Juliana’s expression darkened at the mention of their sister. “Yes. I hated how you two teased, but now…now I would do anything to hear her quips.”
Thomasina squeezed Juliana tightly. “As would I. But we have each other, don’t we?”
Juliana nodded, and then she seemed to wipe her darker emotions away. She turned to Thomasina and looked her up and down closely. “Well, you don’t look any different.”
“Why should I?” Thomasina said with a confused shake of her head.
“Because you have done the thing we were not supposed to speak of!” Juliana cried. “The first of us to do so.” Her face fell. “I suppose not the first of us, after all. Perhaps Anne—”
Thomasina caught her hands. “Don’t think of it. We must assume she is fine and doing only what she wants to do while we’re parted. To think of any other possibility is too awful to bear.”
Even more unbearable now that she understood what happened between a man and a woman. When it was desired, it was wonderful and perfect. If it wasn’t…well, she could imagine how damaging it would be. She blinked at the sting of tears and tried to remain positive for Juliana’s sake.
“What was it like?” Juliana pressed.
Thomasina felt the heat flood her cheeks and she darted her gaze from her sister’s pointed one. “It was—it was…”
“Please don’t start with the ‘unmarried ladies shouldn’t know’ nonsense. We’ve always promised we would share this information.” Juliana folded her arms in expectation.
“I don’t want to hide it, I assure you,” Thomasina said. “It is just that I’m not sure how to describe it. If you want the man, if he wants you, if he cares about your pleasure…it is more wonderful than anything I’ve ever thought could exist between two people. The entire endeavor makes you feel alive. Like you could fly, but also that you’re grounded. And the pleasure is…intense.”
“It didn’t hurt like everyone always claims?” Juliana asked, leaning forward with gathering interest.
“Yes, a little. Though not after the first time.”
Juliana’s eyes boggled. “You did it more than once?”
Thomasina bent her head with a hot blush in response.
“Well, I suppose I will know soon enough. Unless Father decides to keep me a spinster so he won’t lose his secretary, I will be the next to fall to his desire to marry his daughters well.” Juliana twisted her mouth. “Until then I will only have to imagine.”
“Well, there is a way to give yourself the pleasure,” Thomasina said, her blush returning. “But I don’t think we should speak about it in such a public room.”
“No, perhaps not,” Juliana agreed with a smile. “We will have to discuss it soon enough, though. After all, Father and I are still scheduled to return to London the day after tomorrow. He hasn’t said anything different to me, despite Anne being missing.”
Thomasina let out her breath in a long sigh. “Yes, if Jasper sticks to his original timeline that he created for his marriage to Anne, we will follow just a week afterward. I had hoped we would remain here and try to find her. Do you think Father is looking at all? I know we are commodities to him, but he must care that she is in danger, mustn’t he?”
Juliana’s dropped stare was the answer to the question that Thomasina feared she already knew. “He will say he cares,” Juliana said carefully. “But now that Anne has done something so foolish, so scandal-worthy as running away, he knows he’ll gain nothing through her. If she isn’t a chip to be bargained with…”
Thomasina nodded. “Yes, I understand.”
“I couldn’t dare to hope that Lord Harcourt is looking. Would he, after our sister caused him so much trouble?” Juliana asked.
Thomasina twisted her mouth. “The subject of Anne is a tender one between us. He doesn’t seem to like to discuss her.”
“Now that you are married, perhaps that will change. Especially if things were as wonderful in your marital bed as you said. I’ve heard of ladies who manipulate that position with their husband for their own ends.”
Thomasina frowned at the idea of using the physical connection between her and Jasper to get what she wanted. It felt like the only place he truly let her in thus far. But this was her sister they were talking about. Anne was in trouble, of that she had no doubt.
How could she deny any method of helping her?
“Well, since we don’t know the intentions of the men in our lives,” Thomasina said, “perhaps we should do what we discussed yesterday and do a little investigating of our own.”
