by Karen Osman
‘About an hour later, it was getting busier. The bar area was crowded – they were giving away free shots – so I moved away to the end of the bar. There was no one really queuing there because that’s where the dirty glasses were dumped. It was then that I saw Rose. She was with a crowd of people waiting for drinks. Someone in her group was getting the shots in and handing them back to the group including Rose.
‘At that point, she saw me and waved. After a few minutes, she came over to where I was sat and asked me if I had any spice. I said no and then she went back to her mates. There seemed to be a few of them, three guys and a girl. The guys looked like posh knobs – you know, floppy hair and boating shoes. They looked out of place if I’m honest with you.
‘After that, they took a table in the VIP area. I don’t know whose table it was – I doubt Rose would have the money for that. A few minutes later, Rose came up to me and invited me to the VIP section to sit at their table. I thought why not? Free booze and it beat sitting by the empties. Was Rose drunk? Perhaps a little. She was laughing a lot – perhaps she’d taken something, I don’t know. She was having a good time, drinking and dancing like everyone else.’
40
Claire slumped back against the dining room chair, looking at her son as if he was a complete stranger. While Joshua had vehemently denied even touching Rose, the fact remained that he knew her. Not only that, but he was at the crime scene that night. Claire tried to focus on her son’s obvious bewilderment and confusion at the news that Rose was accusing him of sexual assault.
Of course, she’d known all along that he would never do something so heinous, but to learn that he was there on the night in question was a shock. Claire had long ago developed the skill of identifying a liar – her client list was often full of them – and she’d had no doubt that Joshua was telling the truth about his role in the events of that night. He went to the opening of the nightclub, met Rose, went to an after-party with her, and then left in a taxi.
She watched Joshua now, her mind rapidly going over her phone conversation with Julia the day before. Rose had already identified her two attackers and they had denied all charges, hence the preparation for the trial. But now Rose had named a third person – Joshua – whom she’d confirmed with photo identification. Claire felt the vomit rise in her throat.
Chris was stood, leaning against the dining room wall, his expression unreadable. She’d been asking Joshua questions for almost half an hour, trying to work out any way Rose could have got confused, and they were both exhausted.
‘Joshua, is there anything else you can tell me that might explain why Rose is linking you to this incident?’
When did it become an incident and not rape? When her son became involved.
‘Mum! Bloody hell! I told you already! I did not do anything to her!’
Claire started at the unusual expletive coming from her son. She’d never heard him swear before.
‘I’m sorry, love,’ she replied trying to hide her frustration under a gentler tone, ‘but I need to examine this from every angle, so I can clear your name.’
Joshua looked up at her, his eyes on hers. There was something in there, and for a moment Claire felt she might be able to reach out and grab it, but then it was gone.
‘This Rose – she’s crazy! She was high as a kite and drunk as well. Besides it’s not like Lee would—’
Claire froze. ‘What did you say?’
‘Nothing.’
She watched Joshua realise his mistake. Claire had never mentioned the name Lee. She quickly thought back over the conversation. Had she? No, she was pretty sure she hadn’t because she never disclosed names of a case, but Lee was one of the named defendants.
Mother and son looked at each other for a split second before Claire stood, the force pushing the dining room chair over. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched Chris turn and walk out of the room and she felt a part of her collapse inside. But she would have to deal with that later.
‘How the hell do you know Lee?’ she asked, the quiet steel of the words almost, but not quite, making Joshua cower.
‘Mum! I didn’t do this – I promise you!’
‘How the hell do you know the name Lee?’ she asked again. Her eyes bored into her son’s and she remembered the picture of the naked girl on his phone, their exchanges.
‘Mum! Please – you have to believe me – I didn’t do anything to that girl.’
‘Joshua, I’m asking you one more time – how do you know that name?’ She wanted to shake him, make him understand how serious this was. He started crying then, and Claire felt her leg muscles contract to keep her upright. She scrabbled for the chair, righted it, and sat down.
