After a while it was Aran that broke the silence. "What about that place you used to live? Where you left Katie?" There was no accusation in his voice, but Lila felt it keenly anyway. Was this to be her life--to leave bodies behind wherever she went? She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself, despite the muggy heat.
Finally Lila nodded. "I can hunt in the woods, and find other food and water. I know how to keep us safe at night. I don't think Jarda's men will follow us in there."
Or the mansion? this was Josef's voice, but Aran and Elan didn't seem able to hear him.
In the tunnel we would be safer, and then there's the way out...
What?
Lila turned around to look at Josef, whose eyes were wide. I told you about it before.
How are you even...nevermind. I thought that was the fever talking. You mean to say you really found a way out?
I...I think so. Back in the tunnel, there's a hole. There's trees, just like in here, but it can't be part of the Arena.
That's impossible.
"It's true!" Lila exclaimed.
"What's true?" Aran asked, looking puzzled.
"I found a way out of the Arena. It's in the tunnels."
Aran shook his head. "That's impossible."
"Would you people stop trying to tell me what's impossible!" Lila cried, throwing her hands up in the air. "I saw it with my own eyes. If it weren't for Katie needing medicine, I would already be out of this awful place. If it's not wolves the size of horses, it's people that care so little for human life that they would kill without a second thought. No, whatever's on the other side of the Cliffs, it's got to be better than here!" She spun around, hot tears pricking her eyes and blurring her vision. More than ever, she wanted Seeker by her side. At least animals hunted out of need. But humans...their evil knew no bounds. She strode toward the distant line of trees, not waiting to see if the men would follow. She knew they would--they might not believe her, but they had no other choice.
After a few moments she slowed down to a pace the three weakened men could keep up with. Josef came up beside her, limping and slow, but some of the color had come back to his face. He pointed off to the left. I don't know if you can hear me, but the stream is that way. We can follow it up to the forest, to the mansion if need be.
Lila nodded. I hear you.
I don't know how this is possible. How is it that you seem to defy all laws of reality?
I don't know. The strange dreams that revealed parts of her past she had thought forgotten, and the dreams of an impossible future. She could talk to others without saying a word. She could find Josef with no idea where he was. Who am I? she asked herself, thinking about Nolan, another reason she was loathe to keep walking away from Antoch. Why did it seem she could not pass through a place without developing a connection? A general care for other human beings was one thing...this ache for threads left unwoven, stories left unfinished, it was a different ache altogether. So much joy to be found in the company of other people, and safety, but also so much danger and pain.
Josef put an arm over her shoulders, whether for support or out of affection, Lila wasn't sure. Aran and Elan came up on her other side and together the four walked through the thigh-high grass.
Chapter 15 : The Journey Home
When they reached the stream, they rested and drank. The sun had hit noon and the heat was sweltering. Lila's blouse stuck to her skin, and she felt like she smelled of blood and death. Once again she regretted her choice of the heavy, impractical skirt. Her stomach was growling at her loudly and she knew Josef and the twins were much hungrier than she was, and probably less used to going without food.
They walked until the forest became a more defined line in the distance, and they dared go no closer lest the wolves find them in the darkness. The next night they could reach the forest and find safety from the darkness in the trees. But for tonight, it was still too far away to attempt the trip.
The knawing hunger in Lila's stomach kept her from sleeping so she sat on the north side of their little camp and listened for any sign of the wolves besides the faraway howls that rose into the air. She sat crosslegged with her rope and knife, fashioning a couple snares that she would set once they entered the forest. The thought of hot, greasy meat and fresh berries was nearly too much to bear, so she tried to fill her mind by singing her mama's lullaby softly to herself.
Baby mine, baby mine
Don’t you ever fear
Baby mine, baby mine
Mama’s always here.
Little one, little one
Growing strong and tall
Little one, little one
Most beautiful of all.
Baby mine, baby mine
Someday you will see
Baby mine, baby mine
All that you can be.
Little one, little one
Never give up hope
Little one, little one
You're stronger than you know.
Josef's ragged breathing behind her slowed and evened out as she sang. She hummed the song over and over as her fingers wove the traps, as the stars wheeled across the sky and the cool breeze teased the strands of hair that had come free of her braid and fell around her face. Eventually she finished the traps and curled up on her patch of grass to sleep.
The morning started off clear and hot. Lila woke with the sun in her eyes, and shook the three men awake. By noon they were about a mile from the edge of the forest, and Lila ran on ahead to set her traps and find a good tree to spend the night in.
The transition from grass to trees was sudden, and Lila sighed with relief as she entered the green shade. Leaf litter was cool and damp under her feet, and a breeze whispered through the branches. Birds flitted between trees, twittering happily to each other. This was her home--where trees shielded her from the heat of the day, where she could climb a tree if pursued, where she knew a multitude of ways to find and obtain food.
By the time Josef, Aran and Elan stepped underneath the tree canopy, Lila had set both traps, one at the entrance to a rabbit warren and one under a well-nibbled blackberry bush that overhung the babbling stream. She had found a Bowl tree big enough for them to spend the night in, and ripped a few squares off of the bottom of her skirt to make a pouch that she had filled with berries and some wild onions. Josef lowered himself to the ground at the base of the tree, his face gray and his breathing shallow. A little of his color returned after Lila gave the three the fruit she had gathered, though he remained slumped against the tree trunk.
