“Shit,” Josh said. “I can’t see anything.”
The temperature had dropped fifteen degrees in the last hour. It hovered just above ten degrees. The wind was blowing harder, making it impossible to see. They lost the taillights of the semi-truck they’d been following for the last hour.
“This isn’t good,” Kate said.
“What’s the next town? Maybe we can find a room there.”
“There’s nothing for forty miles.”
“Goddamnit.”
Out of the white, the lights of the semi suddenly appeared again—right in front of them. Josh swerved to prevent a collision.
“Watch out, watch out,” Kate cried.
The brakes locked and the car went into a skid. It slid onto the shoulder and into a ditch. Josh gunned the motor and tried to climb out, but it was no use. The Camry fishtailed before coming to rest against a fencepost in a snowbank eight feet below the grade of the road.
“Holy shit,” he said.
Kate drew a deep breath. At least the car was still running. “We’ll need a tow truck to get out of here.”
“We won’t get one tonight.”
“I didn’t say tonight.” It came out harsher than she’d intended. “I didn’t mean tonight.”
Kate opened her cell phone, searched for a signal, and found none. “I can’t even call anyone.”
Josh stared straight ahead, thinking it through. His mind worked like a computer. He’d calculate their options, analyze the risk and reward, and come up with a solution.
“You stay here,” he said. “I’ll go up to the road and get help. We’ll catch a ride and figure it out from there.”
The wind rocked the car like a toy. She guessed the windchill to be well below zero. The cold leaked through the cracks and crevices.
“You can’t stay out there long.”
“We can’t stay here. We only have a half-tank of gas.”
Josh searched his pockets for gloves. He pulled his sock cap over his ears. “I’ll be back.”
“Be careful.”
For a moment, she thought he might kiss her. She was relieved when he opened the door and stepped outside. The blast of cold air took her breath away.
In the two months following Josh’s fling, they’d twice visited a thin-lipped marriage counselor who wanted to know if either of them had been abused as children. They’d tried talking it out like intelligent adults, but he’d turned inward, reduced to grunts and shrugs. She’d become sarcastic. Is that what he really wanted—an eighteen-year-old who played the slutty schoolgirl? The kinkiest thing he’d ever wanted from her had been a blow job on the kitchen table or a slick, soapy fuck against the shower wall.
As the weeks passed, they’d been reduced to going through the motions, avoiding each other in the bathroom, sleeping in separate rooms, eating alone on the run.
Only in the last few days had she realized she was putting off a decision about them until after the holidays. She wanted one more holiday dinner with him, one more morning around the tree, one more evening in front of the fire. She hoped to give the holiday a chance to bridge the chasm that yawned between them.
Now it looked like she’d lost that chance. Instead of the healing warmth of family, fire, and good food, they were facing cold and snow.
Sitting alone in the car, pummeled by the wind, unable to see three feet in front of her, the knowledge settled in. It was here in this snowdrift that her marriage would end.
Ten minutes later, he was back, snow-covered and red-faced. “Sonofabitch,” he said. “It’s cold.”
“Any luck?”
Josh reclined against the headrest and removed his stocking cap. “Nothing’s moving. I think they’ve closed the road.”
“So, we’re stuck here?”
“Looks that way.”
“For the night?”
“At least.”
“So, what do you suggest?”
“I suggested pulling over an hour ago.”
She frowned. “That doesn’t help.”
“It’s nine o’clock and we’ve only got about four hours of gas. We have to make it last. We’ll run the car for a while, then leave it off for as long as we can stand. Hopefully, we’ll find a way out of here come daylight.”
“Not much of a plan.”
“It’s the best I can do. You got anything better?”
They sat there for a long moment in their separate seats before Kate spoke again, “We could cover the windows with our clothes to keep the wind out. There’s a blanket in the backseat. We could cover up and use our body heat.”
“I didn’t want to suggest it,” Josh said. “I thought you’d think I was taking advantage of the situation.”
Kate pulled her sweatshirt over her head, cracked the window, stuffed the sweatshirt into the crack, then closed the window tight again.
“Look,” she said, “we’re talking survival.”
Josh peeled off his old parka and jammed it against the windshield. “We’re losing a lot of heat there.”
Kate wriggled out of her jeans and flannel shirt and used them to insulate the other side of the windshield. Josh plugged up the rear windows with his sweatshirt and chinos. When they were down to their undies and the inside of the car was as hot as an oven, Josh switched off the car and they crawled into the backseat.
He lay down first, his knees bent double to accommodate his height. Kate lay on top, pulling the blanket after her. Her head came to rest on his chest where it always did when they snuggled.
Despite their efforts at insulating the windows, Kate’s nose and feet were cold right away. “It feels like outer space out there.”
“We’re caught in a deep low pressure. It invites the arctic cold and arctic cold is about as close to outer space as it gets on Earth.”
“My mom will worry when I don’t call.”
“It can’t be helped. Maybe you can get a signal after the storm blows through.”
“You think this will blow through?”
