Lila didn't understand the reference, but she nodded slightly.
"Oh, hold off, Aran. She just woke up. Let her eat before you interrogate her."
This was obviously a continuing argument, and Lila tried to recall the conversation she'd heard earlier, but dream mixed with reality to the point where she couldn't sort out the details. The only clear picture she got was the sight of yellow eyes in a human face.
"Minutes matter, Josef!"
Anger flashed into Josef's eyes, the strongest emotion she had yet seen on his face. "She was already gone by the time the girl left, you fool! You know how fast the fever burns. Let her alone."
"Why's she still alive then, and not my sister? How's that fair?"
"Are you Fell? You aren't a child. This world isn't fair. Go back to your endless bickering with Antonio, if you have nothing useful to say."
Aran mumbled angrily and strode back to the fire. Lila opened her mouth to speak, but Josef filled a metal spoon with soup from a bowl in his hands and held it up. Lila was about to refuse, but instead of nausea her stomach growled loudly. She let the young man feed her the broth spoon by spoon, feeling quite undignified.
I shouldn't even be alive. Not only did she have to live with the fact that she had let Katie die, here she was, recovering from the same illness that had stricken the other girl, and she was recovering. Why me? She was the one with a baby! She thought angrily. But if I got better, maybe she did... She couldn't manage to conjure any hope though, just the reocurring image of yellow wolf eyes in a human face. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't connect the image to anything.
"You don't talk much," Josef's voice intruded on her thoughts.
"I...I just feel like if I tried hard enough to get back..."
"You can't move forward if you spend life looking back. The skills you must have learned to survive alone for this long will be invaluable to Fox. You could save many people's lives, but you can't do that if you hold on to regrets."
I've never had reason to regret before... Lila sighed. It was amazing how easily she could converse with this young man after so long living alone. It was like she had known him her whole life. The others...well, the others didn't trust her. Maybe that was why their presence felt so much more oppresive than Josef's. "Why do you trust me?" she asked after a moment.
"Well," Josef looked down at the bowl of soup in his hands, as if it would yield the answers he sought. "You remind me of someone I once knew, I suppose. You have strength, but you don't seem to know it. And others would never think you a threat. But that is your greatest strength, I think."
"You sure seem to know a lot about me..."
Josef's lips twitched in a smile. "You talk in your sleep. I heard more than you think."
Lila's cheeks flushed and her head burned with a different sort of heat. "I...what did I say?"
"Nothing too horrible...oh, come on. I'm just joking," Josef added quickly when Lila cringed. "I helped carry the litter most of the way. Aran doesn't call me Sharp-Ear for nothing. You were constantly whispering about how you had to get back, you had to save her. It's like you were making the journey in your head. You talked to your dog a lot. It drove her pretty crazy, honestly. We've had a hard time controlling her."
Lila pushed herself up. "Seeker? Where is she?" Her head swam and she laid back down.
Josef whistled and Seeker came bounding over, a rope trailing from where it was tied loosely around her neck. She nearly attacked Lila when she saw the girl awake, licking her face while Lila laughed, weakly trying to fend her off.
"Hey! Warn me next time!" Antonio grumbled from the area of the fire. "Stupid dog nearly pulled me over!"
"Yeah, fat chance of that," Aran retorted.
Josef set the bowl of soup aside before Seeker's frantically wriggling body could spill it all over him, and wound his hands through the rope to keep her from smothering Lila.
Lila was surprised and somewhat annoyed to feel the prick of tears in her eyes. Her emotional control must be weakened by the fever. Her hands found the rough rope and she fumbled to untie it as quickly as her shaking hands could manage. "You didn't have to tie her," she said accusingly. "She would never hurt anyone."
"She would never hurt you, my dear Lilac." Josef corrected. "She practically bit our hands off every time we came near you. Trust me, I didn't want to tie her up but it was for our own safety."
A snap of Lila's fingers made Seeker lay down and let the girl finish untying the rope knot. "My name's Lila, not Lilac."
