’s not scary.”
Scary isn’t a bad thing. It just means you’re doing something big.
“Maybe I’ll get that embroidered on a pillow,” I snort sarcastically, internally flipping myself off.
“Who are you talking to?” Marissa asks, pulling my eyes from their place on the ceiling to find her standing at the bottom of the stairs, watching me through narrowed eyes.
“No one,” I reply, tossing my gloves to the side.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing really,” I shake my head, facing her more fully when she takes a seat beside me. “I was just thinking about how weird it’s going to be after school is over.”
“I’ve been thinking about that a lot this week, too,” she admits, leaning her head on my shoulder. “We’ll be in new cities where we won’t know anyone doing jobs we probably aren’t qualified for yet and living in apartments we don’t have any money to pay for yet,” she sighs, glancing up at me with a smirk. “Pretty exciting, yeah?”
“Well, when you put it that way,” I giggle. “It’s really scary, though.” I can’t stop the low sigh slipping out of my chest as the weight of what’s coming hits me once more and I feel it coming from her, too. “We’ve never been that far away from each other for so long before,” I glance back over at her. “Especially not since…”
“I know,” she cuts me off, her hand wrapping around mine before giving it an affectionate squeeze. “But that doesn’t mean it’ll be terrible or anything. We’ll just have more places between us to choose for our little getaways and lots more to talk about on the phone, y’know?” she reasons, her infectious smile making my chest feel lighter. “You and me? We’ve totally got this, Kiddo.” The sentimental, albeit sarcastic nickname she’d given me when we were young, and our parents told us she’s the oldest by five minutes warms my chest. I give her a subtle nod, still not feeling it, but trying my best to fake it for her. It’s no use, though. She sees right through it. “I said we’ve got this!” she repeats, this time with enough enthusiasm and a goofy enough expression to finally break my resolve. “Let me hear it, hater!”
“We’ve got this,” I chuckle.
“Lame!” she bumps me with her shoulder. “Put your ass into it!”
“We’ve got this!” I cry out loud enough that my eyes squeeze shut.
When I open them once more, I see hers have gone wide, her face bright with her familiar smile.
“Hells yeah,” she laughs, extending her hand and I give her the high-five she craves. “Now, come on,” she says, lifting from the couch and reaching for my hand. “Get up!”
“What? Why? Where are we going?”
“Out!” she proclaims, yanking me up when I begin to shake my head in protest. “Out of this cabin, out of this funk.”
“Marissa, I don’t really want to g-”
“Shocker,” she cuts me off dramatically before the smile returns. “Tough crap. Get up.”
“But it’s freezing out there!” I argue. “And there are people!”
“And I don’t care! If this is the last week we know we’re spending together before school is up, we aren’t spending it inside this cabin. At least not tonight we aren’t. Okay?”
I glance at her, the mirror image of myself in so many ways and marvel at her unique ability to pull me out of any shitty mood. She’s so forward, so unapologetically Marissa and I envy that.
I wish I could be more like her.
“Okay, fine. You’re right,” I nod, pulling myself from the couch to face her. “Let’s go.”
Dex
After stewing in my Jeep for the better part of an hour over the conversation I’d had with Kim, I pulled out of the parking lot and headed back towards town. Traffic is light, as usual, so only a few minutes pass before I pull up to the driveway to the cabin. I know I should make my way inside, find some kind of way to swallow my irritation with her and make the best of the last couple of days I’ll be spending in Cringle Cove.
However, when I move my hand to the door and brace myself to push it open, the thought of walking inside that cabin, being cooped up with her and her family when I’m still so upset with how dismissive she’s being seems like the worst decision possible.
I can deal with a lot, swallow a lot of bad vibes, but when it comes to people just being flat out selfish and refusing to keep their word, it’s really the last straw with me.
As I rev my engine and slowly pull back out onto Main Street, there’s a part of me that wonders if maybe that hasn’t been part of her plan all along. Or maybe she was using this as a way to g
et back at me for finally gaining the courage to have the talk I’d been avoiding the night before we left.
