Rachel got up to face her. She wondered why she continued trying to explain her actions to her mother.
“Are you ever coming back?” Leah demanded.
“Yes. At least, I’m planning to come back.”
Shock appeared on her mother’s face. “You’re planning to? That is the best you can say? You are talking about throwing away your life.”
“No. I don’t mean it that way. I just don’t know when exactly.”
“And the farm? Who will do your work here?”
“Ellie offered to do my share. I realize she can’t really do all of it, but she’ll do whatever she can. And I can make my quilts in New York, and get them back here for you to sell.”
Leah shook her head, as if in disgust at the inadequacy of this explanation.
“You can teach her to bake pies and bread, I’m sure. To do the canning, too. Many things.”
“You will not be here to see whether I can teach her or not. You will not care.”
“That’s not true!” Rachel couldn’t control herself any longer. “You’ll be very happy with Ellie. Happier than you ever were with me!”
Leah looked as if she had been slapped. She turned and walked away. Of course the trip was a bad idea, Rachel thought; her mother had never considered Rachel’s ideas to be worth considering. Even in something as important as this, Leah felt that her daughter, a thirty-year-old mother herself, had no opinion worth considering.
Rachel went to find her father. No matter what her mother might think, in the end, Leah would go along with whatever Isaac King decided. It was the one way to silence her mother on the subject, and Rachel pushed aside the guilty thought that it was wrong of her to use it. Still, her father had to be told she was leaving. And after that conversation with her mother, Rachel decided she would be leaving soon.
She found him, in the process of looking over the calves. She came up beside him, absentmindedly reaching out to straighten one of the food buckets secured to the outside of the stall as she greeted him.
“You’re happy that Ellie is moving here, aren’t you?”
Isaac knelt down to take a closer look at the bottom of the half-door. “It’s what she wants to do. Work here and be with us.” He looked up at her and smiled. “More family is good, even if you just discovered them, yes?”
“Even if she’s not Amish?”
“She is my child. As you are. I can’t say what will happen beyond that.”
“So you think it’s good that she comes here for a longer time.”
“Yes.” He pressed on what seemed to be a weak spot in the wood.
She took a deep breath. “So you would understand if I wanted to go be with the Lawrences for a longer time. If Katie and I went to stay with them for a few months?”
Her father took his time standing up, then reached for a rag slung over the stall door and wiped his hands on it. “Is that what you’re thinking of doing?”
“Yes.”
He waited what seemed to Rachel like an agonizing amount of time before saying more.
“I understand why Ellie would want to get away from the world she lives in, but why would you leave here? What is out there for you?”
“There’s nothing out there that I want. But these people—I need to know them better than I do. It hasn’t been enough, just the few days. Katie and I both need to spend time there. Our lives here are what’s important, but I don’t think I can go on as if nothing happened. It feels like I lost who I am.”
Her father’s eyes darkened. “You know who you are!”
“No, it doesn’t seem that way. My life doesn’t feel real anymore.”
“You mustn’t say such a thing.”
She was about to answer, but stopped herself. It wouldn’t serve any purpose anyway.
“I want to take Katie and stay in Ellie’s apartment in New York. I won’t disappear.”
“Live in New York City alone? You must not!”
“That’s just it!” She was losing her composure again. “I must! Nothing makes any sense because I don’t know what’s real for me. I have no choice. I have to find the connections between me and these people so I can find my place in the world.”
Her father stared at her. “You would leave our people?”
“I didn’t say that!” Tears stung her eyes. “You always understood me so well. Can’t you understand that I have to go!”
Her father gazed out over the fields of corn, apparently mulling things over. At last, without looking at her, he nodded. Then he knelt down once more and turned his attention back to the stall door.
She walked away, wondering what new trouble she had just brought to her family. What had seemed a shocking suggestion when Ellie brought it up in the restaurant had come to seem inevitable. Normal life would be suspended. She had to walk through the door and experience that other life, the one that might have been her life. Of course, this would cause terrible pain for her father, and it broke her heart to hurt him. But she couldn’t be dissuaded now that she had made up her mind. She would follow this road to its end. She prayed she would find some answers there.
As she came back toward the house, she saw her grandmother sitting in a rocking chair on the porch outside her own front door. Hannah King had a bowl of strawberries in her lap, and was in the process of hulling them, her gnarled hands working slowly but steadily with a small knife to cut off the green stems. Rachel went over and sat on the step, near her grandmother’s feet.
“A special visit?” Hannah smiled. “You have time?”
“No, but let’s have a special visit anyway.”
They sat quietly for a while.
“Grandma, did you ever have doubts about anything in your life?”
“Of course. But what do you mean ‘about anything’?”
“Well … like being baptized, let’s say.”
Hannah gave Rachel a sharp look. “Baptized to become Amish? No, never. Why?”
Rachel regretted bringing up the subject. “No reason.”
Her grandmother’s tone softened. “Those doubts should be addressed before you are baptized. I never had a single doubt, though. Your grandfather didn’t, either. We didn’t need time to think about it. We got baptized and married as soon as we could. I have had many blessings, and I did the best I could to be worthy of them.”
