by Kate Hewitt
He glanced down at the scarves. “Let’s go into the bedroom.”
He walked slowly, trying to buy himself time to figure out just how he was going to handle this. Louise followed him, obedient, expectant. Already she trusted him way too much.
What did she want him to do?
Her words came back to him. Make her feel safe. And God knew he wanted that more than anything. He wanted, needed her to feel totally safe with him. Despite who he was, what he’d done. He wanted to prove to her that he could be trusted to love and cherish her.
Maybe he did need this, too.
He turned to her and gently he cupped her cheek. “You surprise me, Louise Jensen. You blow my mind.”
She turned her head to kiss his palm. “It’s mutual.”
And he knew then it was going to be okay. He loved her, and he’d rather die than hurt her. He intended to show her that now.
*
Louise’s heart was thudding so hard her chest hurt. Blood roared in her ears. She felt excited and turned on and yes, more than a little scared. She’d been talking big game with Jaiven, acting a lot more certain than she felt to convince him to do this, but she knew they both needed something drastic to move past their fears.
She just hoped it was this.
“All right, then,” she said, and she held out her hands as if he was a cop about to snap cuffs on her.
“I’m not going to use these right away,” Jaiven told her with the hint of a smile in his voice. His eyes were warm and glinting. “I mean, come on. Haven’t you ever heard of foreplay?”
She let out a huff of laughter. “I kind of want to just get going.”
“Yeah, I know how you are. Rush, rush, rush.” He slid his hands through her hair and brought her lips to his.
She loved his kisses. Even with her heart thudding and her nerves clanging, she loved the sweet slide of his tongue against hers, the way he made love to her mouth. She relaxed a fraction, and Jaiven slid his hands from her hair to her breasts, cupping their fullness through her thin T-shirt before he slid them down farther to the hem of her shirt and lifted it over her head.
“You are,” he said in a husky murmur, “so very beautiful. I will never, ever tire of looking at you.” He made love to her breasts then, taking his time, so Louise was unsteady on her feet, holding on to his head for balance as he removed her bra and then made short work of her jeans and underwear.
Slowly he lifted her onto the bed; the duvet was slippery beneath her naked body. She lay there, watched him as he loomed above her, his eyes darkened with desire.
“Time for the striptease,” he said, and she laughed as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt.
“You missed out on a career with the Chippendales.”
“So many missed opportunities.”
He shucked off the last of his clothes, stood before her, naked, magnificent. Then he knelt by her, his expression turning serious.
“You sure about this?”
She nodded even though her heart was thudding harder now, her body slick. She stretched her arms above her head. Excitement and nerves coiled in her belly. “Yep,” she said as lightly as she could.
She watched as he slowly, languorously slid a scarf around one wrist, tied it to the bedpost. Then he did the other.
He made it sensual, erotic, and yet Louise still felt how trapped she was. How vulnerable. She couldn’t hide herself at all, and while that was what she’d wanted, had known she needed, she still felt…exposed. She couldn’t hide her flaws or faults. Couldn’t curl up and protect herself. Couldn’t cringe.
And she’d needed to be forced out of those default settings. Needed to feel safe but also strong. She took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and made herself relax. She looked at Jaiven and saw he was looking back at her steadily, his face dark with desire, his eyes blazing.
And even though seconds ago she’d felt exposed and embarrassed, now she felt as strong and sexy as she had when he’d shown her her reflection in the dressing room mirror.
The emotions buoyed inside her and she arched, offering herself to him. “Come here, already,” she teased, her voice throaty with desire, and he laughed and shook his head.
“You are so incredible, Louise. And so beautiful. And so damn sexy.” He let out a shuddering breath, his face contorting with emotion so he almost looked as if he were in pain. “I love you,” he said, his voice breaking, and with her mind still reeling from his admission, he stretched out on top of her, braced on his forearms, and then wrapped his body around hers like a blanket. Tucked all her vulnerable places into his. Sheltered her.
