She looked behind her, and nodded.
***
When we got home, Emily went straight up to bed. Jake and Josh were in the den, playing on the X-box with the doors closed, and I watched as Emily paused in front of the den, only to turn and walk upstairs.
I walked into the den. "I'm going to hang out outside," I said. "Wanna have a chat with my mom. You going to bed soon, honey?"
Jake nodded. "Yeah, we'll be done here in a bit," he said.
"You okay?" I asked.
He nodded, but didn't take his eyes off of the game.
"Okay. I'll be up soon, too," I said and closed the door.
I walked out the front door and sat on the step. "You here, Ma?"
"Yah, I'm here," she said.
I leaned back and moved my neck in circles. My shoulders ached, and my jaw hurt. "She was having sex."
“Yah, I know."
"She's just a child."
"Yah, she is. She don't know how stupid she is actin'."
"I don't wanna deal with this. I really just want to pretend it never happened."
"I know, but you gotta. Now's the time you gotta show her that you love her. It's when she needs it most. You know she's thinking about you and Jake being mad at her. She's ashamed. She's embarrassed. You gotta make her understand that you're mad at her, but that doesn't stop you from loving her."
"You're such a better mother than me, Ma. I know that's what you'd have done, but I'd rather crawl under a rock." I cracked my neck again.
"Hell no, I wouldn't a done that. I'd a chased your ass around the dining room table with a butcher's knife, like your grandmother did me."
I laughed. "I'm pretty sure I don’t have a butcher's knife."
"Probably a good thing, too."
"What a night," Jake said after we'd gone to bed.
I snuggled up next to him. "Remember that time we went out for all you can eat crab legs? When was that?"
He rubbed my back. "Feels like a month ago, doesn't it?"
"Tonight was intense," I said, and lifted my head off his chest. "What you said to Chandler, though? That was hot."
"I wasn't kidding."
"Oh, I know that. That's what made it hot." I kissed him.
He kissed me back, but it lacked passion. "I'm thinking tonight's not a good night for make up sex."
I lay on my back. "Seriously?"
"Our daughter had sex in the back seat of a Scion."
"At least it wasn't a pickup truck. We do live in Georgia, you know," I said.
"Yeah."
"You okay, honey?"
"No, not really."
"Me neither."
He turned and faced me. "What if we never have sex again?"
"We will, eventually."
"I don't know if I can do it without picturing Emily."
"Oh, yuck."
"You're welcome. I didn't want to have to carry that burden on my own."
"Since we're sharing, her thong panties and a used condom were on the backseat."
"You're gonna have to throw away all your thongs now."
"Uh huh." I kissed him on the cheek. "This too shall pass."
"Like a smelly fart, I hope."
"Lovely. Night babe."
"Night."
CHAPTER TEN
I COULDN'T SLEEP. Emily had sex. There was a used condom in the car. If I ever did sleep again, I was sure I'd have nightmares about that. No parent should ever have to see a condom used during sex with their daughter. It was just wrong on every level.
I was pretty sure Jake wasn't sleeping either, but just in case I carefully got out of bed, grabbed my phone and went down to the den.
Mel had already texted. "Where are you? I haven't talked to you since you left for crab legs. And now I want crab legs, and I'm thinking about being a lesbian. I read an article about it online. It's pretty common with divorced women. They've done studies on it. So I need your opinion. And crab legs."
"You're not going to become a lesbian. It would be weird," I texted back.
"FINALLY," she texted back. "Jake finally get off you?"
"So didn't happen tonight."
"You okay?" she wrote.
"Long night. Tell you about it later. How are you?"
"Eh. Same. But I'm serious about the lesbian thing."
"I don't think you can just wake up and decide one day you're a lesbian. I think you're just born that way."
"Not true. The study showed that seventy percent of women who'd never had a sexual encounter with a woman before they got divorced ended up in some kind of intimate situation or relationship with a woman afterwards."
"They've been hurt and they're angry, but I think you'll get through this without switching teams, Mel."