"Lila. Hmm, I sort of like Lilac better. You do remind me of a flower sometimes."
"I don't know what lilac is."
"Ah, nevermind." Josef waved his hands and shook his head, picking up the soup. "You still hungry?"
She was, but refusing to let herself feel silly by allowing him to feed the rest to her, she managed to prop herself up on one elbow and eat it by herself. When she was done, Josef ordered her to get some rest and left with the empty bowl. Lila wanted to protest, but even the small efforts she had expended made her exhausted. She fell into a fitful doze, where she had no defense against the guilt that assailed her. The warmth of Seeker's body curled in the small of her back was her only anchor to reality. She would not remember the dreams when she woke, only flashes of guilt, fear and the yellow eyes that now seemed to haunt all her dreams.
When Lila woke a second time, she was covered in sweat. Her fever had broken and her head no longer burned. She found that she could move without the constant pain and dizziness, and she was able to sit up and drink and eat every bit of what Josef bought her. There was more soup like last night, a few strips of dried deer jerky, and something she had not had for many, many years--bread. She felt like royalty eating the wonderful food. Josef laughed when she called it "good", telling her how much better they would have once they reached Antoch.
At the mention of the city-ruins, Lila's mood sank. Her heart was more torn than she had ever known it to be. She felt an inexplicable need to go back to her tunnel, even though she knew Katie was beyond help by this point. Josef told her she had been unconscious for more than a full day and they were far out into the grassland. It would take her at least another two days to get back to the tunnel and that was at full strength.
Yet at the same time she longed to see Antoch, to meet the Fox tribe and see evidence that humankind was not as truly wiped out as she had long believed. In the end it was Aran that convinced her. He wanted her to come back to Antoch and regain her strength so that she could guide him and Elan back to find Katie's body. She told him all he had to do was make his way to the Cliffs then follow them north and west until he found the concrete tunnel, but he exhibited a strange reluctance that she did not understand. She finally realized that he and Elan, strong as they were, did not have the experience that she possessed for surviving in the woods. They also knew that she had survived the wolf fever, while they most likely would not. Josef felt confident that wolf fever could only be contracted from contact with the mouth or claws of a wolf or the blood of an infected person, but the rest of the group still feared that what Jarda had told Fox tribe was true--that the disease was in the air and it was dangerous to be in the forest for more than a few days. Aran had finally allowed himself to be convinced that Lila had not passed the disease on to the rest of them. The atmosphere was decidedly less hostile toward Lila than her first meeting with the five men.
Once Lila finished eating she helped Josef roll up the blankets she had been given during the night. She was not given a pack to carry, and protested this, but after the first couple hours of travel she realized Josef's wisdom in not giving her any extra weight to carry. The sun was only halfway toward noon by the time her legs were shaking with exhaustion and she stumbled over her own feet.
Josef fell back to walk beside Lila. She didn't look at him, keeping her gaze on the grass around her feet as she doggedly put one foot in front of the other. She didn't think she had ever felt this weak. "You alright?"
Do I look all right? Lila just shrugged.
"Well, let me know if you need help."
I need help! I need help! Lila wanted to say, but she just nodded and Josef moved back up to walk by the redheaded one, Fell. Seeker whined and licked her hand sympathetically.
I made it for two years by myself. I can do this. The strong survive, the weak die. I am not weak. I cannot be weak.
When they stopped for lunch, Lila collapsed on the ground and did not move until the men began to move again, even when Josef came over and set a roll of bread on the ground in front of her. Even then, she couldn't get up without Elan's help. The tall, silent man grinned at her when she looked into his eyes, and retrieved the bread from the ground to place it in her hands. He snapped his fingers at Aran, who translated when the silent twin began to gesture with his hands.
"Elan says Josef calls you a flower, but my brother thinks you are as stubborn as a rock in a snowmelt river."
"Why doesn't Elan speak?" Lila asked.
"He did, once. When we were sixteen, Jarda had his tongue cut out for back talking one of her lieutenants."
Lila had half raised the bread to her mouth, but stopped in horror. "That's awful!"
