“I'm not drunk,” she exclaimed peevishly.
“Sure,” he said with the roll of his eyes. “Sleep, my lady, and we'll deal with this mess on the morrow.”
Deal with a mess is precisely what was about to happen.
Alexandra awoke late in the morning with a pounding headache. The minute she opened her eyes, she shut them against the harsh sunlight that was invading her room through the open curtains.
“Shut the drapes,” she called out miserably as she pulled her covers over her face.
“About time you awoke,” a stern voice said at her side.
“What do you want, Levi?” Her voice was muffled because she refused to remove the covers from her face.
“Truthfully? I want you to stop acting the fool.”
His words caused her to shove the covers down so she could gauge if he were being serious. She opened her eyes long enough to glance at his stern expression before shutting her eyes once more. “What do you mean?”
“A servant witnessed you sneaking into Lord Coldwell's bedchamber earlier this morning, then proceeded to witness him carrying you back to your own once you were finished with...business.”
His words, though spoken with barely contained anger, had little effect upon Alexandra for she could hardly understand him, her head was throbbing so badly. “Can we speak of this later?”
“We will speak of this now. What were you doing in Lord Coldwell's bedchamber?”
Alexandra struggled to remember precisely what had happened and found it was all just a hazy memory. “I went to tell him about Aaron and me.”
“And instead allowed yourself to be compromised?”
“What?” Alexandra hissed as she bolted up in her bed. “I would never allow that to occur.”
“Well it would appear, in your drunken stupor, you allowed something to happen. Now, you will be forced to deal with the consequences.”
“Don't be absurd, Levi,” she mumbled as she rubbed her throbbing temples. “Nothing untoward occurred. Don't believe me? Ask Samuel yourself.”
“I've already spoken to him,” Levi confessed haughtily. “He has agreed that the appearance of things was not in the least bit proper and will wed you at once to avoid any scandal.”
Alexandra's head snapped towards his. “You've got to be jesting. This is an outrage. I do not love Lord Coldwell; it is Aaron that I wish to wed.”
“Then you should've thought about things more clearly before getting drunk and waltzing into his bedchamber, where anyone could have seen and assumed the worse.”
Using what little energy she possessed, Alexandra flung her legs over the side of the bed and attempted to stand, though found herself quickly resuming sitting. “I must talk to Aaron at once. He'll see the absurdity of this entire thing and demand that you cease this nonsense and allow me to wed him instead.”
“That's impossible,” Levi hissed.
“Why? Because you're not going to allow it?”
“Because he has left Tisdale Manor.”
Alexandra gasped. “Why would he leave? He's supposed to set things right, explain to Samuel everything.”
“It would appear you already explained things to him yourself,” Levi quipped dryly. “And fortunately for you, Samuel is willing to look beyond that little hiccup and wed you anyway.”
Little hiccup? Alexandra wanted to scream. How could her brother reduce her feelings for Aaron to such a menial thing?
“Aaron will return and set things to right,” she insisted, trying to sound certain of the fact.
“I don't believe that is true. He was quite upset to learn you took matters into your own hands, taking away his opportunity to inform his son of your relationship himself.”
Alexandra's mouth hung agape. “Upset? At me? He had ample time to tell Samuel yet refused to do so.”
“How do you know?” Levi asked in disgust.
Alexandra hung her head in shame. She couldn't very well tell Levi she'd eavesdropped on their conversation last night. “Lord Coldwell's been home for almost a se'nnight,” she answered lamely.
“And his father was absent for a good portion of that,” Levi exclaimed. “Why you thought it in your best interest to speak to Samuel of such delicate matters is beyond me. Could you not be patient and allow Lord Emberson to break the news in his own time? Instead, you've abused his trust in you and made things entirely above awkward for all involved, myself included. Alexandra, I do think this the most foolhardy thing you've ever done.”