"If I do, I'll be a lipstick lesbian."
"A what?" I wrote.
"A lipstick lesbian. Google it."
"Don't have to. You're not going to become a lesbian. Besides, it would be strange."
"Why? It's not like I'd hit on you or anything."
"Obviously. We're best friends."
"That and you're not my type. Too stuffy and controlling."
"Good to know."
"You and Jake get in a fight tonight or something?"
"Nope. Emily stuff."
"Coffee tomorrow to discuss?" she wrote.
"Sure. Same time?"
"Yup."
"Oh," I texted. "I can't. I'm taking a ghost to his house to show his wife where he hid TWO MILLION DOLLARS."
"Excusawhat?"
"TWO MILLION DOLLARS!"
"I'm coming with you."
"That's what Jake said. We'll meet you at Starbucks. Ma is bringing the ghost there, too."
"That's not something I'd ever thought I'd read in a text."
"Never thought I'd write it either."
"Going to bed. Try to get some sleep."
"Okay, you too." I wrote. "And stay straight."
I yawned, and made my way back to bed. I snuggled up next to Jake, and when his hands wandered, I realized he was half asleep, and not thinking about Emily, so I didn't stop him. Our lovemaking was comfortable, and I knew our love was solid, and we'd weather this storm together just like all of the ones before, and the ones that would come later, too.
***
The next morning Jake and I woke up wrapped in each other's arms. Though we'd snuggled often, we never slept that way because his body temperature was usually somewhere near boiling, and my not-yet-peri-menopausal-but-probably-pretty-darn-close-body couldn't tolerate temperatures above freezing. I lived in my own personal summer four seasons a year.
He snuggled closer. "Phew."
"Phew?"
"We did it. We had sex."
"I knew we would."
"I didn't. I really was afraid I'd picture Emily. That'd be enough to drive any man to the brink of celibacy."
"Well then, thank God for me you're not just any man."
"You're one hell of a lucky woman, Angela Panther."
I rubbed his chest, "Yes I am, and it appears you're gonna be one hell of a lucky man again, too."
"Praise God." He pulled the covers over our heads.
After our little morning escapade, and a joint shower, I told Jake that Mel was meeting us at Starbucks to go to Harold's, too.
"I think I should stay here with Emily," he said.
"Okay, but you're not gonna give her a hard time, are you?"
He shook his head. "I'm not even sure I can talk to her just yet."
I told him what Ma told me. "She needs to know you still love her, even if you're mad at her."
"I know, and she needs some kind of consequence," Jake said.
Truth be told, neither of us had a clue about how to deal with Emily. Parenting was a shot in the dark. One minute things were moving right along, no worries or issues and then suddenly you're smacked in the face with a fast pitched ball of drama, clueless about how to deal with it. Eventually you'd figure out how to patch up the injury, and move o
n, but they kept throwing those fast ones, especially the girls. It was never-ending.
"I think at the least, considering she was having sex in the car we gave her, the car should go away for now," I said.
"What about for work?" He asked.
"I'll drive her, but she's going to have to tell her boss her availability has temporarily changed because I'm not picking her up after they close."
He softened. "She's gonna lose her job."
"Stuff happens when you screw up. Not my problem," I said.
"Maybe it's consequence enough for her to be embarrassed from being busted by her parents while having sex and being forced to end her relationship with that jag-off."
I shook my head. "I don't think the embarrassment was big enough to impact her and my guess is she'll be all about the drama and make it a Romeo and Juliet type of thing."
"Great," he said.
"I gotta go," I said. "I'll be home right after I'm finished, okay?" I kissed him goodbye. Our lips lingered a little longer than usual. Post-sex days were always the best.
***
Mel was waiting at Starbucks when I arrived.
"There are some really cute women in this town," she said, glancing at a woman through the Starbucks window.
