by C. M. Boers
“In the desert, what did you do to Pete?”
“Oh that,” he said.
“Yeah, what was that?” I asked again.
“Well, it’s a gift from the elders. I am able to incapacitate others who are trying to harm you or me, but only if they are also otherworldly. It is truly the most useful tool I could have asked for. It gives us a chance to get away without hurting them worse than momentarily,” he said it like he was talking about the weather.
“So these gifts, do all of the Protectors have the same ones?” I asked.
“Nope, every Protector is different, though we all have our defenses against the other otherworldly beings. It makes us harder to fight, especially if you don’t know our inner strengths. Our attacks can still have the element of surprise. You’d be amazed at what some of the others can do!” he said excitedly.
“Oh,” I looked at my hands. Just when I seemed to feel like I understood even a portion of what Eli was telling me, I was hit with a jillion more things that my mind struggled to wrap itself around. “What do you mean by otherworldly? Is that what you are? Like from somewhere else?”
He laughed. “No, that is just my word for them. They are just like me, though I know there are other beings out there that are unlike me and unlike you. But the ones I am referring to are other Protectors that have gone rogue. They chose to no longer accept assignments and have intentionally done harm by not protecting their current assignments. There are a lot more than you would think. You can choose to stop protecting the right way if you go to the elders and ask, and they may release you from command—but you lose all of your power and gifts. I guess some people just don’t want to lose the power.” He spoke so fast and nonchalant that I think he forgot that I was unaccustomed to his world. When he realized it, he shot me an embarrassed look.
“I’m not sure how much more I can process tonight,” I said, rubbing my temples.
“Let me take you home. We can talk more tomorrow after you’ve had a chance to sleep on it. Abby, I want you to know that this means everything to me that you are willing to talk to me, to give me another chance. I know it doesn’t mean things will be the same as before, but I hope that we can get past this and be close again.” He smiled at me shyly.
Minutes later, I was home. Mom was already in bed so I went straight to my room. In spite of getting many of my questions answered, I still had more. With each question answered it seemed like there were five new puzzles to solve. I felt like I was never going to get anywhere amidst the confusion.
I turned on the radio quietly and sat down at my laptop to check my email. I thought maybe I could take my mind off of everything by reading an email from Kelly, but when I opened my email there were no new messages. I hadn’t heard from her in over two weeks. I was dreading when we would eventually drift apart; it was inevitable. Now it was apparent that it was beginning to happen. I vowed to try harder to keep in touch with her at that moment, starting with an email right then.
I let the music carry me, hoping it would lift my mood.
Kelly,
Hey you! How are you? I'm doing…well I guess as good as to be expected. Things are kind of crazy right now. I haven't heard from you in a couple weeks. Do I need to come back there and kick your butt? Ha-ha! Seriously, you better write me back ASAP! I want
updates missy. Any new guys hanging around? I'm definitely still warding off any ideas of getting involved with anyone. I'm way too busy to add that to the mix! Mom has been almost a ghost lately. Between work and her social life, I think she is just as busy as me!
How is school? Surprisingly, I seem to be holding my own when it comes to my grades. Even in history! I am passing with a B! Won't my mom and dad be pleased!?! Ha-ha. Eli is still the one person I feel like I can talk to. I thought it would be easier for me to talk to Bailey, but for some reason, she just isn't there like I think Eli can be for me. It's been really nice having someone that gets me like you do! I miss you. I should get to bed it's almost midnight!
Love, Abby
I re-read the whole email before I hit send. I was pleased that I sounded upbeat and happy throughout the email. It had distracted me like I had hoped, but not nearly as long as I would have liked. The music may have had a small part to do with it as well.
I jumped as a flash popped up in unison with a chime. It was a message from Eli. He was online too.
Eli: How are you?
I quickly typed a message back. It felt good to be able to talk to him without him seeing my face at every answer. It gave me time to think, to collect myself.
Abby: I'm doing okay.
Eli: I'm glad. I saw you were online and I thought I would see how you were doing. I hate the idea of leaving you to think everything through. It’s a lot to think about.
Abby: Thanks. Can't you feel how I am?
Eli: Yeah, I can, but I don't get to talk to what I feel, and I don't know what you are thinking that way either. I feel a lot of anxiety coming from you.
Abby: I guess so.
Abby: This is so weird. You knowing how I feel. I guess you've known how I felt ever since you met me huh?
Eli: Well…
It took a moment for him to type up his next response.
Eli: Actually, it's been since you were in my dream, the one telling me about you. I didn't know what the sensations were at first, but I realized it as soon as I met you, that is exactly what it had been all along.
My body went limp. For six months before he even knew me he had been feeling my emotions. Everything I felt those last few months with the divorce, having to move, and leaving my friends… it was a lot of bad. He must have felt horrible the whole time. Poor Eli.
Abby: All that time…I'm sorry.
Eli: Abby, it's okay. It's not your fault. To tell you the truth, I am glad that things are the way they are, we're connected. J I couldn’t have asked for a better person to be connected to.
