by Sandra Marie
“Is there any benefit to getting two shares within the same city?” Dan asked, flipping through the glossy folder. Cassidy held in a sigh and glanced at the lucky couple who were leaving fifty dollars richer.
And then there were two…
“In high traffic cities, such as here in Seattle, there are definitely benefits,” Gregory said with a cheery lilt. “You could buy a few for yourself, your family, your friends… You can join the timeshare family and rent some out, get your friends in on it, make a few hundred bucks…”
This was the apocalypse. She was going to die. The end of the world was upon her, and she was ready if it would get her out of this fresh hell.
She tuned out of the obvious pyramid scheme pitch and stretched, peering at Dan’s annoyingly covered shoulder blade. If only she could get his shirt off without implying she wanted to see the rest of him. If he was her Westley, he’d definitely played his best hand already. She was ready to rule Dan out as a candidate for best kiss ever or find relief in knowing she couldn’t have been that wrong about the guy she hadn’t stopped thinking about since the party.
Maybe she could spill something on him. The water they’d offered an hour and a half ago was long gone, as were the orange, yellow, and white candy corn shaped cookies Greg had put in the center of the round table before he delivered the “fantastic opportunity!” She probably never would’ve sat down if she hadn’t been lured in with sweets. Damn those baked goods. She knew one day they’d be the end of her.
She looked around, searching for anything gooey or watery that she could “accidentally” ruin his shirt with. He was still in his uniform… Would it be a felony to blow a really nasty sneeze on it?
“Well, Greg,” Dan said, shaking Cassidy out of her ridiculous line of thought. He slapped his hand in Greg’s, and they shook. “I think you’ve got me convinced. Cassidy?”
“Eh?”
“You in, too?” Dan gestured with his head, green eyes wide and encouraging her to not embarrass him in front of his new buddy and business partner. Embarrass him? It was a miracle she hadn’t left him for that plate of cookies on the table behind them.
Cassidy threw her hands up. “Sorry. Not old enough.”
Dan furrowed his brow and let out an awkward laugh. “You’re over eighteen. Right?”
“Oh, I meant I’m not old enough to make adult decisions like this. Feels like an over-forty kind of thing.” She was being rude, and she didn’t care. He’d forced her to sit through twenty minutes of great locations in Idaho.
Greg kept smiling and nodding, like he was used to the standard “No thanks, give me my money” answer. He’d already hooked a sucker; he didn’t need her.
“Let’s get you going, then,” he said, rising to his feet. The heavens opened, and angels sang; doves descended upon them as Cassidy grabbed three more cookies from another table, took the entire fifty dollars, and finally exited the building, vowing never ever to return.
“I really think you’re missing out,” Dan said, tucking his folder into his armpit as they strolled back toward the office. “Least you know who to hit up if you change your mind.”
“Right-O,” she said, swinging her forefinger through the air. “If I ever get the desire to travel to Wyoming and see Old Faithful, I’ll be begging to stay at your condo.”
“Actually, they didn’t have any condos in Wyo—”
“Do you have any tattoos?” she blurted. Not another word about timeshares, or she really would die on the spot.
Dan jerked back with a laugh, but quickly caught onto the topic. “Uh… yeah…”
Did he say it like that because she should know that already or because he was thrown off by her abrupt change of subject?
“Can I see it?” She tried to be flirty—the whole batty eyes and shrug of shoulders into his side, but an eyelash must’ve gotten caught in the process, and she ended up blinking wildly until it broke free.
Dan grinned, and it looked so much like Westley, and if she was honest, her heart broke a little. This had been the worst date in history, and if she’d been on it with the guy she thought could very well be her soulmate, she’d be more unlucky than she thought.
“Sure,” he said, stopping in the middle of the walk. He faced her, pulling on the button near his wrist and then rolling his sleeve to his elbow. Along his very toned arm were two dice, a hard eight showing.
“Got this one few years back after that roll won me five thousand bucks.”