I sat and shook my head. "Good grief. How long am I gonna have to deal with this? A week? Two weeks? Or is it gonna be like the time you gave up shaving your legs? You made me feel the hair on them for a month. It nearly ended our friendship."
She stuck her tongue out at me. "You're such a fuddy-dud."
"Uh huh. And where's my coffee? You always buy me coffee."
She sipped hers. "I gotta save my cash for my soon-to-be new girlfriend. I'm guessing she'll be a shopper since you're not."
I shook my head.
"Kidding," she said. "I got you a frappe. Jenn's making it now, Miss No Sense of Humor."
"You're awesome," I said, and blew her a kiss, and walked into Starbucks.
"I told you you're not my type!"
Jenn and I caught up for a minute, and she gave me a sample of a new frappe to take to Mel. "I told her I'd make one for her," she said. "Tell her to let me know if she likes it."
"I will. See you later."
She waved, and went back to making drinks.
I gave Mel the sample. "Jenn wants to know what you think."
She took a sip and grimaced. "Ew, that's horrible."
"Really?" I took a sip, and grimaced, too. "Ew. You're right." I pushed the drink aside and sipped my mocha frappe.
"So when's the millionaire ghost supposed to be here?" Mel asked.
"Wow, that's what I called him earlier. Scary."
"Great minds," she said.
"Boo," Harold said.
I dropped the frappe in my hand. "Aw come on, Ma. That's cheating."
"What?" Mel asked, looking around.
"Harold just said boo," I said, shaking my head.
The three of them laughed.
"Gawd, I love your mother," Mel said.
"What's this about Mel bein' a lesbian? To each his own, I say—but me, I like a pecker. It gets the job done," Ma said.
I rubbed my forehead. It didn't matter how old I was, hearing my mother talk about sex was gross.
"What'd she say? Mel asked.
"I can't repeat that."
"Ooookay."
"Okay," I said, and rubbed my hands together. "Is everyone ready?"
"We are," Ma said. " We'll just float around twiddlin' our thumbs, waiting on you to finish your dessert there."
"They're ready. Let's drink and drive," I said.
"Great," Mel said. "Let's go find some money. Lord knows I could use some."
"Uh, ma'am," Harold said. "Your friend here isn't going to try to take any of the money, is she?"
I busted out laughing. "No Harold, my friend won't take any of your money." I gave Mel a dirty look. "I promise."
"Oh, well then, I'll tell you where to go."
We got in my car and Harold gave me directions to the Laurel Valley subdivision. It was a wealthy golf club community with obnoxiously large, beautiful homes decorated to the nines. Every year they did a Christmas home decor tour and Mel and I went.
I pulled into the neighborhood and Harold gave me the entry code to pass through the gate.
"It's the first street on the left," he said. “Number 4755."
I parked on the street just up from Harold's house.
"She lives there?" Mel asked.
Harold answered, not realizing Mel couldn't hear him. "Yes, we bought the house five years ago, but since I've died, she's not been able to keep up the payments. I never got around to telling her where I'd hidden the money, and I don't want her to lose the house. With that she can pay it off, and have plenty left over to live off, especially if she invests it wisely."
I repeated what he said.
"How did he die?" She asked.
"Oh, yes, well," he said. "It was a terrible accident. I was playing golf. I was on the lower nine, and was hit in the heart with a golf ball. Damned thing hit in just the right spot, at just the right time. I was dead before I hit the ground."
"Oh my God," I said. "You're that man. It was all over the news. I'm so sorry. Horrible way to die."
"What man?" Mel asked.
I filled her in.
She held her hand to her heart. "Oh no. I remember him. His wife tried to sue the country club and lost. The news said she spent her life savings on attorneys, and had nothing left," Mel said.
"Yes, that's true. That's why it's so important she knows where to find the money," he said. "I'd like that sign to disappear."
He was talking about the short sale sign stuck in the front yard. They'd popped up all over town, but especially in the bigger, over-priced subdivisions. We were hit hard when the market crashed, and many people still hadn't recovered. "Your house is beautiful," I said.