The smiley face was exactly as I was picturing he looked now. Only I couldn’t figure out why he would want to feel anything I felt. I definitely had my moments of moodiness. I was slightly embarrassed to feel anything now. Realization hit me like a ton of bricks. That was why all week I felt so calm instead of stressed and worried. It was Eli. He had been helping me through the whole week, and I hadn’t even known. I got teary-eyed knowing just how much he was looking out for me, and how much my life was impacting him. His life revolved around me. It had to stop.
Abby: Your life is centered around me. I can't let you give up your own life because of me. It isn't fair.
Eli: This is far bigger than me and you and frankly I don't have a choice. You are stuck with me, like it or not.
Eli: Stop trying to find a way out of this, I was raised knowing this day would come. I don’t know anything else. Trust me I'm not missing anything.
Abby: Fine. We're stuck like glue. Now what?
Eli: Ha-ha, well now we go back to normal and move on.
Abby: Just like that?
Eli: Yep.
Abby: I would love that.
Eli: Have plans tomorrow?
Abby: I have to work at 4, but other than that nothing.
Eli: Go to bed, I'll see you in the morning. J
Eli has signed off.
I sat there thinking for a few more minutes before closing my computer to get ready for bed. He was such a great friend. Now I felt like I could trust him with anything. He was so understanding of anything that I brought to him. He accepted me for who I was, no questions asked. He made me feel at ease in ways I never thought possible. Well, of course he did; he could change my feelings. We were going to have to talk about that one. I didn’t want him to be changing them unless I wanted it, but did I ever want that? Yes, I was sure at some point I would. I didn’t know how I was supposed to know if he was changing them. I needed to ask him that too. For now, I decided to just be content with where we were. It was better than where we were a few days ago.
For once that night, I had an amazing
dream. My dad was in town, and we were going to the Grand Canyon. Driving up was beautiful, and mountains full of pine trees surrounded us. We saw deer and elk standing tall grazing in meadows. Their antlers seemed to reach the trees. The sky was as blue as blue could be without a cloud to be seen. I woke up when my dad and I were standing beside the Grand Canyon admiring its beauty. The Grand Canyon was something my dad and I were planning on for a summer trip. My dream only made me want it to come quicker.
I rolled over to see the clock, which said that it was only 8 a.m. Normally, I would have preferred to sleep in, but right then I felt unusually refreshed. I wasn’t used to that. Plus, I was excited to actually get to have breakfast with my mom. She’d been gone so much lately and I had been working so much that I really wanted to catch up, especially now that things were better between Eli and I. I felt better than I had in weeks, and I was ready to enjoy the weekend.
Mom was just getting up and she hadn’t started breakfast yet. I helped by starting the bacon, and it sizzled loudly as it hit the pan. Mom finished making coffee and began mixing up blueberry pancakes, my favorite. We maneuvered effortlessly through the kitchen, finishing the breakfast of eggs, bacon, blueberry pancakes, coffee and orange juice.
Just as we were about to sit down to eat, the doorbell rang.
“I'll get it,” I said heading out of the room.
I briefly wondered if it was Eli standing on the other side of the door, but if I was really honest with myself I already knew it was.
“Hey Abby!” he greeted me as I opened the door.
“Hey, we’re just sitting down to breakfast, want some?” I asked.
“Sure, thanks,” he said walking into the dining room.
“Mom, its Eli you don’t mind if he joins us for breakfast, do you?”
“Not at all, how are you Eli?” she asked him.
Before I even left the room to get Eli a plate, he and my mom were engrossed in a conversation about plans for the day. When I returned Eli had already worked out with my mom that he and I were going to the lake for a few hours.
I was grateful; it felt like things were back to normal again. I hated when things were strained and awkward. Eli had made himself at home to ensure that there would be no tension remaining. He always knew just the right things to do to make me feel better, and I knew he wasn’t altering any moods that time. He was just being himself.
“You guys can make a picnic,” my mom suggested, snapping me out of my thoughts. “There is enough food in the kitchen for a banquet,”
“Okay, thanks mom, guess we should go get started.”
We were already finished eating, but I had no idea where the time or my breakfast went. I must have been so engrossed in my thoughts to see anything going on around me. I began wondering what conversation I missed in my daydreaming, but quickly pushed it aside figuring it probably wasn’t anything to worry about.
We packed ham sandwiches, pretzels, and red licorice with cans of soda to drink, as well as water bottles. After such a long lonely week, it was nice to finally have something to look forward to. I didn’t know that many people went to the lake in January, but Eli assured me that even though we wouldn’t be going swimming, we would still have fun.
Eli decided to take me to Saguaro Lake instead of any of the others because it was so close. It only took about 45 minutes to get there, and the scenery on the drive consisted of rocky desert full of cactus and shrubs, instead of the pretty pine forest I had seen in my dream the night before. We didn’t see any wildlife other than a few birds here and there, but I wasn’t sure what species were in the area anyway. Maybe I was simply looking in the wrong places.
“There isn’t much color in the desert,” I commented.
“You should see it in the spring, everything blooms and there are flowers in so many colors. It’s gorgeous,” he said.