Are you okay? Lila asked, placing a hand on his forehead to test for fever.
Josef opened his eyes and smiled wanly. I will be. The place where my tongue used to be...it aches as if it was still there. It makes my entire head pound.
Is it infected?
No. They cauterized it with fire afterwards. They didn't want me dying until they thought I should.
The fire of anger rose in Lila's blood. I wish I had been there. I would have stopped them.
If you had been there, we all would have been captured and we all would have died.
Lila fought down the images of the men she had killed. I just wish no one had to die.
Someone always has to die. That's how life works.
Lila shook her head, standing up and brushing the knees of her skirt off. I should go get some more berries. She took the cloth and left the three men to go gather more food.
That night they slept in the bowl of the tree, their stomachs finally full with rabbit and berries. Lila curled up with her back to the curve of the Bowl, listening to the howls as their scent was caught. She turned to peer over the edge, watching moonlight reflect off of yellow eyes as the wolves circled their tree. There was a movement to her right, and she turned to see Josef laying down on his belly next to her to look down at the skulking shapes below.
I never could sleep within earshot of their awful noises. I still can't imagine how you survived this long, out here alone.
&nbs
p; You would have done the same had it been you. Lila turned back around so that she was laying on her back, and interlaced her fingers behind her head, staring into the cloudless sky. And I don't think their songs are awful.
They killed your mother, everyone you knew. How could you think otherwise?
Lila closed her eyes, listening to the haunting melody of wolf song that rose and fell in the darkness. The wolves did not ask to be made what they are. Humans created them. The wolves hunt out of need--humans hunt for greed, for power, or for no reason at all. Do I fear them? Yes. Do I wish them gone forever from the Arena? Absolutely. But do I hate them? No, I cannot hate something that is only trying to survive, like I am. I would rather have my enemy be honest about his desire to kill me, than embrace me only to plunge a knife into my heart.
Josef gazed up at the stars behind her. I never thought about it that way.
If she was being truly honest with herself, Lila hadn't either. But the more she saw of humans and human nature--the more she had to wonder. Who was really the evil here?
Morning, and blazing heat, came all too soon. Even in the dense green of the forest, Lila could sense the gentle upward slope that led them to the Cliffs. It was just past noon when they came to the mansion where Lila's life had taken such an unexpected turn. They stopped at the sprawling building to gather all the supplies they could carry from the basement. Lila pulled the door open, hearing it scrape the gravel, thinking back to the day that sound had sent such a thrill of fear into her heart. The memory sparked another, as they slipped into the twilight of the cellar--a dream, experienced before she ever came upon the mansion, of finding it inhabited. It filled her with a sense of unease that she couldn't quite place.
There were bags and backpacks piled in a corner, and each took the largest backpack they could find. Aran and Elan busied themselves packing their bags with medicine and bandages, Josef and Lila with a few flashlights, batteries and several of a device that Josef showed Lila how to use to create a small flame capable of starting a fire much quicker than her own time-consuming method.
Once her bag was comfortably heavy and Josef had left to fill his the rest of the way with medical supplies, Lila found herself wandering the rows of metal shelves. There was a stack of blankets packed in airtight plastic bags that would expand to thrice their original size when opened. Lila stuffed two of these into the front pocket of her pack and made a mental note to get the men to do the same. She found the pile of rope and slung an extra coil around her waist. A reel of string went into her pack. From a rack on a wall she took down a long knife with a leather case and attached this to her belt. A set of two pans she tied to her pack. In the corner were piles of plastic gallon jugs she and Protector had piled there when they became empty--two of these also were tied to her bag. The things tended to crack and be useless after just a few weeks of use, but they would be good for now.
After a while she found herself on an aisle she had never bothered to walk through before. It was a strange aisle, in this house whose owner had been so devoted to creating a huge stockpile of supplies. There were brightly colored baby blankets and tiny outfits, stacks of cloth diapers, even some toys. Lila ran her fingers over the bright colors of packaged clothing, a prickling feeling at the back of her mind as if a memory were trying to break free.
The more she tried to touch the memory, the more it eluded her. All she could see was a flash of yellow eyes. Then her fingers came across a pastel yellow baby blanket embroidered with little white birds. She gasped as a spike of pain lanced through her head, bending over to put her hands on her knees as she waited for it to pass.
But the pain continued, and pictures began to flash through her head. Her, Aran, Elan and Josef climbing the ladder into the tunnel. Katie's body gone. A figure huddled in the dark of the tunnel. Katie, but not Katie, with the yellow eyes of a wolf. Then, the three men holding Katie down while Lila delivered her baby. Katie holding a baby boy wrapped in a yellow blanket embroidered with white birds.
As suddenly as the pain had come, it was gone, leaving Lila gasping and in denial. No, it's not possible. No one survives the wolf fever. Then a little protesting voice said You did. Lila shook her head. It was just dreams. Katie was dead, her body and that of her baby lying inside Lila's home. There was no other possibility.