It’s petty as hell. We’ve both known for a while we’re unhappy, that this week away with her family has always been a means to an end, one final unspoken hurrah in our relationship before we go our separate ways. As self-involved as I’ve found Kim to be, even she would have to be blind to see it as anything else and the talk we’d just had only confirmed that.
Her doing something hurtful and completely selfish might be the wrong way to look at this. Maybe she was simply trying to save us both another awkward as hell day of being stuck together and did the one thing she knew I wouldn’t be able to overlook. The one thing that would ensure I’d have little to nothing left to say to her the second we made it out of Cringle Cove.
I’m not sure which it was, but there is one thing I know as fact.
Whatever her reasoning might have been, it worked like a fucking charm.
Chapter Ten
Abby
“Isn’t this the most fun you’ve ever had in your life?” Marissa exclaims, her voice struggling to overcome the loud bass pouring all around us despite her shouting.
I glance around The Cove, the small but extremely busy bar we’ve spent the last couple of hours inside and can’t help but simply marvel at the amount of people packed inside.
Neither of us typically spend a lot of time frequenting bars and for the most part, we both tend to stick to wine. However, when Marissa’s friend Meghan called and told her she and her boyfriend would be here for the next two days and this was their first stop, she grabbed my arm and insisted we come and meet them for a drink.
Six drinks and one drunk twin later, here I am.
Maybe it’s my intense love of maintaining an anti-social attitude or maybe I’m just naïve, but I had no idea before we walked into this place that there were this many people even in this town.
What’s more is for the most part, it seems like most of them are currently shitfaced.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I don’t care and everyone inside is nice, but this kind of night out really isn’t what I’m used to.
That’s because you spend your weekend nights alone on your couch in your pajamas watching Jeopardy like an eighty-seven-year-old and then complain that you can’t get a boyfriend, I remind myself before rolling my eyes at my inner voice. I wonder briefly if everyone else’s is the insulting, sarcastic asshole mine tends to be when Marissa’s slurred voice pulls me back to reality.
“I think I’ve drunk my weight in Santa’s Panties!” she continues, slightly and unknowingly backing up my thoughts and pulling a smirk to my lips.
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” I reply, watching her down the festive shot in one quick gulp, her face contorting slightly as the burn from the alcohol makes its way down her throat.
“What did you say?” she yells back with a grin, making me shake my head.
“Nothing,” I mouth. She gives my arm a gentle pat and turns away from me, giving our bartender, Grey, a flirty smile as he slides another shot across the bar in front of her.
“Am I insanely drunk or is he insanely good looking?” she asks, gripping my arm and pulling me close enough to tell me what she thinks is a secret, but is unknowingly announcing to everyone around us.
“Yes,” I answer simply, taking a slow sip from my own drink, the same drink I’ve been nursing since we walked in.
“Don’t you think?” I glance in his direction, more to satisfy my inebriated doppelganger than anything else, and return to her with a nod that makes her grin. “I think I’m going to talk to him the next time he comes over here. See if I can find out if he has a girlfriend or something.”
“Okay,” I nod once more, glancing over to the small group of her friends we’d run into. “I think I’m going to walk outside.”
“Are you alright?” she asks, pulling another nod from me.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just need to get some air for a minute,” I promise, giggling lightly when she pulls me close and gives me a hug.
“Okay, I love you,” she slurs, making me laugh harder.
“I love you, too,” I promise, giving her a onceover as I pull away. “Slow down on those, okay? And don’t leave this spot. Stay close to Meghan and Todd at least until I get back. I won’t be very long.”
“Okay, okay, okay,” she snorts, playfully pushing me away and making us both smile. “Get out of here!’ she exclaims teasingly.
After I receive confirmation that I don’t believe in the slightest from Marissa, I take the two steps toward her friends, also the only other two halfway sober people in the bar. She’s been hanging out with them for the bulk of the night anyway and we’ve known them for years.
“Hey, I’m walking outside for a second,” I start, pulling Meghan close enough to hear me over the music. “Will you keep an eye on Marissa for me until I get back?”
