I didn’t need the reassurance, but she was in my lap, half sure but still trembling. And when I slid my hands up under her shirt and against the bare skin of her back, she arched against me. Ground herself against my cock and her eyes widened, like she didn’t recognize herself or her response.
I wasn’t playing around. Music thumped above the beat of the wind and hail. Everything rolled and the van shook the way I planned to shake her. But first, I grabbed the alphasmart and typed, You don’t have to sleep with me for protection.
Maybe it was too soon for her to believe me, but sooner or later, she’d make her decisions and we’d know one way or the other. But she nodded and brought her lips down on mine. That sweet lick of her tongue in my mouth, hesitant but willing, made it even better. Her hands shook a little as they slid into my hair, holding me there, keeping my mouth on hers. It was the sweetest thing I’d had in a while and I didn’t want it to end.
How anyone could be so sweet in all this shit amazed the fuck out of me.
She pulled back. “Don’t treat me like glass.”
The words went straight to my dick. I pushed the alphasmart out of the way as I laid her down on the mattress, because we didn’t need talk for this. I could use my mouth and my hands for other, more important things, and I set about doing just that.
Hey now, all you sinners
Jessa
When he lay me down, I reached up and ran my fingertips over his arms and chest, like I could feel the outlines of the tattoos. My body sparked as my hands connected with his skin and he remained patiently hovering above me as I traced the muscles in his arms. Finally, I nodded and tugged him and he put his weight on me and pulled my sweats down. I wound my legs around him, let his cock touch my sex as we kissed.
I was “Yellow” and “Hypnotize” and “Wanted Dead or Alive”—none of them seeming the most romantic songs, but at that moment they were, and I knew that I’d never be able to listen to them again without thinking of Mathias, of his hands on me, parting my legs, making me come. Making me understand what all the songs about sex were talking about when they praised it endlessly, dissected it, discussed it, flaunted it.
This deserved to be praised, dissected, flaunted, shouted from the rooftops.
Coming into this moment, I’d wanted to understand him more than I’d ever wanted to understand anyone in my life, and in some small way, I already did. The beat he’d put on was inside of him, inside of me—drawing me out, making me forget and remember. Rolling around in the back of his van, we might’ve been at the lake on a summer’s day or at a lover’s lane at midnight, but all of it long before the Chaos, when things were normal.
But if it hadn’t been for the Chaos, I knew I never would’ve been here, in Defiance, in this van, this warehouse, this kind of trouble. And that was the most comforting thing the Chaos had ever given me. And in the back of his van, on clean sheets with music blasting and a storm rolling through—and rolling through me as well—I gave everything to Mathias. He’d seen me at my worst, or maybe it was my best, and he didn’t seem bothered or threatened. He didn’t seem anything but turned on and his mouth on my body was like nothing I’d ever thought or experienced. There was a tingle to his touch, as if he was full of magic and he was transferring it to my body, sharing it with me.
I’d been through hell, so the fact that I was wanted—no, needed—surprised me. After thinking about what almost happened out there, a part of me should want to crawl under a rock and hide, never wanting to be touched again.
But no, I shook that off because this was my liberation. My body and no one got to tell me who to give it up to, except me.
I wasn’t going to sleep with Mathias because he’d saved me. I would screw him because it had turned me on that he did save me, that he’d stepped directly in the middle of all that brute force and simply took charge.
Even now I shivered, thinking about his hands, hands that could take a life easily and were instead now bringing me to life.
He grinned and I gasped as he played with my nipples. Rolled them between his fingers and thumbs, flicked the end with his nail until I gasped with pleasure and pain. And he smiled, an all-knowing oh yeah, there’s more where that came from smile that made me wetter than before. And he knew, and that made it even more intoxicating.
I hadn’t been a virgin when I’d met Charlie, but my experience up to that point had been fumbling boarding-school boys. I’d thought Charlie was a real man and although I hadn’t agreed with his politics, after the Chaos hit, everyone’s politics seemed to switch to staying alive.
I thought about Charlie and his lies, how we’d whispered our plans to one another, how I’d trusted him with the secrets I knew. How he’d completely betrayed me. Now, with Mathias’s body on mine, I wanted to erase every memory of Charlie’s hands or mouth or cock from me. I wanted new memories. And I’d never have expected them to be like this.
I could tell him, “I never do this,” but what was the point? This wasn’t D.C. circa pre-Chaos and I was no longer a good little politician’s daughter. I was a kidnap victim, a betrayed wife. And I was about to bed a biker with tattoos covering his skin and hands that played me like an instrument.
He’d made it clear I didn’t have to do anything in order to stay in Defiance and be kept safe. Whether I believed him or not wasn’t something I was ready to ponder. Maybe I wanted to offset some of the responsibility anyway. Maybe that made it easier to strip naked and offer myself to Mathias.
Not that kissing him was any hardship. He looked good, smelled good, like soap and the earth combined. He was all male too, with big, rough hands that were clean and squared nails—capable hands. He could change a tire, make love to me...he could kill for me with those hands too, and he had.
I’d never even dreamed about being with a man like this, and what was happening was no dream.
