“I don’t—” Matilda sat and soon found the infant resting in the crook of her arm. Dark eyes peered up at her and she caressed his soft dark hair. “He’s so soft.”
“Aye, babies are a blessing. That wee lad was found by God’s grace. Praise be to Him for bringing you and Mr. Morgan to find him as you did. That church gets cold, and the child hardly wore a thing. He wouldn’t have survived long.”
Tilly’s heart swelled and she blinked back tears. “It would have been heartbreaking to have found him too late.”
A knock at the door had Mrs. Clark jumping to her feet. Tilly found a little hand gripping her finger. The baby’s lips opened as if he were going to talk. A soft ahh came from his lips. “Good morrow, Bennett. I’m glad we found you in time,” she whispered.
“Ah, I see you also have come to check on our little boy.” Gabriel’s entrance attracted her attention.
Our? She gulped.
He sat next to her, his shoulder touching hers as he bent his head to look at the infant. “He sure is a handsome lad.”
Confusion swirled with a deep wanting within her. Wanting for what? She had never held a baby before today, and the reality she would never enjoy marriage and child of her own battled with the fantasy that she could have a marital future with her childhood friend. But he’d grown into a man. A man who served God. He would never accept her. The church had refused bury her father on consecrated ground. They’d condemned him to hell and denied him a spot in the church cemetery. Thankfully, grandfather had stepped in and buried his son-in-law on his own property, citing that God had mercy on hurting souls and therefore they should too. But how would a clergyman ever consider the daughter of one deemed bound for the netherworld? Her fantasy would remain thus. Reality would never match it.
Gabriel shifted his head as he cooed to the baby. The man’s hair smelled divine. She was tempted to touch it to see if it were as soft as the baby’s. “…don’t you think, Miss Wilcox?” Gabriel said.
“I’m sorry, I was woolgathering. I didn’t hear you.”
Gabriel’s blue eyes twinkled with mischief. “I don’t hold your attention? I’ve been supplanted in your affections by Bennett?”
“Mr. Morgan!” Tilly hissed as she noticed Mrs. Clark’s eyebrows rise. “Mr. Morgan grew up next to my father’s estate so we once knew each other when we were children. Before boarding school for me and university for him,” she explained.
“Ah, but one never forgets one’s best friend, do they? Even after years have passed.” Gabriel winked at her.
“I should be going now. Thank you for allowing me to visit unannounced.” Tilly handed the baby to Mrs. Clark and rose to her feet, grabbing her shawl.
“Thank you for the beautiful blanket for Bennett. With such loving gifts, he’ll hopefully never sense how cast upon the world he was.”
You mean abandoned. Tilly nodded and wrapped her shawl around herself.
Gabriel rose as well and grabbed his hat. “Since the children are asleep we’ll depart so you can rest. I shall see Miss Wilcox home.”
Mrs. Clark beamed at them and let out a little sigh.
Lovely! Now the gossip mongers would swirl rumors of her and the clergyman stepping out together. “I can see myself home, Mr. Morgan. You needn’t trouble yourself over me.”
“A gentleman can do no less for a lady.” Turning he gave a nod to Mrs. Clark. “Good day, ma’am.”
She waved to them as they stepped out into the crisp December day. The wind whipped Tilly’s skirts around her ankles sending a shiver up her spine.
“Are you cold or was that because you dislike being near an old friend?”
“It’s nippy out.”
He nodded. “If you’re sure”
“You set the rooster amongst the henhouse by intimating a relationship between us.”
A slight grin accompanied a raised eyebrow. “Did I? How careless of me.”
Gabriel fought the larger grin threatening to emerge. Did she really mind his insinuation? It was difficult to tell if she was blushing given the cold temperature, but the way she averted her gaze led him to suspect she wasn’t as opposed to his words as she might have indicated. There was still a bit of the childhood scamp in him, but perhaps the reminder of how well they got along in days past would open the door for Tilly to consider him as a suitor. Perhaps then the other young ladies in the parish would cease pursuing him. Her scold delighted him. It was the first bit of spirit he’d seen in her. The childhood playmate he remembered had not been so serious.