“Cool,” she said. Hey, if a doctor used that word, that had to mean it was back in everyday lingo. “Um… any others?”
He let out another laugh she couldn’t interpret and pulled his sleeve back down. “Nope. After the pain of this one, I haven’t gotten the courage to get back in the seat.”
Her shoulders sagged with relief, the fresh air around them suddenly fresher. She let out the biggest happy sigh she was sure garnered a look of concern over her sanity from the lady they were passing. Not to mention Dan, who was now so utterly confused to her actions that a wrinkle appeared above his nose the entire walk back to the office.
“Thanks for going with me,” he said as she quickly unlocked her car and hopped in.
“Thanks for the fifty bucks. I’ll see ya tomorrow!” She shut the car door before he had a chance to kiss her or anything. Her hand went up in a bizarre wave as she peeled out of there, ready to go home, text Shellie, and spill with much relief that Dan was not Mr. Princess Bride.
So looks weren’t going to cut it in her quest to find him. And she was more determined now than ever to find him, date him, marry him, and carry his babies. Geez, if the world was filled with Dans, Westley was that diamond in the rough. She was not going to screw this up.
If she couldn’t rely on what he looked like—and she had to face it, she was blind half the night and buzzed drunk the other—then she would have to go by personality. Chemistry. That awkward and amazing click they’d shared.
And the tattoo would be the signal that she’d found him.
It was like Cinderella—if Cinderella was a guy with a Flounder tattoo, and the prince was a blind princess bride with fake boobs.
She ran a hand down her chest and frowned. What if Westley did come to talk with her, but took one look and bolted? She was no Robin Wright; she was a flat-chested, chicken legged, bespectacled nerd. And not the hot kind that graced the silver screens where all she had to do was take off her glasses and put on a skimpy dress and BAM, she was a super model. Nope, Cassidy took her glasses off and ran into things.
Ugh, why did she always do that? Self-loathing found its sneaky way into her thoughts more often than she cared to admit. She pounded the steering wheel. “No! Don’t you do that, Cassidy. Westley was totally into you. He plucked contacts out of your eyeballs for pete’s sake.”
She turned into her loft’s parking garage and had her phone in her hand as soon as she’d stepped out of the car. Her fingers flew across the screen, spilling every detail of the most boring night ever and sending it off to Shellie.
She was neck-deep into a one-sided conversation when she got to her door. She slipped the key in smoothly, and her heart jumped right out of her chest. Was her door already unlocked?
Her breathing stuttered, and she took a step back, contemplating whether or not to go inside. She never left the door unlocked; it was an insane habit of hers to lock everything and check it twice. She quickly pulled her mom’s name up in her phone and dialed.
She never made phone calls, but this was an emergency. There could be some pervert in there going through all her panties. Or deviant kids spray painting genitalia on her cardboard standouts. Oh, Loki! And he was still so brand new.
“Come on, pick up pick up,” she whispered, backing away from her door. What did she have on her she could use as a weapon? Her shoe? Oh, who was she kidding? They were the floppiest ballet flats known to man.
She hung up and tried her dad. He was never her first choice, but no matter how crappy he was to
Mom, he was always there for his kids.
“Seriously?” she growled, hitting the stairwell. “Does nobody answer their phone anymore?”
Her shaking fingers fumbled over her brother’s names and their wives, Shellie who was conveniently silent, and scrolled down to Steven… her one and only ex.
It wasn’t like they were on bad terms or anything, but he was rarely in town, and when he was, they only got together every so often to catch up and then went their separate ways. He wasn’t the person she called to bail her out of situations such as this, and she didn’t want to fall into the rabbit hole that was her high school sweetheart.
She nibbled her lip, closed her eyes, and took the plunge. The line rang only twice before he picked up.
“Cass?” His voice was as comforting as smooth caramel. “So funny… I was just thinking about you.”
“Hey, Steven.” She let out a breathy laugh, now standing on the outside of her building. “Little problem…”
“What’s up?”