‘Mum, I promise you,’ cried Joshua, ‘I didn’t do anything to Rose.’
‘But you know Lee?’
Joshua wiped his eyes and nodded. ‘Sort of. He’s older than us but he was a friend of Jinty’s and he just sort of… started hanging out with us.’
Jinty. She knew he was one of the Colston lads that Joshua and Mark had been hanging out with the year before.
‘How long was he hanging out with you?’ asked Claire.
‘I dunno – maybe six months? Maybe longer?’
Claire forced herself to let the silence settle between them, waiting for Joshua to continue.
‘He was a bit weird to be honest, but he was… useful,’ he continued after a few moments. Claire looked at him quizzically. She thought he wasn’t going to answer at first, but her patience won out.
‘He could get served in the off-licence,’ he explained, reluctantly. ‘He would bring us booze and we’d drink and listen to music. I didn’t really talk to him that much. And then he started talking about these girls he’d met and how he would introduce them to us.’
‘And then what?’ asked Claire, hardly able to breathe.
‘And then, nothing.’ Joshua shrugged. ‘Lee occasionally came around to Jinty’s and that was it.’
‘And was one of these girls Rose?’ asked Claire.
The silence was unbearable.
‘Joshua?’ But Claire already knew the answer.
Joshua sat, his shoulders hunched over in despair. He looked up at his mother, his eyes filled with tears; for the first time looking frightened as he answered.
‘Yes. What will happen now?’
Claire looked at her son and knew that the only thing she could do now was what she did best. Her job.
‘Well, I’m sure that Rose will realise that she got confused and made a mistake,’ she reassured him. ‘Julia is working on that now. Like you said, Rose was high and drunk and there were loads of people at that party.’
‘And if she doesn’t?’ asked Joshua.
‘Well, we’ll deal with that if it happens, okay?’ Claire pulled Joshua into her arms and although she wasn’t religious, she said a swift prayer that it would all be sorted before Joshua got arrested.
41
‘I remember that some of the guys from the group had disappeared during the night for a while or rather they seemed to be taking it in turns to leave the VIP area. I assumed they were snorting coke in the toilets. I don’t remember the time exactly, but I remember Rose was dancing with the other girl. And then three other guys came along who Rose’s friend seemed to know and they joined the table. Their names were Lee, Nick, and Armin. Rose’s friend introduced me to them as well as to the floppy-hair guys Rose had first come in with. I didn’t talk to any of them really but I did hear them talk about an after-party.
‘By this time, it was almost one in the morning. Everyone was pretty drunk and high. The after-party was at a friend of Lee’s house. One of the original guys in the group seemed put out because he kept trying to dance with Rose but she was all over the place, dancing with one guy, then another, then having a drinking competition. Her friend was sat on Armin’s lap and they were at it pretty heavily. I probably would have left then if the party hadn’t been near my flat but it was in Crossway Avenue, so I
thought I’d go for a free drink and then head home. An hour max. Except Rose and her friend had an argument because her friend didn’t want to go to the after-party.’
April 2018
42
Claire, having somehow got out of bed and managing to get dressed, sat at her dresser and looked at herself in the mirror, tiredness making her look old. Since talking to Joshua, she’d barely slept, the crushing weight of worry snaking its way through her body, refusing to let her rest. As agreed, she hadn’t been into the office although she’d talked to Julia several times on the phone. Julia kept referencing her time off as if she was on holiday.
Just to catch up with yourself while we sort this out. Those had been her exact words and Claire thought of them now. Catch up with yourself. What did that even mean? She couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t eat, or concentrate or sit and read a magazine. She felt trapped in a void, stuck in a no-man’s land, helpless to help her son. And Chris. Where was he? The one person who should have been able to support her had gone on a business trip to America. How convenient. He’d not offered to cancel it or even to postpone it. He’d simply packed his bag and got ready to go. When she’d questioned him, he’d shrugged. It’s all a misunderstanding. It will all be sorted by the time I’m back.
