I cringe, remembering the very in-depth birds and bees talk I had been subjected to as an adolescent. Had my mother worried the same thing would happen to me? Thinking about it, she did seem to be very pushy about me getting on the pill before I even contemplated having sex for the first time. Even considering all of that, I can't understand why my mother would still refuse to reconcile with Kate. I know she was stubborn, but to keep my own grandmother from me seemed overly harsh. Is there more to the story, I wonder as I fall asleep.
When I wake up the next morning, I consider pulling back the fitted sheet to check the brand of the featherbed. I seriously need one back home. This is the most comfortable bed I have ever slept on. My stomach rumbles as I stretch, reminding me that I missed lunch and dinner the day before. Walking to the kitchen, I feel bad for sleeping through two meals in as many days. I pause at the photo hanging in the hallway. I lean in to look at Ronny. This picture must have been taken not long before his death. My heart breaks a little looking at his impish grin.
My grandmother is sitting on the wicker loveseat, knitting.
"What are you making?"
"It’s a prayer shawl. I'm part of a knitting group at my church. We knit these shawls and then the pastor prays over them, and we give them to people going through a rough time."
"It's very pretty."
"Thank you. Do you knit?"
I shake my head, reaching out to touch the shawl.
"My group meets tomorrow and since you'll be spending the day with Ryan I'm going to go. So I'm trying to finish it.
"Oh, right…"
"He's a very handsome young man isn't he?"
I look at her, confused.
"Ryan" she answers the question I didn't ask.
"Kate…"
"Okay, I'll stop. Hungry?"
My stomach answers for me. I don’t let Kate get up to make me something, telling her to keep knitting and just let me know what I can have. She grumbles about me not being very easy to wait on and tells me there is lunch meat and cheese in the fridge. I make myself a sandwich with some chips on the side and grab a soda before heading back outside. I still cannot get over how pleasant it is compared to Ohio this time of year. We chat while I eat, keeping to easy topics, neither of us prepared to revisit the emotional discussion of yesterday morning.
Sometime after lunch, I change into my swimsuit and try out the pool. It is a bit strange to be swimming outside this time of year, but the water feels wonderful. I’m dozing in an armchair-style float when a splash wakes me. Blinking, I look around trying to place the source of the splash, locking eyes with Kate who is still sitting on the loveseat. How strange, I think to myself. Suddenly, I’m in midair as someone flips my float. I come up sputtering and wiping water from my eyes to see Ryan standing in front of me laughing. Ryan is clearly not expecting me to pounce on him. I dunk him in the water, causing him to do some sputtering of his own.
My eyes widen at his mischievous expression as he charges me. I squeal, “No, no, no!” But it’s useless as his hands circle my waist and he pulls me under. As we're coming back up, I kick his legs out from under him before fleeing to the other end of the pool. With my back up against the wall and just my head above the water, I keep my eyes on Ryan. He puts his hands up in defeat and slowly swims over to me.
He's laughing. "Sorry about flipping you. I couldn’t resist."
"None of that tomorrow."
Ryan leans in and whispers, "No promises," in my ear.
I pray he doesn’t see me shiver and try to seem riveted by the cuticle of my thumb to avoid looking at him.
"So where are you taking Grace tomorrow?" Kate asks.
"That, Kate, is a surprise."
I can’t help but flush and look up at him then. He grins at me, lifting his brows up and down a couple of times, making her laugh.
"Just bring her back in one piece," Kate says, getting up to start dinner.
"Oh, let me help," I say, swimming over to the ladder and climbing out. I can feel Ryan's eyes on my back. I grab my towel and walk inside, doing my best not to drip everywhere. Kate is making a chicken casserole and lets me make the side salad. Once the chicken is in the oven and the salad in the fridge, we go back outside. Ryan is just climbing out of the pool. I stop mid-step to watch the water bead and roll down his chest. Kate, who is standing behind me, clears her throat to bring me back down to earth. I feel flustered at the thought of spending the day with him tomorrow, wondering if I will make an ass out of myself.
