“I’m not a hermit. I sit with you at lunch.”
“Only occasionally, and you never talk.”
“But I pretend to listen. And that’s pretty good because I’d much rather be investigating homicidal scientists.”
She threw a pillow at him. When the doorbell rang, she said, “Tell lover boy that I’m freshening myself up and will be out in a minute.”
Ben opened the front door and JD came inside. He had on a leather bomber jacket that made his extra-wide chest extra extra wide. Ben managed a half-assed smile. “She’ll be out in a minute.”
“Right.”
They stared at each other, each one hoping the other would make the situation less tense. “Anything new?” JD finally asked.
“Nope.”
When Ro finally materialized, JD put a protective arm around her, squeezing her with a little too much enthusiasm. But she didn’t protest. “We’re off to the movies,” he said. “Wanna come with us?”
“I already asked,” Ro said.
“Thanks, but I’m fine.” Another strained smile. “See you guys tomorrow.”
JD said, “Give me a minute with him, Ro.” He gave her the keys to his car. “Warm yourself up.”
“Good idea. It’s freezing in here.” She broke away from JD and left.
JD said, “She’s right. Why do you keep the house so cold?”
“I’m hot-blooded. Have a good time.”
“Lisa’s gonna be there.”
Ever since they’d begun talking again, JD was constantly trying to pair Ben with Lisa. He’d known her since third grade. At one point, they had had mutual crushes on one another. He actually liked Lisa. She—like him—had experienced her portion of shit happens. But just because they had shared time and space didn’t mean they were a couple in this universe. “Say hi for me.”
“I told her you were coming.”
“But I’m not coming.”
“She said you took her to the movies. She said you had a great time.”
“I took her to the movies because she let me into the spring fling on a discount ticket. It was some stupid romantic comedy with magic elves. Does that sound like a good time to you?”
“We’re seeing Pantheon. It’s supposed to be a great movie.”
“You can give me a summary on Monday.”
“It’s two hours, Vicks—”
“I’m not coming—”
“Just bang her. She’s dying for it.”
“I’m not interested in banging her. I saw you banging her. It’s weird.”
“The girl’s not entitled to more than one bang in her lifetime?”
“She’s entitled to bang whomever she wants, just like I’m entitled to bang whomever I want. And I’m not interested in Lisa, okay?”
“What is wrong with you?”
This was going to go on forever unless he put a stop to it. Ben said, “I’m seeing someone.”
JD studied him. “That’s bullshit.”
“You know, I do go to a major university that’s around fifty percent women. And I do work at a major company that employs about fifty percent women. I’m kinda cute in that boyish way. So why is it bullshit?”
JD still didn’t believe him, but he played along. “Tell me about this phantom girl.”
“She’s not a phantom girl.” Ben kept it believable. “She works at Circuitchip. Her name is Katy Lu. She’s nineteen. Don’t tell Ro. She’ll interrogate me and I’m not interested in answering questions.”
“She’s Asian?”
“Yeah, she’s Asian. What’s wrong with Asians?”
“Nothing. I like Asian women. Except they have small racks. How’s her rack?”
“She’s Asian. It’s small.”
“Yeah, you can’t get it all, right? Sure you don’t want to come? Lisa has a big rack.” He punched Ben’s shoulder a little too hard. “It’ll be a nice change of pace.”
Ben pointed to the door. “You can leave now.”
“When do I get to meet Katy Lu who probably doesn’t exist?”
“When I trust you to not fuck my girlfriends.” Again Ben pointed to the door. “Go.”
But JD still didn’t go. He said, “It’s cool that we’re, like, talking again.”
That was JD. One minute he was choking you to death, the next minute he was sloppily sentimental. “Yes, JD, we’re buds. Now could you please leave?”
Reluctantly, JD closed the door behind him. Out the window, Ben watched him strut his stuff down the sidewalk. He hated that Ro was with him, but he was glad to be alone. In the kitchen, he was pouring himself a glass of orange juice, trying to figure out his next move, when he heard a throat clear. He looked around. It took him a couple of seconds to spot the source.
Lilly had tucked herself into the corner of the living room, curled up in a ball on his dad’s chair. Her laptop was open and there were papers at her feet.
Ben gave her a look. “You’ve been eavesdropping on me?”
“I wasn’t eavesdropping, I was sitting here the whole time.” She wore a pout. “It’s not my fault that no one noticed.”
There was anger in her voice. He knew why. “Lilly, it’s just the way guys talk.”
“You mean guys talk racist?”
“What if I said that all Asian girls were smart, which is just as much a stereotype as their having small chests? Would that have been racist?”
“No, that would have been a generalization. Racism implies something negative, and by the way you two were talking, having a small rack was definitely something negative . . . like biology is under one’s control!”
Her lip was trembling. Ben knew she was deeply hurt. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Lilly.”
She didn’t answer.
“Where’s Haley?”
“She and Griffen went out to a movie.”
“You didn’t want to go?”
“Obviously not. I’m studying for the state math test and I’m tired of being a third wheel or fifth wheel or whatever.” Her eyes were pure smoke. “I can go home if my presence bothers you—”
“Lilly—”
“God forbid I should eavesdrop.”