Juliana nodded. “I think we should, especially if I’m going to be forced to leave. What do you think of speaking to Nora?”
Thomasina grabbed her sister’s hand. “I was just going to say that myself, but you probably know that already.” They giggled, for they used to call that Triplet Magic, when their thoughts were so aligned. “You and Father spoke to our sister’s maid just after Anne ran away.”
“Father screeched at her,” Juliana corrected. “It scared her half to death. Perhaps after a few days and with Anne not returning, it will give her reason to say more.”
Thomasina nodded as she pulled the bell. Willard appeared and she asked him to fetch Nora. As they waited, she felt Juliana’s stare on her. Appraising. All-seeing. She only hoped her sister wouldn’t ask after her emotions with as much detail as she had pursued her experience in her marriage bed.
Talking about her heart felt even more intimate.
At last the door opened and Nora stepped in. The maid was a slight little thing, with pale blonde hair and wide blue eyes. Currently they were rimmed with dark circles. Her hands shook as she stepped into the space and glanced from Thomasina to Juliana.
“Good morning, my lady, Miss Juliana,” she said, and her voice trembled even harder than her hands.
Thomasina stepped forward. “Good morning, Nora, please come in. I think you must know what we’ve asked you here to discuss.”
To her shock, the maid lifted her hands to her face and began to weep loudly. Juliana’s eyes were wide as she met Thomasina’s and then she rushed to close the door and give this surprising moment some privacy.
Meanwhile, Thomasina rushed to put an arm around her as Nora hiccupped, “Y-You’re g-going t-to s-sack me.”
“No!” Thomasina burst out as she guided Nora to the settee and helped her sit. “Gracious, no, of course not.”
Nora lifted her head from her hands and swiped at the tears that streaked across her cheeks. “You aren’t?”
Juliana produced a handkerchief and handed it over as she took a place on the chair across from the settee. “No, most definitely not.”
The young woman all but sagged in relief. “Mr. Shelley yelled so loudly the night Miss Anne ran away,” she explained. “And no one’s talked to me about anything since. I thought sure I would be on the street as soon as we reached London. Perhaps even left out here in the wilds where I’d never find a position.”
Thomasina exchanged a guilty look with Juliana and squeezed the maid’s hand. “I’m so sorry, of course we should have thought of your feelings. Everything has been such a whirlwind with the marriage and Anne’s disappearance. I’m so sorry we didn’t reassure you earlier.”
“So Mr. Shelley won’t put me out?” Nora asked, her tone filled with hope.
Thomasina worried her lip. “In truth, I’m not certain. Our father can be mercurial and he’s angry at Anne. But I promise you that you won’t be on the street. I’ll find a way to help you, and so will Juliana.”
Juliana leaned forward. “And if Anne were to return, she would certainly be our ally in protecting you.”
Thomasina could see where her sister was steering the conversation. She didn’t like the manipulation, but she could see it worked for Nora shifted on the settee gently. She smiled at Nora.
“Juliana is correct, of course. Your best advocate is Anne.” She tilted her head to meet Nora’s gaze. “What can you tell us about her disappearance?”
Nora swallowed and cast her eyes toward Juliana. “Miss Juliana was there when Mr. Shelley asked me. I didn’t know she was going to run away.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Juliana said. “I believed you that night when you told us that. But you and Anne were very close. I know she considered you a friend and perhaps confided in you when she felt she couldn’t in us. Did she tell you anything about this Ellis person?”
Thomasina could see the answer to that question before Nora even answered. The guilty twitch of her gaze, the tensing of her hands. The maid knew something.
“Do you remember the country dance the family went to at the assembly hall the first week we got here?” Nora asked.
Thomasina nodded. “Was that where she met him?”
Nora sighed. “Miss Anne had been so…sad…since her engagement. I knew she wasn’t happy. But that night she came home light as air and couldn’t wait to tell me about this man she met on the terrace.”