Ryan drinks a beer while Kate and I share a bottle of wine with dinner. The chicken is just as good as the tilapia from the first night. I’m going to have to try and learn what I can from Kate in the kitchen over the next few days. Over dinner, Ryan tells us all about the group he had taken fishing that day. With tourists, he mainly does catch and release. Only the truly serious sport fishermen want to preserve some of their catches. He even has a buddy he could refer them to should they want them mounted for display. I am curious about what he has planned for the next day. Ryan tells me to be ready by nine and to wear my suit. Flashbacks of his hands on my waist make me gulp, causing Kate to glance at me.
Ryan leaves not long after dinner. I clean up after Kate goes to bed and then head to bed myself. I lie there, thinking of my mother and what it must have been like having Kate as a mom and no dad. I wonder what happened to Kate after my mother left. They had lived in Pennsylvania at the time. How had Kate ended up in Florida?
~*~
I wake with a start the next morning, grabbing my phone to see how much time I have to get ready before Ryan arrives. I have two hours. Not thinking Kate is up yet, I take a shower and get dressed. Pulling on my same suit from the day before, I struggle over what to wear over it, settling on some running shorts that dry easily and a white V-neck t-shirt, hopeful the white will reflect the sun. I had packed plenty of sunscreen and wonder if it is too early to apply, deciding to hold off I set the bottle next to my purse before walking out to the kitchen. Kate is up and has just started a pot of coffee when I walk in.
I freeze when I see what she is putting into the oven. Cinnamon rolls, my mother's recipe. I guess the recipe is actually Kate's. I can’t help but feel pulled back to the last time I made them. How excited I had been to do something sweet for Jon and how he had thrown them against the wall. Kate is looking at me. I force a smile and make myself a cup of coffee. We eat by the pool and then Kate leaves to get ready for her knitting club. One of the members will be picking her up around eleven. I am happy that my visit will not make her miss her meeting. She seems to really enjoy her knitting. She had finished the shawl the night before, after dinner. I picked it up from the arm of the loveseat and unfold it. It’s a plum shade of purple and has a diamond-like pattern to it with ribbed edging. I gather it in my arms, saying my own little prayer for whoever will receive it before refolding it and setting it back down.
Ryan comes over not long after Kate's finished getting ready, opening the front door and shouting, “Hullo,” before walking in.
"We're out back," Kate calls out.
Ryan is wearing loose green swim shorts that hang low on his hips and a blue t-shirt. I try hard not to look at his waist.
He checks out what I’m wearing. "Wearing togs under that?"
"Huh?"
"Oh right. Sorry," he says, lifting his arm up to scratch the back of his neck, exposing a bit of his abs. "Your suit."
"Um." I’m trying not to drool. "Yes, I am wearing my suit," I say, lifting my shirt, wondering why his eyes just dilated.
"Ready?"
"Should I put on sunscreen? I have some on my face, but since it isn’t summer, I wasn’t sure about the rest of me."
"Sure, wouldn’t want you to burn."
I go to my room to get the sunscreen and take off my shirt. Once back in the kitchen I ask Ryan if he will help me get my back. He gives me a cheeky grin, motioning with his finger for me to turn around. Ryan starts with my shoulders, almost massaging them
as he moves to the back of my neck. I have to control myself from dipping my head back onto him as his long fingers work the lotion in. Ryan squeezes more lotion into his hands before rubbing my arms. My eyes are closed as his hands are on me, but when I open them he is standing right in front of me, holding out the bottle.
I blush when he says, "You should probably do your front and legs."
Yes, that is a good idea, I think, taking the bottle from him to finish up before putting my shirt back on. Per his recommendation, I am wearing simple sneakers.
"Should I bring anything?"
"Nope. I've got it covered."
Kate tells us to have fun, winking at me, and asks if we will be home by dinner. Ryan says he wouldn’t dream of eating anywhere else, which makes Kate happy. As we walk up to his Wrangler, I grin when I see two kayaks on his roof. I have always wanted to try this.
"So where are you taking me?"
"Someplace wet," Ryan laughs.
