Dr. Winslow was there. He talked to June. He talked to George. He told them that Lilly was making remarkable progress. Then he patted Ben’s shoulder and told him that he had done a good job.
After fucking it up in the first place.
Day Three
When he arrived at nine, Lilly was up and watching TV. Her fever was down and she no longer needed an oxygen mask. The IV was dripping and she was being fed through tubes, but without the mask, she looked healthier than before, even if her complexion was still wan. George finished up his coffee, stood, and said, “I’m going to go in to work and try to clear my desk for a few hours. You’ll stay with June until I get back?”
“Of course.”
George kissed his daughter’s forehead and Ben took his chair beside the bed. He leaned over the bed so Lilly could see him and she gave him a slight wave. Then her eyes went upward to the TV. She didn’t initiate any contact for a while. Then she picked up a tablet Ben had brought for her, wrote something, and handed it to Ben. What kind of accident?
Her voice wasn’t working but her mind sure was. Ben showed the tablet to June, who was momentarily stymied. Ben said, “Do you remember the ambulance?”
She snapped her fingers and pointed to the tablet still in June’s hands. Her mom gave it back to her.
No.
“Okay. You were in an ambulance and I was with you when they took you to the hospital.”
I remember you.
“Right. I was with you the entire ride.”
She wrote and showed Ben the tablet: What happened?
June blanched when he showed her Lilly’s words. She said, “It was a car accident, Lilly. A very bad accident. We’ll tell you everything once you’re completely better. All that matters is that you get better.”
Lilly lifted her eyes back to the TV. When her mother spoke to her, she refused to engage her. At some level, she knew that June wasn’t telling the truth.
Day Four
Lilly’s eyes were moving back and forth when Ben came into the room. She sensed his presence before he spoke, already writing in her tablet.
What happened?
Her mother was furious with Lilly’s insistence on knowing. She said, “Ben got in a car accident. You’re very lucky to be alive.”
He’d take the blame. Not a problem. But Lilly didn’t buy it.
She wrote: Why isn’t Ben hurt?
“I was hurt.” Ben leaned over and lifted his T-shirt. He had healed sufficiently to have equal amounts of pain and itch, but was still bandaged up. Lilly slowly lifted her free hand and touched the gauze. “I was hurt, but not nearly as bad as you were. Lilly, it was all my fault. When you get better, when you truly, truly get better, I hope you’ll forgive me.”
She didn’t answer, but he could almost smell things percolating in her brain. She looked away and stared at the wall until she closed her eyes and fell asleep. While she napped he went down to the cafeteria to get lunch for June. When he came back, Lilly was up again.
“Hey.” Ben spoke so she knew he was in the room. “Just went to get your mom and me some lunch. Do you mind us eating here?”
She wrote: Tell me about the accident.
June was smoldering. She couldn’t figure out why Lilly wouldn’t let it go. It was what made her a fine math mind. Ben took a bite of an apple. “I was driving Ro’s Explorer and plowed into a chain link fence.” All of that was true. “The windshield shattered and pieces flew all over the place.” True too. “Your throat got cut.” That was true, although it had nothing to do with the car. “You almost died. If Ro hadn’t been there, you would have died. She saved you. Do you forgive me?”
Her eyes were boring into his. I forgive you. But I don’t believe you.
Ben didn’t say anything and neither did June. She took the tablet away. “You need to rest.”
Lilly didn’t argue, but they knew she was angry. When Ben talked, she wouldn’t respond with any kind of gesture or written word. Eventually, she fell back asleep and so did June. Neither one woke when George came in. Ben got up and left.
Day Five
Haley wanted to hang out with her best friend without her brother horning in. Ben relinquished his vigil, spending the day with Ro at his grandparents’ house, filling out an excessive amount of college forms. After a lot of deliberation, Ro had decided on the University of Pennsylvania.
It was the first time he’d been alone with her since that day. He owed her for saving Lilly’s life, for allowing him to catch a monster, and he owed her big-time because she had dealt with everyone—all the phone calls and questions, the media—TV, radio, and newspaper interviews. She allowed Ben to remain in the background. She allowed him to heal.
She said, “Do you think if I wrote up what happened at Los Alamos Brown would reconsider?”
“Ro, after what happened at Los Alamos, you could get in anywhere. You caught a serial killer.”
“We caught a serial killer.”
“You can take all the credit. I certainly don’t give a shit.”
“The way I figure it is that if the school didn’t want me for who I am before this happened, then screw it!”
“Brown didn’t reject you. You’re on the waiting list. If you want to go, let them know what happened. At the very least, send them one of the million articles and let them see what you’re made of.”
She sat back and blew out air. “How’s Lilly?”
“Getting better.” Ben regarded her. “Did you know about this collusion behind my back?”
“Of course. Lilly told me. I thought it was a great idea, although in the back of my mind I thought you’d never go. Now, of course, you have to go.”
Of course, she was right.
Suck it up, Ben.
He was filling out forms for a roommate. It creeped him out—someone sleeping where he’d also be sleeping. He’d never gone to sleep-away camp for precisely that reason.
“You could have told me.”
