“I’m smarter than you,” Ben said.
“Agreed. But in everything else . . . seriously.”
When he took out a mug, Ro said, “I’ll take a cup.”
“JD?”
“Yeah, why not.”
Ben served them coffee. Between Shanks and this, he’d always have a job as a barista. “Are you going to say anything, JD, or do I have to say it?”
“It’d be better if you said it.”
“Say what?” Ro asked.
“You have to promise that you’re not going to slap me and walk out, okay.” Ben sipped coffee and pointed to JD. “This is his idea.”
“But you agree with it,” JD said.
“I haven’t agreed to anything. I’m only reporting, so don’t kill the messenger.” Ro waited. “JD still wants you for his ‘official’ girlfriend.” Ben made air quotes. “You’d be like a beard for him so he can pretend that you didn’t dump him. And you’d still have the hottest guy in the school.”
She stared at Ben. “I guess this is the part where I slap you.”
“Ro, if you do dump him, he’ll make your life miserable. I’ve known this boy for a long time. Like I told you in the car, he’s an asshole and a prick.”
“All true,” JD said.
“I won’t be there to protect you. I can’t stand the thought of your being unhappy.”
Her eyes flitted between Ben and JD. “You both are lunatics. I don’t want to have anything to do with either one of you.”
Ben took her hand but she pulled it away. “Dorothy, you know how I feel about you.”
“And that’s why you’re willing to share me?”
“No, no,” JD said. “It’s not that we’re sharing you. That’s the wrong way of looking at it.” He sipped coffee. “Rosers, think of it like that vampire chick flick from like years ago. You know the one.” He made his voice high. “I want the vampire, I want the zombie, I want the vampire, I want the zombie.”
“Werewolf,” Ro said.
“Who wins out?” Ben asked. “The vampire or the zombie?”
“Werewolf.”
“The werewolf wins out?”
“No, the vampire.”
Ben said, “Okay, I’m the vampire, JD. You’re the zombie.”
“No, no, no,” JD said. “I’m the vampire, you’re the zombie—”
“Werewolf!” Ro shouted. “There is no zombie. And you know what both of you really are? You’re both idiots!”
“Ro, you’re missing the meta-message here,” Ben said. “We’re fighting over you, hon.”
JD said, “It’s like this, Rosers. It’s not a choice between the vampire and the zombie—”
“Werewolf! There is no zombie! Jeez, don’t you listen?”
“This is the choice. You can have superman. Me: tall, athletic, good-looking, socially adept, and really smart . . . who will probably have my own sports agency and be a multimillionaire before the age of forty. Or you can have this moody, reclusive geek . . . who has a good chance of becoming the next Bill Gates or Mark Zuckerberg and will be a billionaire before the age of thirty.”
Ben couldn’t help it. He doubled over in laughter.
“So pleased with yourselves!” Ro said. “You both are douchebags.”
JD said, “Dorothy, you are the prettiest, smartest, and wittiest girl in the entire school. And I daresay you’re probably the prettiest, smartest, and wittiest girl in any high school across the country.”
“Stow it, JD. I am not going back to you. You made a fool out of me.”
“I’ll publicly apologize. I’ll eat shit. I’ll make it appear that you’re holding all the cards.”
“While you’re doing Lisa, right?”
“He’s also doing Shannon.” Ben avoided JD’s shocked stare. “To make an informed decision, she’s got to know everything.”
“You’re doing Shannon?” Ro was incredulous. Then she said, “Is Weekly doing her too?”
“Sure is, Mama.”
“God!” She shook her head. “And I thought Scarsdale was bad.”
“It probably is,” JD said. “You just never made it into twelfth grade. Ro, no one gives a shit about school anymore. We’re all like freaky-deaky. That means you can spend the next five months under my protection, or you can sit by yourself and be miserable.”
No one spoke.
JD said, “You know how this guy feels about school dances and all that hoopla.” He was pointing to Ben. “I’ll take you to the winter dance, I’ll take you to the spring fling, I’ll take you to prom.”