"Silly Kiwi."
"Hey, well done!"
"I thought you were crazy when you said it," I admit.
We’ve been in the car sometime before I groan "I forgot my sunglasses."
"Not a problem" Ryan says, reaching to the floor board behind me, producing a worn looking baseball cap and hands it to me.
I flip the visor mirror open and put it on, pulling my pony tail through the opening in the back. The hat is huge on me.
"Is it okay if I adjust it?" Jon had gotten angry at me once when I had done that to one of his hats without asking first.
Ryan gives me a strange look and nods.
The hat has a strap you can use to tighten it with on the back. I make it as small as I can. It is still a bit big on me but will work. Once I have my hair pulled through, I turn to Ryan and smile. He laughs, pushing the bill down so I can’t see him anymore.
"Hey!" As much as I protest, I have to admit I am drawn to Ryan. Why does that make me feel so guilty?
Bargaining
a transaction, situation, or event regarded in the light of its results
-Merriam Webster
We head west towards St. Petersburg, crossing the Howard Frankland Bridge. Ryan takes me to the dock at his business. It’s called Erickson Gulf Water Sports. We stop by the front office first so he can introduce me to the kids who get folks checked in and manage any release forms and payments. They all seem so young, maybe just out of high school. I’m surprised when a couple of employees seem to recognize my name. Did he talk about me to them? I stand there, politely making small talk, while he carries the kayaks down to the dock. I wave goodbye to everyone when he calls me over.
I hold my breath as he buckles me into a lifejacket. I probably could have done that myself but make no move to stop him. As he is adjusting the strap tighter on one side, our eyes connect and I giggle, making him smile. When he’s finished, he tugs on my vest, making me fall into him. When I gasp, he claims he’s just checking to make sure it's tight enough. He turns his head too quickly for me to tell if he is smiling or not. He holds my kayak flush to the dock as I step into it. I feel so awkward trying to keep my balance, terrified I will tip over. Thankfully, I don’t, and when he passes me the paddle. I'm able to paddle out a couple of feet to give him room to get into his kayak. I can’t help but watch as he does it so easily, much more gracefully than I had. Then, we are off. Ryan is an adorable tour guide, pointing out things along the way.
I have never kayaked before but get the hang of it quickly. One thing I did not expect is how much water drips onto me with each pull of my paddle. Ryan doesn’t get as wet. I try holding the paddle farther from my body, but that doesn’t seem to work. I give up and am just happy that I'm wearing a swimsuit. I wonder if Ryan thinks I'm doing a good job. I think I’m keeping up with him just fine, or is he taking it easy on me?
Ryan suddenly gets very animated and points over to our right. I squint, not seeing anything. I shrug and shake my head but Ryan’s insistent finger continues to point at the water. I look again, just in time to see a large, white something break the surface.
"What is that?" I shriek.
"Don’t be frightened, love. It’s just a manatee," Ryan says, laughing at my reaction.
All I can think of as I watch the manatee slowly sink back under the water is that Ryan just called me love, and how sexy it sounded. Everything he says sounds sexy. My attraction towards Ryan is making me feel flustered, not that it matters. He lives in Florida, and I live in Ohio. With Jon. I wonder what I will feel when I see Jon again when he comes to pick me up from the airport. It’s wild to think my trip is already half over. I have learned so much but still have so many questions for my grandmother. What I cannot understand most of all is why my mother had never forgiven her.
Ryan is giving me a weird look. Oh Lord. Has he been talking to me this whole time? I must have seemed like a complete space cadet.
“Sorry. I wasn’t listening. Can you repeat that?” I ask.
He shrugs it off and doesn’t say anything. I sigh, worried I have hurt his feelings. Not knowing what else to do and wanting to lighten the mood, I angle my paddle in his direction and splash him. His mouth drops open, forming an O as in, “Oh no, you didn’t.” I squeal as he quickly maneuvers over to me.
"Don’t flip me! Please don’t flip me!" I plead.