“You comprehend what you did. What game are you playing at Gabriel?” She stopped and her gaze met and held his.
“It isn’t a game, Mattie. Remember when we were children? I promised you then that someday I would marry you.”
She turned away and hurried past him. The wind whipped her dress so he caught a glimpse of her ankles. He rushed to catch up and then grabbed her arm. “Mattie. You were my best friend. Convention dictated that we could not correspond unless engaged, so I know naught of what has happened to you. That does not mean I forgot you or the rapport we once shared. I’ve prayed for you and wondered.”
She stopped for a moment glancing down at his arm. He let go. She swallowed hard. “Surely you’ve been informed by your family or someone here about what happened. Childhood promises are not something one holds on to.”
“I do.”
“You sought this parish on purpose.”
Gabriel lifted his hand and turned her face to his as a tear escaped make its descent down her cheek. “Aw, Mattie. I’ve only ever loved you. I’m sorry about what happened to your father, but it has nothing to do with my affection for you.”
She sniffed and began walking again. “Does my grandfather know of our connection?” He fell into step beside her.
“Yes. I spoke to him extensively after we found a home for baby Bennett.”
“Gabriel, you are incorrigible. What is it you want from me?”
“I wish to court you.”
“I’m past the marriageable age. Firmly on the shelf. A spinster. Not to mention the daughter of a damned man.”
“Maybe that’s the way others see you, and all the better for me that they do. My deepest fear was that someone would discover the treasure you are and snatch you before I could claim you.”
“Claim me? Am I now some prize?” She stalked off.
“You are precious to me.” He matched her brisk pace.
“Foolish talk.”
“How could I convince you that I’m sincere?” They were at the house now, and she turned toward him.
“I don’t know that you can, Gabriel.”
With that parting salvo, she walked up the steps. The door opened, admitting her, and she disappeared from sight.
Gabriel sighed as he turned to walk back to his home. He wasn’t quite sure how to break down the walls Mattie had erected around her heart, but he knew the One who did.
Gabriel studied Scripture to prepare for Sunday. God’s Word held power. God, I cannot manipulate You to do as I desire, but I pray You would give me the desires that are in accord with Your will. If my desire to wed Mattie is wrong, please take it from me and school my heart to consider her only as a friend. I want the wife You believe would be best for me. But could it please be her?
Was it wrong that he prayed for the words he spoke on Sunday not only to draw Matilda to the Lord but also to pave the way for her heart to warm to his?
An invitation arrived on Thursday for Gabriel to join Lord Hennison and his family for dinner. Gabriel admired the man and his quiet, dignified faith…and he’d see Mattie again.
With happy anticipation, he strode up the walk to the house. Would Tilly be cool and aloof as she was at first, or would he witness more maidenly blushes. He suspected she was not as unaffected by his presence as she pretended.
The butler opened the door, and after taking his coat and hat, he motioned Gabriel to
the drawing room. “Mr. Morgan,” the man intoned.
Gabriel strode forward. “Lord Hennison. Thank you for your kind invitation.”
The older man held up a small glass. “Some brandy to warm you after your walk?”
“It would not go amiss. Thank you.”
Lord Hennison poured a glass and brought it to him. “The ladies always go for tea to get warm, but this works fine for me. My granddaughter, however, frowns on it.”
Gabriel took a sip and savored the rich flavor. “Why?”
“Because her father used to numb his pain after his injury, with copious amounts of alcohol. And now his widow, my daughter, hides in her room.”
“Will Mrs. Wilcox be joining us this evening?”
“It is rare for her to leave her rooms. If she does come down it will be a surprise to us all.”
Gabriel took another sip and considered the amber liquid in the glass. Would this be another barrier to his courtship of Mattie? Would she shut him down for a small glass of brandy or for Port after dinner? He never used in excess and didn’t relish losing control, so other than an occasional social event, he didn’t imbibe. Alcohol was a luxury he chose to defer.