His angry words stung. She felt hot tears forming behind her closed eyes, and her throat ached with the lump of emotion that was forming. “Does Lord Emberson hate me?”
“I don't believe so, though I fear he is quite disgusted.”
Alexandra felt as if she'd been punched. “I was a fool,” she finally confessed, as one stray tear slid down her cheek.
Her contriteness must've softened Levi's heart, because the next thing she knew, he was gathering her into his embrace. “Sister, you've struggled entirely too much since our parent's deaths.”
“I can't help it,” she sobbed.
“I see that is true,” he whispered softly, “but you must learn to overcome your sadness before it consumes you entirely. I too wish they'd never died. I wasn't ready to lay aside my pursuit of happiness in exchange for the responsibility of a dukedom and everything which that entails. This has affected me as surely as it has you. The trick is not to ignore what has happened to us, but embrace the fact there is nothing we can do to change it, then accept it and find a way to make the most of the circumstances we've been given.”
“That's what I've been doing, isn't it? Attempting to ignore what has happened?”
“No, sister, I think you've been attempting to outrun it. Now it is time for you to stop running and face reality.”
Her watery brown eyes found his solemn ones as she asked, “And reality for me is the fact that I am now expected to wed Lord Coldwell?”
“You've always been expected to marry Lord Coldwell,” he reminded her, his voice firmer than it had been before.
“But before there was hope and now...”
Levi cut her off and said pointedly, “There is responsibility. Embrace the fact there is nothing you can do to change it, then accept it and find a way to make the most of it.”
His words that had sounded wise just moments ago now sounded too painful for her to bare. Pushing herself from his embrace, her gaze dipped to the ground as she muttered, “I'm not sure I can.”
“You can and you will. I have confidence in you, Alexandra. It's time for you to have faith in yourself.”
His relationship with his son had been jeopardized, and now Aaron felt worse than he'd ever felt in the entirety of his life. He wasn't sure whether to hate Alexandra and hang on to the anger her actions provoked, or to feel the most bitter of sadness at the thought that he'd lost her forever because of her foolishness.
He'd been unwise not to tell Samuel of their feelings when he'd had the chance, but his son's words of acceptance and even excitement at the prospect of wedding Alexandra had cut him to his core. How could he act as the tyrannical father, stepping in to tug the rug of happiness from beneath Samuel's feet and still keep his conscience clear?
He'd let the conversation end there, failing to confess his feelings but not unwilling to do so at the proper time and place. He'd been up nearly the entire night trying to devise the kindest, most gentle way of breaking the news to Samuel that he could. He'd even written him a letter attempting to explain himself, but left it folded and sealed on his desk in his bedchamber, never to be delivered now.
It had been a servant, not Samuel, that had come to him that morning confessing what she'd witnessed. Peggy had been appalled by her discovery of Alexandra in Samuel's bedchamber, and so had Aaron. He knew it had to have been harmless but was aware that gossip had probably already spread below stairs.
It was Levi, not Samuel, who approached Aaron first, after being made aware of the
night's events, and he was none too amused by it all. He angrily demanded that things be made right, to preserve Alexandra's reputation. Aaron was more than willing to see to matters, but then Samuel imposed on the conversation and let his feelings be made known.
The hurt in his son's eyes had caused a pain in Aaron's heart he'd never known before. Never had his son looked at him with such disgust. Samuel was angry about what Alexandra had confessed to him, and altogether unbelieving. Aaron had the great misfortune to assure him that it was, in fact, true, then sat back as the pain in Samuel's eyes only intensified.
“She cannot wed you both,” Levi had interjected, hoping to see some satisfaction be made.
“She's legally promised to me,” Samuel said without hesitation.
And so she was.
Levi reminded Samuel that all it would take was his permission to break the binding contract and free both he and Alexandra from its grasp, but Samuel was unwilling to do it. Aaron had no other choice but to step back and allow his son to wed the woman he loved. His hands were tied.