She’d never felt so cherished, so protected. So safe. She pressed her face into the warm curve of his shoulder and wrapped her legs around him, drawing him to her, wanting him closer to her.
“I love you,” she whispered. “I love you so much, Jaiven.”
He kissed the words from her lips, and then moved his way down her body, so slowly and tenderly that Louise felt tears start in her eyes. His touch felt reverent.
This had been the right thing to do. She felt treasured and cherished, safe and strong. Bold and beautiful. She was utterly exposed, utterly accepted, and she offered herself up to him, craving more than his kiss.
Still he just kissed her, drawing out her pleasure until it felt almost like pain, the sensation was so sharp and exquisite.
“Please,” she gasped. “Please. I want you inside me.”
“Then take me inside you,” Jaiven answered, and in one fluid movement he undid the scarves and rolled onto his back.
Louise blinked at him for a moment before a smile spread across her face and she rose onto her knees, straddling him. Jaiven groaned aloud.
“So the tables are kind of turned,” she said, and Jaiven smiled up at her.
“Not really. You were always in control.”
“I don’t have a condom.”
He reached for one from the bedside table, thrust it into her fingers. “I’m all yours.”
And he was, amazingly. All hers. She took her time rolling on the condom, loving how she made him writhe and moan with pleasure. Loving the power she had, the pleasure she was giving him. Loving him.
And then finally she sank onto him, gasped aloud as the explosion of both emotional and physical sensation blindsided her. She felt as if she couldn’t see, couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. She just felt. Felt Jaiven inside her, filling her up, completing her.
She felt as if they were completely fused, truly one flesh. She wanted to absorb him into her skin, to stay this connected forever.
And then Jaiven began to move under her, arching his hips, and she responded, learning the rhythm, her eyes closed, her head thrown back as she abandoned herself in a way she never truly had before. Giving everything up to him.
Casual sex had nothing on this, Louise thought hazily. Sex with someone you loved was a different ball game entirely. A different universe from a fantasy fling.
“I love you,” she whispered, her voice choking as they rode higher and higher, and then their shared climax brought them to the crest; pleasure broke over her in a wave and she drew him even deeper into her body, never wanting to let him go.
*
Jaiven rolled onto his side, still clasping Louise to him. He never wanted to let her go. Never wanted to know a day or even a minute without her.
He felt her heart rate start to slow as he stroked her hair. “That scarf thing,” he said after a moment. “You might have something there. But next time you get to tie me up.”
She let out a tremulous laugh, and then propped herself on her elbow, her hair brushing his chest, her eyes shiny with unshed tears. “Thank you,” she said simply.
He slid a hand through her hair, wrapped the silky strands around his fist. His heart felt so incredibly full. “I guess you knew what you wanted.”
“I guess I did. I was a little nervous, though.’
“You and me both.” He drew her toward him so he could kiss her again.
She kissed him back before laying her head on his shoulder, her cheek pressed against his chest. If he only had this moment, Jaiven thought, he’d die a happy man. But then he knew he was a liar because he wanted so much more. So much more with Louise.
And lying there, with her having just trusted him with absolutely everything, he knew he was ready to trust her with the truth. Knew that the only way to go on from here.
“Louise,” he said, his voice croaky, and she turned to him with a smile, pressed a kiss to his bare chest.
“Yes?”
Damn but this was hard. He stroked the silk of her bare back, tried to find the words. “I…I need to tell you…”
She looked up at him, her eyes wide, her gaze unwavering and full of trust. “What do you need to tell me, Jaiven?”
“Some stuff,” he said. “Kind of…kind of like your stuff.”
She kissed his bare shoulder, her gaze steady. “I want to hear your stuff.”
He swallowed, his heart banging away in his chest. “Even if…even if it’s the kind of thing…” He stopped, not wanting to put it into words, and then, thank God, his cell phone, left on the bedside table, rang. A reprieve, if only temporary.