But a tiny wriggling worm of doubt had crawled into Lila's head and refused to leave. Angry at herself for her indiscision, she grabbed the yellow blanket and a pack of diapers, stuffing them and a little blue outfit into the very bottom of her backpack. She was just zipping it closed when Aran's form appeared in the half dark at the end of the aisle. "You almost ready to leave?" His face begged the question of why Lila was lingering here, but she just nodded and brushed past him.
As they prepared to leave, Lila felt that she couldn't go without taking one last look upstairs, at the place that had been hers and Protector's home for almost half a dozen years. She took the stairs up into the pantry two at a time, coming out into the much brighter light of the kitchen. The fireplace was cold, dirty dishes still piled, stinking, in the sink from the first time she had met Josef and his group. The tile was cool under her feet, as it always had been. She traced the familiar knots in the wood of the table with her fingers, before wrapping her arms around herself as she stared at the room. She could almost see Protector standing at the sink, washing dishes the two of them had spent half an hour hauling buckets of water for. The fireplace glowing with heat and light, a small deer roasting on the spit that still hung there. There was the doorway that led to dark hallways, dusty rooms, ancient and rotting furniture covered with sheets of plastic. Lila followed the tiled hallway to the vaulted living room with its arched windows looking out over the meadow. The thin mattress she and Protector had shared was still sitting in the corner.
Lila's eyes burned and her throat ached as she remembered her life here. A single hot tear escaped and she wiped it away fiercely. Protector had taught her everything she knew, had been Lila's mother when her real mama had been lost to the wolves. Protector's teaching had always been firm and strict, but it was her kind and gentle heart that had taught Lila the most. Memories and weakness had no place in the game of survival, but just for a moment, Lila allowed herself to grieve. She grieved for lost innocence, the horror of seeing her mother killed before her eyes. She grieved for lost friends, the steady hands and voice of the dear friend who had taught her that hatred and anger have as little of a place in the heart of a true survivor as do tears and regret. She grieved for the people who had lost their lives because of her. When Josef found her, she was standing in the middle of the living room, arms wrapped tightly around herself, almost paralyzed with emotions she had held in check for so long.
When he put an arm around her shoulders to lead her away, Lila turned to him and buried her face in his chest, unable to stop the sobs that shook her. Josef held her tightly as she cried, even when his shirt became soaked with her tears.
Why me? She cried to Josef, not expecting an answer. Why do I have to be the one to experience so much? Why did I have to watch her die at the teeth of the wolves? It never ends, Josef. When will it ever end? When will all this fighting to live be over? When will I not be alone anymore?
Josef took her face in his hands and forced Lila to look at him, wiping the tears from beneath her eyes with his thumbs. You aren't alone anymore, he thought at her fiercely. I don't know why you were the one chosen to live this life. But what I do know is this--you are different than anyone I know. You are stronger than you think. And you never give up, no matter how badly the odds are against you. So come on, let us keep moving and let Aran and Elan put their sister to rest. Let us keep moving and keep living, because that is what we do. And maybe, just maybe, you are right and we can be free of this place once and for all. He took her hand and led her back to join the other half of their group.
They had barely made it in sight of the Cliffs when dark began to fall. The sky was overcast and there were rumbled of t
hunder in the distance as the four climbed into a Bowl tree. Lila shared the rest of the rabbit and berries she carried with the three men. As they traveled, Elan had taught Josef and Lila enough sign language that between he and Aran, the four could understand each other fairly well. Lila was still reluctant to reveal to the twins that she and Josef could speak to each other silently, and he did not seem eager to share the information either.
"How far to the tunnel?" Asked Elan as they finished their meal.
They had followed the stream to the base of the Cliffs where it spilled down from the top of the looming wall of rock as a thin waterfall. "Only a few hours from here, we should reach it by noon tomorrow," Lila replied.
Even the energetic Aran, whose vitality was mostly restored now that he had been rescued and had eaten, seemed rather subdued. So many questions would be answered tomorrow, more even than any of the men knew. Lila's chest was tight at the thought of seeing Katie's body, but she couldn't shake the image of stringy black hair partially obscuring yellow eyes--the scene from her dream. Tomorrow she would learn if yet another impossible thing were made possible, not only if dreams could come to life, but if a dream could really predict the future.
Aran and Elan conversed silently through sign language and Josef appeared to have fallen asleep by the time the first drops of rain began to patter on the bowl and the leaves of the surrounding trees. Lila sat perched on the edge of the platform, staring out through the canopy of leaves of the taller trees. A wolf howl started, wavering in the heavy air. He was soon answered by another, deeper voice. Lila closed her eyes and lifted her face to the rain, listening to the feral symphony created by the rise and fall of the lupine voices. Maybe in a way the wolves were like humans. So much beauty on the surface, yet the closer you got, the more dangerous they became. And yet somehow every living thing, human or otherwise, followed the steps of some mysterious dance to a music only the creator of the universe could truly understand. It was complex, the relationship between predator and prey, between one person and another, between a group of people and the world they lived in. One misstep and so many could be affected.
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