Feeling suddenly protective and more than a little alarmed at the thought of her doing something so foolish, Aaron barked, “No you would not have,” then clasped her shoulders in his hands and pulled her forcibly to him. “I would never allow you to put yourself in harm's way.”
Tears formed in her eyes as her mouth dropped open. “Harm? Do you think Lydia is in danger?”
“I certainly hope not. Come, perhaps we can find her in the woods.”
Aaron reached down and grabbed Alexandra's hand, entwining his fingers in hers. Her slender hand felt so small in his own, making him feel as if he could protect her from anything.
The pair slid into the woods and began calling out for Lydia. It was dark and mostly silent, albeit the occasional hooting of an owl somewhere in the vicinity. On and on they went, searching for Lydia but without any success.
Aaron finally stopped walking when he felt Alexandra's hand begin shaking in his own. Without letting go of her hand, he turned to her and asked, “Are you cold?”
“Mildly so,” she confessed.
Using his free hand, he cupped her chin and tilted her face to his. Gazing into her eyes, he asked, “Are you frightened?”
What she did next surprised him. Alexandra let go of his hand and flung her arms around his waist. Burying her head into his chest, she sobbed, “What if something has happened to Lydia? What if I never see her again?”
Aaron clung to her, running one hand through her hair and down her back in an attempt to soothe her. “Darling, I can understand your concern, however...”
Alexandra glared up at him. Cutting him off she hissed, “My concern? I can assure you, Aaron, what I feel is much stronger than that. Lydia is my best friend, the sister I never had. I could never live with myself if something were to happen to her.”
The desperation he saw in her eyes as she spoke was only a mask to cover how frightened she truly was. He so desperately wanted to be her hero, to save her from the heartache she so feared.
He lifted her into his arms, cradling her against her chest, and whispered fiercely, “I will do whatever I must to find her and bring her safely home.”
The look of adoration Alexandra gave him made him want to give her the world. At that moment, he'd gladly do anything she asked, as long as she kept looking at him like that.
Unable to help himself, he bent and pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I vow I will find her.”
A slow stream of tears began trickling down her cheeks. “And if not?”
“I will die trying,” he swore as he wiped away her tears with his thumb.
Alexandra reached up and held his hand to her face. “Don't die,” she begged as she nestled in close. “I couldn't handle losing you too.”
“You'll never lose me,” he whispered huskily, feeling her slip into his heart. He knew at that moment he was irrevocably changed. But though she'd never lose him, that didn't change the fact that someday he'd lose her, to his son, and there would never be anymore stolen kisses, gentle caresses, or tender promises between them.
So, while Alexandra's heart swelled with affection at his admission, Aaron's heart silently broke, and he knew it would never, ever heal.
Alexandra found it quite miraculous that she ever fell asleep, so consumed with worry as to what could have happened to Lydia as she was. But though she fell asleep, she didn't stay asleep for long, waking with the rising of the sun. The first thing she did upon waking is gasp. There, asleep in the bed beside her, was Lydia.
She blinked several times, wondering if the image in front of her was merely a mirage. When she was convinced her eyes weren't playing tricks on her, she reached out to touch her friend to see if she were indeed real.
Lydia's black hair was fanned across her pillows. Alexandra gently tugged at it to assure herself she wasn't dreaming. Happiness and relief welled up in her heart as tears of gratitude came to her eyes.
“Oh, Lydia, you scared me so.”
Despite being who-knows-where for the greater portion of the night, Lydia roused at her words. Without opening her eyes, she asked, “What time is it?”
“I don't know, and quite frankly, I don't care. All I care about is the fact that you're home. Where did you go?”
Lydia threw one arm over her face and groaned. “Nowhere.”
“Don't you dare lie to me, Lydia Drake. I know you were gone because I awoke and found myself alone.”
“I went to the kitchen to fetch a posset.”
Alexandra stared in shock at her friend's obscured face, wishing she'd look her in the eye while she lied to her. “I went looking for you. I sent Aaron to find you, Lydia. I was so frightened.”
Finally, Lydia opened her eyes. Turning on her side, she propped herself up on one elbow. “Who is Aaron?”
Too late, Alexandra realized her mistake. “I meant Lord Emberson,” she explained, feeling her cheeks begin to heat.
“What happened last night to change Lord Emberson to simply Aaron? You must tell me everything.”
Alexandra felt herself growing angry at Lydia. She grabbed a pillow and threw it at her and said irritably, “I will not divulge anything about the night's events if you don't.”
Lydia grabbed the pillow and shoved it under her head. “I can't tell you, Alexandra. I swear I would if I could.”
Her words hurt more than Alexandra wanted to admit. “We've never had secrets between us, Lyd. Why start now?”
Lydia finally looked her in the eyes. “I don't want it to be this way, truly I don't, but what occurred last night could not only ruin me but others as well. I have been sworn to secrecy.”
“By whom?” she asked, exasperated by Lydia's refusal to include her in her confidences.
Lydia sighed. “Lord Emberson.”