“My door was unlocked when I got home, and I can’t get a hold of my brothers or parents or Shellie, and I can’t just go in there—”
“Say no more.” Keys jangled on his side. “You’re lucky I was heading out.”
“Thank you.” She rattled off her address since it’d been a while, and then sat on the curb, played with her shoe, and daydreamed about Westley. It kept her mind happily occupied until Steven showed up in his perfect, handsome glory to rescue her.
“Hey,” he said, wrapping her up in a hug. Gosh, why did he have to smell good? She probably smelled like work sweat and cookies. Like a normal person on a Monday. “You all right?”
“Other than worrying over my place being robbed? Eh… I’m okay.”
He grinned, hints of dimples appearing in his cheeks. The guy looked like he should be posing with puppies on calendars. He swung his arm over her shoulder and led her back inside, not afraid at all. Stupid brave ex-boyfriend.
She stood back while he pushed open the door, a loud creeeeeaaaaak echoing up and down the hallway. Yeah, the place was old and kinda gross and scary, but it was in her budget. It also had come with a demon rabbit she was utterly terrified of, so the thing sat in the corner of her loft with its beady red eyes, and she’d toss food at it and then pay the neighbor kid to change out the poop. He’d promised one day he’d talk his mom into letting him have the demon bunny if Cassidy promised not to get rid of him. She was a sucker for chubby kids with big brown eyes and a sweet spirit, so she’d relented.
She crept inside behind Steven, ignoring how he was all muscular and toned and stupid pretty. Demon Bugs shuffled in the corner, watching their every movement.
Her hand snatched onto Steven’s forearm. “Steven,” she whispered. “I did not leave that there.” She nodded to the laundry basket on its side, her delicates strewn across the couch. Her grip turned sweaty and panicked, her heart already out the door and on the street calling the cops.
“Shh,” he said, tilting his head. Through the pounding in her ears, she finally picked up on what he was listening to. Drums? Oh gosh, she’d stepped into a Jumanji film.
Steven grabbed the broom she’d tucked between her fridge and the wall and headed back to her room. Only Steven could pull off intimidation with a plastic broom she’d gotten at the dollar store.
He gestured for her to go to the other side of the door, and she scurried past it, too scared to question why he was handing her the dustpan attachment.
It wasn’t drums. It sounded like… oh dear lord… It sounded like sex. Some creepers broke into her house to have sex! On her bed. She gagged, forcing herself to keep it together.
Oh the sweat… the unknown human juices. She gagged again and made plans to buy a new mattress with the little money she had in savings.
Steven pounded a fist on the door, making Cassidy leap from her skin.
“Hey!” he said, his deep, booming voice enough to stop the sex sounds in their tracks. “Put your clothes on and get out of here before we call the cops.”
Cassidy started flailing wildly, hissing under her breath. “What are you doing? They could have a gun!”
“In their butt?” Steven joked. This was not a time for jokes!
Shuffling and scurrying around muffled through the door. Maybe this was the end. This was how she died. Earlier was just preparing her for hell. Had she really been that bad of a person?
Hushed whispered arguments floated around, and both Cassidy and Steven shared a confused look and leaned in closer to hear.
“She won’t be upset. She’s seen it before.”
“Not in her house, William…”
Bile ran straight up her throat, her face going cold. “Oh dear, holy mother of Thor…”
Steven and her shot back, her bedroom door swinging open, and Cassidy stared into the guilty faces of her divorced parents.
“Why are you two still sleeping together?” Cassidy shouted the injustice to the ceiling, her parents sitting on her couch with their clothes hanging off them, buttons all in the wrong place. How in the world did she come from these two people?
Steven poked his head out from the hallway, his hands full of Cassidy’s bed sheets. Of course he had to be the nice guy and think of getting those out of here without her touching them. “Washer or trash?” he asked, knowing it was a serious question for her.
“Oh Cass, don’t throw them out,” her mom said. “Sheets aren’t cheap.”