“I’m sure you always were worthy.”
“No. I have many faults. We can only try to live a good life.”
“What would you say if I told you I was going to New York with Katie to stay for a few months? Live near the Lawrences in my own apartment?”
Hannah paused in her task. “I’d ask why you would want to do such a thing.”
“To get to know my other family.”
Her grandmother was quiet, and went back to concentrating on the strawberries. At last, she spoke. “Did you ask your father about doing this?”
Rachel nodded. “He understands. Or, at least, enough.”
“Then you have the answer you need, if that is what you want to do, and he said it is all right with him.”
It occurred to Rachel that, as usual, her grandmother was wise. She had immediately grasped that if Rachel had gone so far as to ask her father’s permission, then she had already made up her mind to do it. There was no point in adding opinions that might complicate matters further.
She got up to go. “I’m baking blueberry pies later. I’ll bring you one.”
“Good.” Hannah smiled at her. “And, Rachel?”
“Yes?”
“You have a good heart. It knows what to do and what is right.”
Rachel wished she could believe it.
Chapter 24
Holding a bag of groceries with one arm, Ellie let herself in the side door, which led directly into the kitchen. There was a wooden table with turned legs and a painted white top to her right, and she dropped the keys there, setting down the heavy bag beside them. She used a chair to prop open the screen door, then went back and forth from th
e car, carrying in suitcases and boxes. The house came fully furnished down to the dishes and linens, so everything she needed went into the back of her rented SUV.
At last, she finished emptying the car and went inside for the last time, hot and exhausted. As soon as possible, she reminded herself, she had to see about buying a used car. Her decision to rent this particular house was based primarily on its proximity to the King farm, and, fortunately, the charm that had come across online actually did exist. The place was cheerful with good light, and cozy as well, exactly what she wanted. The two bedrooms weren’t big, but she would use one for sleeping, and swap the bed for a desk to have a small office in the other. Her plan was to use her computer only to the extent necessary to find work when the time came. She wasn’t giving up her electronics altogether, but she was going to cut back to the bare minimum. Her cell phone was going into the desk drawer. The house had a landline, and she had given the number to members of her family, plus her building superintendent in case of an emergency. She also left it for Rachel, who was due to arrive with Katie at Ellie’s apartment today. Anyone who wanted to find Ellie would have to use this phone number; she wouldn’t be carrying a phone around anymore. Not such radical steps, she thought, but radical for her. She was thrilled by the prospect.
The whole house appeared clean, but she felt the need to give it an extra going-over. She filled a spray bottle with a mixture of vinegar and water, part of another resolution she had made to abandon chemicals wherever she could; it seemed to fit with the new life she was making.
She was grateful to have a supper invitation from the Kings for tonight. It would be nice to eat with everyone on her first official night in Pennsylvania. She gave a wondering shake of her head. Who would have envisioned this—Ellie Lawrence in a little house in the country? Truly, anything was possible.
By the time she arrived at the King house for supper, she was glad to have a respite from unpacking. She parked her car, recalling how conspicuous she had felt on her initial visits here, driving up to the house when there were only buggies to be seen. By now, though, she understood that the Amish had nothing against cars; they just didn’t want to own them. Owning them increased the likelihood that travel away from home would become more common, and the ability easily to travel great distances would change the nature of their communities. She was glad to think that she might make their lives easier if she could give them a lift here and there if they wanted one.
Inside the house, the adults greeted her with hugs and handshakes, and warm words of welcome.
As they ate, Ellie wondered how Rachel and Katie were faring in her apartment on their first day. When she said as much to Leah and Isaac, they gave her tight smiles and changed the subject. Uh-oh, she thought, apparently not everyone here is excited about this arrangement.
After the main meal, Moses got his binoculars and took the children outside for some bird-watching. The remaining adults sat at the table with coffee and apple pie.
“This is absolutely delicious,” Ellie said, enjoying the last bite of her slice. It wasn’t too long ago, she couldn’t help thinking, that she wouldn’t have eaten an entire piece of pie if her life depended on it.
“It’s from a batch Rachel baked yesterday,” Sarah said. “We took the rest to be sold.”
Although it was barely perceptible, Ellie saw Leah stiffen at the mention of Rachel.
“You know,” Ellie said, changing the focus of their talk, “I wonder if you could teach me how to bake a pie … a really good pie, like the ones you make.”
“It is not so hard to bake a pie,” Hannah said.
“I’ve had a lot of bad pie in my life, so it can’t be that easy.” Ellie smiled.
“Later this week I will bake,” Leah said. “You can watch.”
“Thank you.”
“Tomorrow morning, it is back to the cows for you?” asked Amos.
“Of course. I have to admit, I’ve really come to like the milking.”
Daniel stirred sugar into his coffee. “You’ll stay here all day?”
“As long as you want me and will put me to work.”