“No, I’m taking her to prom,” Ben said.
“Hells no,” JD said.
“Hells yes,” Ben said.
“Will you two idiots please shut up?” Ro folded her arms across her chest. “You can both take me to the prom. Queen Elizabeth I had her retinue.” She pointed to JD. “You can be Leicester.” Then to Ben: “And you can be Essex.”
“I’ll be Leicester,” Ben said.
“Why?” JD asked. “What’s so good about Leicester?”
“He lives out his natural life. Essex gets his head chopped off, but he is young, good-looking, and the queen’s favorite. It’s kind of a trade-off.”
“I’ll be Essex.” JD stood and stretched. “So . . . we’re all okay on this?”
“No, we’re not okay on this! But this is what I’ll agree to,” Ro said. “You can take me to the winter dance. But not to the after party.”
“Agreed.”
“And that’s as far as I’ll go right now,” Ro told him. “You’d better start eating shit on Monday, JD. And you’d better be really good at it or else all bets are off. I don’t want people snickering behind my back. Now go away. I want to talk to Vicks in private. That is why I came over. Not to deal with you!”
JD was trying to hide a smirk, but it wasn’t quite working. Ro said, “Get out of here!”
“I need my jacket.”
“I’ll get it.” When Ben came back, he said, “You take care of her, JD. If you don’t, I’ll kill you. I’ve studied enough murders that I truly believe I could do it and get away with it.”
“You are so weird.” JD put on his jacket. “A little menacing, dude. I’ll admit that, but you’re still very bizarre.”
As soon as the front door closed, the two girls came out from hiding. Ro said, “Did you hear anything?”
“Everything,” Haley said. “I agree with you, Ro. They both are real idiots.”
Lilly said, “On the other hand, it’s so romantic to have two guys fighting over you.”
“I don’t have two guys,” Ro said. “I have two cretins.” She spoke to Ben. “You two are enough to make me turn gay.”
“Lucky girls,” Ben told her.
Despite herself, Ro smiled. “I need to talk to Ben in private.”
Lilly pulled Haley’s arm. “C’mon, best friend, we’re back in quarantine.”
“You can stay here,” Ro said. “We’ll go to his room. Don’t you dare listen in. I mean that, Haley.”
“You were yelling,” Haley said.
“Not really,” Lilly said. “We were just eavesdropping.”
Ro took Ben’s hand. “I’ve got plenty to say to you.”
“Any of it good?”
“Dream on.”
Chapter 28
After Ro closed and locked the door to the bedroom, she leaned against the wall with her arms crossed over her chest. Her voice was low and filled with anger. “This was going to be the ‘let’s get together’ talk. After what happened, the most you can hope for is rapprochement.” She shook her head. “I don’t even know why I’m talking to you at all. Do I mean that little to you that you’re willing to blow me off?”
“Just the opposite.” Ben exhaled. “Your happiness is paramount. Even if it makes me miserable.”
“Didn’t sound like it out there. Sounded like you and JD were having a great time. If you love someone, you don’t share the person with someone else.”
�
�Of course I don’t want to share you.” Ben looked out the window of the bedroom. The lightning and thunder had abated, but it was still gray, wet, and dreary. The wind was raging. “Okay, Dorothy, you win. I’ll drop my plans and stay here until we graduate.”
Ro stared at him. “You’d do that for me?”
“I’d do anything for you.” He softened his voice. “Anything.”
She was silent for a moment. “No, don’t do that. Even I’m not that self-centered.”
Ben said, “Ro, you’re stuck here. You can either spend the time you have left as the queen bee or you can be a drone. I vote queen bee—not for me but for you. What does it matter anyway? In six months you’ll fly away and won’t look back.”
“Sadly, I suppose there’s some truth in that.” She cleared her throat. “Did you know he was doing Shannon too?”
“No. He just told me.”
“I don’t know how he managed juggling me and them. I know he’s eighteen, but still that takes a lot of stamina . . . not that I did all that much with him.”