Ryan has his kayak right on the side of mine, facing the opposite direction with one hand gripping the side. I put my hand on top of his trying to pry off his fingers. Ryan keeps looking down at his hand and then to my face before holding both hands up in surrender. Then, back paddling away from me, he leans towards me and in a hushed tone, with a twinkle in his eyes, promises there will be payback. I roll my eyes, trying to act like I’m not scared as he just shakes his head at me.
We paddle a bit further. By this time, my shoulders are feeling a bit sore. Ryan notices me rolling them and asks if I want to head back. I ask if we can just drift a bit before going back, and Ryan likes that idea. Being on the water is incredibly peaceful. Ryan explains that because of the manatees only boats without motors are allowed. The manatees tend to stay close to the surface and in the past some had been injured. Since they are a protected species, this is one way of keeping them safe. I cannot imagine trying to kayak in the same place boats or jet skis are going. I’m still nervous about tipping and am grateful the water is so much calmer here.
I set my paddle down in front of me, and Ryan points out a zip tie on the side I can wrap around it to make sure it won’t fall in the water. It won’t be a huge deal if I do drop the paddle, though, because it has a float attached. With the paddle secure, I take off Ryan's hat and lean back in my seat, closing my eyes and enjoying the sun on my face. I can feel the water gently lapping on the sides of my kayak as it rocks me, like a cradle. If I’m not careful I could easily fall asleep. This is the coolest thing I have done in a long time. I fill my lungs with fresh air and stretch my arms out in front and then behind me. I’ll be lucky if I can lift anything tomorrow.
After some time, I raise my head back up and open my eyes, blinking at the brightness before putting Ryan's hat back on and looking around for him. He’s somewhat behind me now, just watching me. I blush, wondering if I dozed off there for a second.
"Are you hungry?"
"Starved," I confess.
"Burgers sound good?"
"They sound great!"
I follow him back towards the dock. My arms ache, but I feel invigorated, and I can’t stop smiling. Back at the dock Ryan gets out first, tugging his kayak out of the water before coming to help steady mine so I can get out. The dock is wet so when I step on it my foot slides out from under me, and I land on my other knee, hard. I crawl the rest of the way onto the dock. Ryan quickly tugs my kayak onto the dock before rushing to check on me. My knee has a nasty scrape and is bleeding, my hand holding it tightly. Tears are forming in my eyes, but I do my best to blink them away.
Ryan crouches down next to me, and I move my hand a little so he can see
the wound before covering it again. Without a word, Ryan scoops me up in one easy movement and carries me to the office. I feel a little silly, thinking I probably could have walked, but when I try to tell Ryan, I can’t seem to spit it out. When we get to the office, Ryan sets me on the counter, waving off his employees while he retrieves a first aid kit. While my scrape is mainly superficial, there seems to be a lot of blood. Ryan gently coaxes me into taking my hand off my knee.
I study him as he gently washes my knee then applies ointment. It takes two large bandages to cover it, and as Ryan smoothes the second one on me, his fingertips on my skin make me erupt in goose bumps. I shiver, suddenly cold. With his hands on my waist, Ryan helps me off the counter. I walk gingerly to the bathroom to wash the blood off my hands and use a paper towel to wipe my shin. Ryan is putting away the first aid supplies when I walk back out. I can’t help but notice the trail of blood drips across his floor. I’m mortified. "Ryan, I am so sorry. Here, let me clean up." I reach for a roll of paper towels.
"Don’t be silly. Sit." He wheels a chair over to me. "This will just take a moment." Once he finishes, he comes back to check on me. "Are you sure you're alright?"
I nod, feeling like such an idiot having just watched him clean the floor.
"Still up for a burger?" Ryan asks.
I pout, nodding again.
"Has your injury caused you to become mute?"
I tap my index finger on my lips, trying to look like I’m thinking about it but am unable to keep a straight face. Ryan reaches out his hand to help me up. I shake my head. I will probably have a bruise, but I'm not an invalid. He checks a few things in the office before we leave. Once in his Jeep, we pass at least six burger places before Ryan stops at a kind of rundown looking place. I shoot him a concerned look.
Stages of Grace Page 8