"Yes, thank you. It was our dream home. The children love it."
"Oh, I forgot about that. He has kids, Mel."
"Yeah, I remember. Two boys. Grade school age, I think."
"She's right. Brendan and Kyle. Twins. They're in fourth grade now."
"I'm so sorry," I said.
"It's the way things go. I talk to Kyle often. He knows it's me. I come to him in his dreams. He's told Maya—my wife, but she thinks it's just his subconscious wanting to see me."
"I can understand. Unless you've been there, it's impossible to believe we can communicate with our loved ones who've passed," I said.
"I know. I used to dream about my father," Harold said. "But I never knew it was actually him until he told me."
"He told you?"
"Yes, when he came to get me."
"Our family comes to get us when we kick the bucket," Ma said. "Your grandma and your Auntie Rita came for me. Didn't I tell you that?" Ma asked.
If she did, I didn't remember. I shrugged and asked Harold, "Do you think Maya will believe me?"
"I think so. Once you get her to look behind the bookcase, she will. She'll have to then."
"Do you think that will be a problem?"
"It might. She doesn't know it can move so you'll have to convince her."
Great. That wasn't what I wanted to hear. I told Mel that Maya didn't know the bookcase moved and I had to figure out a way to convince her.
"Meh, no problem. You'll make it happen."
"Where is the bookcase?" I asked.
Harold gave me the basic layout of the great room. "Okay then," I said. "Let's get this party started." I got out of the car and Mel followed.
"Too bad there ain't no finder’s fee for ya, Ang," Ma said. "You could use it for a little nip and tuck, ya know?"
My mother had the best timing. She knew how to throw out those zingers right when I wasn't able to fight back. Very deliberate and extremely effective, too. "Yeah, it's too bad, Ma."
I rang the doorbell, and Mel bounced on her toes.
"Stop that. She's gonna think we're
here to scam her."
She rolled her eyes. "Like she's not gonna think that when you tell her why we're here?"
I nodded. "True."
Maya answered the door, her posture rigid and her eyes narrowed. "May I help you?"
Why were my hands sweaty? I rubbed them on my shorts to try and dry them off, but it didn't help. I cleared my throat. "Uh, yes. My name is uh, Angela Panther, and this is my friend, Mel. I uh...I was hoping you could, uh—we could talk to you about your house."
She scowled. "No thank you, I'm not interested." She stepped back and pushed the door to shut it, but Mel stuck her foot in it before she could.
"Ms.—I don't know your last name—Ms. Harold's wife, you're gonna wanna talk to my friend here, okay? Your husband Harold contacted her, and told her something that could stop you from moving or losing your house." She glanced up at the detailed stone and woodwork above the front door. "And this looks like an amazing house, so if it was me, I wouldn't want to leave it."
Maya leaned her head into the crack of the door left opened with Mel's foot. Her face was red. "My husband is dead, so it's impossible for him to have spoken with your friend." She pulled her face away from the crack, and pushed hard enough on the door that it forced Mel to pull her foot out as she slammed it shut.
Mel said, "That's one scary woman right there."
I glared at my friend. "That went well." We walked back to the car.
We sat in the car and focused on the house. Ma ranted at Mel, and then ranted at me for not repeating it. She threw Josh's discarded lacrosse balls in the back seat up front.
"What the hell?" Mel screamed. She shook her head—probably realized it was Ma trying to ping her with one. She tossed a ball between her hands. "I screwed up. I'm sorry."
I made the inch sign with my fingers. "Maybe just a little."
"I know. I'm sorry." She pinched the top of her nose with her fingers. "I haven't been myself lately."
"Ya think?" I shifted toward her. "What was your first clue? Telling me you're gonna start batting for the other team? Or how about practicing your peeping tom skills at Carrie's?" I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. "You've got to get it together, Mel."
Her face tightened. "My fifteen year marriage is ending. Forgive me if I'm struggling because of it." Her eyes glassed over from tears.
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