“I don’t need to hear this.”
She said, “He’s right, you know. I really did start off liking him . . . a lot. It just died.”
“What happened?”
“I guess I just started thinking about serious things: my sister, your sister, Katie Doogan, Julia Rehnquist, death and murder. JD suddenly seemed so . . . frivolous.”
“Sorry for dragging you into my neurosis.”
“No, Vicks, you can’t repress forever.” Another shrug. “At least I get to go to the winter dance in my supercool dress.” She sat down on his bed and patted the mattress. “Sit down next to me.”
“Gladly.” She put her head on his shoulder and he kissed her cheek. “I really do love you.”
She lay down on the bed and drew him on top of her. Reaching up, she tucked an errant piece of hair behind his ear. “I love you too.”
“You don’t have to say it if you don’t mean it.”
“I do mean it, and that’s the problem.” She blinked back tears. “I love you and I don’t want to love you.” She wrapped a lock of his hair around a finger then pulled the finger out. Did it again until it was a ringlet. “Because if you love someone and you have to leave that someone, it’s very painful.”
“I know. Ellen’s death was a total game changer. I live in the present. And the present is I’m madly in love with you.”
Ro stroked his cheek. “Tell me something, Ben. If you had a choice between being with me forever just like we are at this moment . . . or finding your sister’s killer, what would you do?”
Ben knew what she wanted. But he couldn’t give it to her and he hated himself for it. “That’s not a fair question. Why can’t I love you and find my sister’s killer?”
“I asked you to make a choice and you made it.” Ro pushed him away and sat up. “Now I want to know why.”
He stood up and paced. “Why do you think?”
“Because you’re obsessed, single-minded, and mulish . . . not to mention depressed and anhedonic?”
“Because he could murder again, Ro. He will murder again and again and again. And I’d rather lose my one chance at happiness than make some other family so profoundly unhappy.”
She wouldn’t look at him. “Give me your flight and hotel information for Berkeley or Mount Diablo or whatever.”
“You hate me.”
“I admire you. I don’t know if I like you right now. Doesn’t matter. Give me your information.”
“Why?”
“You’re not telling your parents, and if you crash, at least someone should know where you are.”
He didn’t trust her one whit. Still, he went to his computer to retrieve the data. “It’s going to take a minute. I’d encoded everything so my mother can’t access my information.”
“She snooped on your computer?”
“Yes, she did. I’m still mad at her for that.”
“It sounds like something my mother would do. She probably has.” She stared out the window. “Vicks, why are you going? You gave it all to Shanks. He’s on it. Let him handle it.”
“I told you. The family agreed to meet with me. I’d look like an idiot if I canceled.”
“Yeah, okay.” When Ben looked up, she said, “I do have some understanding of the situation. When are you meeting with them?”
“The twenty-eighth at two in the afternoon.”
“So why are you leaving on Christmas Day?”
“Cheaper flight.”
“You’ll lose it all in the hotel costs.”
“Motel, not hotel. You know crazy, mulish, anhedonic me, Ro. I want to walk the area where she was found. I want to see if I’m missing something. And yes, if I do discover anything, I’ll tell Shanks.” He tapped a key and the printer sprang to life. He retrieved the papers. “Here you go.”
She read the itinerary. “Okay. Here’s the deal. Sit down.” When he sat in his desk chair, she said, “No, sit next to me on the bed.”
“My pleasure.” He kissed her cheek again. “I do love you.”
“You’re not going to like what I have to say.” Ben’s smile faded. Ro was quiet for a moment. “I’ve reached an epiphany.”
“What?”
“I’m either going to have to accept who you are or I’m just going to have to stop seeing you.” She faced him. “You make out like you’d rather see me happy than anything, and in reality, you do whatever you want, when you want, and exactly how you want.”
“That’s not fair. I came to homecoming just for you. You know how I hate that stuff.”