Ellie didn’t mention that, at some point, she needed to find a paying job as well. She had her savings, but eventually that would run out. While she intended to spend most of her time working on the farm, she would have to figure out an arrangement where she produced some income for herself. So far, she hadn’t come up with any ideas, but she wouldn’t worry about it now. She would think of something.
For now, she had accomplished her goal. She was living here, right near the Kings, settled into her own place and, tonight, surrounded by this family, which was, mysteriously, her family. She couldn’t believe she had made it happen.
As she sat there, the enormity of what she had done began to sink in. She was smiling as she listened to Daniel tell a story about something that had taken place on his construction job that day. Suddenly, she no longer heard his words, and the smile froze on her face. She realized that she had left everything and everyone familiar to her, in order to sit in this farmhouse with no idea what the future held.
Seeing the women get up to clear the dessert dishes snapped her back to the present. Grateful to have something to do, she joined them. For the first time, she felt as if she belonged. As if she was contributing. It would be all right.
Later, back at her house, she found a set of pale yellow sheets and a lightweight blanket in the small linen closet. She made up the bed, regretting she hadn’t done it before supper, certain she would be asleep within seconds of crawling in.
It was almost nine-thirty. She set her alarm to go off in the morning at four-thirty. The drive to the farm was only a few minutes, so she could make it there by five for the milking. To her surprise, when she finally got into bed, she felt wide awake. Part of it, she thought, was that she was in a strange place, a house for which she was now responsible. She had never lived in a house, never lived anywhere but in an apartment. There was no superintendent to call. It was time to learn how to do things, not just manage them. She liked the idea. The Kings were competent at so many things, a huge range of skills Ellie had never thought to learn. It was as if a new universe was opening up to her, with new things to try. She was excited to get started, starting with tomorrow’s tending to the cows. I can’t believe I’m lying here awake, she thought. I’ll be useless tomorrow. She closed her eyes and was instantly fast asleep.
Chapter 25
“This one is for the top lock.” Nina Lawrence stood off to one side as she inserted the key so Rachel could see what she was doing. “You turn it to the left. Then this other key unlocks the bottom.”
Rachel doubted she would remember which key was which when she was on her own, but she wasn’t about to voice that doubt. Eventually, she would figure it out, just as she would have to figure out everything else about living in Ellie’s apartment.
Nina pushed open the door to reveal a small foyer with a table in it. Beyond that, Rachel saw a living room in shades of beige and white. Carrying her suitcase, Katie went in behind Nina, looking around in bewilderment.
“We’re going to stay here?” she asked her grandmother. “It’s for us?”
“Yes, sweetheart. It will be your own home right here in New York.”
“It’s so …” Katie struggled to find the right word.
Ellie’s apartment wasn’t like her parents’, Rachel noted, with their many antiques and overstuffed sofas and chairs. It was elegant in a different way. Simple furniture in light-colored fabrics, a few paintings, no clutter. She wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing there was less to worry about breaking during their stay. Borrowing Ellie’s home was a huge responsibility, and she wanted to keep it in perfect condition.
“You can put your things in the bedroom if you like,” Nina said. “I’ll leave the books here on the coffee table.”
She put down a shopping bag she had brought with her containing several maps of the city and travel books covering everythi
ng from New York’s history to tourist attractions to walking tours. Rachel and Katie went into the bedroom, and set their suitcases down next to a wall lined with pocket doors.
“You two get comfortable.” At the sound of Nina’s voice, they went out to the living room. “Gil and I will be back in a couple of hours, let’s say six o’clock.” She took Rachel’s hands in hers. “You’ll be all right here by yourself? You’re sure you won’t let me stay? I can help you unpack.”
“No, please go ahead. We should get used to it. Having our own home here will be fun.” She looked at her daughter, hoping she sounded brighter than she felt. “Right?”
“Oh, yes!” It was apparent to Rachel that Katie was also doing her best to be upbeat.
“You have my phone number if you need me. I put milk and juice and some other food in the fridge, but you should make a list of what you want. We can go to the grocery store together, and I’ll show you around.”
Nina opened a small drawer in a low desk by the window and put a white envelope inside it. “Here’s where we’ll keep the money for you to use. Start with this three hundred dollars, and we’ll replenish it as we go.”
Rachel started to protest, but Nina stopped her with a raised hand. “We’ve been over this, honey. It’s settled. You can’t live here and spend your own money. You have to allow us to do this. That’s it.”
She gave Rachel a quick kiss on the cheek, then went over to do the same to Katie before going out, shutting the door behind her.
“Now we’re really and truly on our own,” Rachel said.
If the idea of moving to New York had made her nervous, actually doing it this morning turned out to be far more frightening. She had never encountered most of what constituted a normal day for people living in this city, and she had no idea how she was going to contend with an endless parade of new situations. As far as Katie went, she could only pray she hadn’t made a mistake in bringing her here. This would change her, in ways they probably couldn’t foresee, but Rachel hoped the good would outweigh any possible bad.
A Plain & Fancy Christmas Page 17