"She has to keep the peace somehow, doesn't she?" said Antonio, slinging his thick arms through the straps of his pack.
"By removing body parts?" This was from Aran.
"I only wish it was the other brother's tongue she'd taken," Antonio muttered. Aran didn't seem to hear him, but Lila did. She looked up into the kind, open eyes of the tall Elan standing next to her. He smiled sadly and pulled her hand through the crook of his arm when the sudden movement of her head made her dizzy and she swayed where she stood.
Josef's presence had been comforting, but the quietness of Elan was both calming and strengthening. Lila allowed him to help her, and indeed she wasn't sure she could have kept going much longer on her own. Even with his silent strength beside her, exhaustion clouded her mind and her eyes. She panted with effort, her heart fluttering as it tried to keep up.
Lila closed her eyes and leaned against the muscular arm supporting her. The midday sun beat down with an unrelenting heat, relieved only by a slight breeze. She could hear the rippling of the long grass in the moving air, different than the rustling of leaves. She was used to the green shade of the trees,not this full sun. Even with the clouds that promised rain to come, it was almost unbearably bright.
The afternoon was one long blur of heat and misery. About an hour later, Lila tripped and fell, and even with Elan's help her legs trembled so badly that she couldn't stand. Josef gave the map to Antonio and picked her up, cradling her against his chest like a child. Elan looked disappointed, but deferred to the man Lila had come to recognize as the group's leader. She wanted to protest the indigity but she didn't have the strength. She fell into a fitful doze, dreaming of cruel women who chopped people's tongues out for speaking out of turn, and sent pregnant girls to their death for taking extra food.
Chapter 8: Antoch
Lila woke to walls of concrete. Walls ceiling and floor the same uniform gray except where moss grew on the pitted surface. The room smelled faintly of mold and dirt. She pushed herself up on her elbows, looking around in the moonlight coming from the one small, barred window. She was lying on a mattress that was little more than a fabric sack stuffed with grass, and covered with a blanket that had seen better days. Other than the mattress, the room was empty. Seeker was curled up at her feet, the dog's tail thumping a greeting when she saw Lila awake.
To her left, Josef pushed aside the curtain covering the doorway. His hair stuck out in all directions and the dirt on his face was smeared as if he had been rubbing his eyes. He yawned and handed Lila a steaming mug.
Lila sat up and took the mug, cradling it in her hands. "Where am I? Is this Antoch?" She coughed and had to take a sip to wash some of the tickling dryness out of her throat before she could finish the sentence. She winced as her legs cramped and protested.
Josef nodded. "We reached the city a few hours ago. I didn't have the heart to wake you--I will show you around in the morning."
The hot tea in the mug was a treat Lila hadn't tasted since she and Protector lived at the mansion. It was almost sweet enough to conceal the bitter aftertaste of the tea leaves. "What happens then?"
"When you are well enough, we will take you to see Jarda." Josef glanced warily at the doorway and lowered his voice as if afraid of being overheard.
"What about going back to get Katie?" Lila couldn't quite bring herself to say "Katie's body", and lowered her voice out of instinct to imitate Josef.
"I don't know." Josef shook his head. "Our hope was to keep you alive long enough to find where you lived. We didn't exactly expect you to survive. Jarda isn't likely to let you lead a group of her best men into the forest on a probable suicide mission."
"She can't make me stay. I am not one of her people to be ordered about."
Josef's face grew grave. "Don't be so sure." He didn't offer any more information but held his hand out for the empty mug. "You should sleep."
Lila was about to protest that she was not sleepy and wanted to know what Josef meant, but she felt her limbs beginning to grow heavy and her eyes would not stay open. Her last thought as she lay down on the mattress was that there must have been something in the drink. She vaguely felt the blanket being pulled up around her shoulders and her hair being gently pushed behind her ear. "Rest well, Lilac." That sounded like Josef's voice but she couldn't be sure.