“Stop it already. I apologized. Stop milking it.” He softened his tone. “It’s not true, by the way. I don’t have a girlfriend. I made her up to get JD off my back.”
“Why are you telling me?” She lifted up her chin in an act of defiance and glowered at him with wet eyes. “It’s not any of my business. And either you’re lying to JD or you’re lying to me. So either way, you’re still a liar.”
Ben knew she was mad—she had every reason to be mad—but he just wasn’t in the mood to hear it. “Stay as long as you want. You know you’re always welcome here.” He went to his room and closed the door. But instead of going back to the computer and an infinite list of names, Ben stretched out on his bed, trying to figure out the best way to deal with an ensuing headache. As expected, Lilly knocked a few minutes later. “It’s open.”
Her face was still angry. She muttered, “I’m sorry.”
“No apology necessary. I am a liar. You are correct in your assessment.”
She pulled out his desk chair and sat down, her steaming black eyes looking somewhere beyond his face. “I’m not offended by you guys saying that Asians have small racks. I mean, maybe a little, but it’s true. In general, Asians do have small racks. But why do you have to talk like he does?”
“Who’s he? JD?”
“Yes, of course, JD. Why do you bring yourself down to his idiotic level? Why do you even hang around him? You never did before.”
“Things change.”
“Well, you shouldn’t change.”
“Lilly, I lost three years of my life that I’m never getting back. JD and I have known each other forever. We’re not tight like before, but it’s nice to have a friend.”
“But you’re not like that.”
“Or maybe I am like that and you never noticed.”
There were tears in h
er eyes. “I’ve got to go.”
“I’ll walk you home. It’s cold and windy. I wouldn’t want you to blow away.”
“I will not blow away and I have a warm jacket, thank you very much. And I’d rather be alone.”
She stormed out. Ben got up, grabbed his parka, and waited until she gathered up her material and stuffed everything into her backpack. He took the heavy load from her hands. “It’s good for me to get some air.”
She didn’t answer, just marched out of the house. Ben locked the door and caught up with her a half block away. “Are you hungry?” He dug his hands into his pockets. “We can grab a bite somewhere.”
“Ben, I’m fine.” Her walk was brisk considering the g-forces on their faces. The wind was blowing her black mane straight back—like she was a filly on a racetrack. “Just do whatever you want to do.”
“What I want is to feed you and walk you home. That’s what big brothers do.”
“You’re not my brother.”
He chuckled. He sounded like a sad clown. “You know what, Lilly? Very soon you’ll be all grown up and be this gorgeous woman—”
“Oh please, don’t.”
“Let me finish,” Ben said. “You’ll be this gorgeous girl with a ton of guys drooling after you. And at some point, you’ll discover the truth . . . that I’m not the guy you think I am. And you’ll be sorely disillusioned. And that’ll be upsetting to you. But I have a feeling it’ll be worse for me.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She broke away and walked six paces in front of him.
I think you do, he said to himself.
He was sad at his own thoughts. It was nice to be adored.
Chapter 2
The kid was the brother of the first one. He hadn’t exactly grown up, but he was taller. Still thin with intense eyes and girlie curls, but now the face was on a budding man’s body. He had wiry arms and a keen determination. All those years that he’d spent going in and out of the police department—it had to be for more than inquiries. It made him wonder just what the kid knew.
Was the kid onto something? Probably.
Was he onto him? Possibly.
The thought terrified and thrilled him at the same time.
The teen had a routine but was not exactly predictable. He went to UNM; he worked at Circuitchip. But he still went to high school. Sometimes he was with the girl, sometimes the other guy was with the girl. Most of the time he was alone.
The kid hadn’t reacted suspiciously that night.
Was it a ruse? Probably not.
Was his identity still secure? Most likely.
Maybe it had been a coincidence, bumping into him in the dead of night after he had come back from River Remez. He hadn’t been sure if he had wanted to fill the grave with a new one or not, but it had felt good having dug the spot just in case. Because if he was going to do another one, with the kid hunting around, it would have to be well planned, which, of course, made the whole thing even more exciting.
Sometimes the planning was even better than the actual event, with the anticipation turning him on until he had to do something about it. He thought about the four girls constantly. Sometimes it was Julia, sometimes it was Jamey, sometimes it was Katie. But mostly it was Ellen. Being the first in his “official” cycle, she owned a special place in his heart.
Still, there were others to distract him.
The girl behind the desk at the hotel—he had had his eye on her from the beginning. He knew her as the cocktail waitress named Gretchen. She was gorgeous, young, nubile, lithe, everything a beautiful girl should be. All the girls he hunted had been young and nubile—those he had taken, those he had not taken, those he had taken but had released for God only knew what reason. All of them had drawn him into an altered state of consciousness. Gretchen was his current fantasy and she was made doubly delicious because she was also part of the kid’s life.
Except he knew her name wasn’t Gretchen.
It was Dorothy.
Which was even better.
I’ll get you, my pretty . . .
And your little dog too.
