by Jessica Marx
The streets are more serene on weekend mornings. As I walk to the restaurant, I start thinking that I really need to figure out what to do with my life. I’ve been coasting through my days and slacking when it comes to school and picking classes for the new semester. I make a mental note to be more attentive and do some research—we’ll see what happens.
I arrive at the restaurant and get my station ready for service. Shortly after, the brunch and lunch crowd begins to come in. Luckily, we are once again busy and the time files by. My section is full and lunch is in full swing so I don’t notice Jayson coming in and walking to the bar. It isn’t until he is seated there with a drink in front of him that he catches my eye.
I’m in no way ready to see him yet and I start fumbling with the coffees I’m preparing for a table. At least I’m busy for now and I have some time to think before I can sit down and talk with him. I continue serving my tables and finishing up with the lunch crowd while I silently contemplate what I’m going to say to Jayson.
When my customers have finished and my section is clear, I close out my checks and clean the tables off, doing whatever I can to prolong the time before our conversation. When I have nothing left to do, I go into the ladies’ room to wash my face and fix my hair and try to look somewhat presentable.
Once I’m satisfied, I step back into the dining room and walk over to the bar. I see Jayson smiling at me as I head his way. He looks even more handsome than the last time I saw him.
“Hey, stranger,” he greets me as I sit down next to him.
“Hey.” I smile back, gesturing to Sam to pour me a glass of iced tea.
“I really felt like you were blowing me off, so I thought I would come and find out in person. It’s hard to tell through a text.”
“I wasn’t. I just…” I hesitate, not knowing how honest I should be or how much I should say. “I just needed to think about us. About what happened the other night.”
“I’ve been thinking about us too—and what happened.” He smiles slyly. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, Ashley.” His smile widens when he sees my cheeks flush.
Sam walks over and places a glass of ice in front of me, filling it, nodding and smiling before going back to his patrons. I take a sip and sit in silence for a moment, trying to decide what to say next.
“Ashley, I know you think I’m a player. I can tell you’re scared,” Jayson says as if he’s reading my mind. “Just to be clear, I would not be here right now if I wasn’t serious about you. Our date was by far the best one I’ve ever been on. And the rest of the night was, well… incredible.” He grins. “I know you felt it too, Ashley. You can’t tell me you didn’t.”
I look at Jayson and I see the sincerity in his eyes. “I thought I did, but I don’t know,” I begin. “And yes, I’m afraid. I thought I felt a connection, but then I thought I must be crazy. You’re not the kind of guy to fall for someone so fast. You’re used to being with women and making them feel like that. I barely just got out of a relationship. I don’t know what to think, Jayson. I just know I don’t want to get hurt.”
Sam walks over to ask Jayson if he would like another drink, but he declines. “Why don’t we get out of here and take a walk? Continue this conversation in private?”
“Okay,” I answer taking a big gulp from my glass. I leave it on the bar and say goodnight to everyone. Then we get up and walk outside into another beautiful summer night.
“This is better,” Jayson says after we are several steps away from the restaurant. “Where would you like to go?”
“You can just walk with me to my apartment,” I tell him. It’s a nice night for a walk and there aren’t too many places I would go for privacy on a Saturday night around here. “If you don’t mind.”
“Of course not. I would go anywhere with you.” He takes my hand in his as we continue toward my apartment. “So, you were saying?”
“I was just telling you how you’re a player and I feel like an idiot.” Jayson stops, pulling my hand so I have to stop, too.
“Ashley, look at me,” he says in a serious tone. “I like you. I really like you. Something about you captivates me. You’re beautiful, and funny, and real. I know you think I’m an asshole when it comes to women, and maybe up until now I was. But now, I just want you. You’re all I need.
“I may have been with a lot of women, but I never led any of them on. I tell it like it is, and I’m not going to play games with you. I want to be the only man in your life and I know we can try to make it work.”
I look up at him, speechless. This raw honesty is not something I expected. Not from the guy who cracks jokes and speaks in pick-up lines. I believe him, though. I can tell his feelings are authentic. But the voice inside my head is telling me not to jump in headfirst like this.
“Jayson, I believe you feel that way—I do. But how can you change, just like that?” I ask, releasing my hand and snapping my fingers. “Maybe you think you have these feelings, but it’s too soon to know for sure. What if I believe you and then next week, you meet someone else that catches your eye? Then where will I be?”
“You’re only focusing on the bad things that you think might happen. What if we have something amazing together? What if we fall madly in love and live happily ever after? Take a chance on me, Ashley,” Jayson responds, holding my hands in his again, waiting for my answer.
“I’m just trying to be realistic and protect myself.” I do want him, but I’m scared to let it happen.
“We can start over—forget we ever made love. We can take it slow. The way we met, the way our lives are connected now, you have to see it’s worth it. Just give ‘us’ a chance. I promise you will never regret it.”
I remain silent as I consider everything Jayson’s said. Maybe he’s right about starting over and taking it slow. I can’t forget about making love to Jayson, especially because it’s one of the reasons I know I could love him. He’s right—we could be great together and it just may be worth the chance.