Devastated by his predicament, Aaron decided to leave Tisdale Manor at once. There was nothing he could do to repair the now fragile relationship with his son and seeing Alexandra would only cause his heart to break all over again.
He cursed the day Alexandra ever walked through the doors of his home, gliding into his heart and turning his entire world upside down. Now, instead of looking forward to a future filled with love and endless happiness, his existence seemed bleak.
Aaron planned to go to London early and take up residence in his townhouse there. He didn't relish the idea of participating in society but knew his mind needed to be occupied with things other than Alexandra.
His body ached with exhaustion as he swayed with the movement of the carriage. He'd now gone almost an entire twenty-four hours without sleep and felt dreadful. Reaching up, he tapped on the carriage ceiling and waited for the horses to draw to a halt.
“What is it, my lord?” the footman asked after scurrying from his perch.
“I'm growing weary. Stop at the next inn so I may get some sleep.”
“As you wish, my lord.”
Nearly an hour later, the carriage was pulling up in front of The Pig and Crow, the inn he'd discovered Levi and Lydia in not that long ago. He rolled his eyes at the memory, wondering why relationships had to be so complicated.
He'd every intention of paying for his room and going to straight to bed when he entered but found the smell of roast beef wafting in the air entirely too enticing. “Have a plate sent to my room,” he ordered as he pulled out another coin to pay for the fare.
The innkeeper nodded and gave him the key to his room with instructions on how to find it. Walking down the dark hall, he felt the full weight of his misery bare down upon him and his shoulders sagged beneath it.
Stripping his coat off, he quickly unloosed his cravat and threw it aside. He rolled up the arms of his shirtsleeves and sat in a chair to wait for his meal.
Soon, a knock on the door indicated it was ready. “Come in,” he called out, not willing to move from his position on the chair.
A woman walked in, holding a plate of steaming food. She had brown hair like Alexandra, but hers was dull and unwashed. His eyes roamed over her pleasing curves but found he couldn't stop comparing them to Alexandra's soft ones.
The woman went and placed his food on the small table next to his chair and gifted him with an alluring smile. He forced himself to smile back. “Thank you.”
She reached one finger out and boldly trailed it down his arm. “Oh, but the pleasure is mine, my lord.” He squinted at her, and instead of being offended, she threw back her head and laughed. “My lord, have you changed so much that you no longer feel flattered by my attentions?”
He looked at her closely and only just vaguely recalled knowing her previously. “Yes, I have changed,” he said curtly.
“Perhaps for the better?” she asked hungrily.
His eyes roved over her face, and he suddenly remembered being on the receiving end of her attentions years ago. Then he'd tolerated her ministrations because he was at the inn with a group of peers that were envious of the attention she was bestowing on him. He'd feigned interest, hoping she'd be able to spark some sort of passion in him, as she appeared to be doing for all his friends, but it never happened. He'd declined her invitation to visit him in his room.
When he failed to respond, she leaned over, revealing a gaping bosom trying to break free from her bodice and said, “Shall we see if you have changed?”
He watched as she slowly licked her lips and was surprised to feel the barest hint of something stir in him. Perhaps he had changed, he reasoned as he watched her intently. Perhaps he could feel passion now and not just with Alexandra. Perhaps he'd experiment and see if it were true.
He leaned forward, giving her the signal she was waiting for and closed his eyes as her lips pressed firmly to his leaving him feeling utterly and completely devoid of any emotion except for guilt at kissing someone besides Alexandra.
Aaron quickly pulled back, nonplussed by the absence of a reaction to her kiss. Indeed, he hadn't changed, at least not in a general sense. At that moment he was entirely convinced his heart would only ever be stirred by the woman he could never have. His future daughter-in-law.
“I must eat my meal before it grows cold,” he said curtly, glancing away from the woman's surprised face.
The woman's face turned from surprise to determination. “I will bring you a warm meal later. Right now, you must partake of the warmth in front of you.”