Claire had looked at him in disbelief. Our lives are falling apart and that’s all you can say?
She’d asked him not to go but he’d gone anyway, and it suddenly struck her that over the last year or so, he’d had more business trips than ever before. He used to hate them, would do anything to avoid them, claiming he didn’t want to be apart from her and the boys. I don’t want to miss bath and bedtime with Jamie. I made that mistake with Joshua. Chris would race home from work, eager to play his role as a father. Afterwards, he and Claire would eat and snuggle on the sofa with a glass of wine.
Now it was almost like he couldn’t wait to get away. Claire paused. Was that really true? She jostled with the question in her mind, but sheer exhaustion made her fumble for the answer. The truth was she didn’t know and as her lined face stared back at her, she realised only one thing was certain: she didn’t know anything any more.
*
Claire woke up and felt something stuck to her face. As she lifted her head, she heard the tearing of a page from a novel as it peeled from her cheek, the dried trail of salvia causing her to wipe her mouth. Reading was her latest attempt to help herself sleep. She’d exhausted her TED talks and besides she couldn’t concentrate.
She looked around the room in confusion, trying to work out what time it was. The weak daylight through the curtains suggested it was well past noon and she put a hand out to check her phone on her bedside table. But it wasn’t there. Shit. Where was her phone? She must have left it in the living room. What if someone had called?
She snatched the covers back and swung her legs out of bed to reach the floor. She was surprised to see herself fully dressed. As her sleep-induced fog lifted, she remembered being sat at her dresser earlier that morning before crawling back into bed. Exhaustion must have taken over and with no phone to disturb her, the unconscious hours had crept up.
She could hear Lucy in the kitchen downstairs. Seeing her wristwatch on the dresser, she stood up and checked the time. It was ten past two in the afternoon. She’d been asleep for almost six hours. Not caring how she looked, she left the bedroom and went in search of her phone. She saw it on the kitchen table, her anxiety so high she barely even heard Lucy’s greeting.
Picking it up, she unlocked it before quickly scrolling the notifications. Seeing a missed call from her mother, she ignored it, and tapped the email icon, certain there would be some news regarding Joshua. But to her surprise, there were just two new emails – a reminder about the upcoming Easter bank holiday from Sylvie who did their HR and a request from Elaine to submit her expenses before the end of the month.
She looked at her phone in disbelief, wondering if her inbox was working properly. Quickly, she sent a test email to herself. It arrived, pinging into her line of vision immediately. She should have been relieved. No news was good news, she reassured herself. Of course, it was. So why then did she feel such an intense sense of foreboding?
*
Claire woke the next day to the trill of her phone. Instantly awake, she thought it would be Chris and quickly grabbed her phone from her bedside table and slid her finger across the screen.
‘Chris!’ she said, in relief.
‘Claire?’
‘Yes?’ Claire was confused. This was a woman’s voice and it took her a few seconds to work out that it was Julia.
‘Sorry to call you so early,’ said Julia.
‘What time is it?’
‘Just gone six.’
Claire felt her stomach clench in suspense. ‘What is it?’ she asked.
‘I’m sorry, Claire, but Joshua is going to be arrested. Rose is sticking to her story.’
Claire felt herself crumple. She’d hoped that they would be able to get Rose to admit she’d made a mistake without it getting this far. Now he’d be in the system, interviewed, questioned, statements taken. It would all be on file. In court.
Oh God.
‘Claire, you still there?’
Claire lifted her head. ‘Yes, I’m still here. You believe her?’
‘To remember someone so late in the game, well it’s odd. But we’ve had her assessed for trauma and it’s possible that she blocked some of it out. The photo just triggered the memories. There’s also the matter that another witness has come forward,’ said Julia.
You didn’t answer my question.