Oh, but I am bad company
Mathias
She was thinking too hard, and I needed to stop that shit. I slid a finger inside of her while my thumb circled her clit and she stiffened, like she was going to come right there. And dammit all, I wanted that. Didn’t know when the hell I’d gotten all possessive of her, or why, but it was here and I was damned certain she wasn’t going to think about anyone but me right now.
I twisted my fingers, rubbed my thumb against the tight bundle of nerves and watched her break apart in front of me. She clutched my arms as she lost control, her orgasm making her moan loudly. And she looked surprised too, and, no, it couldn’t be her first orgasm.
As she contracted around my finger, I sucked hard on the side of her neck, the primal urge to mark her too fierce to ignore. I wasn’t a biker, didn’t grow up in an MC but I finally understood why these men got so damned twisted up over their women. It had taken me all of four hours and I was fucking lost.
I could ignore everything else, all the warning bells, because the storm might not ever let up. And if there was one thing I did right, it was living for that moment, that second, because you never knew what the hell would happen next.
I’d claim her and make sure she could only see me whenever she came. I bent down and put her legs over my shoulders. She shook her head, tried to prop herself on her elbows, like she wanted to stop me, but that was more from embarrassment.
No one’s ever licked you, pretty lady?
She couldn’t understand my hand, but she knew my meaning because her blush deepened as she said, “I’ve never...”
Then you’re missing out, Jessa, I signed before I buried my face between her legs and tasted her. I wanted to erase the entire day, the entire time she’d been kidnapped and, most of all, I wanted to erase whatever the hell made her scar herself the way she had. I took her until she came again, until I knew I had to be inside of her. She spread her legs for me again and I entered her. I went too fast at first and she cried out. I curse
d silently and slowed down and her eyes turned liquid again.
She wasn’t a virgin, I didn’t think, but she hadn’t had sex in a long time, and good sex? Probably never.
I whispered silently against her neck, all the promises that I couldn’t embarrass myself with. She might’ve thought I was just kissing her neck but she’d never know that I’d fallen in the space of an afternoon. That I might never be the goddamned same if she left. That I’d always have the damned scar on my biceps to remind me.
The Chaos was nothing if not intense. I’d been born intense so me in a post-Chaos world was intensity times infinity. It brought out all my natural instincts in a ferocious sort of way, and I’d been careful to bite that back, not show my hand. Mainly because I’d never found anyone to show it to.
And now you’ve found the vice president of the United States’ daughter.
Hell, no one said life was easy, but fate did have a damned good sense of humor.
My parents had met because the fates aligned. Same for their parents and their parents before that. Everything love is fate, Mama used to say, and judging by the way Dad fell apart after she died, they’d been two halves that made a whole.
I was probably the most unromantic guy on the planet. I’d rather plan ambushes post-sex than chat or cuddle or shit like that, but Mama always worried that this love shit would hit me hard. I’d figured that once the Chaos hit, all bets were off.
Suddenly, Jessa’s legs wrapped tight around my waist, locking me to her. Locking me inside. Music swam in my head, mixing with her moans, making me crazy. I flipped to my back, taking her along for the ride, and letting her take control.
She looked a little shocked and then she smiled and purred. And then she started to rock, smiling and purring and murmuring my name.
I wanted it louder. I drove my hips up, pushing into her, filling her harder and faster until I felt her release and contract around my cock.
I wasn’t going to last, no matter how badly I wanted to. A silent howl escaped my lips, but in my mind, it was a fucking through-the-roof, vibrating echo. It ran through me into her and we were connected in ways that far exceeded sex.
Chapter Seven
Chose a gun and threw away the sun
Bish
I went down into the tubes, holding my breath until I reached the bottom. I used to do that when we’d been stationed on the subs for a while and, no, I don’t fucking know why I do it. Probably the same reason Mathias holds his breath when he passes a cemetery—another superstition we knew was foolish but weren’t sure wasn’t true.
It was easier to just hold your breath.
I knew Caspar was with Tru because storms were the best time for the men and their women to catch up and man, I hated interrupting them. Tru hated the tubes, less now than several months ago but still, she was claustrophobic and Caspar usually had to try several interesting and exceedingly private methods of calming her down.
Lucky for me, Caspar was walking the halls, barefoot and looking pretty well relaxed, despite the weather. I was tense as anything but damned good at not showing it and I wished I could trade places with Mathias right now. Then again, the damned guy hadn’t gotten laid in a while and he’d suddenly gone head over heels for Princess Jessa.
Which could, of course, be the biggest mistake for both our lives, because let’s face it, we were intertwined as hell.
“Get caught at the lake?” Caspar asked me, motioning for me to walk with him. We ended up in his kitchen, where he closed the door behind me, obviously knowing I’d been hunting him down. Subtlety wasn’t my strong suit.
“Little trouble at the lake,” I clarified, and launched into what happened. Tru came to listen at some point and I could see that Caspar was torn between letting her stay and telling her to go into the other room. Habits were ingrained in him not to let women hear the problems in Defiance. I thought it was a good plan, but the majority of the women disagreed heartily with me.