He reached for it, saw who it was.
“It’s my contact at Nice,” he said, and Louise sat up.
“You should answer.”
He did, and then listened as his heart grew heavier.
“What is it?” Louise asked, and he saw the anxiety shadowing her eyes, heard it sharpen her voice.
“It’s Harlow,” he told her. “They’ve found some footage.”
Chapter Fifteen
“SHE’S DEFINITELY IN Nice, then,” Nora said, her voice high with strain as she paced the small confines of Louise’s office.
She’d called both Nora and Addison this morning to tell them what she’d learned about Harlow last night.
“She’s in Nice, yes,” Louise said carefully. “And I really think it’s time to call the police.”
“I want to see the footage.”
“It doesn’t tell us much, but I had it sent to my email. We can stream it from here.”
Louise had already watched it once, last night with Jaiven. Now she steeled herself to see the blurry five-second footage of Harlow being shepherded across the dockside by a burly man whose face was averted from the CCTV cameras.
“She’s been coerced,” Nora said sharply after it had played once. Addison simply sat, silent and shell-shocked. “You can tell, can’t you? That man is forcing her—”
“Yes,” Louise said quietly. “I can tell.” There had been no question in her mind that Harlow had been going somewhere she didn’t want to go. The way her head was bowed, the way the man was pushing her forward. It definitely didn’t look good.
“What if telling the police makes it worse?” Addison said suddenly. “What if someone’s paid them off? This thing is bigger than any of us thought. Bigger than my father.”
“I think you’re right,” Louise agreed heavily. “But beyond telling the police, I don’t see what we can do, especially if the royal family of Ruyi is involved—”
“They are not involved,” Nora interjected swiftly.
Louise glanced at her, her eyebrows raised. “You seem very certain. Do you have any knowledge of the royal family?” She’d been speaking with gentle sarcasm, but Nora lifted her chin proudly.
“As a matter of fact, I do. My brother Hunter is friends with the Sheikh’s son Zair.”
Louise sat back, surprised and a little bemused. These young women clearly had connections she couldn’t even dream of.
“You don’t know what anyone is capable of,” Addison said quietly. “I learned that the hard way. You might know Zair, Nora, but he could still be involved.”
“He’s not.”
“Nora—” Louise began, and she shook her head.
“Look, we can’t involve the police. Not yet, not until we know if we can trust them.”
“And how on earth will we ever know that?” Louise asked.
“I’m going to go over there,” Nora said, and Louise and Addison both stared at her, dumbfounded. “I’m going to go to Nice and find Harlow.”
*
That evening Louise walked home, weary and anxious about Harlow and yet still looking forward to seeing Jaiven. She’d tried her damnedest to convince Nora of the absolute idiocy of haring off to France, but the young woman was determined. And Louise understood that kind of determination, even though she was scared, desperately so, for Nora. But sometimes, she knew, you needed to do something rash and crazy and even stupid. Something that went against all reason.
And maybe Nora would find out more about Harlow. If the police couldn’t be trusted, maybe this was the way forward. She hoped, for Harlow’s and Nora’s sake, that it was.
And as for her and Jaiven…
A smile bloomed across her face as memories of last night—good, healing memories—slid through her mind. Jaiven. Jaiven saying he loved her. Jaiven showing he loved her, in so many ways.
And Jaiven saying he had to tell her something, some stuff. His issues, his secrets—and even though she’d told him she was ready to hear it, she was afraid. Terrified, actually, of letting him down by not doing or saying the right thing. Terrified because what if it really was a game changer? What if the secret Jaiven had been holding on to was dark or terrible enough to shatter this wonderful yet fragile new reality?
What if she couldn’t handle the truth?
After the phone call, they’d been focused on Harlow. Louise hadn’t pushed anymore about what Jaiven had been going to say, and he certainly hadn’t raised the subject. But it was still there. It needed to be addressed. Tonight.