Thomasina shifted and she saw Juliana do the same. Their sister had said nothing to either of them about her sadness…or her connection to this new man.
“Did she say his name? His full name?” Thomasina pressed.
Nora shook her head. “Just Ellis. I tried to remind her that she was about to be a married lady, but you know Miss Anne.”
“She can’t be stopped once she wants something,” Juliana mused.
“They met a few times during the weeks leading up to the wedding, but I never saw him.” Nora’s discomfort was clear. “Miss Anne kept telling me that she had no way out of the marriage, so there was no worrying about what she would do. But I swear she never told me she would run away.”
Thomasina let out her breath in a long sigh. “I believe you. We should look through her things.”
“I already did.” Juliana scrubbed a hand over her face. “That first night. I found nothing.”
Thomasina tilted her head at that revelation. Why had her sister done such a thing alone? Was it just her sense of responsibility that drove her?
“Well, perhaps you know of some secret place where she might have put letters or a journal she hid that might tell us more,” Thomasina said to Nora.
“I’ll look today,” Nora assured them.
“Good.” Thomasina got up, and Nora and Juliana did the same. “Thank you for your honesty and for your help.”
Nora clasped her hands before her chest. “Of course. I adore Miss Anne. I’m so afraid for her. I hoped she’d come home by now.”
“We all hoped that,” Juliana croaked. “And we must still hope. It’s all we have to cling to.”
Nora nodded. “I’ll go search now.” She bobbed out a quick curtsey and left them alone again.
Thomasina let out a long sigh. “I hoped she would know more.”
“So did I,” Juliana agreed as she came to put an arm around Thomasina’s waist. They stood that way for a long moment before Juliana continued, “Why didn’t Anne talk to us about how unhappy she was? I knew she was restless, but not sad.”
Guilt swelled in Thomasina. “I don’t know. I wish I knew, but she never said anything. We might have failed her if she felt she couldn’t speak to us. But we can’t fail her now. We must do more. As much as we can to…to save her if she needs to be saved. You work on Father,” she said. “Try to convince him to stay a while longer. And I will talk to Jasper about the search for Anne.”
“That sounds the best option to me.” Her sister leaned forward and hugged her. “I’m glad last night wasn’t terrible. I worried for you. And I hope that once this situation with Anne is resolved that you will be truly happy in your new life.”
Thomasina squeezed her sister hard. “I’m going to try everything in my power to ensure it. Now I will go find my husband and work on my side of this equation. I’ll see you at luncheon in a few hours, will I not?”
Juliana nodded. “You will.”
They moved into the hall together. Juliana turned one way to go look for their father and Thomasina retraced her steps back to Jasper’s office on the other side of the estate. She thought about her duty as she went, about what she would say to him. About what he would say to her.
After last night, would things be different between them? For better or worse? She reached his study door and drew a long breath.
There was only one way to find out. She knocked on his door and then pressed it open slowly. He was seated as his desk, a quill clenched tightly in his fingers, his forehead lined with worry as he pored over a letter before him.
“What do you want?” he snapped without looking up.
Chapter 13
Thomasina started at the cold, dismissive tone. Did he know it was her at his door?
“I’m sorry to disturb you, Jasper.”
He jerked his head up and looked at her. For a moment his irritation remained, but then his gaze flicked over her from head to toe and she saw some of the tension leave his mouth and eyes.
“My apologies, Thomasina,” he said as he set the quill aside, shoved the letter under a pile of papers and got to his feet. “Did you need something?”
She stared at him, his hands clenching and opening at his sides, his posture stiff and uncomfortable. He was nothing like the wicked man who had claimed her the prior night. Held her and kissed her and shattered her over and over.
“Do you?” she retorted with an arch of her brow as she entered the study fully and shut the door behind her.
The action changed his countenance entirely. Now he tracked her movements. His pupils dilated a fraction when they were alone together. He wanted her, instantly and powerfully. That was something. “Do I what?” he asked.
“Need something,” she repeated. “You seem out of sorts.”