The door opened and in swept Matilda. His heart swelled at the sight of her. Demure in her attire, she wore a deep plum gown with a lighter colored shawl. That silly cap still rested on her head. As if she could hide her beauty from him—or anyone. Color rose in her cheeks and she bit her lower lip when she spied the glass in his hands.
“Come near, my dear,” her grandfather summoned.
Mattie obeyed. “Good eve, Mr. Morgan.”
Gabriel tipped his head. “You look lovely tonight, Miss Wilcox. In the church, purple is often a color associated with the season of advent. It is a color that becomes you, but I am terribly sorry for the loss that gives you reason to wear it.”
“Thank you.” She turned to her grandfather. “Mother will not join us this evening. Her megrim is much worse. She declares a storm is on the horizon.”
Lord Hennison frowned. “I cannot say I’m surprised. Our numbers will be uneven but we shall have an enjoyable meal, regardless.”
The butler came to announce dinner was ready. Lord Hennison nodded to Gabriel, gave a quick flash of his eyes to Matilda, and turned to leave the room. Gabriel walked up to Miss Wilcox and offered her his arm. She placed her hand on it and side by side they followed her grandfather into the dining room.
Gabriel helped Matilda into her chair on Lord Hennison’s right and then walked around to sit on their host’s left.
As the meal began, more general topics were discussed, but then Lord Hennison took a more personal bent. “Will you be able to visit your family during the Christmas season?”
Gabriel frowned and took a sip of water. “They are aware that my new duties will keep me from them over the holidays.”
“But it’s Christmas,” Mattie protested. “Surely you could find time to go visit.”
Picking up his fork again he stabbed a piece of roasted rabbit, and then stopped to consider the outburst from the woman sitting across from him. “Christmas is a time for family, true, but my calling is here. This parish is my responsibility. The holidays, while joyous, can also be one of the most heartbreaking times of the year for many. Should I abandon those who are suffering so I may enjoy comfort?”
Mattie’s gaze fell to her plate, and she sighed. “I’m not sure how festive this holiday will be here.”
Grandfather’s face paled and his hand shook causing his fork to drop onto the plate.
“No offense, Grandfather. Pray forgive me. We weren’t able to come last year and then when Father… You’ve tried your best. Mr. Morgan is correct that this season can be difficult for many.”
Lord Hennison cleared his throat. “You are forgiven, Tilly. This last year has been especially difficult for you. We all have choices to make. While I don’t deny that grief and melancholy can make those more difficult, we can fight for joy in the midst of that if we choose.
“It wasn’t an easy time for Joseph and Mary either. They had to leave family take a long journey, most likely on foot, to Bethlehem. Mary was due to give birth, but she did not have the luxury of her mother by her side and then not even a comfortable bed with which to labor. I can imagine Joseph struggling to feel adequate in the face of all that, knowing the child to be born was the Savior of the world.
“He made a choice to wed the virgin mother. He didn’t have to.” Lord Hennison picked up his fork.
“Now you come to the crux of the matter, my lord,” Gabriel answered. “Joseph loved Mary. It had to be humiliating socially for him to wed her when she was already with child, and it wasn’t his. Even with an angel appearing, I wonder if he had doubts—about Mary, the babe, and even his own sanity—yet he acted in obedience to God and in defiance of the law that dictated her death. He stood in as a foster father to the Messiah. I can’t imagine how confusing that would have been. He was a carpenter. A hardworking, devout, Jewish man. His life took an uncomfortable turn, yet he embraced it and did what God asked of him.”
Lord Hennison nodded. “How much more do we need to seek and heed God’s call, even when it is not comfortable.”
“Surely, God did not want to be born amongst farm animals!” Matilda protested.
“How can we say otherwise when that is exactly what happened? He created them before He created man. An infant cares not where he is as long as he is cared for and loved. Jesus was fully human as well as divine. His most basic needs were met.” Gabriel gazed at the young woman across from him.
“Sometimes, basic needs being met is not enough.”