“Which is why you’re thrilled to have JD take me off your hands. We’re not all that different.” She stood up. “Because when it comes to doing what you’re doing and doing what I want to do, it isn’t close. You truly are a self-contained unit.”
Ben got off the bed and began to pace. “Exactly how much do you want me to suffer, Dorothy?” His eyes teared up. “Haven’t we both suffered enough?”
“Move on!”
“I can’t!” he cried out. “I promised her. I swore that I’d either find him or die trying!”
And what could she possibly say to that.
“It’s like JD said, I’m in arrested development,” Ben said. “I’m sorry I can’t be what you want. Maybe one day when the case is finally solved, you’ll like me better.”
“I like you fine, Vicks. You don’t like you.”
“Maybe I don’t like me, but I certainly like you.” A pause. “Look. I’ve been doing what I’m doing for almost three years. You’ve been with another guy since you got here. You barely talk to me at school. No one changes overnight. Maybe you should develop a little fucking patience.”
“Maybe I should.” She tapped her foot. Then she let out a small laugh. “I must admit there is something . . . perversely amusing about dangling JD over the precipice. So, this is what I’m going to do. I’m going to the winter dance. I’m going to wear my cool, sexy dress. I’m going to hold my head up high, and if anyone gets in my way or tries to put me down, I am going to give him or her the wrath of God.”
“Good for you.” Ben meant it.
“Wait until you hear me out before you give me kudos.” She gave a forced smile. “Then I’m going to meet you in Berkeley and we’ll do whatever you do—together. And unless you say within seconds, ‘Great, Ro. I really appreciate that,’ I’m going to walk out that door and don’t bother talking to me ever again.”
“Great, Ro. I really appreciate that.”
“Eureka!” She patted his cheek. “You can be taught.”
“Can I say one thing?”
“Not if it’s negative.”
“It’s one thing for me to lie to my parents. It’s another thing for you to lie to yours.”
“Who is going to lie? I will tell them that we’re going together so we can look at colleges in Berkeley and Stanford. We’ll already be in Berkeley. No problem taking a quick detour to Stanford. And I’ll have t
he pictures on my phone to prove it. I’ll just tell them that you got a head start.”
“They’ll allow you to travel with me?”
“Ben, they’re New York liberals. They don’t care who I sleep with. Well, maybe you, they’d care.”
“I know. I’m weird.”
“Oh please. They don’t think you’re weird because of your obsessions. My dad thinks you’re crazy because you could probably waltz into Princeton and you’re not even applying. That really offends his sensibilities.”
Ben walked over to her, held her face, and kissed her softly. “I would love for you to come with me.” He kissed her again, this time a little longer. “As much as you want to be with me, that’s how much I want to be with you.” A third time and then a fourth. “And if it appears that I wasn’t fighting for you with JD, I will gladly punch his face until he’s pulp.”
“Nah, don’t do that.” This time she kissed him. “Then who’ll take me to the spring fling?” She threw her arms around his neck. The kisses were long and passionate. “You’re pretty good at this.” She pressed against his groin. “Not so bad in more ways than one.” Her phone rang. “Oh God!” She checked her watch. “I’ve got to go.”
“Don’t go,” he begged. “We’re just getting started!”
Her smile was brilliant. “I need to pick up Griff.”
“I’ll come with you.”
“No. Don’t.” Pause. “I need to be alone. And you need some time to think too. See? I know you by now. But I’m still coming with you to California. I figure if we can survive with each other twenty-four/seven in a dingy motel room—”
“It’s not dingy,” Ben said. “It got pretty good reviews on Orbitz and Travelocity.”
“Does it have two twins or a queen?”
“It’s a queen.”
“Change it to singles.” She kissed him again. “If we make it through the week and we both feel the same way afterward . . . then I suppose I’ll just resign myself to who you are and that’s pretty strange.”
He grabbed her and kissed her until they were both lost in the moment, feeling things long buried . . . love, passion, and sexual desire. For the first time in years, he was glad to be alive.
Killing Season Page 22