“Which is why you should buy me new ones.” She held back another round of gags as she thought about her parents’ naked butts on her pretty Hufflepuff bedspread. Those poor badgers and what they’d just been through.
“What? We bought you every set of bed sheets since you were—”
Cassidy’s dad put his hand on Mom’s knee and looked at Cassidy. “I’ll go out and get you some right now.”
“Don’t you think you’re getting out of this,” she said, crossing her arms. “You guys have to stop… whatever this is.” She waved her hand between them, disgust curling her lip. Her parents were notorious for hating each other so much they cheated all the time, but loving each other too much to stay away. It was the most dysfunctional thing Cassidy had ever seen and partly why she’d been so awkward in the dating game. She had no idea how to treat someone she was interested in.
“Cass, we’re not doing anything either of us have a problem with,” her mom said. Cassidy tossed her hands into the air and flopped into the loveseat, kicking her legs up and resting her chin on her knees. Unbelievable.
Steven’s heavy feet announced his entrance into the living room, a cautious look in his eyes and a stuffed garbage bag swinging next to his right leg.
“I’ll head out and get you some new sheets,” he offered—always the knight on a white horse kind of guy, even if he did break her heart. “Do you have a full or a queen?”
“Queen,” Cassidy, her mom, and her dad all said in unison. Cassidy swallowed back that plate of cookies that was bound to make another appearance if her parents didn’t get their pervy butts out of her place in the next minute.
Her dad must’ve caught onto how much he wasn’t wanted and grabbed at his coat next to the laundry basket they’d tipped over. “Hold up, Steve. I’ll go with you.” A pair of Cassidy’s Rogue underwear clung tight to the hood of his jacket, and she wasn’t going to say anything. He could walk around like that as penance for his behavior.
“Replace my Harry Potter sheets with something equally as awesome!” she called after them. As soon as the door shut, she shivered out her heebies, banishing every thought of her parents’ naked body parts doing unspeakable things right next to her brand-new Loki stand-up. The poor guy; he hadn’t even seen Cassidy naked yet.
“You don’t have to do that in front of me, you know,” her mom said, leaning back into the cushions and fixing the buttons on her shirt. “I am a woman with desires, just like you.”
“Ew, Mom. It’s not that.” She ran a frustrated hand across
her forehead. “It’s with Dad. In my bed.”
“Like you and Steven never did it in our be—”
“What are you doing here, anyway?” she said, cutting her mother off before they got into the lackluster details of Cassidy’s own sex life. And, for the record, she had never done anything in her parents’ bed. Gag.
Her mom waved her hand toward the kitchen. “I had that ten key you said you needed. I used the spare key.”
“Which I’m taking back.”
“After a couple of hours, I got bored waiting for you. Your father called, said he was in the area. We had some wine, reminisced…”
“I know how the story ends.” Cassidy pulled at her sweater sleeves, ready to bury herself inside the loose fabric. If she had sheets on her bed, she’d be in there right now, trying to sleep this day away.
“Where were you?” her mom asked, kicking her bare feet up on the coffee table and making Cassidy’s OCD go into hyperdrive. “Working late? Did you get dinner?”
“Yes and yes,” she grumbled into her knees. Unfortunately work and dinner had been the best parts of her day so far. Her eyes fell to her toes, and she ran her thumb over the smooth black and orange polish she’d used to be festive.
“You work too much,” her mom said, resting her head on her hand, her blonde hair a fluffy mess. For someone who’d just been caught red-handed with a booty call, she didn’t look the least bit embarrassed.
“You don’t work enough.”
Her mom laughed and nudged her. “Feel like getting out this weekend? We can hit the clubs.”
“Don’t say ‘hit the clubs.’”
“I’m on this new site, Hook Me Up.”
“Been around for a while, Mom.”
“You will not believe the guys on here, Cass,” she said, whipping her phone out and spinning it around to show off pictures. “You should get a profile going.”
Cassidy mad-dashed for her phone on the coffee table and stuffed it into her bra. “Please… for the love of all that is holy, please tell me you are not giving me relationship advice.”