By eight in the evening, Ben was done for the day. He had narrowed down his search to fifty men that could be candidates for “the one.” The investigation had come to the point where even he knew he was out of his league. But since he often felt more machine than human, he plugged along, hoping to figure out something before the arrival of the summer solstice. If he couldn’t succeed at doing that, maybe at least he could find a way to give the information to Shanks without landing Ro in jail.
He tried to slink out of his room and out of the house with his backpack, but his mother was right there. She had several frequent expressions and this one was angry-eyes mom. Her curly hair framed her face like a halo. She resembled some kind of avenging angel.
“You weren’t even going to say good-bye?” Her arms were crossed over her chest.
“I’m not leaving for Albuquerque until tomorrow. I’m just going out.”
“Where?”
“Just hanging.”
“With your backpack?”
He put his arm around her. “Why are you giving me the third degree? You never did before.”
She pulled away. “Just because I leave you alone doesn’t mean I don’t care. Once in a blue moon, it would be nice to see you.”
“So you’re seeing me right now.”
“Ben, stop it! You’ve been holed up in your room for the last ten hours. You didn’t even make it to dinner. I know what you’re doing and I know I can’t stop you. I know you made this insane promise to Ellen, but what about your family that’s still alive? Don’t you think it’s a little rude?”
“Point well taken.” He gave her a brief smile but it wasn’t returned. “What would you like from me?”
“A simple salutation would be nice. Like ‘Hi, Mom, how are you?’ Surely, that won’t tax you too much.”
“No need for the sarcasm.”
Her eyes watered. “When you were with Ro, she talked to us, so you talked to us. I got a little spoiled.”
She was hurting, but that was nothing new. Ben sighed. “You know how I deal with crap, Mom. I retreat.”
“But things must have resolved between you two. You’re seeing her again.”
“Not as an item. We’re just . . .” Working together, he had wanted to tell her. “Whatever. Doesn’t matter. I apologize if I seem indifferent.”
“You are indifferent, Ben, but especially to me and your father. I know you’re a wonderful grandson. You talk to your grandparents a lot. I know because they tell me things about your life that I don’t know about. How do you think that makes me feel?” She pointed to herself. “Don’t I count?”
Ben didn’t answer right away. “I need to clear my head, Mom. I’ll be home in an hour or so. We’ll catch up then.”
“And it’s not just me, Ben. It’s Haley too.”
“She’s complaining to you?”
“No, but since you’re not around, she and Griffen have become a very intense twosome.”
“So she has a boyfriend. Don’t blame that on me.”
It was her turn to sigh. “I like Griff, but I don’t know how healthy it is, just the two of them all the time. And poor Lilly must be so resentful. I never see her anymore. Not that it’s your job to fix things, but sometimes it’s better coming from a sibling than from a parent.”
“I’m aware that Lilly is a bit put out.” Ben exhaled. “Haley’s not going to listen to me. But maybe Griff will.”
“I’m not saying they shouldn’t be together, but both of them should have some interests other than each other.”
“I agree. Where is Haley now?”
“She and Griff are at the mall. I’m going to pick them up now.”
“I’ll do it. It’ll show I’m still part of her life.”
“What about you clearing your head?”
His mom’s voice dripped with sarcasm. Ben kissed his mother’s cheek
. “See you later.”
They weren’t that different, his mother and him. Both retreated inward when the stress got to be too much. The problem was, she and Ben were stressed out at different times and for different reasons. One of them was always emotionally unavailable. Their happy paths didn’t cross that often.
He would make it his business to talk to his parents tonight.
The living before the dead.
Chapter 3
April was enveloped in the winds of spring, and before Ben blinked, it was almost gone. His classmates were getting acceptances and rejections from colleges and universities, and once again he sat on the sidelines as other people seemed to move forward. JD was going to Duke, and Ro had gotten into Penn, but was wait-listed for Brown and Harvard. Weekly was going to Colorado State, Lisa had her eye on Texas, and the rest of the crew was making do with New Mexico State or UNM. Ben had disconnected from Remez High, but JD found it hard to let go of his reign. He was adamant that Ben take up his former position of second in command. But too much time had passed and too much had changed, and Ben was absent more than he was present.
What really interested him was Haley and Griff and their own little clique taking over the roles of king and queen. With Griff by her side, Haley had developed an air of confidence. She smiled a lot. She gesticulated a lot. She was constantly surrounded by friends. Unfortunately, Lilly wasn’t among her acolytes. It had been a while since Ben had seen her. One day when she was absent from the lunchroom, he went searching and it didn’t take long for him to find her, working in an empty classroom. Her hair was covering her face, her lunch laid out neatly on the desk to her right. He watched her for a minute, hearing her pencil scratch against paper, seeing her tuck her hair behind her ear, her mouth chewing on the eraser.
“Hey.” She looked up and Ben walked over to her. “You okay?”
She smiled but it was forced. “Just working on a practice math sheet for the state final.”
“When is that?”
“In three weeks, I think.”
“And you have to work on it during lunch?” She shrugged and went back to her problem. Ben said, “You’re pulling a Vicksburg.” She looked up. “Doing a disappearing act and using math for an excuse.”
Killing Season Page 41