“Right.” Ro looked at him. “You know, maybe you’ll actually like it.”
“Maybe.” And that was as much of a concession as he was going to give her. “Will you text me from time to time?”
“I’ll text you every day . . . until I get a boyfriend. Then it might be every other day.”
“Ha ha.” Suck it up, Ben. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll be back for holidays. Griff decided to spend another year here, so my fam is staying on.”
“How’s he doing?”
“Feeling guilty like the rest of us. But by staying here, he and Haley figure they can be there for Lilly.”
“I should be here for her.”
“She needs her peers, not someone overprotecting her like her parents. Do her a favor and learn the ropes at Caltech so when she gets there, she’ll have a tour guide.”
“That’s what George said.”
“He’s right. Go try to salvage whatever teen years you have left, Vicks. That’s what I’m doing.”
“You’re more resilient than I am.”
“Bullshit. What’s your ideal roommate?”
“Besides you?”
“Good answer.” Ro got up and peeked over his shoulder. His roommate requests were nonexistent. “Should I fill it out for you?”
“Sure. That way I’ll have absolutely nothing to do with this fiasco and a lot of people to blame.”
“Or thank.”
Ben looked at her. “Thank you. For everything.”
“You’re welcome.” She grabbed the application out of his hands and began to fill it out. “You want a mixed floor?”
“No. If it were up to me, I wouldn’t even want a mixed dorm.”
“C’mon, Vicks, have some fun. Besides, I’m sure the girls are just like the boys there.”
“No mixed floor.” He looked over her shoulder and tried to see what she was writing, but she covered the sheet.
“I want it to be a surprise.”
“No thanks. I’ve had enough of thos
e.”
“Yeah, but not good ones. This’ll be a good one. I know what’s good for you. Now sit down or pace or go away.”
Ben smiled. “Seriously, I will miss you.”
“I know. I’ll miss you too.” Ro looked at him with dewy eyes. “It’s probably better this way. I can’t deal with any more intensity. I want to go back to my former superficial life.”
“Don’t you know you can’t go home again?”
“Yeah, but I can go to college. And I don’t even have to reinvent myself. I’m a legitimate hero. I now deserve all the adulation that comes with it. I am invincible.” When Ben laughed, she pouted. “I’m serious.”
“I know. That’s what’s so funny, but also charming. It must be wonderful to know who you are.”
“You’ll get attention too, you know. While I know you’ll never relish it like I do, don’t brush people off. Try . . . talking about it even if it’s just a sentence or two. It’ll make the people you’re talking to feel important and it’s a lot cheaper than psychotherapy.”
He was about to protest, but what would be the point? “I’ll try.”
“As my dad always says: ‘Good enough for government work.’ And it’s good enough for me.”
Day Six
When Ben arrived at the hospital in the afternoon, Haley had been with Lilly all morning. This time she’d brought Griffen. The three of them were watching TV. Haley and Griff left when Ben came in and Lilly seemed to be in a good mood. She was down to one IV drip and just a nasal tube. Haley said she had actually managed to swallow some juice. She coughed, of course, but she kept at least half of it down.
The graph was on the upswing.
Lilly’s largesse did not extend to Ben. When she saw him, she scribbled on her tablet. What really happened, Ben?
Of course June was there. Ben showed her the message and again she took the tablet away. “You were up all morning with your friends. You need to rest.”
This time Lilly wasn’t about to relent. She kept snapping her fingers until her mother gave in and gave her the tablet. I want to talk to Ben alone.
“No,” June said. “You need something, you talk to me.”
You’re not telling me the truth.
“I’m telling you what you need to know.” June looked at Ben. “You should leave now.”
He got up but Lilly slammed her free hand onto the bed railing. Then she grabbed her mother’s arm. June gave her the tablet. She wrote: Stop treating me like a child.
“Should I go?” Ben asked June.
“Yes.”
Lilly threw the tablet at her mother’s chest, where it landed with a thud. For the first time ever, Ben saw June cry, although it was silent. Big fat tears ran down her cheeks. Ben touched June’s arm and she looked away.
“Can I have a word with you, please?” When they were out of Lilly’s earshot, he whispered, “I can handle this. I’m not gonna overload her with details.”
“What are you going to tell her?”
“That she was attacked. She knows it wasn’t a car accident. Give me a chance, okay?”
June wiped her eyes. “Just a few minutes—and nothing, nothing, about the rape.”
“Fair enough.”
She left the room, but lingered outside and that was certainly her right. Ben went back to Lilly and handed her the tablet.
I feel bad.
“Do you want me to call the nurse for more pain medication?”
Not that kind of bad. I feel bad for throwing the tablet at her. I know she’s worried.
“Are you worried?”
Should I be worried?
“You’re going to need more surgery, Lilly. And voice therapy.” When she didn’t answer, Ben said, “I’m so sorry.”
She still didn’t answer. Then she wrote: What happened?
Ben exhaled. “The truth? You were attacked. But we got the guy who did it. He’s behind bars and he’s never going to see freedom again. So you’re safe. Absolutely safe.”
Lilly’s hand went to her neck. He cut my throat?
“Yes.”