Alexandra bit down on the inside of her cheek as she debated what she should say to that. In truth, knowing that Lydia and Lord Emberson shared a secret she'd never been privy too made her jealous. Using every ounce of self-control she possessed, she pushed her upsetting feelings aside and decided to try a different tactic.
Alexandra reached for Lydia's hand and softened her voice. “Lydia, you know I would never break your confidence. Anything you tell me will remain with me. I told you that Lord Emberson and I had kissed, can't you at least tell me where you went last night? I promise you don't have to tell me who else was involved.”
She watched Lydia debate with herself whether she'd divulge her secret. Finally, she shook her head sadly and said, “I cannot,” then hurried to add, “and before you go thinking it's because I don't trust you, let me assure you that's not the case. I trust you with my life, Alexandra, and every other secret I have ever had, but you must understand that this is not something I can ever speak of again, to you or anyone.”
Bolting from the bed, Alexandra turned her back on Lydia. “But you spoke of it to Lord Emberson, a man you don't even know.”
“Alexandra, I did not willfully confide in him. He saw things he shouldn't have seen while looking for me. It was his idea to keep the night's events secret, knowing they could ruin me completely. The situation with my father is precarious at best. If he were to get wind of what happened last night, he'd send me away, or worse. I can't risk my future by telling you.”
The pain in Alexandra's heart was great. “You don't trust me,” she said sadly.
Lydia flung herself form the bed and ran to Alexandra. Grabbing her hands, she looked into her eyes and said, “It's not that. Please believe me. Lord Emberson made me promise not to tell you. He said if he ever found out that I did, he'd go to my father at once.”
Staring into her friend's tired face, Alexandra felt her anger transfer from her to Lord Emberson. How dare he put such a stipulation in place? Did he not realize the rift it would cause in their friendship?
“Oh, Lydia, I will try my best not to feel saddened, though I must confess it will be no easy feat.”
“I understand. Someday when we're old and gray, and Lord Emberson has given up the g
host, I will divulge everything. I promise. But until then...”
“Until then,” Alexandra muttered, not feeling at all cheered up by her words. “Go back to bed, my sweet, you look dreadful. I'm going to go back to my own bedchamber and get ready for the day. I find that sleep would only elude me at this point.”
Jenny was not very happy about being summoned so early in the morning but came nonetheless. She helped Alexandra dress in a lavender and white striped day dress, then pinned her hair up and wove a lavender ribbon through it before Alexandra excused her.
More than anything, Alexandra's wanted to go speak with Aaron, to discuss what had occurred and demand he release Lydia from her vow of secrecy, but she knew it would be hours before the rest of the household awoke. Instead, she picked up a book she'd brought with her and went and sat at the window seat and began to read, but she could never get lost in the story. Her heart was not in it.
Finally, she laid her book aside and arose. She knew which bedchamber Aaron was staying in and decided she'd go wake him. She couldn't stand to wait another minute to speak to him, despite the fact that it was highly improper to seek him out in his rooms.
Alexandra passed one servant on her way to Aaron's bedchamber. She simply nodded her head in greeting and did not say a word. Once she reached his door, she took a deep fortifying breath before reaching up and knocking. Several moments later, Aaron pulled the door open and looked at her with surprise.
His eyes were heavy with sleep, but regardless, he gifted her with a dazzling smile that made her stomach flip. “Alexandra,” he breathed huskily. “What is this about?”
Trying to ignore the way her body reacted to him, she turned her head away from his and said, “I need to speak to you at once.”
“In private?” he questioned as he ran one hand through his hair.
“Preferably.”
He sighed, looking very much like a man who was at war with himself. Finally, he confessed, “I cannot invite you in, for I cannot be responsible for what might occur.” To make his meaning perfectly clear, he glanced over his shoulder in the direction of his bed.
Alexandra felt herself getting hot. “Of course. Meet me in the library in a quarter of an hour.”
“Very well.”
By the time Aaron appeared in the library, Alexandra had worked up quite the argument to use against him. Pacing back and forth across the rug, she fumed until Aaron came and placed his hands on her shoulders, forcing her to stop.
“Sweetheart, I must confess I'm quite disappointed in you.”
His words caught her off guard. She looked at him in astonishment and asked, “Why is that?”
“I thought you'd be delighted to see me, anxious to reward me for a job well done. Did you not see Miss Phelps tucked safely in bed beside you when you awoke?”
“About that,” she said, staring deeply into his gray eyes. “Why in the world did you make her promise not to tell me her whereabouts last night? Why would you force a secret to come between us when there's never been one before?”
She hadn't realized how shrill her voice had become until he began kneading her shoulders saying, “Calm down, my little kitten, there is no need to pounce on me. I am not the villain you imagine me to be.”
His words astounded her. “You aren't? But you told Lydia she couldn't tell me what happened last night. We've always told one another everything. She trusts you over me in this matter, a fact that causes me great distress.”
“I can see that, and I assure you that was never my intent. Darling,” he said, taking her by the hand and leading her towards the leather sofa, “there's something you must understand. Sometimes things happen between a man and a woman, things that not even they intend to have happen, mistakes, if you will, that can cause lasting effects.”
“Like with you and Juliet.”
