by Claire Adams
“It’s enough for now,” I replied back honestly.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Tristan
It was hard to feel like you were living a normal life when your home was actually a five-star resort in Hawaii, but there were moments when normal was exactly what I felt like. It was usually quiet moments in the morning when I woke up next to Molly. There were times when we could almost pass as the picture of domestic bliss. Except that Molly and I never had to cook or clean.
I was staring at Molly sleeping as I contemplated the future we might have one day. I had never before thought about marriage. I had never thought about children. I had been so consumed with working and keeping my father’s hard work going that I had never considered the alternate to career, which was family. Did I want the wife? Did I want the children? Did I want the minivan? Did I want the white picket fence?
They were never questions that had even occurred to me before. I had finished my degree and then jumped straight into a ready-made business that required my full attention. Whenever I had a moment to resurface for air, I only ever had time for a last-minute hookup or short-lived relationship.
But when I had committed to Molly, at least for the foreseeable future, it had opened up my mind to the possibilities. It had made me realize that I had never slowed down long enough to ask myself what I wanted outside of my career. And now that I thought about it, I realized that I could do without the white picket fence and the minivan, but the idea of having a wife and kids… Well, it didn’t sound so horrible.
I imagined myself standing at the end of an aisle, with a veiled woman in a white dress walking down towards me. It was a strange image, but I realized that I found it almost poetic in a way.
I was scared, in fact, I had never been so scared in my life. This life was not something I had ever considered. Did this happen because I was getting older? Or was this happening because of Molly?
The fact that she was my first serious relationship was not lost on me. Perhaps I was just romanticizing our situation. What if Molly was not as happy as she seemed? Even if she was happy now, there was no guarantee she would stay that way. I knew from past experience that women only put up with neglect for a certain period of time. After that, they get angry and moody and indignant. Then either they break up with me, or they force me to break up with them. It had been the story of my life for the last ten years, and I wondered if I was naïve to believe that could change.
I slipped out of bed and headed to the living room. It was early, but I got dressed anyway and headed to my office. The sunrise was magnificent, and I sat with my chair facing the windows with a cup of strong coffee, watching as world erupted in light. Half an hour later, I still hadn’t been able to stop my mind from racing long enough to get any work done.
I glanced at my watch and wondered if I should give Jason a call. I still hadn’t plucked up the courage to tell him about Molly and me. I had told Molly that I was scared to piss him off, but by now I knew that wasn’t the real reason. I was just scared that telling him would make this commitment real. It was nothing but a mental block on my part, but I was having a tough time wrapping my head around the reality of Molly and me.
I picked up the phone on my desk and dialed Jason’s number. Then I put in on speaker and waited for him to pick up. A few seconds later, Jason answered the phone.
“Hi, man,” I said. “Am I disturbing you?”
“Actually, no,” he said enthusiastically. “Perfect timing… I’m with the folks this weekend.”
“How are they?” I asked, even though I knew exactly how they were because of Molly.
“Doing really good,” Jason said. “Mom’s roped me into this charity fundraiser she’s doing tomorrow. She’s auctioning me off; can you believe it?”
I smiled. Molly had told me about it a few days ago. She and I had laughed at the idea of Jason parading around a room full of screaming women, determined to let loose for the night. Somehow, we had both felt that Jason would be in his element.
“Uh…that sounds fun.”
“Fun,” Jason repeated. “That’s one way of describing it. It’s for ALS, so it wasn’t as though I could say no.”
“What does this auction entail?” I asked, stalling for time.
“There’s this catwalk set up in the clubhouse,” he explained. “And there are thirty men on auction. The women have to place their bids, and the highest bidder gets the man she wants for a night of romance.”
I laughed. “What if some eighty-year-old bids on you?”
“Let’s hope she’s outbid by a twenty-year-old.”
“I hope she’s not.”
“Asshole,” he said, laughing. “If you had been around, you could have volunteered, too.”
“Uh yeah,” I said lamely. “Sure.”
“Try and sound a little more enthusiastic, why don’t you,” Jason teased. “Especially considering you don’t have to do it.”
“Hey, I actually happen to admire you for agreeing to take part,” I said. “Who knows, you could be bought by the love of your life tomorrow.”
“Is that sarcasm?” he demanded.
“Hey, stranger things have happened.”
Jason laughed. “Please, you know me,” he said. “I can’t settle. That’s the main reason we bonded in college, remember?”
I bit my lip. “Was that the main reason?”
“Don’t you remember the night we met?” he asked. “We were both trying to avoid crazy ex-girlfriends. I believe mine Claudia and yours was Yvonne.”
“Fuck,” I groaned. “Yvonne.”
“Remember her?”
I snorted. “Of course, I fucking remember her,” I said. “She practically stalked me for three weeks after I ended things with her. I think she thought her persistence would be attractive.”
“How’d you finally get her to stop following you around?” Jason asked.