She didn’t write anything for a few minutes—a very long time to sit in tension. Finally, Lilly scribbled, I don’t remember. Tears fell onto her cheeks. Ben pulled out a Kleenex and gave it to her. I don’t remember anything!
Barnes had no doubt knocked her out in order to get her into the car. It wasn’t surprising that she had no recollection of the kidnapping. “That’s a good thing, Lilly. It’s a self-protective thing.”
Who was he? Ellen’s killer?
“Yes.”
You caught him?
“The police did, yes.”
How did you get hurt?
“He stabbed me with the same knife that he used to attack you. We’re blood brothers . . . blood siblings.” A small smile played on her lips. “You’re not going to have to testify, if that’s what you’re worried about. We got his DNA matched to my sister and three other murdered girls. There might even be more. So like I said, you’re safe. He’s never getting out.”
So you fought him off?
“I fought with him, yes, but by that time the police were all around, so he knew he was doomed. My only regret is that I didn’t shoot him when I had a chance.”
You had a gun?
“I did.”
Again she didn’t immediately respond. Then she wrote: I’m glad you didn’t shoot him. Why ruin your life?
“That’s what everyone kept telling me. Lilly, you should know that Ro saved you. She kept you going until the ambulance got there.”
You were with Ro?
“Yes.”
She paused a long time. This happened the day before graduation, right? The graduation rehearsal.
Ben’s eyes moistened. “So you do remember that day.”
Only that we went to the library. Another protracted silence. Nothing after that. A pause. Except your face. I remember your face.
“We were in the ambulance together speeding off to the medical center. I was talking to you and you were looking at me the whole time.” He stood up. “Now that’s enough questions. Don’t ask me anything else ’cause I won’t answer you. I’m gonna go get your mom, okay?” She held his arm. “What is it, hon?”
She waited a few moments, then she wrote: Am I still a virgin?
Fury swept through his body. His vision went blurry for a few moments. “Unless you know something that I don’t, of course you are,” he snapped. “Stop asking silly questions.”
She held his chin and brought his face in front of hers, staring with big, black eyes. Determined eyes, but he certainly wasn’t going to be the one to tell her.
The sad truth was he didn’t need to tell her, because deep in her heart, she already knew. She could read his eyes and that made him feel low. But Lilly was always one to throw a curve ball.
She managed a smile for his benefit. She picked up the tablet and wrote one word.
Dang.
Day Seven
With her fever gone and her vitals stabilized, Lilly was allowed to go home. June and George had fixed up her room with enough medical equipment to staff a small hospital—IVs, oxygen tanks, monitors, and a fridge filled with juices and sports water. Even though June took a leave of absence from her job, she and George hired a full-time nurse for Lilly.
Outside the house were banners and balloons welcoming Lilly back home. Inside the living room, there were more flowers than were blooming outside in the garden. As she was wheeled out of the hospital, Lilly smiled and waved, and then George made an announcement.
No one was permitted to visit her until after the weekend.
The no one extended to Ben. That was okay with him. The Sabbath was a day of rest.
Chapter 19
The summer passed in a heartbeat.
A nationwide scan of missing girls uncovered possible links to three more victims whose bodies had yet to be discovered. In exchange for the whereabouts of the bodies and of course with the permission of all of th
e families involved, the D.A. took the death penalty off the table. Barnes was allowed to plead out the seven murders and the attempted murder for seven life sentences without the possibility of parole. Ben figured it was good that he hadn’t whacked him. It gave three other families a chance to bury their dead.
Before he could blink, he was at the Sunport in Albuquerque, standing in the security line with Ro and JD and other kids from his class, waiting to catch planes, to take the next step. Families were fussing over their children and Ben’s mom and dad were no exception. Ro’s mom had actually wanted to come and help move Ro into her dorm, but Ro insisted that after all that had happened, it would look funny to have her mommy there.
It was never an expectation that JD’s parents would help him move into his dorm. It wasn’t an expectation for Ben’s parents as well, although his grandfather really wanted to come. Ben figured he was more curious about Caltech than he was concerned about Ben, but that was Grandpa Ed. Parents’ weekend would come very soon and Grandpa and Grandma were invited. His buddy Grant was going to meet Ben at the airport and show him around L.A. Ben knew he’d be in good hands.
Ben was healed but still a little raw around the edges. He couldn’t bike or run or lift weights, but he did take lots of long, long walks alone, thinking and planning and just trying to figure it all out. He couldn’t move as fluidly as he wanted, but with a little time and patience, he knew he’d be fine.
Three weeks before, his classmates had thrown him a surprise eighteenth birthday party. He hated surprises, but this was a nice one and he had a good time—it was his last chance to say good-bye to everyone who was leaving.
As they got closer to security, Ben gave his parents a semi–bear hug good-bye. His mom had dry eyes but his dad did not. Then it was Ben’s turn to take out his laptop and remove his shoes.
“Bye.” Another series of hugs all around. “I’ll call you went I get to L.A.”
Ben, JD, and Ro passed through security, then checked for their respective flights. Ro was going to Philadelphia via Midway, JD was going to Durham via Baltimore, and Ben was going straight to L.A.
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