“Okay,” I finally answer. Jayson smiles at me and I see his eyes light up. “I’m willing to give ‘us’ a try—but I think taking baby steps is a good idea.”
“I will do whatever makes you comfortable, Ashley. We have the rest of our lives together, so I don’t mind taking our time for now.” He winks at me, sounding confident once again. He lets one of my hands go but maintains his grip on the other. “Shall we?”
We resume in the direction we were walking before we stopped to talk. We’re strolling hand in hand in silence, and it feels wonderful. Each of us is wearing a contented smile, feeling renewed, anticipating what is to come. For the first time since he left my apartment Friday morning, I feel optimistic about our possible future together.
We slow our pace as we reach my building. The last time Jayson and I were here together was the night we made love. I know we agreed to take it slow, but it’s going to be hard. We face each other, unsure of what we’re supposed to do now.
“When can I see you again?” Jayson asks.
“I’m off on Monday, if you’re free,” I answer, glad he said something to break the awkward silence.
“I will make myself available. Dinner?”
“Sure. Are you going to pick me up again, or was that just for our first date?” I tease.
“I’ll pick you up. Have to treat you like a lady, right?” he jokes back. “I can give you a time on Monday, if that’s okay.”
“Sure. I can’t wait.” I smile. “I’m glad we were able to talk things out, Jayson. Thanks for not giving up on me.”
Jayson moves closer to me—too close. He leans into me and puts his mouth against my ear. “I will never give up on you, Ashley,” he replies softly before seductively kissing my neck. He then kisses me on the cheek before backing away.
“Goodnight,” he says, looking pleased with himself.
“Goodnight, Jayson,” I answer. That soft kiss and his voice in my ear make me wish I could invite him up to my apartment. I want h
im, but I know even if I tried, he wouldn’t let me tonight. We agreed to take it slow, so that’s what we will do. And when the day comes that we can take it to the next level, I know it will be well worth the wait. I smile again and reluctantly let go of his hand to walk into my building.
* * *
__________
* * *
Sunday comes and goes. The restaurant was busy with brunch and large family meals and parties which kept me busy throughout the day. I was thankful for the distraction because otherwise my mind would have been spinning with thoughts of Jayson, as it does all the time now.
I sleep in on Monday since I don’t have to work and enjoy my coffee on the couch and catching up on some reading. It’s kind of pointless. I’m not really paying attention, anyway. I’m too busy going through scenarios about my date with Jayson tonight.
As much as I appreciate his willingness to take things slow, I don’t know how we are going to do it. Not after we’ve already had sex—amazing sex. I had trouble being close to him without touching him before so I can’t imagine how it will be now. I know how good his body feels and how incredible he makes me feel. It’s going to be hard, but knowing we aren’t going to touch each other makes it that much more erotic—at least for me.
As if on cue, my phone alerts me I have a text. Can I come by at seven to get you? It’s from Jayson. I smile.
Of course, I answer. I can’t wait. I don’t want to sound desperate, but at the same time, I’m genuinely excited.
Me either, he replies, adding a smiley face. See you then.
I finish my coffee and tidy up my apartment a bit. I decide I should run some errands so I clean myself up, throw on some clothes, and head out.
A few minutes after I leave my apartment and start walking toward the grocery store, my phone rings. I know from the ringtone it’s my mother.
“Hey, Mom.” I answer cheerfully as I continue walking.
“Hi, Ashley. Where are you off to today?” she asks.
“Just running some errands and taking care of a few things. What’s up?”
“I know I said I was going to come in for lunch this week, but Tom asked me this morning if I wanted to go out east for a few days. If you don’t mind, can we push it off until after the weekend?”
“Of course! Have a great time. We can get together next week, for sure,” I answer. I’m actually thankful to have some more time before I see her. I have a hard time lying to my mother, and there is no way I can tell her about Jayson—not unless there is something serious to tell. There is also no way I can not tell her, because she has that motherly way of knowing when I’m hiding something.
“Oh, thank you, Ash. I feel terrible but a week on the beach sounds nice too. I will call you as soon as I’m back home.”
“Sure. That sounds fantastic. Enjoy your time with Tom and I’ll talk to you soon. Love you.” I love hearing Mom sound so happy.
I make the few stops close to my apartment, getting some groceries and picking up some of my cleaning that I forgot about. I stop at a little deli and have a sandwich in between, since it’s past lunchtime.
By the time I get back to my apartment it’s four o’clock. I have plenty of time to kill before I get ready for tonight. I laze around for a while and have another cup of coffee just in case it winds up being a late night. Then I shower and begin to get ready.
I had bought that new dress for our last date, but this time I don’t know what to wear. I try on several different outfits before I decide on a fitted black skirt and a silky blue tank. I put on my favorite black heels and add some jewelry. By six thirty I am finishing my makeup. Since I’m ready before seven, I decide to wait downstairs for Jayson. I’m just going to be pacing up here anyway. I take my keys and purse and have one last look in the mirror before stepping out to the elevator.