I’d heard once that when the desert bloomed it was supposed to be very pretty, but I had never experienced it myself. Our conversation mostly revolved around the scenery and school the whole drive out. Surprisingly, it never veered towards the one topic that I still wanted more of. I knew it was only a matter of time before questions began slipping out of my mouth, and I was sure that it wouldn’t be graceful at all.
The lake wasn’t as deserted as I would have guessed, but as I stepped out from the car my face was assaulted with cold air. I was glad that Eli made me bring an extra jacket. I shivered while I waited for him to open the trunk where my jacket was stowed.
“So what’s the plan?” I asked.
“How do you feel about hiking?” he asked with a sly smile.
I hadn’t been hiking in quite some time, but was always up for an adventure. “Sounds good to me.”
We hiked around the lake to one trail that led up into the desert. It led us to an overlook where we could see a good portion of the lake. It was breath taking, and we decided to have our picnic lunch there. Eli had been kind enough to carry the backpack on our hike, so we spread out our blanket and sat down to eat.
“So, can I ask you some more questions?” I boldly asked him after we were situated with our lunches.
“You can ask me whatever you want,” he said after chewing his first bite.
“What’s going to happen when I’m not your ‘assignment’ anymore? Like if you get a new one?” I was too embarrassed to look him in the eye. The truth was, I didn’t want to lose him. If he wasn’t able see his dad, what exactly did that mean for our friendship? That was the biggest thing that plagued my mind. I hadn’t asked sooner because I was afraid of the answer, but it was time that I faced the truth.
“I don’t know… it’s something that every Protector worries about.” He lifted my chin to look in his eyes. “But I can tell you nothing is going to change for a while, so please don’t think about it.”
It was not the answer I had hoped for, and I quickly changed the subject for fear that I might cry. “It’s so peaceful out here. I love it.”
“I come out here to think sometimes. It helps to clear your head; just to get away from it all,” he said.
“I used to have a place like that in California, but I haven’t had a chance to find one here yet.”
“Well, we will just have to do something about that, won't we?” he grinned.
“How am I supposed to know if you are adjusting my moods?” I interjected.
“Well, if you really pay attention you can tell, but I have only altered your moods a few times and those have been when you were with me. Does it bother you?” he asked, sincere concern in his voice.
“A little I think. It makes me feel weird not knowing if what I’m feeling has been generated by you, or if it is what I'm truly feeling.” I didn’t know if what I was saying was coming across in the way I hoped it would. Then again, I didn’t even really know how to describe it.
“I think I know what you mean. How about this—if I think you need a boost, I’ll ask?”
He actually seemed to get everything I said, and he listened to what I was saying with genuine interested. It meant so much to me that he was so caring, but then again he didn’t really have a choice in the matter. “That would make me feel a lot better.”
“I want you to know that there may come a time though that I may not be able to ask beforehand. It may have to do with your safety. When it comes to your safety, I will always act first and ask questions later,” he said sternly.
He said it in a blunt manner, which wasn’t a way he would typically talk to me. I knew it was just because he was passionate about that particular subject. It was sort of his job to be. It was so astonishing to think that someone was tied to me just for my protection. I still didn’t like the fact that he felt I couldn’t protect myself, even though my track record so far wasn’t too pretty. However, I had been keeping myself safe for years until I moved there, and suddenly there had to be someone to protect me. It took some getting used to. I was certainly not comfortable yet, and I absolutely wasn’t willing to let someone els
e get hurt on my account Instead of saying anything about it, I let it go and sufficed with a simple, “Okay.”
We finished eating and decided to head down to the shoreline. It was a nice sandy beach to relax on, and I imagined that during the summer it was packed with people smeared with sunscreen and toe-headed kids building sandcastles and splashing in the water. I sat down in the sand and leaned back on my hands with my legs out in front of me to bask in the sun. I looked out at the water, and I could only see a couple boats in the distance. During the summer, Eli said it was super busy. I tried to imagine all of the boats and jet skis that might be on the water then.
“Penny for your thoughts?” he asked playfully as he plopped down in the sand next to me.
“I was just imagining what the lake might look like during the summer,” I answered casually.
“I’ll take you here this summer.” He gazed out at the water.
“It’s a date!” I said enthusiastically. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, my eyes darted to Eli’s. He looked up just as quickly. I don’t think that moment could have gotten any more uncomfortable. There I sat staring at him with a doe-in-headlights expression. Nice Abby. “I-I didn’t mean it like that,” I said shyly, looking back down into the sand so I didn’t have to look into his alluring blue eyes.
“I know,” he said solemnly.
It was the first moment that had ever felt awkward between us; at least in the romantic sense. I had never even thought of him that way before that very moment. I wondered if he had before now. Probably not, with all the drama I seemed to have brought upon him. I doubted he would ever think of me romantically. I couldn’t even see why he would want to be friends with me. I had changed everything about his life and it wasn’t exactly a good thing—but he seemed to want me around just the same. Just as well; we were really good friends and I would never want to jeopardize that for a fling.