“She saw me making out with Reese Tanner.”
Jason laughed. “That’s right… I remember Reese.”
“You should,” I said. “You hooked up with her a few weeks later.”
He laughed. “Ah, the good old days.”
“Quite frankly, I’m glad the good old days are behind us. Girlfriends are not something you and I should have in common.”
“Speaking of ex-girlfriends, I ran into someone from your past recently,” Jason said.
I suppressed a groan. “Who was it?”
“Faith.”
“Faith,” I repeated. “How’d you run into her?”
“I was at this club with a few work colleagues, and she stepped up to the bar beside me. She recognized me immediately.”
“How is she?”
“Seems to be doing well,” Jason replied. “She’s practicing law now… And, she asked about you.”
By the tone of Jason’s voice, I knew there was more to the story. “What did she say about me?”
His tone was amused. “She might still be a little sore at you.”
“For the breakup?” I asked incredulously. “That was years ago.”
“But apparently, it still stings,” Jason said. “She certainly didn’t seem to be thrilled by your success.”
“She’s certainly not the only one,” I sighed.
“Well you can’t really blame her, can you?” Jason said. “You did cheat on her.”
I closed my eyes for a second. “I… There may have been a small overlap…” Jason burst out laughing at my pathetic justification. “I thought we both knew that things were not going well.”
“Except that you forgot to break up with her before moving on.”
“I was a shmuck back then,” I said. “But I’ve changed now.”
There was a second of silence on the other line. “Have you?”
“Well… I mean… Sure… Of course.”
“Because last I heard you were just jumping from woman to woman in a string of one-night stands.”
This was the worst possible direction th
e conversation could have gone in. This was not the lead up I wanted before I told Jason that I was sleeping with his sister.
“That’s all in the past,” I said, trying to save myself just a little bit. “I think… I mean… I’ve turned over a new leaf.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” he demanded.
“Why?” I repeated.
“I don’t understand what brought this change on?”
“I got sick of all the meaningless sex.”
There was another second of silence. “Are you pulling my leg here?”
“No,” I said indignantly. “I’m being serious. I’m trying to be a standup guy here. I’m trying to see if I can hold a relationship for more than a few months.”
“Wow… Does this have something to do with a woman?” Jason asked pointedly.
I should have expected the question, but I still balked when he asked. It was the perfect opening, the perfect opportunity to come clean and tell him the truth about Molly and me. And yet, I found the words lodged in the back of my throat, unwilling to slip out.
“No,” I heard myself say. “Just a change of heart.”
“A change of heart?” he repeated.
“Yes.”
“Bud, I think you’ve been in Hawaii too long. The sun and surf may have addled your brains a little bit.”
“Are you telling me you never want to settle down?” I asked curiously. “Ever?”
“By settle down, do you mean sleep with only one woman for the rest of my life?”
“I’m being serious here,” I said.
“Well… I’ve never thought about it before,” he replied, and I could tell that he was thinking about it now, much like I had. “I suppose the idea of not ending up with someone is…”
“Depressing?” I offered.
“A little,” Jason agreed. “But I can’t help thinking that if I did settle down, it would be years and years from now. Like when I was in my forties.”
“And I’m assuming the woman you settle down with would be—”
“In her twenties,” Jason finished for me. “Of course, that goes without saying.”
I laughed. “You were always an ambitious horndog.”
“Takes one to know one,” he shot back.
I laughed, knowing that I had missed my opportunity to come clean. I tried not to feel very happy about that.
“Have you seen Molly recently?” Jason asked.
My smile faltered guiltily, and I was glad that Jason wasn’t here to see that. “Uh… Yeah, I see her a lot actually, since we’re working together now.”
“She loves working at the resort,” he told me. “This job is so much better for her than the last one.”
“I agree,” I nodded.
“I’m glad she has you over there,” he said. “I feel better knowing she has someone to look out for her.”
I raised my eyebrows, knowing he would probably kick himself over that comment later when he did eventually find out about Molly and me.
“Listen, Jason,” I said, hearing a knock at my office door. “I’ve got to start my day. Talk later?”
“Of course,” he replied. “Thanks for calling, bro; it was nice catching up.”
I cut the line and sighed at my own cowardice. “Come in,” I called, after a moment.
Ben walked in with his clipboard in hand. “The helicopter just landed,” he informed me. “Why aren’t you up there?”
“What?” I asked, in confusion. “What are you talking about?”
Ben raised his eyebrows at me. “Emma’s here.”
Chapter Thirty
Molly
“How are you?” I asked.
Alani was looking much happier since the incident with the Beaumonts had been dealt with, and her name had been cleared. She had reverted back to the old Alani that I was familiar with—cheerful, playful, and easy-going.
“I’m doing great,” she told me. “But for a second there, I was terrified.”
“I can imagine.”
“You don’t know how grateful I am to you,” she said, looking at me earnestly.