I arrive in the lobby, and only a couple of minutes pass before I see a town car pull up outside. The door opens and Jayson steps out. He looks delicious. I’m glad I get to see him before he comes in so I have time to take it all in. He’s wearing his now signature-style jeans and a fitted, black button-down. I get a nice view of his perfect ass when he turns to close the car door. His top isn’t too tight, but snug enough that I can see his muscles underneath.
He turns toward my building and strides up to the door. I am walking toward him at the same time. Jayson sees me as soon as he pulls the lobby door open.
“Well, hello.” He smiles at me, holding the door open for me.
“Hey,” I reply, shyly smiling back. I’m suddenly nervous for tonight. It feels like a first date all over again. The door closes behind us and we walk the short distance to the car.
“You don’t plan on making this easy for me, do you?” Jayson asks as he opens the door and lets me get into the car.
I raise my brows. “What did I do?”
“You’re just… you,” he replies, gesturing at my outfit. I feel my cheeks flush and I look away. The car starts moving as we make our way to our destination.
“Thanks. I think.” I smile up at him again. “Should I have worn my sweatpants to dinner?”
“I think that would have been a safer choice.”
“Well, you look pretty good, too.”
“I try.” He grins at me, still drinking me in with his eyes. “So, how do you feel about having some Thai food tonight?”
“I feel good about that. I actually love Thai.”
He beams. “Good, I know a great little place. I think you’ll love it.”
A few minutes later, the car slows down and comes to a stop in front of a Thai restaurant.
“Oh! I’ve heard this place is fabulous,” I say as Jayson opens the door and steps out. We walk into the restaurant and are seated quickly.
After we order drinks and decide to share some dishes, we begin talking. The conversation flows naturally. I’m no longer nervous and there is much less tension than I was expecting.
Jayson tells me more about the job his company will be doing and I enjoy listening to how excited he is about it. I tell him about my mother’s phone call this morning and how her and Tom are going to relax out east for a few days.
“That sounds great,” he tells me. “I can’t wait until we can do that one day.”
“I bet that would be a lot of fun,” I answer, smiling shyly. I know Jayson wants to be with me, but I didn’t realize he really thought that far ahead.
“Oh, it would,” he says slyly now. “I’ve fantasized about having you all to myself in a beautiful, secluded setting many times.”
I blush again. “I can only imagine what happens in your fantasies.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll show you one day. Knowing I won’t be able to have you again any time soon is leaving me a lot of time to come up with my own scenarios. I’m actually kind of enjoying it, like a mind-fuck.” He winks at me.
“You’re teasing me.”
“I know,” Jayson answers, grinning again as our food is delivered to the table along with another round of drinks.
“That’s not fair, Jayson,” I tell him after the waiter walks away.
Jayson shrugs. “I said we could take it slow and I stand behind that one hundred percent, Ashley. But I can’t change who I am or how I think. I know what it’s like to have you, and I can’t just forget that. If I have to wait until our wedding night to make love again, I swear I will, but I can’t stop what happens in my head.”
“Oh, so we’re getting married now too?” I ask. More than any lewd thing that’s come out of his mouth, the words “wedding night” have surprised me most of all.
“Maybe. We’ll see how dinner goes, but it’s always a possibility.”
I’m taken aback. “Well, it seems you’re going to make this harder for me than it already is, saying things like that.”
“And you’re making me hard. I mean, you’re making it hard for me,” he says, cleverly faking a Freudian slip while taking another sip of his drink.
I laugh. “You’re an
ass.”
“It’s part of my charm.”
We spend the next few minutes picking at our dishes and smirking to ourselves. This little game we are playing is pretty amusing for both of us. I like that we can talk about everyday things one minute and enjoy some sexual banter the next. It suppresses the sexual tension between us and lightens the mood at the same time.
We finish our food and only have a couple of sips left in our glasses. The waiter comes over to ask if we’d like dessert but we’re both pretty full already. Jayson declines and our waiter goes to get or check.
“So, what now?” Jayson asks me.
I blink. “What do you mean?”
“Dinner is over, we’re not going back to your place because we know what happens there.” He grins. “And I’m not ready to end our night yet. So, what do we do now?”
“How about we go to your place?” I ask boldly, shocking Jayson silent for a moment.
“My place?” he repeats.
“Yes. I don’t think you live far from here, right? Why don’t we get some ice cream or have another drink, or whatever?”
“I like the ‘whatever’ part.”
I roll my eyes. “No. I mean really have dessert or drinks. Nothing else. I think we can do that, don’t you?”
He narrows his eyes incredulously. “I’m only a couple of blocks away. But don’t think anything is going to happen. I won’t let it, Ashley.”
“I don’t think that at all. I just want some ice cream and another glass of wine,” I joke as we get up from the table and stroll to the exit. “Besides, we both have work tomorrow, so I can’t stay late.”
I really don’t know why I suggested going to Jayson’s apartment. I think it’s a dangerous move, but we’re adults and should be able to be alone together without any debauchery—I hope. He seems pretty serious about not letting anything happen between us, anyway, so hopefully he will stick to his word even if I can’t.
We walk hand in hand again in the direction of his building. I’m not sure exactly where he lives, but I know this is a much nicer area than mine. We are coming upon a convenience store, so Jayson suggests we go in and pick up some dessert.