Gabriel grinned. “True. Because we are not just mortal men, but also created for a relationship with the One True God. When we find our peace with Him, even though life be hard, it also contains joy. The angels sang “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”
“Good will toward men? So how can such a glorious God leave a baby stranded in a church, my mother insensible with grief for months on end in her bed and me—”
“What about you, Miss Wilcox?” Gabriel inquired.
Lord Hennison’s eyelids drooped as he grabbed his wine goblet. His granddaughter’s complaint turned his face gaunt with grief.
Tilly set down her fork. “I apologize, Grandfather. You have been gracious in providing a home for Mother and me. You provide generously for an orphaned child when you have no heir of your own. You are a man to be admired and emulated.”
The older man nodded. “What you lack, dear Matilda, is not something I can give you. The peace Gabriel speaks of is given only by God.”
Silence settled over the table. Gabriel’s heart ached for Tilly’s pain. The unrelenting shame of her father’s suicide combined with grief over losing him to death and her mother to mourning. Then to believe that she herself was beyond being desired and loved? She saw only a lonely future stretched before her when Gabriel longed for so much more for her.
He glimpsed the hopelessness within her as her gaze sought his. Where were his wonderful words of exhortation now? Where was the confident clergyman in this moment?
Instead it was the heart of a friend who ached with the pain that shrouded this home.
The meal ended in uncomfortable silence.
“I’ll leave you men to your port.”
Lord Hennison rose as did Gabriel when she stood.
“My dear, we will forgo that tradition to join you in the drawing room.”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Grandfather, Mr. Morgan. I believe I shall retire for the night. Forgive me for ruining the evening.” She exited the room and the men sat.
Lord Hennison sighed deeply as he motioned for a footman to fill his glass. Gabriel waved off the man, forgoing the wine. The comfort he longed for was not to be found in a beverage.
“I apologize for my granddaughter’s outburst. It is quite unlike her.” The older man studied Gabriel who met his gaze without flinc
hing.
“Now you understand what I’m dealing with here. Are you still desirous of courting Matilda?”
Gabriel nodded. “Your granddaughter and I were childhood friends. Finding her living here was a surprise blessing, a hope I’d long coveted and given up on. I have always loved her, my lord. I have prayed and am continuing to seek God. I long to court her. She needs to find the peace she once knew with Him before she could ever accept my love as true.”
“You are wise beyond your years, Mr. Morgan. I will pray that your suit will prosper in time. It is after all, Advent. Perhaps the Holy Spirit will open her eyes to embrace that gift God has given.”
“And I am tasked with presenting that to her and your congregation in the weeks and months ahead. I pray God will speak His truth through me. There is naught I can do myself but study and seek Him first.”
“There is a wonder and miracle in the birth of a child. She told me she visited Bennett this week and that you came too.”
“I’ve seen the little one several times. He prospers under the Clark’s care.”
“He would do better with a mother and father of his own. That is something I cannot provide.”
“You have done more than many would have.”
“God has His plans. I wish He’d keep me informed as to what they are.”
Gabriel grinned. “Ah, but then what need would there be for faith?”
4
Tilly hoped Gabriel would stop in the church. When she finished decorating the altar with fresh flowers, she sat in the pew near where Bennett was found. It seemed as though her life and heart had been tossed asunder of late. Her childhood friend was so close, challenging her. And then there was the baby. Her heart ached for little Bennett. When she’d visited a day ago, she longed for Gabriel to be with her gazing down and the beauty of the little boy. What would it be like to experience that with a husband? The joy of new life. A family of her own. And why could she only imagine that with Gabriel?
Stop it.
Futile thoughts would not bring her the peace she sought. Tired of waiting for him to show up, she left the building. She glanced over to his home and spied a young woman, Miss Deveroux, leaving. A newer family to the neighborhood, they were landed gentry, but held themselves with has much dignity as any lord or lady would. Matilda hadn’t spoken much with the oldest daughter of the family, but seeing her leave the vicarage without a chaperone, stirred emotions in her of which she was unfamiliar.
Gabriel's Gift Page 3