Her sleep was deep and dreamless. The next time she opened her eyes, the bright sun of morning was peeking over the window sill, the golden rays making the room seem even more dirty and dingy than it had the night before. Josef was sitting against the wall near the door, his head resting against the concrete, his mouth hanging slightly open. He was fast asleep. Lila felt a smile tug at her lips when a small snore came from his direction. Seeker was curled up on the floor between Josef and Lila's mattress, her tail over her nose. When Lila stirred and sat up, the dog licked Lila's hand and wriggled with happiness, placing her head on Lila's knee and sighing contentedly.
Lila sat quietly for a few moments, absentmindedly scratching behind Seeker's ear, watching Josef sleep. He seemed younger in repose, the lines of hardship gone from around his eyes and mouth. His strong hands lay loosely on his knees. They were scarred and calloused and had the look of someone who worked hard and wasn't afraid of dirt and pain.
The slapping of two sets of bare feet quickly approaching was accompanied by a young voice calling Josef! Josef, where are you?" And a startled "Oh, hi Kenan. 'Scuse me." A small head peeked around the curtain, followed by another. The two boys, who looked like they were related, threw the curtain inside and tumbled into the room, each scrambling to be the first one in. "Josef, wake up!" The smaller boy cried. The larger brother hissed at him to be quiet
Josef had startled awake when the boys fell noisily to the floor and Seeker had let out a bark. He scrubbed his eyes with his hand and grinned at the boys. He caught Lila's gaze and rolled his eyes. "You two should be louder. I barely heard you coming.
The smaller boy was bouncing on his toes, and burst out "Can I pet your dog?" He rushed forward and knelt by Seeker's side before Lila could answer.
Josef grabbed the boy's arm. "Peter, what have I told you without touching dogs without asking first? You're going to get yourself bitten."
"But I did ask," Peter protested, jerking his hand away from Seeker's side.
Seeker seemed relaxed so Lila waved Josef away. "It's ok," she said.
"Josef?" Josef turned to the older boy. "Mama said we were supposed to come get you for breakfast. Not pet dogs," he scolded Peter. Peter jumped up and danced back to stand next to his brother, where he stood shifting from one foot to the other, not taking his eyes from Seeker.
Josef jumped up and smoothed the wrinkles out of his shirt. "John, you can tell your mother we're coming. And why don't you go tell her before I have t
o let her know how you're pestering our guest." His tone was serious but there was a smile in his eyes. The boys giggled and scampered out of the room, and Josef offered a hand to help Lila stand up.
Lila groaned quietly at the residual ache in her joints and the weakness in her muscles. Her stomach growled so loudly that Josef flashed her one of his grins. "Hungry?"
Lila nodded, clicking her tongue to tell Seeker to quiet down. The dog was jumping on her and wriggling so crazily that Lila could barely stand up. Seeker whined and contented herself with standing on the floor with her tail wagging furiously.
Josef pulled the curtain aside and Lila followed him out into a long hallway, lit only by the light seeping through curtains hung in empty doorways. Every doorway on the left side of the hall was closed off by a heavy metal door, but every doorway on the right was empty except for the multicolored curtains.
"Kenan," Josef nodded to the tall man standing next to the doorway.
"Josef." Kenan nodded back. The man's face was marred by the white line of a scar that ran from his left temple to his stubbled chin. His black hair was just long enough to partially obscure his dark eyes, giving him a fierce look that made Lila nervous. She hurried after Josef, who was walking down the hallway to a wide doorway at the other and that spilled sunlight into the far end of the corridor.
"Are Peter and John your brothers?" Lila asked when she caught up with Josef.
"No, I don't have any family here, besides a couple of distant cousins. Their father was a good friend of mine, raised me since my own father died. He asked me to look after the boys if anything happened to him."
"What happened?"
"Wolf fever took him." Josef stopped walking, and grabbed Lila's arm. Lila realized with a start that Kenan was following them. She squirmed, Josef's grip was uncomfortably tight. "Listen to me. There is not a family here untouched by the fever. You would do well not to alert them to the fact that you survived the illness. It would not bring you any favor here."
The Arena (Ultimate Soldier Book 1) Page 9