“Hey, you don’t have to thank me—”
“No, I do,” she insisted. “Any other superior in your position would have taken the guests’ side over mine. They wouldn’t have bothered to check tapes and speak to the boss on my behalf. They would have just assumed they understood the situation and acted accordingly.”
“I don’t know about that,” I said, feeling slightly embarrassed by Alani’s obvious gratitude towards me.
“No, it’s true. I’ve worked in two other hotels before this one, and in both places, I watched how the superiors always yelled at the staff, whether it was their fault or not. If a guest makes a complaint, their word is taken as gospel, and no one cares about the other side of the story.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“We’re expendable, Molly,” Alani said. “But a guest must always be kept happy.”
“That’s not how I see it at all,” I said firmly. “We’re in the hospitality trade, and of course a guest must be kept happy…but within reason. If they do something wrong, they should be held accountable. Tristan feels that way, too.”
Alani smiled. “I heard what he did for Simon,” she said.
“He’s suspended without pay for three months and won’t be eligible for any raises during the course of this year while his behavior and performance is being evaluated,” I nodded. “But considering the story he told Tristan about his mother was true, Tristan paid for her operation himself.”
“That was a wonderful thing he did,” Alani said. “Did you have anything to do with his decision?”
“Not even a little bit,” I said, giving credit where credit was due. “That was all Tristan, and I couldn’t be prouder of him.”
“You’ve been a good influence on him.”
“Oh, I don’t think that decision has anything to do with me.”
“I think it does,” Alani said with certainty. “Tristan was a decent boss beforehand, but he was never very involved with the staff. Nor would he have handled the situation with the Beaumonts the way he did if you hadn’t been there.”
“You really believe that?”
“I honestly do,” she said. “I can’t believe you haven’t noticed the difference.”
I thought about it for a second and then sighed. “To be honest, we don’t spend enough time together for me to notice much of anything.”
“He’s still very busy, isn’t he?”
“It’s been months now, and things don’t seem to be letting up.”
“He does have other hotels to see to,” she pointed out.
“I know,” I said. “And I don’t hold it against him for being busy all the time; it’s just sometimes…”
“What?” she pressed.
I sighed again. “I guess it feels like our relationship is stagnant. It’s like we’re living in this bubble that’s removed from the outside world. We work, and we come together at the end of the day, but sometimes it feels like sex is the one thing that bonds us.”
“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Alani said, with a smile.
“It wouldn’t be,” I said. “But sometimes it’s the only thing we have. And that does bother me. Also, he hasn’t told my brother we’re dating yet.”
“Why haven’t you told your brother?” Alani wanted to know.
“Because Tristan asked me not to,” I admitted. “He told me that he needed to be the one to tell Jason. And, I understood that. They’ve been friends for years, and it seems right that Jason should hear about our relationship from Tristan. But it’s been awhile now, and he still hasn’t mentioned anything to my brother.”
“And that’s bothering you a little, too?”
“Well, it’s like he’s ashamed of us.”
“You don’t really believe that, do you?”
“No, I guess not,” I sighed. “But it does feel like he’s scared… Not of
telling Jason specifically, but of announcing to the world that he’s in a committed relationship. Because that would make it real, and once it’s real, then we’re looking at the future and the next step, and I don’t know if Tristan is ready for all that.”
Alani listened carefully and nodded. “Can I ask you a personal question?”
“Of course,” I said, smiling slightly.
“Where do you see this going with Tristan?”
“I honestly have no idea,” I said.
“Okay then, where do you want this to go?” she asked, amending her question.
I bit my lip. “I love Tristan. I want to be with him. I think about the rest of my life, and he’s the only man I can picture myself with.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah,” I said, in a subdued voice.
“And, do you think he feels the same about you?”
“The thing is, there are moments when it feels like he loves me as much as I love him,” I said. “But then there are times when I notice the hesitation in his eyes. I see panic and fear and confusion, and it makes me question his feelings for me. I’ve grown up hearing about Tristan’s conquests. I know he’s not good at keeping a long-term girlfriend. And, I guess I’m wondering if I’m just naïve to believe that he would make that kind of change for me.”
“It’s possible.”
“But not probable,” I said.
“Sometimes it just takes the right person to change you,” Alani pointed out.
“See, that just sounds like a line from the movies,” I said. “Real life is more cynical than that.”
“Or maybe it’s just you that’s cynical.”
“Can you blame me?” I laughed. “I need to consider the possibility that Tristan is just not a one-woman kind of guy.”
“He’s trying to be,” she pointed out.
“And what if that’s a mistake?” I asked. “What if he’s trying to be something he’s not and that’s the real problem here. What if he’s only trying so hard because he got involved with his best friend’s sister?”
“What do you feel?” Alani asked. “What are your instincts telling you?”
“Can you really even trust your instincts when your emotion is so involved?” I asked. “I’m in love with him, and that is clouding everything else.”