“It’s an Alberta clipper. In a few more hours, the wind will die, the sky will clear, and the real cold will settle in.”
“The real cold?”
“Probably drop below zero.”
Kate snuggled closer.
She must have fallen asleep. She was awakened by Josh. The car was warm again, but he was turning it off. He settled next to her. Through the rear window, she could see stars. The wind’s howl had ceased.
“What time is it?” she asked.
“About one o’clock. It’s down to ten below.”
“I should try my mom.”
“There’s still no signal.”
“How much gas is left?”
“A good quarter tank.”
“It’s so clear,” she said. “There are so many stars.”
Josh pointed. “There are the Big and Little Dippers. There is Gemini. And Orion’s Belt is over there.”
“What’s that? It looks like something spilled.”
“That’s the Milky Way. I used to camp in the woods at night, so I could study the stars and constellations. You get a good look at it from the Rockies.”
He’d grown up in Colorado, the child of hippies. She could imagine him, the little boy Josh, sitting in the deep darkness under a blanket of stars. She could imagine the mop of hair, the brown eyes filled with wonder. She pressed her nose into the nape of his neck.
“It’s like ice,” he said.
She pressed her feet against his. “My feet too.”
He pulled away. “You’re always cold.”
“Good thing you’re always warm.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“So, you think we’re going to make it.”
“The gas should last until morning. The plows should be out then.”
“But we’ll miss the holiday.”
“We could still make it for the holiday,” he said, “if we got an early tow and hit the road before that next storm.”
“Those are so
me big ifs. Besides, it’s not that big of a deal to you, is it?”
“I wanted one more holiday with you. I wanted a fire with your family. I wanted to sing around the piano. I wanted one more drink with your dad.”
She propped herself up on one elbow. “What do you mean, one more?”
“That’s what you’ve decided, isn’t it?”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“I haven’t made a decision. I was waiting until afterwards.”
A long moment passed in the dark. “I wish I could go back,” Josh said. “I wish I could erase the last few months.”
“Not possible.”
“It was stupid, Kate. I made a mistake.”
“Obviously, I wasn’t enough for you.”
“That’s not true. You were so caught up in your thesis I didn’t think you wanted me.”
“You’re saying it’s my fault? You’re saying I wasn’t available to you? You’re saying I wasn’t giving you enough sex? That’s bullshit. I’d have done anything you asked.”
“I’m not saying it’s your fault. But why should I always have to ask?”
“You’re the one who wasn’t getting all you wanted.”
“Look, I’m just saying I felt like you’d already left me for your books.”
Kate frowned. “It’s not as easy for me as it is for you. Anyway, you should’ve said something.”
“I did, Kate. All summer long I tried to get you to go away with me. I tried to get you to take a break.”
She sat up and wrapped her arms about her. The sultry heat of the summer seemed ages ago. Looking back on it, all she remembered was the library, a cubicle, and Sartre’s “Being and Nothingness.”
“So that makes it all right for you to fuck around?”
“I’m not saying it makes it all right. I’m saying I felt like you’d left me for those French beatniks—Sartre and Camus. I’m saying I was vulnerable when Sasha came on to me.”
She looked away. “Here’s the thing—I don’t know if I can get past it.”
Josh reached out and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. “I know I’ve hurt you, Kate. I’d do anything to undo that, but it’s up to you to give us another chance.”
His voice cracked in a way she’d never heard. When she turned back to him, a tear illuminated in the star-shine coursed down his cheek. She felt an unexpected stab of sympathy and, for the first time, realized that he’d been wounded by all of this too. She reached out and flicked his tear away. Then she bent to him and kissed where it had been, salty and cool.
“I want to give us another chance. I just don’t know how.”
Josh pushed his hair off his forehead. “Remember that first holiday at your folks’ house, before we were even engaged. They put me in the basement and you slept in your old bedroom.”
“I waited until I heard my dad snoring, then I sneaked downstairs.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“We were so afraid of being caught.”
“You thought we’d be too noisy if we actually did it.”
“We worked things out.” She remembered. It was the first time they’d masturbated together. He’d watched her, awestruck, then he’d done himself while she spooned him and whispered his name.
He reached out and held her face in his hands. “I’ve missed you, Kate. I’ve missed us.”
She stroked his cheek, brought her lips to his, and kissed softly. “I’ve missed you too.”
He slipped out of his undershirt and unhooked her bra. Her breath was visible, her nipples stiff with cold and anticipation. She pressed her breasts against his warm chest. Then, for the first time in months, she kissed him deeply, their tongues swirling. He returned the kiss, his mouth hungry on hers, his hands greedy for her body.
“It’s been so long,” he said.
She felt it too. Blood pounded in her ears. She pressed her pelvis against his thigh, her panties damp with need. She reached below his flat belly, grasping for him through his boxer shorts. He was thick and hard.
“Don’t talk,” she said.
He cupped her breasts, squeezed, and lifted. He flicked at her nipples with his tongue. He sucked like a babe long denied.