‘A new witness? Who?’ asked Claire.
‘I’m sorry, you know I can’t tell you that. Even telling you this much… But once you get a lawyer everything will be disclosed then.’
Claire closed her eyes tightly. This couldn’t be happening.
‘I’m sorry, Claire,’ said Julia eventually. ‘You should also know that Rose will be getting new representation from another law firm, which is disappointing but no surprise really. We can’t continue to represent her with the conflict of interest. She’s hired Miller & Co.’
As Julia continued to talk, something about meeting the board again, getting a lawyer, Claire felt herself tune out. The only thing that mattered now was telling Chris.
‘I’ll call you in a day or two,’ finished Julia.
‘Yes,’ replied Claire not having heard a word.
‘Call me if you need anything, okay?’
‘I have to go now.’ Claire hung up abruptly and tried Chris’s number. She wasn’t surprised when he didn’t answer. Opening a new message, she typed out the latest update.
Joshua about to be arrested. Call me now.
She didn’t need to wait long. Less than a minute later and her phone rang, Chris’s name flashing up on the screen. She picked it up.
‘Claire – what the hell is going on? I thought Julia was on it?’
‘Joshua is going to have to go in and give his side of the story. There’s a new witness who has come forward.’ Claire felt the steel in her tone, drawing upon every inch of self-control she had not to blast him. Selfish shit.
‘What? No! I thought it was being sorted!’
Chris sounded scared. He should be.
Claire didn’t respond and then the silence was broken with the words Claire had felt like she’d been waiting to hear forever.
‘I’m coming home,’ said Chris.
Claire hung up and went to her son’s room to wake him up with the news that his life would never be the same again.
43
‘It was freezing outside but once we left the club, Rose’s friend left with Armin. Rose was pretty pissed off and was screaming at her down the street that she was a bitch. I thought her friend would come back and there would be a catfight, but she kept on walking. Good job too the state Rose was in. We all tried to calm Rose down, but it took a while, then we tried to get taxis to go the party but there weren’t any, so we en
ded up walking. It took like fifteen minutes, maybe less. Personally, I thought it was a good thing – give Rose some fresh air and a chance to calm down and at that point, I was ready to just go home, but Rose was still pretty upset.
‘When we arrived at the party, it was already well underway and although Rose was pretty hammered, she seemed to get a second wind. I don’t know – maybe she took a booster or something. She immediately started dancing in the living room and Lee went to get some drinks. One of the floppy-haired guys started dancing with Rose, but she seemed irritated by him. He kept trying to put his arms around her and she kept moving out of them. And then Lee came and handed them some drinks. Rose started dancing with Lee and that’s when another argument started…’
May 2018
44
Claire’s feet pounded the pavement hard and fast. It was just after two in the morning. Apart from the light from the lampposts, it was pitch black, the rest of the neighbourhood asleep, unaware of how grateful they should be to have the ability to switch off for a night. Claire hadn’t slept properly for several weeks now.
Chris had returned from America leaden with jet lag and irritability. She had been in bed watching the clock on her bedside table. It was just after midnight and she hoped he would come into their room and get into bed beside her. The loneliness had been stifling. There was no one she could talk to about everything that was going on. Even her conversations with Julia had been brief. There was no room in this scenario for business partner and best friend to exist side by side, and the role of partner had won, leaving Claire hollow and alone.
As she’d heard Chris go into the spare room, she’d felt a level of despair so deep she wondered how she would ever get out of this black hole that had encompassed her so ferociously. He’d been sleeping in the spare room ever since, their marriage on hold, each of them unable to cope with anything else. So, whenever her thoughts started tumbling over each other in the early hours of the morning, threatening to overwhelm, she got up, put on her running gear, and slipped quietly outside. It had become a habit and the only way she could collapse into a dreamless sleep for a few hours. She woke up exhausted, but adrenalin charged through her from the minute she woke up.