Tru wasn’t going anywhere. Granted, she already knew the problems Defiance had with Keller’s mafia crew and they’d started long before Mathias and I arrived. To say that Keller wasn’t happy with Defiance was an understatement. From what I’d learned, the relationship had always been semi-contentious but Lance, the former Defiance president, had mostly managed to smooth things over. Usually using Caspar’s blunt force. Then Roan, Lance’s son, had cut deals with Keller regarding the production of the tubes, and Keller expected that deal to be honored, despite the fact that Lance and Roan were dead.
When Caspar talked about it, I didn’t bother telling him that we were sorry. Caspar knew we were. “Woulda done the same damned thing,” he added.
“I wouldn’t’ve, if I’d been alone,” I told him, and both Caspar and Tru eyed me. I shrugged unapologetically. “This shit is exactly why we don’t save people.”
“You saved me,” Tru pointed out.
“No choice. Caspar would’ve killed us.”
“If he wasn’t around, you’d have handed me to the cops?” Tru asked me.
“I’m supposed to say no, right?” I asked, could picture Mathias signing, Say no, Bish, like my conscience and so I repeated, “No, Bish,” with a grin.
“Even when you two aren’t together, you’re together,” she said with a grin of her own , then sobered. “This is serious, Cas.”
Caspar nodded. “Need some time to think on this.”
“I hear you. Gonna go rest up for a while. Mathias is keeping her company and the president’s son’s all tied up,” I said and ignored Caspar’s groan, getting out of there calling, “Don’t shoot the messenger.”
Yeah, I might’ve seemed casual, but I was all tied up inside. I knew what Caspar was going to want from Mathias, and I also knew how far Mathias had fallen in that single moment of seeing Jessa. Saving her only cemented his feelings.
Chapter Eight
Fool them all but baby I can tell
Jessa
Mathias mouthed things as he made love to me, and I caught some of the words like pretty and gorgeous and want to fuck you and I could feel him talking against my neck. I didn’t know what he was saying but it didn’t matter, not when his hands lingered on my body like he had all the time in the world.
What do you want? he’d asked me earlier, and I’d told him, “To do whatever I want to until the storm ends. No consequences or guilt.”
Sounds like a plan, he’d mouthed.
Now, in the aftermath, I was shy, and all I could think to ask was, “Was it hard growing up and not being able to talk?”
He shook his head, mouthed, Dad, then put a finger over his lips.
“Your dad couldn’t speak either?” I asked and he nodded. “Is it hard for you to communicate with everyone here?”
He studied me for a long moment before answering and I wondered if I’d offended him. Are you finding it hard?
“No,” I told him. “Not hard at all.” As if to prove it, I ran my hands over his shoulders, pressed my lips to his neck and then fluttered over his throat like I was worshipping it. He bared his throat, granting me the access I wanted. And I wanted.
I was out of my element and yet, I somehow felt like I’d landed in the right place. The world might’ve turned dark and cold for a lot of people, but for me, it had always been that way. And finally, I’d found a light in Defiance, and more importantly, with Mathias.
I should be wondering what happened now, what happened next, but I remained in the safety of Mathias’s arms and shoved away everything else but the feel of his body against mine. I was relaxed and buzzed at the same time, and he was playing the beat of the music along my bare back and shoulders. Half massage, half caress, and I hoped the songs never stopped. The heavy bass tore through me, opened me up and broke me. Putting myself back together was up to me.
During the darkness, wit
h the lights flickering overhead and inside the double safety of the van and the music, I felt like we were living in an entirely different world. I never wanted to leave this bubble, because when I did, there would be lots of questions and even more decisions to make. Wherever we were, there had to be a president and I’d have explaining to do.
The fact that Mathias stayed here with me while the rest of Defiance was hunkered down somewhere told me that. The fact that Charlie was in the next room made things even stranger, but my blood boiled with anger just thinking about him, so I forced myself not to. I wouldn’t worry this time away. I’d enjoy it, the way I had the past several hours.
Here, I wasn’t the vice president’s daughter. I was just Jessa and nothing else mattered until the earth stopped rumbling. Still, it didn’t stop me from blurting out, “I never do this.”
Mathias slid a glance my way and bit back a smile. Typed, Pre—or post-Chaos?
“Both,” I insisted. I wanted to ask if he did this all the time, slept with random women after only knowing them for a little while, but I didn’t really want to know the answer. I was pretty sure he didn’t go around finding women to rescue, though, so at least I held a top-of-the-line position there.
Still, this could be a one-night stand. I had to prepare myself for whatever came next, including these men trying to barter me for money. At least I knew why I was naked with Mathias. I slept with him because I almost died and I’d wanted to live. Because a man I thought I loved betrayed me, while a total stranger killed for me. Literally killed for me.
You know why you did it, right? Mathias typed.
“Because you’re hot?” I teased and I swore I saw the hint of blush on the tattooed biker’s face.
He shook his head and mouthed something to himself—I could’ve sworn it was, I walked right into that one, before he typed, You found out you get to keep living.
Redemption: A Defiance Novel Page 5