Her hand went to the laces of her bodice and began slowly undoing them. Aaron reached up and stopped her. “I must regrettably decline.”
Her warm, inviting gaze turned frosty as she stiffened her shoulders and jutted out her chin. “Very well, my lord, but do not expect me to be so warm in the future.”
“I understand.”
He watched her leave before lying atop the bed with his hands propped behind his head as he stared at the ceiling above, his meal all but forgotten. He was a man tortured by shattered dreams and a longing of what could never, ever be.
Alexandra had been back at Channing House for nearly a fortnight, and though the weather had warmed up again, she carried inside of her a deep and penetrating chill. Lord Coldwell had been to call on her several times, wishing for her approval in posting the banns, but she just couldn't give it. Neither one of them dared broach the topic of her love for his father, though it hung between them creating a nearly unbearable tension.
She was sitting in the drawing room attempting to work on a tapestry she'd begun ages ago when the butler walked in, Samuel following at his heal, and announced, “Lord Coldwell is here to call on you, my lady.”
Her eyes gazed up at him. “How nice of you to pay a visit,” she said flatly.
Lord Coldwell stepped into the room, removing his beaver top hat and bowing before her. “I wish I came under better circumstances. I was hoping we could discuss...”
“Placing the banns?” she asked dryly, knowing there could be no other thing with which he wished to speak.
Lord Coldwell smiled slightly then went and joined her on the settee. He reached for her hand, and her first reaction was to pull it away but knew she couldn't. Once he was officially her husband, it would be his right to touch her whenever he wished.
“Lady Alexandra, that is not what I wish to discuss this day. I came to discuss something else more somber. Father has been in an accident.”
Alexandra's heart stilled as she raised a hand to her mouth. “No! Tell me everything. Is he well?”
He shook his head sadly, “He was riding in Hyde Park when something startled his horse. The horse bolted, eventual throwing him from his saddle. He has sustained numerous injuries, which the doctor assures me are not fatal, but to look at him, one would question the good doctor's opinion.”
Alexandra found it hard to breathe. The thought of Aaron suffering in
pain made her heartbreak. “Is he in London then?”
“Yes. I've only just come from visiting him. I'm on my way to Tisdale Manor to collect some of his belongings. I wished to bring you word myself instead of sending a missive. I fear this has thrown a wrench in our wedding plans.”
“It would appear so,” she agreed, trying not to sound too pleased by the fact. “Can I go with you when you return to London? I wish to see your father in person if only to assure myself he truly will recover.”
“Yes, I would like that very much. There are matters we need to discuss, decisions that need to be made, ones that cannot be put off any longer. I will return first thing in the morning to retrieve you. Bring Levi along as well.”
“Yes, I will inform him at once. He will be saddened by the news and much concerned.”
Alexandra could hardly keep herself calm over the course of the next day, so worried was she by Aaron's injuries and fretting over seeing him again and not being able to express her truest feelings. She knew he had to be mad at her for the way things happened at Tisdale Manor which tampered her excitement at seeing him again.
By the time Lord Coldwell arrived to pick her and Jenny up, she felt on edge and irritable, not knowing what to expect when arriving in London. Lord Coldwell assisted them both into the carriage before taking a seat opposite them and asking, “Where's your brother?”
“He could not leave so swiftly. He has business to attend to. He's promised to leave as soon as he possibly can, with great hopes that will be on the morrow.”
Alexandra twisted her skirts in her hands as she watched Channing House disappear from sight. She finally closed her eyes and leaned her head against the side of the carriage, wishing she could fall asleep as quickly as Jenny, for soon the girl was snoring loudly at her side.
“Are you asleep, my lady?” Lord Coldwell asked, intruding upon her thoughts.
She opened her eyes and straightened in her seat. “No, not yet. Though it appears Jenny is.”
The Marquess's Maddening Dilemma Page 13