And then they could finally move on—from both of their pasts.
Her phone beeped and she slid it out from her bag, her smile growing wider when she saw who it was.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey.” She’d never get tired of that sexy, low rumble. “You want to come over here? I’ve got a bottle of champagne with your name on it.”
“Champagne? Are we celebrating?”
“Definitely.”
“I’ll be over in twenty minutes. I just need to change.”
Jaiven was waiting by the door, checking his watch as she stepped into his arms. “Twenty-one minutes, you minx.”
She laughed, wrapping her arms around him as she kissed him hello. “It wasn’t on purpose this time.”
“Uh-huh.” He ran his hands up and down her back as he fit her more snugly against him. “I love you,” he murmured against her mouth.
“I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of you saying that.”
“How about if I show you?”
“Lead on.”
A lovely hour later Louise lay in Jaiven’s bed, her head resting on his shoulder, her fingers entwined with his, their joined hands resting on his taut belly.
“Jaiven,” she said softly, and with his other hand he played with a strand of her hair.
“Yes?”
“That stuff you mentioned last night.” She felt him tense beneath her. “I want to know what it is.”
He didn’t answer for a long moment, and with her heart sinking she wondered if he was going to prevaricate. Then he nodded slowly, the movement resigned. “I know.”
“Whatever it is,” she whispered, “it’s okay.”
He let out a sigh, the sound one of defeat. “You can’t know that, Louise.”
“I know you.”
He was silent for a long moment, his arms still around her. Then he said slowly, each word drawn from him painfully, “What if…what if what I told you was the same kind of thing you told me?”
She frowned, not understanding. “But…how do you mean?”
He turned to look at her seriously. “What do you think I mean?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you shouldn’t talk in riddles.” She heard a sharp note enter in her voice and realized she was afraid. An
d she didn’t want to be afraid anymore. “Jaiven, whatever it is, you can trust me.”
“Even if what I did…who I am…makes me just as bad as your ex-husband?”
The question seemed to reverberate in the air between them. Jaiven was watching her closely, looking for her reaction. And Louise knew she was just staring at him blankly because—
“I can’t believe that,” she whispered. “I won’t believe it. Jaiven, you can’t mean that. You haven’t…you haven’t abused anyone.”
“No,” he answered steadily. “But I killed a woman.”
Louise felt as if her heart had stopped. She forgot to breathe. She stared at him, and as Jaiven’s expression closed up she realized she was looking at him with unmitigated horror. Not the expression she’d wanted or meant to have on her face, but—
I killed a woman.
Jaiven rolled out of bed and yanked on his boxers and jeans, his back to her.
“Jaiven—” she said helplessly, because realization was trickling icily through her. She’d just looked at him the way Emily had. And truthfully, she didn’t know how else to look. What to think. “You need to tell me the whole story,” she said finally.
He pulled on a T-shirt, his voice muffled as he yanked it over his head. “That pretty much is the whole story.”
“It isn’t. Was it…was it an accident?”
He stood facing the window, his body taut, his back to her. “Would that make a difference?” he asked, and she heard so much weary sorrow in his voice, so much bleakness, that she ached.
“Of course it would.” She was realizing something that should have been blindingly obvious. Jaiven didn’t think she could get past this because he couldn’t get past it. He didn’t believe she could forgive and love him because he didn’t forgive and love himself. “Please tell me what happened,” she said quietly. And she prayed she had the strength and courage to deal with it.
Jaiven was silent for a long moment, his back to her, and then slowly, thankfully, he turned around. “You remember I told you I was in a gang.”
“Yes.”
“The Bones, they were called. This…” He indicated the tattoo on his neck, the swirls with the three dots in the center. “I got this when I joined. The dots are for the only places gang members go—the hospital, prison, or the grave.” He smiled bleakly and added, “You know where I ended up.”