He looked heavenward as he nodded. “Yes, like that, though I'm certainly not implying the same thing happened with Lydia. Nevertheless, if word got out about what did occur, her future would be affected by it, and I don't believe she or the other person involved would be satisfied with that consequence.”
Alexandra not only listened to every word he said, she listened to what he wasn't saying as well then asked, “So let me get this straight—Lydia was compromised last night, but does not wish to marry the man involved?”
“More or less.”
She let that fact settle in before adding, “And because you do not wish to see her forced to wed someone she does not love, you swore her to secrecy instead. Correct?”
“More or less,” he repeated.
“I find your actions quite noble, Aaron, but also quite confusing.”
He raised one brow and looked down at her curiously. “How so?”
She reached up and placed her hand on his cheek, letting her thumb graze the slight cleft in his chin. “You go to great lengths to ensure Lydia will not be forced to wed someone she does not love, but do not give me the same courtesy.”
His face softened at the pain in her voice. “Darling,” he said, reaching up and placing his hand atop hers, “that is different.”
“No,” she protested, “it is not. Is not my happiness as valuable as hers?”
“To me, it's even more so.”
“I don't believe you. If your words were true, you would abolish that foolish betrothal agreement and allow me the freedom to choose whom I will wed.”
He surprised her by asking, “Whom would you choose?”
Feeling flustered by his question, Alexandra averted her gaze and attempted to pull her hand from his face, but he tightened his hold, giving her no choice but to leave it where it was at. “I do not know that yet. I've yet to experience a season, remember?”
“Do you need to experience one?” he asked pointedly.
She knew what he was asking, but wasn't sure she could give him an answer, at least not yet. “Perhaps,” she answered vaguely.
“If you've yet to find a husband candidate, how can you be so sure that Samuel will not meet all of your requirements?” His question was sincere, but she felt as if by asking it, he were trying to pry something out of her.
“I guess I'm not certain that he won't, but knowing I don't have any other options isn't fair.”
He gave a mirthless laugh. “Life isn't fair, Alexandra. It never has been and never will be.”
His words pricked her to the core, for they poked at the very cause of her self-pity and she didn't like it. “Well, some things should be.”
“And some things are,” he pointed out wisely. “Look, my dear, I understand your frustration at your situation, but you must know that my hands are truly tied. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't release you from the agreement.”
Her eyes widened as she exclaimed, “That's not true, you have the power to do so.”
“What makes you believe that?”
“Because you made the agreement,” she stammered.
“Along with your father,” he added, finally letting her hand go. “It contains a stipulation stating that the only way the contract can be broken is if all parties are in agreement that it should be so.”
His words caused an inordinate amount of hope to fill Alexandra. “Then let it be broken.”
“You and I do not constitute all parties,” he added dryly. “Your brother, acting as the new Duke of Ludington, and Samuel would have to be in agreement as well. Then and only then could it be dissolved.”
“That is the best news I have ever received,” she squealed, throwing her arms around his neck. “Let us call on my brother and get his permission at once, then as soon as Samuel arrives it can be done.”
“And then what will you do?” Their eyes met, and the current between them was undeniable. Aaron cupped her face in his hands and brought it close to his own and repeated, “And then what will you do?”
“Whatever my heart shall dictate,” she confessed, airily.
“Can I dare hope there is room in your heart for me?”
&n
bsp; She wasn't certain how to answer his question. Instead, she pressed her lips to his and felt him shudder as he began moving his mouth over hers, slipping his tongue between her lips. She opened her mouth, welcoming him in, tasting him fully and wondering if all kisses were as all-consuming as his.
She wound her hands in the loose folds of his cravat and pulled him closer as she leaned back on the sofa, causing him to fall on top of her. She felt his hands slide down to her waist and cup her hips as he pressed his body into hers, her whole body alert to his every touch.
“This can't go on,” he breathed heavily between kisses. “There is too much at stake. If you do not wish to advance our relationship, I must stop touching you at once.”
“Yes,” she agreed.
“Yes, you wish for me to stop or yes, you wish to advance our relationship?”
How was a girl supposed to think when a gentleman lay atop her, pressing scorching kisses to her neck? “Don't stop,” she pleaded.
“Then tell me what I wish to hear,” he commanded as he lifted his lips from the silky column of her neck.
“I would like nothing more than to advance our relationship, as you say.”
She felt him smile against her neck and smiled back in response. “Neither would I.”
The very next day, Aaron and Alexandra departed from Trenton Hall to Channing House with the intent of speaking with Levi about getting his permission to dissolve the betrothal agreement. Though Alexandra was nervous about what he might say, Aaron felt confident he'd approve the decision and had offered to speak with him about the details.
After their arrival, the three of them dined together before Alexandra excused herself, saying she wished to retire to bed. In all actuality, she was merely anxious for Levi and Aaron to have some time alone to speak about the matter at hand.
Both men rose as Alexandra quit the dining room then Aaron turned to Levi and said, “May I beg a moment of your time.”
Levi looked at him curiously then offered, “Let's remove ourselves to my study for port and cigars.”
The Marquess's Maddening Dilemma Page 8