His lips thinned and the desire fled his face. “No, of course not. I was just in the middle of some—” His gaze ceased to hold hers. “Some business.”
She kept moving forward, even though everything in her screamed to stop. To avoid any potential rejection. To keep from upsetting him if he truly wished her gone.
And yet the drive to support and help and comfort was so much greater than the fear.
She moved around the opposite side of his desk and leaned back against the edge so she was just next to him. He stared down at her, swallowing hard enough that she saw his Adam’s apple work with the force.
“Shared troubles, remember?” she whispered as she reached out to catch his hand. She threaded her fingers through his, stroking the rougher skin, tracing the lines of his knuckles as their hands folded together gently.
He cleared his throat, and for a moment she felt him lean into her. Want to give to her, not just in pleasure, but something for her to hold and to support. That longing was written all over his handsome face, as was an intense loneliness she had never seen in him before.
But then he shook his head, clearing the vulnerability, and instead bent to kiss her. She let him, for what other choice was there? Her desire for him hadn’t been tamped down the night before. If anything, it increased with every moment. And if that was what he needed, to drown in pleasure, she wouldn’t deny him.
He did that for a brief moment, tracing the fingers of his free hand along her jawline as he deepened the kiss, tasting her and teasing her and setting her on fire.
But he pulled away at last, shaking off her hand and pacing to the sideboard where he rested both his hands as he calmed his panting breaths. “You are temptation embodied, my lady,” he said, and cast a glance over his shoulder. “But I cannot give in this morning, as much as I’d like to do so. I’ve too much to do and am waiting for the return of Reynolds for—” He shook his head. “I simply cannot.”
She nodded slowly. “Then perhaps we can discuss something else.”
“What is it?” He turned and folded his arms, a shield. Against her, she supposed. Against her demands. That didn’t bode well.
“Anne,” she said softly. “I’m very concerned about her welfare, Jasper.”
His
jaw tightened. “If you wished to discuss your sister with me, you didn’t have to play at the game of desire to do it. I don’t need manipulation to consider your thoughts or feelings.”
She drew back. “That isn’t what my intention was at all.”
He arched a brow. “Wasn’t it? You didn’t come in here and glide across my room and look at me just so in order to seduce me into your way of thinking?”
She would have laughed if this sudden turn of his mind were not so seriously taken. “I assure you, Jasper, I have no idea how to seduce anyone to my way of thinking or to anything else.”
“That isn’t true,” he muttered, and shook his head almost as if that thought wasn’t meant to be stated out loud.
She swallowed. “I came here to see you because it is the first full day of our marriage and you slipped out of our bed this morning like you weren’t supposed to be there.”
He caught his breath and then bent his head as though he felt some level of shame at that action.
She continued, “I came to see you because I wanted to make sure I hadn’t displeased you—” He opened his mouth as if to speak, but she plowed forward because if she didn’t, she would never be brave enough again. “I came to see you because I…I…” She stopped. There was no place for confession here. Not yet. “I care about you. And when I saw your expression I thought you might need…need a friend. Or comfort, in whatever form you would allow. Those were my first thoughts. Nothing so mercenary as you seem to believe.”
He held her gaze for what felt like an eternity. “I was short with you, I was rude. I assumed. You did not deserve that. I’m sorry.”
Those words were clearly not easy for him to say judging from his clipped tone and shifting posture. But she believed them to be honestly given. And she was shocked by that. Her father had never apologized for anything in his life. She didn’t know many men who did.
“Thank you,” she said softly.
“But you are worried about Anne,” he said with a resigned sigh.
“I am.” She moved toward him carefully, uncertain as to how to proceed. “With everything going on since she ran away, I hadn’t been able to pursue the topic, or perhaps I was too afraid to. Perhaps I hoped she would simply reappear and I wouldn’t be forced to seek answers. Whatever the reason, today I realized I had to press the subject, and what I discovered leaves me more nervous than ever.”
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