“Yeah, of course,” she promises, giving my arm a gentle squeeze of reassurance. “We’re watching the game, so we’ll be here for a while.”
“Thank you,” I smile, glancing over my shoulder at my sister once more for reassurance before I make my way through the crowd.
When I step out onto the street, the coldness from the snow surrounds me, prompting me to clench my heavy jacket closer to my chest.
The low thumping sound radiating from inside quiets just slightly as the door swings closed behind me, the gentle swoosh of my boots in the newly fallen snow making me stifle a groan. The snow is beautiful, but for the most part, I much prefer enjoying it from the warmth and coziness of the cabin.
I’m standing beneath one of the decked out, old-fashioned lamp posts when his voice breaks through my thoughts, surprising me.
“So, you don’t drink coffee exclusively?”
“Huh?” I ask as I turn to look behind me, the sight of Dex sitting alone on the unassuming bench nearby pulling an immediate smile to my lips. “Hey. I didn’t know you were in there.”
“Hey,” he returns my smile, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I’m not really. I was going to get a drink, but changed my mind once I got here,” he admits, pulling a nod from me. “Bars aren’t really my scene, especially when they’re as crowded as this one seems to be tonight.”
“I can understand that for sure,” I reply quietly as I glance back toward the bar. “I had no idea so many people were even in Cringle Cove,” I smile small before returning my eyes to his. “It’s almost as if they’re getting as tanked as possible to prepare for the storm tomorrow… which I also understand.”
My lack of excitement for the snow makes him laugh quietly, his blue eyes somehow shimmering under the low light of the lamp post we’re still beneath.
“Yeah, I get that, too,” he chuckles. “I’m sorry I startled you. It wasn’t my intention,” he offers as I slowly make my way toward the bench. “I just… I don’t know. I didn’t really expect to see you out here, especially not on your own.”
“Well, I’m not really on my own,” I sigh, coming to a stop a couple steps away and gesturing toward the bar once more. When my eyes find his again, I can’t help but notice how his have fallen slightly. “My sister is inside showing her ass,” I admit, making us both smirk. “I just needed to come out and get some fresh air, try and clear my head for a minute.”
“Well, so what about you?” he asks, his lips still turned up slightly as he scoots over, offering to share the bench. “Are you not interested in showing your ass in public?” he teases, making me giggle once more as I take a seat beside him. “Seems to be the going trend for this block tonight.”
“Nah,” I shake my head. “That’s not really my thing,” I admit quietly. “I prefer to make a fool of myself in places like coffee shops and book stores.”
My sarcasm brings a brighter smile to his face, the deep laugh that comes along with it warming me despite the freezing temperatures around us.
“Like a civilized person, eh
?” he teases, making me laugh along with him as I nod.
“Yes. Exactly.”
“Well, you’ve got yourself a system and there’s nothing wrong with that,” he shrugs, still grinning. “You know what they say. If it ain’t broke…”
“Don’t fix it,” we say in unison, although I can’t help the low tone of my voice as I recall the same words my parents had always said to me.
We sit for a beat, the snow falling lightly around us suddenly the only real distraction. When I glance back over at him, I’m surprised to find his eyes are already on mine.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask, wrapping my arms around myself in hopes of more warmth. “Are you avoiding people, too?”
My question is meant as a joke, but when his bright smile fades off into the darkness, I regret it instantly, silently willing it to return to me.
“I’m sorry,” I offer, clearing my throat. “It’s really none of my business what you’re doing, I just thought…”
“It’s okay,” he shakes his head, waving me off immediately. “I mean, I actually am avoiding someone,” he sighs. “But they aren’t in there.”
While there’s a sadness in his voice, disappointment in his eyes as they flit over the snow and then come back to me, something tells me to leave it alone. This feels like a whole heap of trouble I want no part of. However, when I try and think of something, anything else I can say to segue into another easier conversation, my lips have other ideas.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask, surprising myself and based on the way his eyes sparkle slightly, Dex as well.
“There isn’t really all that much to say.”