Dizzy with lust, she worked his cock free. She turned and lowered her face to him. She took him in her mouth and groaned at how good it felt to have him there again. She sucked and tasted his salty essence.
His hands pushed her panties aside. Three fingers opened her and found her wetness. He teased her most sensitive flesh. She cried out, pushed his boxers to his knees, and nuzzled his furry testicles with her lips and tongue. She stroked him while rocking against his insistent fingers.
He brought his lips and tongue to her pussy. He licked and sucked like a thirsty man in the desert. His tongue assaulted her clit, circling and flicking until she squirmed and filled that cold, moonless night with her moans. The tension mounted and she gave herself to him, wet and sloppy and shameless, her orgasm beginning deep inside, then emanating outward, wave after wave. Her belly clenched; her thighs shuddered. She pushed into his face, grinding out her pleasure, and it was oh god, oh god, oh god—over and over and over.
While she found her breath again, he continued to lick and suckle her pussy sweetly. His fingertips made circles on her buttocks. She took him deep in her mouth. She tightened her lips around him and sucked hard as she withdrew—quarter inch by sweet quarter inch. She tightened her grip on his balls, holding them in the palm of her hand like a quivering baby bird.
She flicked under the head while jacking him, slowly at first, then faster. She took him deep again, shameless still in her lust, until she felt his cock thicken with cum, until she heard the telltale yes, baby, yes! Only then did she hold the head between her lips like a fat straw, stroking him, drinking him, squirt after squirt, tasting him warm and salty and slightly bitter. And she kept at it, even after he’d given her all he had to give, until the next time—even after he’d gone soft in her mouth, even after he reached for her and said he just wanted to hold her.
She kept at it, because he was her man and she was his woman and they’d found each other again in a snowbank as cold as the universe.
He awoke the next morning before she did. Frost had formed on the whiskers under his nose. Naked, he leaned into the front seat and restarted the car. She felt stiff and achy. They’d made love twice more during the night and the muscles in her thighs and buttocks were stretched and sore. Once, she rode him, bouncing and calling his name while he clawed her backside. Another time, he took her from behind, her cheek pressed against the ice forming inside the car’s window.
She reached between his legs and touched him. He slapped her hand away playfully. A pink sunrise revealed the fencepost they’d nearly crashed into. Beyond the fence, drifts of snow, sculpted by the wind, stretched as far as she could see.
“We should get dressed,” Josh told her.
“Listen,” Kate said.
Above and in the distance was the sound of a truck grinding through its gears.
“Come on,” Josh said. “They’re plowing the road.”
A few minutes later, they were dressed and he was pulling her up the incline. The road was unrecognizable, but from the south, the lights of two massive snowplows, working side by side, sped toward them. The plows sprayed snow onto the shoulders on each side of the northbound lanes.
Josh waved and brought both plows to a halt. A man in orange coveralls and a parka climbed out of the cab closest to them. While Josh spoke with the man, Kate tried her cell again. Up on the road, she found the signal she’d been denied in the ditch.
“Kate, oh my God,” her mother said.
She explained the situation.
“We’ve got lots of snow,” her mother said, “but the roads are clear.”
“They don’t expect the next storm until tomorrow,” she heard her father say. “Tell Josh they’ve got a window.”
“We’ll hold of
f until tonight, when you get here,” her mother said.
Josh waved her over. “Hold on,” Kate told her mom.
“There’s a tow truck on the way,” Josh said. “The guy says they’ll have the northbound roads cleared from here to South Bend by the time we’re out. We could be at your folks by noon.”
The sun’s brightness on the new-fallen snow was blinding. Steam rose from the newly cleared pavement.
“What do you want to do?” she asked.
He jammed his hands into his pocket. “I just want to be with you.”
Kate weighed the alternatives. “Mom, we’re going back to Bloomington. We don’t want to get caught in that next storm. We’ve had about all the snow we can handle for one holiday.”
Her words were met with a long pause before her mother spoke, “Well, we understand. We’ll miss you, but we understand.”
“We’ll definitely be home for spring break.”
“We’ll be here.”
They said good-bye and Kate closed the phone. She snaked an arm around Josh’s waist. He pulled her close.
“Are you okay with this?” he asked. “I know how much the holidays mean to you.”
“Our holiday was last night.”
Josh leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Does that mean you’re willing to give us a second chance?”
“If you are.”
“What do you mean?”
“The next time Sartre gets too big in our lives, tell me straight. Push me against a wall and make me understand.”
“All right.”
“The next time you’re feeling vulnerable, sweep me up and throw me on the bed. Fuck the living shit out of me.”
“All right.”
“And if you want to spank someone, spank me, professor. Spank me hard.”
Josh blushed and pawed the ice. “All right.”
The snowplows roared back to life. Josh led her out of their path. As they swept by, the driver closest to them hollered out, “Happy holidays.”
Kate waved. “Happy holidays to you.”
Tight Women in Hard Places Page 12